


Tumblr Prompts

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Break Up, Fluff, General Soppiness, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2018-11-03 11:10:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 115
Words: 89,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10966014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: My responses to various prompts I received on Tumblr.





	1. Are You Even Real?

**Author's Note:**

> No drugs or mentions of The Incident (because in my world nothing happened) here!

Robert pulls the car to a stop outside The Woolpack for a second time. He hadn’t had the heart to wake Aaron when they’d first got back so he’d started the car again and driven back out of the village before anyone could see they’d arrived.

He’d driven round the country lanes, the view grey and dismal with the rain pelting down, thinking back over the past weeks without Aaron. He didn’t think he could ever explain to Aaron how much he missed him, there didn’t seem to be sufficient words to get across just how empty his life had been, how much of a struggle it had been to get up everyday and carry on. 

He knew Aaron had struggled, anyone could have seen that, but he knew there was more than what Aaron had told him, of course there was and he hoped now he was home he’d be able to put it all behind him. It wouldn’t be easy, nothing ever was with them but they were together again and in the end that was all that mattered.

He looked out of the rain spotted window at the pub, knew the party would be well underway and no doubt everyone was wondering where they were. He didn’t care, he wasn’t going to go in until Aaron was ready. He looked across at him, still fast asleep, head resting on his bag against the window. He hasn’t moved, the whole time he’s been asleep and it makes Robert smile a little but it just shows how little sleep he’s had over the past weeks. Normally Aaron’s fidgety when he’s asleep, unless it’s a really deep sleep, and even though he moans about Robert kicking, it’s usually him that hits Robert in the arm or the back, or one time around the face as he moves about the bed.

He checks his watch and sighs. There’s nothing for it, if he’s going to prevent his sister sending out a search party for them, he’s going to have to wake him up.

“Aaron,” He reaches out, shakes his arm a little, doesn’t want to startle him. He’s not stupid enough to think that would be a good idea. “Aaron, wake up.” He sees him open his eyes, squint up at the pub. “Hey.”

“Robert?” He voice is scratchy from sleep and Robert realises all over again just how much he’s missed it in the mornings. Finally Aaron looks at him, eyes barely open. “Are you even real?”

“I promise you I am.” He leans over, cups the back of Aaron’s head gently and kisses him softly just long enough to hear a slight whine from Aaron. “Convinced?”

“Mmm.” He looks around again, “I slept all the way home?”

“And then some. We’ve been driving round for an hour.” He shrugs at Aaron’s surprised look, “You looked like you needed the sleep.”

“Thank you.” 

“No need. Come on let’s go in.”


	2. Who Died And Made You The King?

Robert wakes up slowly to Aaron trailing his lips and tongue across his chest. If he’s honest it’s one of the better ways to wake up. His fingers find Aaron’s hair, free from gel, not that he wears so much these days. Robert considers it a battle won after he complained so much but he wouldn’t dream of saying it to Aaron’s face.

“What ya doin’?”

Aaron peers up at him, “If you don’t know  _ that  _ by now…”

“I meant, it’s Sunday...too early.” He tried to pull the covers back over him, hoping to get a bit more sleep but Aaron was having none of it.

“It’s gone eleven.” Aaron moved back up the bed, leaning over him, lips mere centimetres from Robert’s. “Liv was up and out hours ago. You’re just getting lazy in your old age.”

“Mmm, well if you’re feeling so energetic you can make me breakfast.”

“Oh I can, can I?”

“I made you breakfast last weekend.”

“You put the bread by the toaster and you put the cereal box on the table. That’s hardly ‘making’ breakfast.”

“I offered to cook you scrambled eggs or something but you refused, so don’t get sarky.” He realises his hopes of sleep are over and pulls himself upright against the headboard. Aaron moves with him, straddling his legs.

“Robert, for the love of God, you can’t make scrambled eggs, how many times!”

“No one else has ever complained.” Robert pouted.

“Well no...that’s because you get a bit...stroppy.”

“I do not get stroppy!”

“You don’t take criticism very well, it’s just a fact.” 

“Who broke a mug the other week when your Mum said her tea was too weak?” He had, although not in anger. He’d put it down on the worktop with such force the handle had snapped off one of their new mugs. Aaron took tea very seriously and you criticised it at your peril.

“That mug was faulty.” Now Aaron’s the one pouting. Robert thinks he looks adorable and leans forward to kiss the end of his nose, knowing it winds him up.

“Not at that price it wasn’t.”

“You said they didn’t cost much!”

“They didn’t cost as much as the plates...it’s all relative...Oh relax!”

“Still don’t know what was wrong with the ones I picked out.” Aaron’s still pouting as he climbs off the bed and pulls on his joggers and a t-shirt.

“Apart from the fact they were hideous?”

“Are you saying I’ve got no taste?”

“Not exactly…”

“Then again I married you, so you might have a point.”

“Oi! For that you  _ definitely  _ owe me breakfast.” He reaches out and catches Aaron’s arm as he walks past, pulling gently until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed where Robert can reach. “Seeing as you’re such an expert, I think scrambled eggs should do the trick.”

“You know what thought did, don’t you?” Aaron huffed a laugh, kissed Robert once more before getting up and heading for the door. 

“Some bacon wouldn’t go amiss either! Maybe breakfast in bed?”

“Who died and made you the king? You’re perfectly capable of getting up and walking down the stairs to eat at the table.” With that he was gone, clattering down the stairs as always. Robert just smiled to himself as he got out of bed.

  
  



	3. It's Not My Fault You're An Awful Liar

“Robert. Robert!” Aaron didn’t shout, it was the middle of the night, in a hospital and even though he was in the sideroom he’d been in since he’d been admitted he kept his voice down.

He tried to reach and nudge Robert’s foot but he couldn’t quite make his fingers reach. He looked around trying to find something soft he could chuck at his fiancé. The only thing within reach was a cuddly owl thing that Leo had given him when Marlon had brought him to visit the day before. Aaron wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it but his godson obviously wanted him to have it. He lobbed it gently in Robert’s direction, stifling a laugh as it bounced off the top of his head, making Robert jerk awake.

“What? What’s wrong, are you alright? Do you want me to call a doctor?” He got up and stretched, making Aaron wince when his neck cracked loudly in the quiet of the room. The chair he was sleeping in might have been one of the comfortable ones in the building but it wasn't meant for sleeping in.

“I’m fine. Robert go home.”

“No. I told you, I’m not leaving.” He hadn’t, he’d been there since the accident, only leaving the room to change and use the bathroom.

“That was days ago. I’m perfectly alright. You, on the other hand, look like a wreck.”

“Nice way to talk to your fiancé, Dingle.” He leant in, careful not to knock Aaron’s side, and kissed him. Aaron missed him, even though he was right there, he missed sleeping alongside him, missed the kicks, the soft snores. He couldn’t wait to get home again. “Still not leaving.”

“Fine, see if I care when you can’t move because of sleeping in that chair.”

“You know you will.”

“Nope.” Aaron smiled, “Not if you insist on torturing yourself in that thing.”

“You’re such an awful liar! I know you too well.”

“Hmm. I’m serious though, you’re all hunched over. Please, go home, for me.”

“Aaron...I…” His voice broke and finally Aaron got it.

“Hey...I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here in the morning. I’m absolutely fine, you heard the doctor this morning. A couple more days and I’ll be home. Please stop worrying.”

“Are you sure?” Aaron knew he didn’t want to go, but he also knew that when Aaron was determined there was no stopping him. He picked up his jacket and reluctantly put it on. He bent to kiss Aaron once more, lingering until Aaron pushed against his chest gently.

“I am. After all, I’ll need you in tiptop condition when I’m all healed, won’t I?” At last he gets a smile, albeit a reluctant one, as Robert finally made his way to the door.


	4. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really a prompt, more something I started for something else. 
> 
> I'm no photography expert so just bear with me!
> 
> Enjoy!

“You look good.” Came a voice in his ear. He gripped the stem of his champagne glass that bit tighter. He didn’t even know why he even had the glass, it wasn’t like he was that keen on the stuff. Still everyone else had one so at least he looked like he fitted right in, even if he didn’t feel like he did.

“You’re late.” He didn’t turn round, not yet. He wouldn’t give in that easily.

“Not by much.” He was so close he could feel his breath on his ear.

“Enough.” Finally he turns round, still fighting the grin that was threatening to break out. These days he found it so much harder to stay mad at Robert, not that he ever wanted to, but now they were settled, finally. Still he wasn’t letting him off the hook straight away. He wasn't even that mad, more uncomfortable at being here at his own.

Robert didn’t say anything, he just plucked the champagne glass out of Aaron’s hand, taking a long sip from it.

“Well your son falling into me with a slice of pizza and ruining my best suit is the best excuse you’re going to get, I’m afraid.”

“Hmm. How come he’s _my_ son when he does stuff like this?”

“Because he’s got all your scruffy tendencies and he wanders round the house with pizza reading his phone rather than sitting down and eating, that’s why,” He softens it with a soft kiss to Aaron’s temple. “Had to change...hence I’m late.”

“Hence? Really?”

“Shut up. So, is Liv here yet?” He looked around the foyer of the art gallery, full of people, the noise level of conversations bordering on loud. He would have been on time if he’d not had a late meeting and had to rush home because he wanted to put on his best suit, make a good impression on Aaron, on anyone they spoke to about Liv, and then Will, the dog, and a slice of pizza had ruined it.

“She’s inside.” Aaron was still slightly in awe of his sister, how much she’d grown. Here she was twelve years or so after she came to live with them, a stubborn fiery teenager, and now she was having her first photography exhibition at an actual gallery. “Were the kids alright? Charlie was sulking when I left her with Vic.”

“They were breaking into Vic’s makeup when I left. Whatever it is, Vic will get it out of her.” They’d tried, God knows they had but everything they said to their daughter just lately seemed to be wrong.

“Good.” Aaron took his hand and laced their fingers together and Robert held on tight, knowing Aaron was nervous. This wasn’t his first choice of place to be and if Robert was honest it wasn’t his, but they’d be here for Liv. They’d encouraged her right from the start when she’d got interested in photography in the middle of her A-Levels, they thought it was a good way to relax and forget the exam stress that always got to her. Neither of them thought she would make a career out of it. “You fancy getting dinner when this is over? Been a while since we had a night to ourselves.”

“Dinner with you or a pair of moody teenagers...yeah let me think about that.” He smiled, making his face light up and Robert can’t help but kiss him in front of everyone. It feels like a lifetime since they went out to dinner. The kids might be growing up but the lifts to swimming, football and various music lessons keep them busy most nights of the week, leaving them too knackered to want to venture further than their own kitchen.

An hour later they’re making their way round the gallery. It’s a slow process, there are so many people all jostling politely to look at the photographs, and they’ve not managed to find Liv.

“You know, I knew she was good but these are amazing.” Robert’s peering closer at one of the photographs and Aaron resists the temptation to tease him about needing glasses. It’s an old argument that neither of them are winning.

“Yeah she is.” He can’t help feeling a burst of pride, and finally he spies her across the room talking to someone, obviously explaining something about a picture that he can’t see. “I’ve found her, come on.” He won’t lie, he’s about ready to leave and enjoy dinner with his husband, but he wants to see his sister first.

Halfway across the gallery enough people move that they can see the photograph that she is still animatedly talking about. It’s larger than the rest but framed the same and Aaron can tell his smile is a mirror of Robert’s. Between them they’d already seen most of the photographs on display at one time or another, when they’d visited Liv’s flat, or when she’d brought them to the Mill to ask an opinion, but this one was a complete surprise.

“Did you know about this?” Robert asked him, hand finding his again. Aaron shook his head.

The photo is simple, black and white, mostly in shadow, standing in the doorway of Hotten Registry Office, arms clutching at each other, foreheads touching, in a world of their own. It’s from their wedding, their second one shortly before Charlie and Will came to live with them. They’d asked Liv to take the photographs, wanting to encourage her new hobby and the rest of the set sat in an album and in frames around the house. Except for this one, this hadn’t been included.

“Do you like it?” Suddenly Liv is in front of them, once more the unsure teenager wanting their approval.

“Liv it’s amazing.” He lets go of Robert’s hand to hug her, hand cupping the back of her head. She’s so grown up but she’s still his little sister and that protective feeling he’s got is just as strong.

“It’s so different to all the others.” Robert said, moving in for his own hug. “What made you include it?”

Liv laughs. “Because without you two soppy gits I wouldn’t be here.”

Neither of them has a comeback to that so she leaves them to move closer to the photograph, to see the little card underneath.

Love


	5. Hello gorgeous, do I know you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From a prompt "Hello gorgeous, do I know you?"
> 
> Mentions of the baby storyline and fits in with canon :)

It’s been six months. Six long, terrible months, since Aaron told him it was over. He hadn’t taken it well and looking back he was almost ashamed at the way he’d followed Aaron round like a sad puppy for the first few weeks once he came home, unable to accept it was over. It had taken Adam and Cain to get it through to him that Aaron was done, that he was making a fool of himself. Thankfully it hadn’t taken being put in Cain’s boot to get through to him but it was probably a close run thing.

After that he’d got his act together, stopped drinking because it never ended well for him, and put his mind firmly to getting on with his life. He wouldn’t say he’d ever completely given up on Aaron taking him back but he’d at least realised that it would be Aaron’s choice not his and he could do nothing until Aaron was ready, if he ever would be.

Instead he threw himself into trying to be the best father he could be. He knew he could never ignore his child, as much as it had been appealing, however much his wanting to be involved had brought about the end of him and Aaron, it was still his child and he couldn’t see it without a father. So he’d started being more civil to Rebecca, no more than that, just enough that they weren’t sniping at each other every time they had to talk. So far it was working.

He hadn’t been there when the baby was born, his son, he’d been stuck in Manchester in meetings, hadn’t been able to get back in time. He’d never forget that feeling though, of holding him for the first time, blue eyes just about staring back at him. The only blot on the horizon was that he wasn’t sharing this with Aaron, that it wasn’t the two of them celebrating. The past couple of months they’d started speaking again just at the portacabin, unavoidable really after all, and it hadn’t been as painful as he’d thought it would be, they were rolling along, not quite friends, not just acquaintances, just some mixed up thing inbetween. It was nice, it was more than he’d ever hoped to get again.

He’d texted that day, to tell him, hadn’t wanted him to hear it from anyone else, just a short message, a reminder of everything that blew their lives apart. Rebecca had the baby, 6lb 3oz. He’s fine. I wanted to be the one to tell you. He hadn’t got a reply, hadn’t expected one, but it had hurt, just a bit.

Now as he’s pushing his eight week old son, Owen, through the village, he sees Aaron coming towards him. He knew it had to happen sometime, it was inevitable that he’d see Aaron when it was one of his days with the baby, was surprised it had taken this long, he just wasn’t prepared. He honestly didn’t know if it would be more painful if he stopped or if he walked on by. Then again this is Aaron, he wouldn’t walk by.

“Alright? This him then?” Robert’s momentarily speechless, hadn’t really thought how this might go. Before he can say anything, Aaron’s crouched beside the pram. “He’s got your nose.”

“Yeah.” He manages to choke out, completely thrown by the encounter.

“Robert I’m not going to kick off. Relax. I’m glad he’s ok, really.” He nodded, knew how much guilt Aaron had felt over wishing harm on him. If he’s truthful, that was when he knew things had gone way too far.

“Sorry, it’s...I didn’t think it would be this awkward. How are you?”

“Good. I’ve just come back from counselling, ‘bout to go back to work.”

“Want to walk with us? I’ve got to collect some paperwork before Nicola threatens me again.” He doesn’t like feeling this nervous, it’s not something he’s felt that often, probably only with Aaron. He misses him, not just as his husband but as his best friend. It’s been a lonely few months with only Diane and by extension Doug to talk to. Vic’s been there of course but she’s been closer to Rebecca through this and she’s had her own marriage woes to deal with, without him burdening her with his.

“May as well.” They’re at the top of the village before Aaron speaks again, hands shoved in his pockets, gaze straying regularly to the sleeping baby. “I was going to come and see you...I miss you.”

“I miss you too, you know I do.”

“I want to...I thought we could…” He stops, looking uncomfortable and Robert aches to reach out a hand to him. 

“What is it?”

“You wanna go for a drink? In Hotten, away from here?” The words come out in a rush, it takes a few seconds for Robert’s brain to catch them up, Aaron looking anywhere but at him. “Never mind.”

“No, wait!” This time he does reach out, snags the sleeve of his hoodie, “Of course I do...I mean, yes, that sounds good. Tonight?”

“What about him?”

“I’m dropping him off at Home Farm at four.” They hadn’t finished smoothing out the details of who got him when, but they were managing. He didn’t know why Rebecca had moved back home straight after he was born, didn’t really care. It had meant he could move out of Diane’s and back into Vic’s at least. 

“Ok, tonight then. I’ll meet you...where do you want to go?”

“You choose, just text me.” He sighs, “Aaron, if this is going where I hope...we should do it properly this time. Start at the beginning, and talk more, we never did get that right.”

Aaron nods, bends down to look at Owen once more. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Who knows, maybe this time I’ll get to hear some of your cheesy chat up lines.”

“You just might.” He smiles, and starts walking, the silence between them comfortable this time, more like it used to be.

That night at one of the newest bars in Hotten he straightens his shirt, takes a deep breath and pushes the door open. He sees Aaron straight away, sitting at the bar on his own hand wrapped round a beer bottle, remembers his words from earlier and stalks over to him.

“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”


	6. You cheated on me! What was I supposed to do, smile and forgive you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Without the prompt I probably wouldn't have written anything like this, but strangely I've enjoyed it. 
> 
> If you don't like break ups etc, then I'd avoid it.

_“Robert come on, we can talk about this!” He tries to shrug off the hand that’s clinging to his sleeve, knows if he doesn’t get out of here this second he’s going to break down and he can’t, won’t, not in front of Aaron, not now._

_“No, Aaron. It’s too late.”_

_“You don’t have to leave, we can get past this, forget it ever happened.”_

_“Forget?” Robert scoffed, finally shaking off Aaron’s grip. “You cheated on me! What am I supposed to do? Smile and forgive you? You know, I thought it would be me, that I’d screw it up. Guess I was wrong, huh.” He can’t look at him, it hurts too much. “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff.”_

_“Robert, please!”_

_“Bye Aaron.” As he closes the door behind him, he’s pretty sure he can hear his heart breaking._

Five weeks since he walked in on Aaron and _him_.

Five weeks since he’d left Aaron.

Five weeks since he’d left Emmerdale.

Five weeks since he had a clue what to do.

He’d just got into the car at first, sat there eyes burning with tears that he wouldn’t shed. Aaron hadn’t come after him, he was glad about that at least. It had taken everything to walk out the door, to leave him, even after everything. Like he’d said, he’d always thought that he would be the one to mess them up, do something that would break them. He never in a million years thought it would be Aaron. It still felt like a dream, or a nightmare.

Aaron had been calling and texting, almost non-stop for two weeks. He hadn’t answered, didn’t have anything to say, there _was_ nothing to say. He hadn’t spoken to anybody, had texted Vic once a week to tell her he was alive, he was safe. Everyone else had been ignored. Even Liv. He was glad she wasn’t around, was staying with her Mum in Dublin for the summer. He’d have to go back, one day, face everybody. He knew that, but not yet.

Right now he was sitting on a beach, on the North Norfolk coast looking out to sea. When he’d started driving he’d had no idea where he was heading. Anywhere away from the village, from the inevitable stares and pointing fingers. No doubt some would blame him, no matter what the reality. He’d ended up here, this run down quaint little town where no one knew him. He’d found a hotel and here he’d stayed, taking long walks along the beach during the day, drinking long into the night. He knew he was running away from the problem, it couldn’t last forever.

It had taken four weeks give or take for him to even think about being ready to talk to Aaron, days more to actually text him and ask him to come here. Robert didn’t want to talk in the village, surrounded by well meaning, interfering family members. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, what he wanted.

He loved Aaron, that hadn’t changed, but was that enough? Could he get past this? Perhaps it was some kind of weird karma, his past coming back to bite him. All he knew was he was tired, didn’t feel like he’d slept since he left and he couldn’t run away forever. He’d tried that before.

He looked at his watch, Aaron should be here soon. It’s evening, the place winding down for the day. He quite liked it here, it reminded him of the few holidays his family had taken when he was a boy, when it was just him and his Mum and Dad. They’d had fish and chips and ice cream. He always wanted candy floss but his Dad always said no, said he wasn’t paying for a bag of air that would rot his teeth. Just to spite him, Robert had bought himself a bag on his second day here. It didn’t taste like he thought it should, was a bit of a letdown.

He can still smell the vinegar in the air from people walking past enjoying their fish and chips treat as they head home. He doesn’t watch them, doesn’t want to see the happy families walking past, so he keeps looking out to sea, the tide is in the lapping of the waves just a few feet from him is calming.

He feels him sit beside him on the concrete steps that are starting to crumble, and if that isn’t a metaphor for his life he doesn’t know what is, everything always crumbling away in the end no matter how strong it is. He pulls his jacket around him a bit tighter, the wind coming off the sea is cold despite how hot it’s been all day. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know where to start, can’t even turn his head to look at Aaron.

“Why here?”

“Sorry?”

“Why did you come here?”

“As good a place as any. Why did you do it Aaron? I mean, we were happy, weren’t we? Did I miss something, did something change? Or was it going on so long that there was nothing to notice. Me, I could understand, I screw up everything I touch, but you...I never thought you’d do this.”

“Robert, don’t…”

“Just explain it to me.” He turns to look at him, finally. The shadows under his eyes are almost as bad as his own and his bottom lip is pulled between his teeth. Normally he’d reach out, gently pull it free but this isn’t normal. “Explain to me, after everything, how you could do this.”

“I can’t.”

“No, that’s not...that’s not good enough Aaron! All the times you’ve doubted me, and you do this? Was he that good?” He’s shouting, has no idea if there are people behind them watching this mess play out in front of them like some weird grown up Punch and Judy show, he doesn’t care.

“What? No! I don’t know, alright. It just happened. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough, not now. I’ve done a lot of thinking while I’ve been here, going over it all in my mind. Had I done something, had I not been there for you. I mean it must be me, right? I must have done something to cause this.”

“No!” Aaron gets up, stands right in front of him feet sinking into the sand. “None of it is your fault. You didn’t do anything. I don’t have a reason, I don’t know why I did it. I’ve been thinking too, trying to figure out why I didn’t turn him down, why I let him flirt with me, let him...and the only answer I have is, I don’t know.” Robert wants to throw up, wants to every time he thinks about it. He can’t wipe the images from his mind, no matter how hard he tries, how much alcohol he drinks to rid himself of it.

“Would you have told me? If I hadn’t come back, if I hadn’t forgotten that folder, would you have said anything?” Aaron doesn’t answer, he just fidgets. “That’s what I thought. Sorry I ruined your fun.”

“It was a mistake, I told you. You’ve made plenty of them.”

“Not like this.” He feels empty, he doesn’t know what else to do, what else to say. “Just answer me one more thing. Was it worth it? Was it worth throwing everything away for?”

“No...I haven’t. We can get past this, I’ll do anything, Robert. Just tell me what to do.”

“I wish I could. Do you know what I see every time I close my eyes? You, and him, over and over. So I can’t tell you what to do. I feel empty Aaron, there’s nothing.”

“I love you, Robert, you know that. Please!” He’s crying now and normally Robert would hold him, make it better. Maybe this time there is no making it better.

“I thought I did. I don’t know what you want me to say, Aaron.”

“I want you to say we can get past this, that I can make it better. You called me here for a reason.” He crouches in front of him, takes his hands, clutches on tightly, desperately.

“I thought, maybe if I saw you, if it didn’t hurt so much then I’d know what to do, know how to fix it, but it hurts, Aaron, to know you’d even…” He shakes his head, this isn’t getting them anywhere. “You should go.”

“No! I’m not leaving. We can fix it, I’ll do anything. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“See that’s the thing Aaron. I never believed it could happen in the first place. Why should I believe you now. I want to, God do I want to.” He does, can’t imagine his life without Aaron in it, can’t imagine him not being there every day, bad habits at all.

“Then let’s try. I know I can’t expect you to trust me, not now, maybe not again but please don’t just give up on us without trying. Let me prove to you that it’s you I want, that I don’t want anyone else.” He leans closer, presses his forehead to Robert’s, breath hitching through his tears. “Please Robert, don’t give up on us.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the previous part. If you liked where that ended, feel free to skip this.
> 
> BTW I wrote both of this with the thought that The Incident didn't happen, but they work either way, so whatever works for you :)

Same place. Same time of day. Same families milling about. Not much has changed. Robert’s waiting for Aaron again.

He hadn't left, that afternoon. Robert couldn't give him an answer, couldn't make himself reassure Aaron, didn't know how, didn't know if he could. So he'd taken the easy way out, told him he needed time, a few more days.

So Aaron had stayed, stubborn as ever, found another room in the hotel. Robert had avoided him, escaping the place that now felt more suffocating. He'd needed the space to think. The thing he kept coming back to was, did he want to let Aaron go, could he spend the rest of his life without him?

Part of him feels like he can't judge given his history, the times he's cheated and he knows that Aaron has doubted him for so long but he'd thought that was gone, thought they were past it all. The thing is he doesn't want to be without Aaron, the life they've made but at the same time he needs to be able to trust him and right now he doesn't know whether he can do it.

Now he'd agreed to talk again, to try and figure out the best way to move forward. Aaron was leaving it to him, couldn't do much else really. Robert was still trying to work out what to say.

The sun was slowly setting in front of him. One of the other guests in the hotel had cornered him on the stairs that morning, asked him to help her, so he'd taken her arm as she unsteadily made her way down the stairs. She'd told him how she came here every year, used to visit with her husband until he died and now she was alone. He listened as she told him how they'd sit and watch the sunset every night on the beach, how romantic it was.

“God, I thought I was never getting out of there! Must be the only chippy for miles.” Aaron dropped down onto the step beside him, passing him a packet of fish and chips.

“Thanks.” There was nothing better than fish and chips straight from the paper at the beach in Robert’s opinion, and he dug in, the two of them quiet.

“I haven't decided anything, but I don't want to give us up, not just like that”

“Whatever you want. I love you Robert.”

“You keep saying that, but what if it's not enough. What if I'm always going to wonder...and I know I gave you plenty of reasons to doubt me...and maybe I'm a hypocrite, but I can't live like that.” He sets his food down beside him, appetite having disappeared.

Neither of them speak for a while and Robert can see Aaron fidgeting with his wedding ring out of the corner of his eye.

“I met this woman this morning. She used to come here with her husband and now he's gone she comes back here every year. They were married for sixty years. I could see us all that time in the future...would I do that, would you? Go back to special places like that?”

“We could be like that?”

“A few weeks ago I'd have agreed with you, wouldn't have to think about it. I want that...I want to be sitting here with you when I'm old.” The more he talks, the more he can't bear the thought of them not having a future.

“I want it too, I do. I won't let you down again, I'll do whatever it takes for you to trust me again.”

“It's beautiful, don't you think?” He nods towards the sea, the sun low in the sky casting a pinky, orange glow over everything. He turned to look at Aaron, still staring out at the sunset, and he knows he can't let him go, can't be without him.

“Yeah.” He meets Robert’s gaze, the sun making his eyes even bluer. Robert leans to kiss him, lips pressing together softly before he pulls away.

“I'm going to stay at Vic’s, for a while at least. We never did the whole date thing. Maybe we should start there. I want to trust you, I think I will one day but we can't just sweep everything under the carpet like we have before. It doesn't work.”

“I'm so sorry, Robert.”

“No, stop that. No more apologising. We start again, we talk more and the rest will come.” Aaron nods, eyes full of tears. “Come here.” He pulls Aaron closer, tucking his head against Robert's collarbone, puts his arm around him, other hand against Aaron's knee.

“It really is beautiful.” Aaron sighs, as the sun finally hits the horizon ending another day. Tomorrow everything would start again.


	8. It's time to say goodbye

“Aaron!” Robert jerked away hearing Liv’s scream. Opening his eyes he found the bed empty, his husband nowhere to be seen. From the sounds of it, world war three was about to break out downstairs so he forced himself to get up, pulling on a t-shirt as he made his way down the stairs. Carefully though, he wasn’t making that mistake again.

Liv was standing in the midst of all her boxes, her bags already sat by the front door. Every time he saw them Robert felt something skip in his chest. The thought of her not being here anymore was horrible, sometimes he thought she was the only thing that kept them talking. She was at first. It was better now, he knew that and time had passed, he and Aaron were more than ok now. Speaking of which, his husband was sitting on the kitchen worktop chewing away on a slice of toast and smirking at his sister.

“What’s going on? Why are you shrieking like a banshee at half past seven, and why are you sitting there smirking?” Aaron didn’t smirk this early in the morning, well not when he was up and out of bed anyway. Usually they were lucky if they got more than three words out of him before he headed off to work.

“I’m not shrieking, but he,” she shouted, pointing at Aaron with a pair of hair straighteners, “keeps interfering! I’m trying to pack!” Robert sighed, it was too early for this.

“I’m trying to help you. That lot is not going to go in my car, you need to leave some stuff here. You’re only going to Manchester.”

“I need all of this stuff.”

“Right, enough, the pair of you. Liv, we’ll get it all in, somehow, even if I have to take my car too.” With that he walked over to Aaron and stood between his knees. “Stop winding her up.” He told him trying to act stern but the small blob of jam at the corner of Aaron’s mouth was making him smile. He gently caught it with his finger, wiping it away before leaning in to give Aaron’s morning kiss. “You’ve been eating my raspberry jam again.”

Aaron shrugged, “It’s better than mine.”

“Then why do you buy strawberry for yourself?”

“Because it annoys you.” His eyes are sparkling as Robert shakes his head at him. “Owen still sleeping?”

“Mmm, guess so. Miracles do happen.” Normally the little boy was up at the crack of dawn, crawling into bed with them or demanding cartoons and breakfast. No matter what they did they couldn’t shake him of the habit.

“Oi, you two? Some help would be nice!”

“Er, you didn’t want my help a minute ago!” Aaron told her, jumping down from the worktop as Robert moved to pour himself some coffee.

“I’m not loading this lot myself.” With that she was off again, stomping up the stairs.

“Well Owen will be awake now! I’ll get him ready to take to your Mum’s and you sort her out..try not to strangle her!” No one had been more surprised when Chas had been happy to look after Owen while they took Liv to Uni, but like everyone she’d grown to love the little boy. Once Aaron had accepted him, and it had taken a long while for that to happen, everyone else seemed to follow as if waiting for him. Some days Robert still couldn’t quite believe he’d got his family back.

A few hours later and they’re in Manchester, reversing the packing process, again with Liv giving out her orders and Aaron complaining. Robert knew the pair of them too well though, they were both apprehensive about this new life and were bickering to hide it.

“Well it’s not so bad.” Robert comments as he brings the last box into her room. “Not a lot of room though.” That was an understatement, there was barely an inch of free floorspace.

“Told ya you didn’t need all that stuff.”

“Don’t start all that again! We should let you get on, you don’t want us hanging about.”

“It’s still early.” Aaron protested. Robert just gave him a look. The last thing Liv needed on her first day was her overprotective brother and his husband hanging about. “Right, yeah, you sure you’ve got everything? Enough money?”

“Yes, Aaron...please go, leave me alone.” For the first time Robert could see her getting upset and he didn’t want that. Walking over and putting his hands on Aaron’s arms he smiled at Liv.

“It’s time to say goodbye. We’ve got a journey through rush hour to contend with.” He watches Aaron nod, knows he isn’t ready to let Liv go. “Come here, you.”

He held out a hand for Liv, tugging her into a hug. She was as much his sister as Aaron’s now, it had taken a while but they were closer now than ever. “You’re going to be great.”

“Thank you. I wouldn’t have...without you.” 

“Yes you would.” He’d encouraged her, they both had after she’d started paying attention in school when she started believing she was good enough. “You just needed the push.”

He lets her go, watches as Aaron hugs her even tighter than he had, watches him whisper something to her that made her smile.

“Be good.” Was his parting shot and Robert laughed as she stuck her tongue out at him. Some things never changed. Their life was though, with her gone, and it was going to take some getting used to.

In the car on the way home, if the two of them shed a couple of tears, then no one needed to know.


	9. I'm scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in time. A little missing scene from SSW when they're waiting to find out if Aaron will be alright.

Robert’s pacing. Has been ever since they were thrown out of the room. Chas is sat across from her saying nothing. She doesn’t know what to do so she just sits quietly and watches Robert. He practically fills the tiny room they’re in. It’s smaller than the last one, just a couple of chairs and a sad vase of artificial flowers, a couple of magazines that look like they’ve been there since before she was born.

After a minute Chas gets up and leaves muttering something about _‘telling her what the hell is going on’_ , leaving Liv and Robert alone. She wasn’t even convinced that Robert had noticed Chas’ exit, his pacing hadn’t slowed.

“Robert?”

“What, Liv?”

“Is he going to be alright?” She clutched at the zip pull on her jacket.

“I don’t know. Are you alright?” Finally he stops pacing, looking at her. He looks a right state, blood still over his eye, his shirt is damp and his hair, that she knows he takes an age over of a morning is flat and sticking up on end all at the same time.

“I’m scared.” She whispers and part of her still expects a smart comeback, that he’ll wind her up. She doesn’t expect him to sit beside her and wrap an arm around her, rubbing at her shoulder. She leans against his side, ignoring the dampness from his shirt, the smell of the lake water that clung to him.

“I know. So am I.”

“If he…”

“He won’t.” He says it so fiercely that she wants to believe him. “Your brother is one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. This isn’t going to see him off.”

She doesn’t answer, doesn’t have his confidence. Still, she doesn’t move, stays held in his arms. Maybe he needs her as much as she needs him because he doesn’t try and let go. Aaron would want her to help him. She still finds him annoying but she isn’t stupid she knows just how happy he makes her brother, and after all, if he’s going to marry him she’s stuck with him whether she likes it or not.

“Robert?” They both look up at Chas in the doorway, her face blank and just for a minute Liv thinks the worst, then she speaks again. “He’s going to be alright. We can go back in.”

Robert nods, and Liv hears him let out a shaky breath before he looks down at her. “See, I told you. Come on.”

It doesn’t take long for Aaron to come round again, eyes immediately seeking out Robert who’s once again gripping his hand. She can hardly talk, she’s gripping his other hand just as tight.

“Don’t do that again.” She tells him and he strokes his hand down her cheek and nods. “He’s been in a right state.”

“Thank you, Olivia. I’ll not tell him you were hugging me then.” Robert laughed, almost back to normal now, now they knew Aaron was alright.

“Nah, I didn’t see it. Don’t believe a word of it.” Aaron told them, voice scratchy.

“So this is what married life is going to be like then? The two of you ganging up on me all the time. Good to know.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.” Aaron snorts at that, then grimaces in pain.

It’s another while before Chas suggests they go home. Robert refuses, Liv knew he would, says he’s going to stay with Aaron. She doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to let him out of her sight, but Chas and Aaron insist so with a loud sigh she lets Aaron ruffle her hair as she says goodnight. She’s about to go, follow Chas into the corridor and leave them alone when she looks back at Robert, he still looks a bit out of it so she rounds the bed and gives him a hug, arms tight around his waist.

“G’night Robert.”

“Night Liv. Don’t worry, I’ll look after him.”

“I know.”


	10. I told you this would happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little happiness at this horrible time for the adorable idiots.

“I told you this would happen.” Robert hissed to Aaron who was sat next to him on the sofa in Take A Vow. They both had lapfuls of books and magazines that Leyla kept handing them, adding her suggestions along with them. The only respite they got was when she got up to answer the phone. “We could have sorted this ourselves.”

“Do you really want to spend days arguing with Vic about food and my Mum about this and that? Not to mention the whole ‘why can’t we hold it in the pub like last time’ argument. Again!”

“I don’t care about any of it, you know that. I’m happy for it to be me, you and Liv at the registry office.”

“You’re going to tell my Mum that, yeah?” Robert shuddered. While he and Chas were getting on again he wasn’t prepared to do anything to get on her bad side. He might make monumentally stupid decisions sometimes but even he knew that was a bad idea.

Almost twelve months it had taken for him and Aaron to get to a place where they could be together. It probably would have taken a lot longer if he'd not walked past the garage that night.

_He couldn't believe it was a year. A year since the happiest day of his life. It seemed so far away. He was at a loose end, didn't want to spend the night with Diane and Doug. They'd been brilliant, putting up with his moping and endless talking about Aaron in the beginning and after when he hardly left the house. Vic had invited him to hers for tea but he couldn't face anyone. That's how he finds himself wandering the village aimlessly. It's dark and freezing cold so there's no one else around._

_He ends up outside the garage. He'd thought Aaron had lost it when he suggested it but it had been perfect. Just the two of them, as it should be. He's about to leave, can't fade the memories any more when the door is blown open by the wind that's swirling round the village and he sees there's a light on. He can't hear anything so it's not Cain or Debbie working late. He wanders closer just to check and as he pushes the door open again he sees Aaron perched on a pile of tyres._

_He hasn’t seen him for a while. They’ve almost perfected the art of avoiding each other. At first he’d kept out of the way, it was too hard seeing Aaron happy. Not that he wanted him to be miserable but the fact that he was obviously happier without Robert hurt a lot, much more than he thought it would. After that they hadn’t had anything to say to each other. Even when the truth had come out about the baby and Rebecca had fled the village he hadn’t seen Aaron and he’d understandably avoided the pub and anywhere else that people could stare and gossip._

_“Robert?”_

_“Sorry...I...saw the light, thought I’d make sure. I’ll leave you to it.” He turns to leave but he hears Aaron sniff, knows he’s crying and he can do many things but he can’t ignore that. “Are you alright?”_

_“Do you think about it?”_

_“Yeah, course.” He steps further into the garage, unconsciously waiting for Aaron to tell him to go. “Is that why you’re here?”_

_“I don’t usually sit in a freezing cold garage at night for no reason.” He wipes at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve pulled over his hands and attempts a smile. “I should have...when Rebecca left, I didn’t call. I’m sorry.”_

_“I wouldn’t expect you to. I don’t want to talk about her.” He sighed and sat down opposite Aaron just as he had a year ago. “I really messed up didn’t I?”_

_“You don’t do things by halves. We both made mistakes, Robert, but it’s done. We need to put it behind us.” Robert’s not sure he’s ever been more shocked when Aaron reaches out and takes his hand rubbing the wedding ring that still sat there, Robert stubbornly refusing to remove it. “It had to be this way though, I had to...I couldn’t keep on like that. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I was scaring myself, the things I was thinking about, what I was doing.”_

_“I know and I hate that I did that, that I caused you to feel like that again. I can’t forgive myself for that. You...you seem to be better though. Vic says you’re happy.”_

_“Vic sees what I want her to see, so does everyone. Do you really think I’m happy?”_

_“You’re smiling again. You didn’t smile much those last few months with me.” Neither of them had. He’d been so scared of Aaron changing his mind and leaving that he’d spent too much time trying to keep everyone happy, denying that maybe he was interested in the baby. Not that it mattered any more. He’d lost everything for a child that wasn’t even his._

_“A smile is pretty easy, feeling happy is something else. I was happy with you, wanted to stay happy with you.”_

_“Guess we’ll never know now.” And that was the kicker, he’d had everything, all he wanted and now it was gone. He’d never know if he could have stayed happy, could have made Aaron happy for years._

_“Well...we could...always try starting over?”_

“Oi,” He groans as he feels Aaron’s elbow in his ribs. “You’re miles away and while that’s a tempting prospect, we should at least hear Leyla out.”

“Do you not remember the idea she had for our stag night the first time around? God knows what she’ll come up with this time!” He laughs as Aaron snorts loudly enough to make Leyla turn round from where she’s on the phone and glare at the pair of them.

“What were you thinkin’ about anyway? Just then?”

“The night at the garage.” He can’t help smiling. They’d spent longer there than the first time around, talking and eventually kissing like they’d been apart for years, not months.

They did it properly this time around, dates in and out of the village, mostly out because the glares from the Dingles were a bit much until Aaron got them all together and told them to keep their noses out. They talked more, about everything, and nothing. He was used to Aaron phoning him when he wasn’t working at the scrapyard to tell him to daft little things that had gone on or that he was thinking. They hadn’t done that before, they’d just lurched from one drama to the next.

They were stronger now, and maybe the break up had been what they needed, however hard it had been. Not the way it happened. If he could erase that from existence he would but the time away from each other had probably helped them both even if he hadn’t felt it back then.

Now they were getting married again properly this time. This time it was going to be forever. He was sure of that.

“You wanna get out of here?”

“Yes please.”


	11. I'll protect you, no matter what...even if it kills me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was prompted this for roblivion, so here it is. Couldn't quite get Aaron there in person but he's there in spirit :)

“Liv? What are you doing up there?” He just wants to go to bed, well what counts as bed at the moment. The Woolpack sofa is far from comfortable, but he doesn’t care, it’s not like he’s sleeping anyway.

“Nothin’.” He sighed and climbed up the stairs to sit beside her.

“Liv, I know I’m not Aaron, but for now I’m all there is, so if something is wrong you can tell me.” He leans his head on his hand, waiting her out. He’s learnt, that just like Aaron, you can’t hurry her or push her.

“Have we got any hot chocolate?”

He frowns, “Yeah, maybe...want me to look?” When he nods he gets to his feet, trying not to show how tired he is. If she needs him he’ll be there but what he wouldn’t give for a comfortable bed, no interruptions and most of all Aaron, because he’s fast learning he can no longer sleep well or at all without him.

She trails after him and before long he’s setting two steaming mugs down on the coffee table by the sofa, where she’s made herself comfortable underneath the duvet he’s been using. He tucks his own feet beneath it when he sits down.

“So, you wanna talk or watch whatever trashy TV you and Aaron like?”

He watches as she fidgets, shuffles to get more comfortable, then reluctantly holds out her phone to him and he reads the messages. He doesn’t say anything, just holds his arm out for her to move closer, then wraps it securely round her. This isn’t like last time, this isn’t Noah, this isn’t a young kid who was probably just looking for attention from somebody. This is something else, something more hateful. He thinks back to earlier, the paint all over the door to their new home and it’s not difficult to put two and two together. If he could get his hands on whoever it was he’d probably end up in the cell next door to Aaron.

That won’t do Liv any good, and he’s all she’s got, he’s got to step up. He holds the phone where she can see as he deletes the messages, hands her back her phone.

“Did they just start today?” She nods. “I’ve blocked the number but if you get any more, tell me.”

“Do you think Aaron’s alright?”

No, he doesn’t. There was something in his voice during the earlier phone call. He couldn’t ask, not with Liv and who knows who else listening, and he doubted Aaron would tell him anyway, but something wasn’t right, something more than just being there, away from his family.

“I think that he will be, even if he’s not right now. When he comes home we’re going to forget this ever happened and get on with our lives.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing all this, looking after me? You could have sent me to Mum’s.”

“If I did, do you think Aaron would ever forgive me? Besides, even though you drive me up the wall some days, you’re like my little sister too.” She doesn’t say anything but he feels her arm tighten as she hugs him goodnight.

He doesn’t think any more of the conversation until a couple of weeks later when he’s seen off that idiot boy from Laurel’s and the two of them are walking home. He’d expected her to stomp off and complain that he was ruining her life, something he might have done when he was her age, but she doesn’t.

“Thank you.”

“He didn’t do anything...you’d tell me, yeah?”

“No he didn’t. Look at you, all protective!” She teases, a real smile crossing her face, all too rare these days. She’d not had any more messages, or if she had she’d not told him, but her mood is better so he thinks whoever it was got bored.

“Liv...I’ll always protect you, no matter what...even if it kills me. You _and_ Aaron. You do know that?” The smile slips from her face, replaced with something, he can’t quite make it out.

“Yeah. Are you done bein’ soppy now?”

“Yes Liv.” He shakes his head at her. “I’m done being soppy.

“Good. I want cheeseburger for tea, and then I’m gonna tell Aaron all about this.”


	12. Will you just shut up a minute and let me think!

Aaron sighed, his head was pounding and all he wanted was to collapse in a comfortable, hopefully nice warm bed. Instead they were in the middle of nowhere, it was pissing down with rain and apparently they were lost and Robert’s car had broken down. Aaron knew they should have used his car but Robert and Liv had screwed their noses up at it and Aaron was too tired to argue with the pair of them.

“Do you have any idea where we are?” He asked his husband who was peering out of the windscreen trying to see any sign of civilisation through the rain.

“We’re still in England.” Liv helpfully shouted from the back.

“Yes, thank you Olivia. Look it can’t be far, the last sign said ten miles to Castleton.” It had been his idea, a weekend away for the three of them, after everything. They could all do with it, he and Robert were both working long hours. He was on his own at the scrapyard now Adam was gone and Robert was constantly working on expanding Home James. Liv had just finished her exams so it seemed like the perfect time. The British weather had another idea, turning the hot summer into a rainy weekend approaching monsoon proportions.

“Robert, we passed that sign more than half an hour ago. I know you might drive like an old woman sometimes but even you don’t take that long to go ten miles. Just face it, we’re lost, we were lost before the car conked out.”

“So what do you suggest? There’s no phone signal, nothing. Would you like me to conjure up a person daft enough to be out in this weather to give us directions or somehow magically fix the car?” Robert folded his arms and Aaron was sure he was pouting.

“If you had a decent breakdown cover we wouldn’t be having this conversation!”

“You told me you were a mechanic so why bother!”

“Oh will you two shut up!” Liv’s exasperated voice cut across their pending argument.

“So what do you suggest then mastermind?”

“We could play I Spy.” Came the helpful suggestion from the back of the car. “My phone battery is dying and I’m bored.”

“What’s that going to achieve?”

“Nothing but then neither are you two. Maybe someone will pass…I dunno.”

“Tell you what, why don’t I walk and see what’s up ahead, see if I can get a signal up there or something?” Anything to get out of the car.

“You’re gonna get soaked!” Robert told him, looking out at the rain again.

“Well sitting here isn’t doing anything. You can warm me up later.” He suggested, smiling over at him.

“Oi! I told you, none of that. That was the deal!” She’d only agreed to come with them if they’d keep their hands off each other in her presence. Apparently they were a pair of ‘soppy idiots’ but they didn’t have to show it all the time.

“Yeah yeah. I won’t go far. Don’t kill each other while I’m gone.”

The car was quiet for a while once he’d gone, broken only by Robert tapping impatiently on the steering wheel and the key clicks from Liv’s phone.

“I spy with my little…”

“Really?” Robert twisted round in his seat, giving her an unimpressed look.

“Do you have any better ideas? I spy with my little eye something beginning with T.”

*****

Aaron had only been gone ten minutes, but he was soaked through and the only phonebox he’d found had been out of order. Robert would just have to pay for the breakdown cover. As he opened the car door all he could hear was Liv’s teasing voice.

“Oh come on! It’s not that difficult!”

“Will you just shut up a minute and let me think!” Aaron let out a laugh at Robert’s frustrated tone, as he dropped back into the car. “Aaron! The seat’s are going to get wet now!”

“Tough! No luck. Let me warm up a bit then I’ll have another look at it. First...why are you yelling? Could hear you halfway up the road.”

“She’s being a pain.”

“Just because you can’t guess, don’t have a strop.” At Aaron’s look she sighs, “We’re playing I Spy and he’s useless.”

“You’re cheating more like. Has to be something you can see, Liv. I’ve gone through everything beginning with T.”

“Telegraph pole.” Aaron says, a hint of glee in his eyes.

“What? Where?”

“Over the road there.” He points outside the right of the windscreen and hears Robert swear under his breath.

“Stupid game anyway.”

“Aw poor Robert. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.” Liv’s almost cackling in delight.

“You...are we fixing this car then or what?” Robert’s not daft, he knows he can’t win against her and he’d rather save what little pride he has left. He gets out of the car his ears ringing with the siblings laughter. He’s going to be hearing about this all weekend, he just knows it.


	13. I could hold you forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene between Aaron worrying about Liv when he goes to prison and Robert coming up with the wedding idea.

Robert’s sat on the bed when Aaron comes in dripping wet from the shower. He doesn’t say anything as he dresses, waiting for Aaron to speak. He’s still hurt from the assumption that he wouldn’t look after Liv while Aaron’s away, the implication that they’re not a family.

“What?” Is all he says when Aaron glares at him.

“You’re starin’.”

“Do you really think I won’t take care of Liv if you get sent down? Do you honestly think that? Or are you just pushing everyone away like you always do?”

“Robert I’m not…can we not do this.”

“I think we should, because clearly you either think I don’t want her in our family, or that I’d abandon her when you’re away and I don’t know how I’ve given you that impression?”

“You’re constantly winding her up!” He slams the drawer shut and pulls a t-shirt over his head before standing, hands on hips in front of Robert.

“That’s what brothers and sisters do isn’t it? I wind Vic up all the time.”

“I’m all she’s got and I’m going away...we’ve already had that visit from social services...what if they try and take her?” Robert can see he’s starting to panic again so he gets to his feet and puts his arms around him.

“That is not going to happen, I promise. She’s got me, your Mum, the whole Dingle clan, not to mention Vic to look out for her. You have to believe me.” He pulls him to sit down on the bed, arms still around him.

“I do, really I do. It’s...I keep letting her down, and you.”

“You’re not. It’s not going to be easy but we’ll get through it. We’ve got through worse, haven’t we?” Aaron didn’t say anything, just shuffled closer hands clinging to the back of Robert’s jacket. “You wanna go somewhere for the rest of the day? Get away from here?”

“No. Stay here. With you.”

“‘K. Maybe have a pint later yeah?” He can’t resist running his fingers through Aaron’s damp hair. Despite the circumstances he’s not sure there’s a better place to be. “Have tea with Liv, just the three of us. Vic might even be able to manage a belated birthday cake if I ask nicely enough.”

“Mmm, just hold me for a bit.” Robert smiles and nudges him until they’re sitting up against the headboard, Aaron’s head tucked against his neck and shoulder, arms tight around each other.

“I could hold you forever.” He’d text Vic later, sort the cake for Liv and somehow try and convince Aaron that he wasn’t going anywhere, would always be there for him, and for Liv, but for now he was happy to stay like this. There was no better place to be.


	14. Will you marry me?

_“Gran, this is Aaron.”_

_“Ah, so you’re the husband. Well come in lad, I don’t bite!”_

“You took your time!” Robert says as Aaron joins him on the wall between the villa and the beach.

“Your Gran kept me talking.” Aaron handed him his bottle of beer, taking a gulp from his own.

“Oh my God, about what?” He’d had to be persuaded to bring Aaron out to Spain to visit his Gran. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them to meet, it was more that Annie was not a woman to be messed with and the two of them hadn’t been back on track that long. Still, so far so good. They were getting along despite Aaron’s nervousness. He hadn’t said much, when did he ever, but he and his Gran had filled the silences easily.

He knew that most people, especially his sister and Diane thought he hardly spoke to her but that wasn’t true. He called every Thursday evening and they’d spend a good half hour or more chatting. She still liked hearing about the gossip from the village, it was still her proper home she told him, and her views on some of the villagers she remembered always made him laugh. Sometimes they’d talk about Jack, he found it easier to talk to her about him than anyone else, except maybe Aaron.

“You mostly.”

“She didn’t get out the baby photos did she?” He knew she had some. Vic had most of them and he’d threatened her with all sorts if he ever showed them to Aaron, but his Gran was a different story.

“Think she might have that planned for tomorrow.” Aaron smiled, rubbing his nose. “She was tellin’ me about you asking your Dad why your Mum wasn’t a Sugden...and how cute you were running up and down the stairs in your little red pyjamas.” He laughed as Robert groaned in embarrassment.

“That was all her doing! That was the day I won money on the sheep race.” He can just about remember it, can remember being told about it over the years.

“The...no I don’t want to know. She’s missed you, you know.” Aaron leans his head on Robert’s shoulder as they watch the moonlight rippling on the water.

“Yeah, well...other things kept getting in the way.” He promised himself when they got engaged he was going to bring Aaron, and Liv to visit, and well, everything had gone just a little bit crazy after that.

He’d called his Gran when it had all ended, when he’d left the flat, when Diane and Vic had finally left him alone and all he had to hold onto was Aaron’s wedding ring, the one he now wore on a chain around his neck, waiting for Aaron to want it back. In true Annie Sugden style she’d told him he’d been an idiot, then she’d said that if he and Aaron really loved each other he just had to wait, be patient.

Of course she’d been right, eventually. He wasn’t looking back any more, they’d both promised each other that. The past was the past and they were both different people now.

“Is that all it was?” Sometimes he forgets that Aaron knows him so well, that there’s someone there for him now that he doesn’t have to hide from.

“I thought...thought she’d be ashamed of me.” He knows she was once, when he’d not turned up at the church for his Dad’s funeral. When he’d called her he’d had to listen to her telling him off down the phone, not letting him explain. It had taken him a long time to get back into her good books after that.

“She’s not you know. She loves you.”

“He’s right.” Robert almost falls off the wall he turns round so fast to see his Gran standing behind them.

“Gran...I…”

“You might not always make the right decisions but you’re my grandson. You and your father aren’t so different you know. Both stubborn as mules.”

“I’m going to go and call Liv, make sure she’s behaving herself, leave you two to talk.” Aaron surprises him by planting a kiss on his cheek and then he’s gone.

“He’s a nice young lad. Not what I expected.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask what it was you did expect. Come on it’s chilly out here, let’s go back inside.” He gets up, tries to take her arm and isn’t that surprised when she shakes him off.

“I might be old, Robert but I’m still capable of asking for help when I need it.”

“Yes Gran.” He doesn’t say any more until they’re inside, sat at the kitchen table. “So go on, what did you expect Aaron to be like?”

“Well, I suppose, like you. Then again, you’re not the same as you were the last time I saw you. Maybe he’s good for you.”

“He is and I still messed it up. I don’t even know why he took me back.”

“Well he did and worrying about why will get you nowhere. Sometimes you just have to let people love you. Now, about this wedding you had.” Robert sighed, they’d been having this argument for a while.

“You know why I did it that way. Stop trying to push me!”

“I’m an old woman Robert and I’d like to see my grandson properly happily married before I die.”

“First, you’re going to outlive us all and second, it’s not been that long since...what if he’s not...I don’t know if I can hear him turn me down.” He’s running his fingers along the grain of the table, not meeting her eyes.

“You’re an idiot.” He looks at her and she’s smiling, then he turns to where the voice came from to see Aaron leaning on the doorframe. It wasn’t that warm so the pair of them were dressed in long sleeve t-shirts and jeans but he didn’t think he’d ever seen Aaron looking so good. He was happy, the weight that always seemed to be on his shoulders was gone and more often than not these days he smiled.

“Nice. How’s Liv? Is the house still standing?”

“Mum’s keepin’ an eye on her. I...Annie do you mind if we talk about this in private?”

“I was about to go up to bed anyway.” She got up and kissed Robert’s cheek, “Goodnight lad.” He smiled, she’d called him that since he was tiny. From anyone else he’d hate it but not from her.

“Night Gran.” He watched as she did the same to Aaron, laughing a little at the look on Aaron’s face before he got to his feet and walked over to him.

“So...idiot, am I?” He asked, sliding his hands down Aaron’s side to rest on his hips.

“You are if you think I’d turn you down. I said yes the first time didn’t I?” Robert doesn’t say anything, just unclasps the necklace and takes the ring from it.

“Are you sure? Just because Gran said…”

“This has nothing to do with your Gran. I told you when we got back together, we’re not looking back. It’s done, all of it.” He leans in for a lingering kiss before he’s gone and when Robert opens his eyes, Aaron’s on one knee in front of him, big smile on his face.

“Get up!” He can’t help but laugh a little.

“Nope, we’re doing this properly! Robert Sugden, will you marry me?”


	15. When you fall, I'll always be right there to catch you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think things happen this way but go with it because I've been so uninspired I just needed to write something!
> 
> Apparently I write baby fics now and not much else.
> 
> Warning for character death. Sorry.
> 
> In this, they never split up, so no scheming ;)

It's the dead of night when the phone rings, loud in the darkness. Aaron is wrapped around him, a fairly recent habit, one that he's not going to complain about or question too much. He just about manages to reach his phone without disturbing him.

“Yeah?”

“Robert, it’s Chrissie. Rebecca’s in labour. She wanted you to know.” With that she hangs up. He supposes he should be glad she called in the first place.

He lays there for a while, stuck, not knowing what to do. He’s done a good job of pushing his feelings about the baby as far away as he can, but now it’s here, he has no choice but to think about it. 

“You gonna get dressed then?” Aaron murmurs, voice heavy with sleep.

“Why? She won’t want me there. They’ll probably have security ready to stop me if I show my face.” He drops his phone back on the cabinet, anything to not have to look at Aaron. They’ve talked this over so many times, but still he expects him to walk out the door, telling him he can’t do it, can’t have his son, and by extension, Robert, in his life.

“Well she got Chrissie to call you. That can’t have been easy, so…” With a sigh Aaron turned onto his back, hand rubbing over his eyes, “Look, you can lay here, awake the rest of the night, or you can get dressed and go to the hospital.”

“And you’re alright with that, are you?”

“Not much I can do about it. I told you I wouldn’t ask you to ignore him.” He had said that, more than once and Robert knew that he thought he meant it. The fact that he couldn’t look him in the eye said something entirely different. “Robert, we both know you’re going to go in the end.”

Still he hesitates, torn between his son and Aaron. Is this how it’s going to be now, always having to choose. It isn’t like he’s even been involved, except for that one scan and even then he sat outside, in the car park. He can’t let himself, every step, every milestone that he knows about is just another reminder of what he’s done, what he’s done to Aaron, to them both. He doesn’t want that to happen, doesn’t want to project that onto his child, doesn’t ever want him to feel like a disappointment, second best.

“Are you sure?” He can’t if Aaron isn’t happy.

“Yes. Go.” He clicked on the light, finally meeting Robert’s gaze. “I’m sure. Just...let me know, yeah?”

“Course.” He got out of bed, collects his clothes and goes to leave, only to pause by the door. “You know…”

“I know.”

*****

This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He’s said those words so many times since all this started but he’s never meant them quite so much as he does now. 

He hadn’t known what to do, had numbly given the nurse Aaron’s number when she asked him if he wanted to call anyone. There wasn’t anyone else was there but he didn’t know if he would come, wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He needed him though, because he didn’t have a clue what to do.

He hadn’t even got here in time, in the end. Chrissie had met him at the door to the maternity unit, tears making her mascara run, and right then he’d felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff and the rock was crumbling beneath his feet.

So he sits, waits, hoping that Aaron will be here. He needs him, can’t do this on his own. It’s not even fair that he asked for him, he knows that, it’s the last thing he should ask, but without him he’s not strong enough.

“Robert?” He twists round at the voice in the doorway behind him. He’s up and out of his seat before he can even think about it, arms finding their way round Aaron’s shoulders. He knows he’s leaning on him, makes him stumble slightly until he gets his balance and leads him to a chair outside the room.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you. It’s not...not your problem.”

“Hey, no, none of that. Tell me what happened. The nurse didn’t say, just said you wanted me.” He has one arm comfortingly around Robert’s shoulder and on instinct he grabs Aaron’s other hand, holds it tight, probably too tight. “Is the baby alright?”

“Yeah,” He chokes the word out. “He’s just...they’re keeping an eye on him. Rebecca...she didn’t make it.”

“God. I’m sorry.” He looks at him, “I mean it, Robert. I’m not a monster.”

“No course you’re not. I don’t even really know what happened, they just let me sit with him.” He feels like he’s been up for days, not just hours, his head is still spinning. 

“What about Chrissie?”

“She went to tell Lawrence. She...Rebecca told her...she wanted me to have him, to bring him up.”

“And Chrissie’s ok with that?” He had no idea, had been waiting for the sniping to start even when she was so upset, but she hadn’t. Maybe that would come later, he had no idea.

“She didn’t say much at all. I don’t know. I...he’s...he’s mine, I have to be here for him.”

“I know, of course you do.” He feels a soft kiss against his temple and he wishes he could curl up with him on the sofa at home and go back to before all this, before prison visits, before he pressed the self-destruct button he was so fond of. “So, you gonna introduce me?”

“You don’t have to. I know this is…”

“It’s difficult, it’s scary, but, I told you weeks ago, I’m not giving up. Now come on.” He got up and held out his hand. All Robert could do was stare at it.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s for me to decide.” Robert knows better than to argue with him when he’s like this so he takes his hand and lets him pull him to his feet before leading him into the nursery where his son is voicing his displeasure at his surroundings. “Hmph like father like son, I reckon.”

“Oi.” He can’t help but reach out a hand, smiling as the baby grabs onto his finger and he catches Aaron’s smile at the sight. “What if I can’t do this? What if I’m not good enough?”

“You are. You will be. It’s not going to be easy, nothing ever is with us but you’ll be a good Dad.” The warm, comforting hand is back, pressed against his spine, supporting him.

“I can’t let him down.”

“You won’t.”

“Feels like I’m falling and I can’t stop myself. I have no idea what to do, Aaron.”

“Does anyone? You can learn, we can learn.” Another kiss, this one to his forehead and then Aaron reaches out, lets the baby grip onto his finger, replacing Robert’s and it feels like his chest is going to burst. He didn’t expect this, never in a million years but now it’s happening.

“How are you so sure? So confident?”

“Because, when you fall, I’ll always be there to catch you. Whatever happens, we’re going to do it together.”


	16. I can't believe you actually said that

“Robert, you’re the best!” He jumps as the door slams and Liv’s voice carries across the room.

“You’re the first person to say that for a while.” He couldn’t help smiling at the excitement in her voice and he gave their dinner one last stir before turning round to face her. “Want to fill me in?”

“Aaron said you’d teach me to drive. Can we start after tea? I’ve got my provisional licence.”

“Whoa hold on. Aaron said that?” He was going to kill Aaron when he got home. The least he could have done was sent a warning.

“Yeah. You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that…but maybe my car isn’t the best to learn to drive in.”

“It’s not like I’ve not driven it before!”

“Liv! I can’t believe you actually said that!” It’s long enough ago now that they can almost joke about it. It had taken a long time to win back her trust, longer than Aaron strangely enough but now they were back to their usual snarky selves. That didn’t mean he wanted to be the one to let her loose on the roads.

“Well, it’s true.”

“I don’t care, you know I…”

“Yes I know you’re sorry. We’ve done this over and over. So tonight? Come on Rob, everyone else has got their licence already.”

“We’ll see. Depends what time that brother of yours gets home.”

“He said he’d be late, told me to say you and me should eat.” Robert stamps down his irritation, he knows Aaron’s busy with the scrapyard but with his meetings and his working late they’ve not managed to have dinner together all week.

“Fine. Set the table and I’ll dish up.”

“Why’re you in a mood?” She asked as she grabbed some plates and cutlery.

“Just tired, take no notice. Come on eat up and I’ll take you for a quick lesson before Aaron gets home.” 

“See I said you were the best.”

“Yeah yeah. Eat.” He sat down at the table smiling at her happiness and spent the meal coming up with ways Aaron could make it up to him.


	17. I been thinking for a while now

Aaron was nervous. Anyone watching would have seen him checking his hair in a car wing mirror and straightening his clothes as he made his way from the Mill to the door of Vic’s cottage. 

“Aaron. What can I do for you?”

“Is Robert here?” Now he’s made his decision he just wants to see him, doesn’t want to lose his nerve. He should really stay and talk to Vic, it’s not been that long since Adam left after all but he has to do this now.

“Er, no, he’s…he’s taken the baby for a walk to try and get him to sleep. Do you want to come in and wait?” At the mention of the baby his courage falters a bit. “He shouldn’t be long, he never stays out long if it’s cold.”

“Do you know where he takes him?”

“Oh, um, up by the old farm if he’s being really difficult, Owen that is, not Robert. You could check the swings on your way out. He likes them.”

“Robert or the baby?” He tries to laugh. “I’ll try and find him, thanks Vic.”

“You’re looking very smart…special occasion?”

He scratches the back of his neck in discomfort. He’d rather talk to Robert first, but then Vic’s a mate and she’s been in his position before, at least for a while. “I was going to ask him out. It’s a mad idea isn’t it? He’s got enough going on and I told him we were done so many times.”

“I want to say yes because the two of you deserve to be together, but…he’s been through a lot Aaron, and I know he’s brought it on himself for the most part but…”

“I know, Vic, but I’ve thought about this a lot and I don’t want to be without him any more.”

“Then go find him…just go easy yeah?”

*****

He hears them even before he rounds the corner to the playground, the squalling cries echoing round, Robert’s gentle pleas getting lost in the noise. They’re at the swings, like Vic had said, buggy parked to the side, the baby held close to Robert’s chest as he gentle moves the swing to and fro.

“Always said you were a big kid.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Went round to Vic’s, she said you might be here.” He sits on the next swing, eyes fixed on the wrapped up bundle in Robert’s arms. It’s not the first time he’s seen him, but usually they’re just passing in the street. “Good pair of lungs.”

“I think Vic’s getting sick of us, so I’m trying to keep out of the way as much as I can.”

“She’s your sister, she’s not sick of ya or him.” He blows out a breath. “He’s gettin’ big.”

“They have a habit of doing that, so I’m told.” Finally it looks like he’s settling down and Aaron can’t help but smile when Robert kisses the top of his head. “What did you want, Aaron?”

“I was coming to ask if you wanted to get a drink, but you’ve got your hands full so…”

“Why?”

“I miss you and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Like I say I miss you and as much as I’ve tried to get over you, I can’t…I don’t want to.” Robert doesn’t say anything and the silence is awkward, only interrupted by Owen’s snuffles. “Right, well, I’ll go then.”

“No, wait!” He stops, doesn’t turn round. “Are you…I can’t be friends Aaron, it’s too hard.”

“That’s not what I meant. I want us to try again, but properly this time.”

“What’s changed? Because a few months ago the last thing you wanted was me anywhere near your life, you couldn’t bear to be near my son.” He’s stopped swinging and he’s concentrating on strapping the baby back into the buggy, swearing lightly when he can’t do up the straps right.

“I’ve changed. Maybe I’ve realised what’s important.”

“And what’s that?”

“You. Us.”

“I’m not good for you. Everyone thinks so.”

“When was the last time I cared about what other people thought?”

“You said you hated him, Aaron, you hurt yourself because of all this. I can’t risk that happening again.”

“I’m going to counselling and it’s helping.”

“I’m glad, really, but how do you know…if we get back together, how do you know it won’t happen again?”

“I don’t but…I thought I was happier and maybe I was for a while but now I realise there’s something missing. Can we…we deserve to give it another try, don’t we? Properly this time?”

“I need to get him home. It’s cold.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” He shakes his head and starts to walk away then he stops and turns back. “You know if you don’t want to just say and I’ll go, never mention it again.”

“No! I…I do…but are you really sure? I can’t lose you again, if it all goes wrong and I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

“Well, I don’t want that either, but that’s a pretty impossible thing to wish for, but I think we’re worth it, we’re worth fighting for.” He shoves his hands in his pockets to stop him reaching for Robert and waits.

“What about him?” Robert nods at the buggy. “Because he isn’t going anywhere and I can’t let him go. He’s my son and I want to be the best I can be for him.”

“I would never ask you to do that, I never did, Robert.” He crouches down beside the buggy with a smile at the sleeping baby. “It was never about him, not really. I’m not saying I can forget everything, but none of this is his fault.“

“We both know who’s fault it is.”

“Well it’s all done with now. So…am I going or what?”

“You’re really sure?”

“I wouldn’t have come here if I wasn’t. It’s not a whim, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, so now it’s up to you. What do you want?”

“You, always.”

“Right then, that’s all we need. The rest we can work on. Let’s just start with a drink, yeah?”


	18. I'm not going anywhere

“You ready?” Robert nodded, “Liv! We’re going now, we’ll drop you at the pub on the way.”

Seconds later there’s a clatter of footsteps and Liv’s flying across the room into Robert’s arms. Aaron just watches, a sad smile on his face. He feels guilty that she’s been somewhat neglected while they’ve been dealing with this but she’s been brilliant, especially at distracting Robert.

“I’m coming tomorrow after school. Chas said she’d bring me.”

“Any excuse to get out of homework, eh?” He rubs her back before letting her go. “You don’t have to you know. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“Well tough I’m coming. Someone has to help with my homework.”

“Liv!”

“It’s fine. As long as it’s not maths, not sure I’ll be up for that. Come on, you got everything?” She nods and Aaron takes over, seeing Robert doesn’t want to let her go.

“Come on, Mum’s keepin’ your tea warm.” He says as he herds them out of the door, Robert’s bag in hand.

*****

“Right we’re all done, Robert. I’ll leave you in peace. Your doctor will be round again first thing and then you’re first up in the morning so nothing to eat or drink from midnight, ok?” 

“Damn that’s your night on the town scuppered.” He quips, winking at Aaron.

He turns to face him when she’s gone, and they’re alone for the first time since they arrived. He’s lucky enough to have a side room and he doesn’t want to think about why that might be because Aaron will know, because Aaron always knows and he doesn’t want to upset him any more.

“So…is it too late to make a run for it?”

“Robert…”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Aaron’s leaning forward and taking his hand before he’s finished speaking.

“Yes you can. One step at a time, yeah?”

“I don’t get how you can be so positive.”

“Well you, Mr Dingle, promised me we’d grow old and grey together, and I know you’re getting on but I don’t see any grey hairs yet, so you’re going nowhere, right?”

“I’ll give it my best shot, that do ya?”

“Mmm. We’re gonna get through this and then you’re taking me on a nice long holiday.”

“Is that right?”

“Mmhmm, just you and me, maybe a beach, lots of beer and if you’re good you might get lucky.” Robert lets out a laugh and kisses him softly.

“Sounds good, specially that last part.”

“Thought that might get your attention.”

“You know, you can go if you want, let Liv sleep in her own bed. You look tired.” Aaron almost laughed because if anyone was looking tired it was Robert. 

“I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere. Try and get some sleep huh?”

“Love you.” 

“Yeah, love you too.” He got himself comfortable as Robert closed his eyes, before reaching out to brush the hair from his forehead. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”


	19. You don't look so good

“Aaron I think I’m dying.” 

“I very much doubt that.” He rolled over with a groan. “Hmm, you don’t look so good. What’s wrong?”

“I told you, I’m dying!” With that he launched into a coughing fit so fierce that the whole bed shook. Aaron reached out a hand to feel his forehead unsure he even knew why he was doing it but even he could tell Robert was running a temperature.

“You’re a bit warm, I’ll get you some water.”

“Is that all you’re going to say?” He loved Robert but honestly when he was ill he could gladly leave him alone until it passed because he was the absolute worst.

“Well what do you want me to do? Seems to me you’ve got a cold and there’s no really a lot you can do for it.”

“You’re not very good at this sympathy thing, are you?”

“Aw poor baby.” He leans over and kisses Robert’s forehead. “You want me to call Nicola and tell her you won’t be in?”

“Yes please.” Any other time he would have laughed at the childish voice but he looked so pathetic, reddened nose and all, he couldn’t. 

“Ok, go back to sleep. I’ll bring you some water and juice before I leave.”

“You’re leaving me?”

“I’ve got that pick up in Bradford. You know how it is now Adam’s gone. I should be finished by lunch so I’ll bring you back something, yeah? Try and sleep it off.” 

He gets nothing more than a grunt in reply, Robert already half asleep. He rolls his eyes and walks through to the bathroom to get himself ready. By the time he’s dressed for work, Robert’s snoring. He bends down to kiss the top of his head and pulls the duvet over him properly tucking it in snugly.

He leaves with a shake of the head and a smile. It’s the same every winter and in a couple of days Robert will do the same for him when he’s the one suffering.


	20. Please, just look at me

“How are you?”

A shrug of the shoulders is all he gets in response, the same as always. Every week, every visit the same. He’d been here a month now and Aaron can probably count on his fingers the amount of words he’s got out of him.

“Robert, you have to talk to me.”

They’re not together, not really. They’d just about started talking again, thinking that they might just be ready to try dating when everything had gone wrong, when the police had turned up at the pub one night, dragging him away in front of everyone.

“This is stupid, you know. You shouldn’t be here, and you know it, so why won’t you fight?”

Nothing. 

“Liv wanted to come, she wanted to show you her art project but I didn’t think they’d appreciate her bringing in a great big canvas. You’ll see it when you come home.”

It was that family, of course it was. Robert had told him everything when they first started talking again, wanting to be honest. Aaron was barely shocked, it wasn’t like he didn’t know what Robert was capable of. He also knew when he was telling the truth and he hadn’t gone that far but so far he couldn’t find a way to prove anything and Robert was being no help.

“I forgot to tell you…I walked in on Jimmy and Nicola the other day, when I dropped off some paperwork. That’s something that I’m not going to be able to scrub from my brain for a while.”

Most of the village thought he was guilty. Oh they didn’t say as much, at least most of them didn’t, but he could hear the comments when he went into the cafe or the shop. He’d stopped going into the pub after work soon after that night, unable to put up with his family telling him what he should do. The only ones standing by Robert were Vic and Liv. Even Diane was unconvinced, something Aaron just couldn’t understand given everything that the Whites had done to Andy.

“Vic said she’d come with me next week, she’s arranged the time off. So, at least I’ll have someone to have a conversation with.” He leans forward, itching to reach out and touch him. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you and whatever happens I’m going to be here every week until you get out.”

He looks round, memories passing through his mind of when all this had started. It seemed like a lifetime ago not just months. The only upside to it all was that Robert appeared to be having an easier time of it than he had. That was something, or at least he assumed it was the case.

They don’t say anything else and Robert still doesn’t raise his gaze from his hands and before he knows it the bell rings and it’s time to go.

“I’ll be back next week. If you need anything, just phone, yeah?” He gets to his feet and sighs. “Robert please, just look at me.”

Nothing.

It’s when he’s at the door that he looks back, and sees his eyes following him, full of pain and regret. He smiles back before he walks out the door.

It’s something.


	21. For what it's worth, I'm sorry

It’s raining when Robert wakes up, great big raindrops pounding against the windows and he has to fight to not let himself roll over and bury his face in the pillow and go back to sleep. If he stays here then he can ignore it, it won’t be happening.

“Robert?” He doesn’t even want to open his eyes to look at Aaron, can feel his warmth, his hand on his cheek, but he can’t look at him because he shouldn’t be like this. “Rob you have to get up.”

“Where’s Liv?”

“I sent her over to the pub, she’ll stay out of the way. I can go too if you want?” That makes him move, makes his hand shoot out from under the duvet to clutch Aaron’s arm.

“No. I need you. I have no right to ask but I don’t think I can…not on my own.”

“Ok, I’m not going anywhere. Come on, I’ll make you some breakfast.”

They eat in silence and he feels bad because Aaron is throwing him concerned looks but he can’t find the words to tell him how he feels, can’t tell himself. They’ve barely cleared things away when there’s a knock at the door. After a quick alright from Aaron he’s letting them in and Robert smiles the second he sees the carseat carrying the sleeping baby boy that he’d come to love so much in such a short time.

“There he is! Can I take him out?” He glances at Rebecca just long enough to see her nod before he’s undoing the straps and lifting the tiny boy into his arms. He still feels so fragile even a month on, so dependent on everyone.

He fought this for so long, couldn’t bear to think about loving him, about feeling anything about him other than how much of a mistake he was, how much of a mess it had all been. Then when he’d finally let himself feel something, helped in no small part by Aaron being back in his life, being sure that they could do this, it all gets ripped away.

“Robert, the taxi’s coming in half an hour, I’ll come back then.” He nods but his eyes aren’t leaving him as he sways gently. Then Aaron’s beside him, warm hand on his back the other on Joshua’s head.

“I don’t think I can do this, Aaron.”

“Yes you can.”

“He’s not even going to remember.”

“But you will and you know what, he’s the luckiest boy in the world because he’s had a month of you as his Dad.”

“I don’t deserve you. I still can’t believe you’re here after all this.”

“I’m going nowhere, not again. I’m going to make a cuppa. Talk to him, tell him all the things you want him to know, yeah?”

He doesn’t even really remember how it all happened, it’s all a blur but the crux of it all was that he’s not the father, he doesn’t get to be the one who gets to see this little boy grow up. He should have asked months ago, should have demanded a paternity test, it would have saved so much heartache but he hadn’t, so maybe this is the payback. 

He’d ranted and raved that she’d known all along but once he calmed down it was obvious she’d hadn’t, that it had all just been a mistake. Now, with Ross wanting nothing to do with either of them Rebecca was leaving, more than ready to be out of the village.

He walks him over to the window, still reluctant to have Aaron hear just how he felt even though they’ve talked until they’re hoarse about it all. It just doesn’t seem fair.

“You’re going to have the best life you know, with your Mum. We might not get on all the time and I’ve not always been the best person to her but she loves you and she’ll be good, I know it. I wish you were mine, even though I might not have been the best, I would have tried to be, for you. You know what else, you would’ve had Aaron too, and that would have made you the luckiest boy because he’s so full of love.” He shifts his gaze, watches as Aaron pretends to be busy in the kitchen, giving him the time he needs by himself. “He would’ve loved you, I know it because he’s good and I don’t deserve him in the slightest, but he loves me still, even though I messed up so badly.”

“Tea’s up.”

He doesn’t say much else, just holds him trying to commit the feeling of it to his memory, the weight of him in his hands, the smell of baby powder. Aaron doesn’t say anything, he’s just there, strong as ever. He can see him checking his watch out of the corner of his eye.

“Do you think we would’ve been good?”

“Yeah, course. He wouldn’t have wanted for a thing. Proper little prince he’d have been.”

It’s too soon when the doorbell rings again and Robert gets up and turns away while Aaron lets her in, doesn’t want her to see his upset.

“Be good yeah? Be the best you can be at whatever you want to do, whoever you want to be. Your Mum’s going to be so proud of you, I know it, and so would I because I know how important that is. You’re not going to remember me, I know, but I love you and I would have been honoured to be your Dad.”

“Robert, I’m sorry, we really have to go or we’ll miss our flight.” He nods but still doesn’t turn round.

“Your first aeroplane ride, huh, little man, and I bet you’ll sleep all the way through it. Come on then, let’s get you all comfy.” Once he’s strapped into the car seat Robert turns to Aaron who’s leaning against the wall head tipped towards the ceiling, eyes wet with tears, before looking back round at Rebecca.

“Just, um, when he’s older, if you tell him about me, would you…leave out all the bad stuff. Just tell him that for a while I was his Dad and I loved him.”

“Of course I will. We should…”

“Yeah.” He crouches beside the table once more. “Bye beautiful boy. You have the best life, ok.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead, swallowing down a sob.

“Can I?” He straightens up to see Aaron beside him, and Rebecca nods and they watch as Aaron lets Josh grip his finger. “Make sure your Mum takes you to see the kangaroos out there, huh? Like the one in your book that we read, remember?”

That’s going to be one of the memories he treasures, coming back from the shop one day when they were looking after him, to find Aaron curled up on the couch Joshua snug in his arms, reading a picture book, the low rumble of his voice quiet and soothing.

“Right, well…this is goodbye then…I…”

“It’s alright, it’s done.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. For everything.” He feels Aaron tense up beside him where he stands next to him, as close as he can without wrapping his arms round him.

“Yeah, me too. Thanks for letting me…” She waves a hand and with that she’s gone.

He doesn’t know how but the two of them end up on the floor in front of the sofa the same place they sat when he told Aaron everything, when he didn’t know if Aaron would still want him. He doesn’t think of that now, the memories are still too painful even though they’re ok now or getting there at least.

“Sorry.” He knows he’s making his shoulder wet with his tears but they won’t stop and he hates it because this isn’t him, he doesn’t cry like this, hasn’t for years.

“Don’t be daft. He’ll be alright you know. Whatever I think of Rebecca, she’s a good Mum.”

“I know. It’s just…”

“Yeah.” Robert feels the kiss to his forehead, thumbs gently wiping his tears away.

“Can we do something? I don’t want to be here today. Can we just fetch Liv and just drive.”

“Whatever you want. Go wash your face and I’ll call Liv.”

“Thanks.” He clambers to his feet, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. “I love you so much, you know?”

“I know. I love you too, always will.”


	22. First steps

“Aaron, where’s my phone?”

“Where you left it.” Came an exasperated voice from the kitchen. “Why?”

“Helpful. She’s going to do it today, I can tell.”

“You’ve been saying that for the last two weeks, and I keep telling you it’s too early. You remember reading all those baby books don’t you?” Aaron comes towards him wiping his hands on a tea towel.

“But look at her…she’s ready.”

“She’s not even crawled yet! Your Daddy is silly isn’t he munchkin!” He gets down on his knees beside the mat his daughter is playing on. He can’t believe she’s here, even after all this time. She gives him a toothy smile,waving her arms at him.

“You’re not helping!”

“Have you tried upstairs or are you expecting it to just come to you like something out of Harry Potter?”

He laughs as Robert growls at him and stomps up the stairs. Aaron lays down next to his daughter and starts building her blocks into a tower. She loved knocking them down and the delighted laugh when she did led to him doing it for hours.

They’re on their third go round, and he can still hear Robert muttering upstairs, when Ella reached out to him. He doesn’t know how he knows what she’s doing but he takes her hands watching in amazement.

“Robert?” He daren’t shout he doesn’t want to scare her but if Robert misses it he’ll be devastated. “Rob!”

“I found it! It was under the bed. That’s your fa…Aaron!”

“Film it!” For a tiny child she had a hell of a grip and he couldn’t move as she stood holding on to him, watching him. “Come on, beautiful, you can do it! Where’s Dad? Huh? Can you go to Dad?”

He can see her looking, contemplating almost, before slowly she lets go of him and he holds his breath as she takes a step, and then another. He doesn’t want to take his eyes off her but he looks at Robert who’s wearing the biggest smile and if Aaron’s not mistaken there are tears threatening to fall.

“Look at you, beautiful girl.” Robert breathes, and somehow he manages to hand the phone to Aaron to keep filming so he can hold his arms out to his daughter.

When she reaches him he sweeps her off her feet. “I knew you were a clever girl! Daddy’s best girl, yeah?”

“She’s perfect!” Aaron ruffles her curly blonde hair, his own tears threatening. “I love you, both of you.”


	23. I'll always look out for you

Liv has only been in the pub ten minutes when it starts. She’s sitting in the corner waiting for Aaron when she hears them. She hasn’t been in here for weeks now, not properly, but there’s only so much of Aaron’s cooking or takeaway one person can take so she’d insisted they come here and get something decent to eat.

It’s not like she hasn’t heard the whispers in the village. Brenda is the worst, always commenting or giving her sympathetic looks that set her teeth on edge and it’s all she can do to bite her tongue. It had started to die down, just a bit, enough that she didn’t have to think about it everyday but then Chas came back and the murmurings started up again. She’s pretty sure Aaron’s oblivious to it, either that or he just doesn’t let her see that it bothers him.

Tonight though it seems like every Dingle in the village is in the pub, surrounding the bar, still enjoying Chas’ generosity at being back and handing out free pints by the dozen. The more they drink the more the comments come. She’s trying to ignore them knowing if not she won’t be able to keep quiet for long.

“Our Aaron’s better off anyway, anyone can see that.” Chas, loud as ever. Six months in her company hadn’t anaesthetised Liv to that. Not that she wasn’t grateful to her but there’s only so much time you can spend with someone before they start to annoy you.

“Are you blind?” She can’t hold her tongue any longer, storming up to the bar. “Or do you just see what you want to see?”

“Now listen young lady…”

“No you listen! Aaron might look better, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy and if any of you looked beyond the end of your noses you’d see that. But you don’t…you all got your way in the end, Robert messed up. Not like you hadn’t all been waiting for it.”

“Now look, he’s the one who let the family down.”

“The family?” She snorts. “Some family!”

“Liv, love,” It’s Lisa who reaches out for her first, always the peacemaker. “We’re just looking out for Aaron, and you.”

“No you’re not! If you were you would’ve been here when Robert needed you! Aaron needed you to help him but you didn’t, none of you. Where were you when Charity went off to Prague with Sarah, leaving Robert on his own with me and Noah, not to mention that he felt he had to keep an eye on the pub every night rather than letting Vic close up on her own? You were nowhere to be seen. So much for being part of the family.”

“That doesn’t excuse what he did!”

“I know that, I’m not stupid! I hate him for what he did but I want Aaron to be happy and you might think that a smile on his face means he is but I see him when he doesn’t have to put that front on for you lot. Maybe you should try listening when you ask him things, or look a bit harder. Robert made him happy!”

“Since when were you a fan of Sugden’s?” She doesn’t see much of Cain but she knows he cares for Aaron, in his way.

“Since he and Aaron made me feel like part of a proper family! I think he’s a smug, annoying prat, but he loves Aaron and he looked after us! He stood by him when he went to prison, he made Mill into a home, and he doesn’t deserve you lot talking about him like you do. I know for a fact that at least three of you have done worse!”

“Liv, that’s enough.” The voice is quiet in the midst of all the Dingles trying to talk sense into her but she hears it and swings round to see Robert, hand on the door, hesitant faced with Aaron’s family.

“You’re not welcome!” Chas’ voice rings out once more and Liv waits for Robert’s comeback, full of sarcasm but he doesn’t say a word, just turns to leave, and she can’t help but glare back at them all.

“Wait!”

“Where are you going?” She thinks it’s Charity but she doesn’t turn round to check.

“Anywhere but here. Tell Aaron I’ll see him at home.” With that she grabs her school bag and is out of the door before any of them can say anything else. Robert hasn’t got far, he’s walking slowly up the road towards the flat, eyes fixed on it. “Robert!”

“You shouldn’t be doing that Liv. Defending me.”

“Good job I never listen to ya then. Why don’t you say anything back to them, when you know they’ve done worse.” She looks up at him, takes in the tired eyes, the less than perfect hair. He always looked perfect, shirt tucked in just right, hair styled within an inch of it’s life and now he’s just a bit blurred round the edges, like he can’t quite get it just so. “You look like crap.”

“Language you.” He sighs, “I don’t say anything because I deserve everything they say. I did the worst thing I could and now I have to pay for that.”

“He’s miserable you know. They don’t see it, but I do. He won’t let them talk that way about you, had a right go at Chas the other day.” They’ve been walking this whole time and they’re at the top of the drive to the Mill and she sees him hesitate. “He’s not home, if you want to come in.”

“No, best not. I should get back to Vic’s, she’s cooking. She’ll just have to do without the wine.” He smiles but she can tell it’s forced. “Thanks Liv, for what you said even if going against the Dingles isn’t the brightest idea you’ve had. It meant a lot.”

“He does miss you.”

“Yeah. I miss him too. Look I know he’s your brother but if you ever need anything or you don’t want to talk to him, well, you know where I am.”

“You sound like you’re giving up.”

“It’s not up to me. Aaron broke up with me…it needs to come from him now and as much as I want to I can’t make this better.. None of that is your fault though, so like I say if you need me…”

She’s hugging him before she can even think about it. Aaron’s her brother and she’ll always take his side but what most people don’t seem to remember is that even if it was only for a short while, they were a family. They were happy, and if she has her way they will be again. As she watches him walk away she decides that maybe tonight is the time to have another chat with her stubborn brother.


	24. I'm done being polite

_*Can’t be arsed to cook, meet me in the pub after work?*_

He checks his phone as he leaves the meeting in Leeds and groans. He’s managed to pretty much avoid the pub for the last month or so, more than that really, but it’s a lot harder to do now he and Aaron are reunited.

They’d not wanted to venture out much and he’d found it easy to make excuses not to meet Aaron for an after work pint or a quick family tea. He knew he’d noticed, had been waiting for weeks for him to ask but there’d been nothing.

The fact that he’s texting rather than ringing tells Robert that it’s not really a request, obviously Aaron’s way of saying he’s noticed, which means there’s no way of getting out of it.

_*Fine. I’ll be about an hour and a half. Need to stop at the yard first.*_

He can hear the murmur of voices as he walks up to the pub having left the car at home, knowing he’s going to need a drink to get through the evening.

He’s surprised that the place isn’t packed out with Dingles, but it’s apparently his lucky night. He spots Aaron in the far corner sitting opposite Victoria and immediately he feels bad that he hasn’t spent more time with her since Adam left. She’s coping and doing it a damn sight better than he had when Aaron broke things off but then he already knows she’s better than him.

“What can I get you?” Thankfully it’s Marlon serving and Chas is nowhere in sight. He gets his drink and sits down next to Aaron a quick peck on the cheek enough until they get home.

“What’s this in aid of then? Was looking forward to a night in.”

“Fancied a change, tha’s all.”

“Mmm, too lazy to cook more like. Never feel like eating out when I’m cooking do ya?” He gives him a gentle kick under the table as Victoria laughs. “Alright sis?”

“Yeah, just on my break, should get back before Marlon throws a fit. You should come round for tea tomorrow the pair of you, and Liv. Feels like ages since you came round.”

When they’re alone he turns slight so he’s facing Aaron. He’d left early to get to his meetings so he’d not seen him all day and they were still newly reunited enough that the novelty of waking up together hasn’t worn off.

“I missed you today.”

“Me too. Managed to get some work done though without you distracting me.” Aaron’s hand is slowly making it’s way up his thigh. “So, you want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding this place?”

“Just because I don’t want to come in here every day, doesn’t mean I’m avoiding anything.”

“Right. Nothing to do with my family then?”

“Aaron…”

“Who? Mum? Cain? I mean Charity is…”

“It doesn’t matter. Can we just go home?”

“I’m not having you run out of here because my lot can’t respect my decisions. Get up.” Robert looks round to see Chas back behind the bar, staring at them, a barely disguised glare on her face.

“No. It’s not like she’s even said anything, but let’s face it I was never going to get a good reception from them was I? They’ve got good reason.”

“That’s not the point.”

“What good is it going to do, you arguing with your Mum.“

“That’s not the point. I’ve made my choice and last time I checked I was an adult so she should accept that. Now move.” Knowing there was no point arguing with him he stood up.

“What are you going to do?” He grabs his arm.

“I’m just going to talk to her, make her see she can’t keep this up.”

“In front of everyone?” The bar wasn’t full but there were a fair few villagers in, and they were already attracting their attention.

“They might as well hear it too.”

“What can I get you love?”

“An explanation would be good about how I had to pretty much drag Robert here tonight because he doesn’t want to face you.”

“I haven’t said anything love. If he’s feeling guilty it’s not my fault.”

“Aaron stop, let’s just go home.” Robert touches his elbow, trying to get his attention, doesn’t want to be the reason for him and Chas falling out.

“No. I want to be able to come in here and enjoy a drink with my husband when I want without death glares across the bar all night.” The whole bar is listening now, no doubt they can’t wait to spread it around those who aren’t in.

“He broke your heart and you expect me to forgive him? Not happening. You might have swallowed whatever lies he’s been spouting but you watch he’ll go back to type before long, he can’t help himself.” He can’t help but look at the floor because she’s right, he broke Aaron’s heart and he won’t ever forgive himself for that.

“You’re my Mum and I love you but you don’t get to treat him like this. I’ve made my choice. I’ve forgiven him and we’re back together and we’re going to get married again whether you like it or not.”

“I suppose you put him up to this didn’t you? What’s the matter, can’t fight your own battles?”

“Right, I’m done being polite now. You leave him alone, and you can pass that on to everyone else in the family. I don’t judge you when you lot make mistakes and there are more of those than I can count so get off your high horse and accept my decision or me and you are done.”

“Aaron no…don’t do this for me.”

“You’re worth it. You once told me that you’d chosen me. Well this time I choose you and if they don’t like it then tough because I love you. You got that?” He turns back to Chas and she nods but Robert’s not stupid, she’s like Aaron, she doesn’t let things go. “Come on. There must be something in the freezer we can cook.”

He doesn’t look back as they walk out of the pub leaving the gossips to their chatter.

“I can’t believe you did that. You didn’t have to, you know. You can’t cut your family out like that.”

“Yeah well…I’ve got you, and Liv, don’t need anyone else. It’s up to them now. You know what I fancy? And do not say you!”

“What?” He stops, leans in for the kiss he’s wanted since Aaron stood up in the pub.

“Pizza and beer in front of the telly, with my husband.”

“Sounds fantastic.”


	25. I might never get another chance to say this

“I might never get another chance to say this…”

“What are you on about? You’re only going to Edinburgh you know. Not the Antarctic.” He’d noticed Robert was acting strange the minute he got up. Usually when his mind was on a business trip or some such thing he was upbeat and full of adrenaline, but he’d been clingy, not wanting to let Aaron get up. “You’ll be back on Thursday.”

“Nice to know you’ll miss me.”

“You’re not an idiot, I’m not going to make your ego any bigger. You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Aaron shook his head as Robert ignored him, too busy refilling his coffee mug.

“Right. How long have we been married, because you know I don’t believe that, and your train leaves in an hour and a half, so out with it.”

“I told you it’s nothing, just a weird dream.” Aaron hated it, that he wouldn’t talk, that he’d keep everything hidden. Not that he had room to talk himself but they’d promised to be better and he’d tried, but Robert. It was like he didn’t want to burden Aaron with anything so they ended up going round in circles.

“Finding yourself in your old high school naked weird, or…”

He heard the little huff of air as Robert bowed his head in defeat, “I was dreaming about Mum. It’s her anniversary next week, guess I should have expected it.”

“I know. You don’t normally get like this though.” He’s almost holding him up now, arms tight around his waist and it’s frightening because it’s so unlike Robert.

“The dream changed, whether I woke up or not I don’t know, but it was us fighting, not them and then there was smoke and fire and I couldn’t find you. I…they pretty much hated each other by the time she died, or it felt that way. I don’t ever want that to be us again.”

“It won’t be, we won’t let it.” He let’s him go, feels the tension as Robert tries to move, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“You would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would, if you wanted me to. The scrapyard isn’t going anywhere if I swerve it for a couple of days.” He jokes, buttering a piece of toast which he passes to Robert knowing he hasn’t eaten anything.

“No, I’ll be fine. Anyway Liv’s coming home tomorrow. It was just a dream.” He’s looking a bit more like himself so Aaron nods, he really does want to be here for Liv, but he would, if Robert needed him.

“If you’re sure.”

“Mmm I’m sure. I love you.” Aaron sinks into the buttery kiss Robert gives him. 

“Love you too. Call me, if you have any more dreams, don’t care what time it is.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Alright, that’s enough soppiness. You’re going to miss your train.” One more hug and then he’s gone and Aaron’s really not sure which one of them misses the other the most.


	26. Chapter 26

“Could you park any further from the beach?” Robert’s grip tightens on the steering wheel as he switches off the engine. “We’ve got to lug a boot full of stuff down that hill now.”

“I gave you the chance to drive. Anyway it’ll be packed down there. It’s a bank holiday what did you expect when you woke me up this morning wanting to bring Ella to the beach.” 

“I expected you not to be a grumpy git. I’ll go get a ticket.” Robert sighs when he’s gone, looking in the mirror at the reason they’re here, fast asleep in her car seat, missing all the drama as usual.

He’s head first in the boot when Aaron comes back. Even two years on he can’t believe how much crap babies come with. He does battle with the pushchair first because he knows she won’t walk all the way no matter how much she demands it.

“Sorry.” Aaron’s hand is on his back perilously low as he reaches back into the boot. 

“It’s alright.” They’re both cranky, Ella having decided that night times are no longer for sleeping. “You want to get her out?”

The beach is mad when they get to the bottom of the cliff path and they have to lift the pushchair over the soft sand until they find a quiet spot. Robert fusses with the blanket they’ve brought and Aaron unpacks the tiny armbands he’d bought for her, determined to give her a first taste of the sea.

“I still don’t think she’s going to like it, you know how much she hates bathtime.” Aaron just scoffs at him, lifting a now wide awake Ella from the pushchair.

“She’s going to love it, aren’t ya, Bug? You want to go for a swim, huh?”

“Yeah! Swim!”

“In a minute, you need suncream first.” Robert laughs as she squirms away when he starts rubbing the cream into her fair skin.

“Yuck!”

“Yuck!” He parrots back as she rubs her little hands over her face. “There, all done. Go tell Daddy to put your armbands on.”

He loves watching them together, the love practically shining from Aaron as he convinces her she needs the armbands. He’s got his phone out and before Aaron can stop him he’s snapping pictures.

“Daddy, swim!”

“Yeah Daddy, swim.”

“Are you coming then?” Aaron pushes his sunglasses into his hair, lifting Ella into his arms.

“Try and stop me.”

Ella takes to the water like a duck, as if she’s determined to prove Robert wrong. He thinks she gets that from Aaron, every inch as stubborn as him. It’s worth it though to see the laughter on her face as Aaron gently splashes her with the water. He snaps a few more pictures before leaving his phone to go and join them.

Aaron was right, this had been a brilliant idea.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains spoilers for upcoming episodes (nothing major)

Aaron’s held a lot of babies over the years, Liv, Josh, Leo and probably some others along the way.

He can’t clearly remember the first time he holds Liv as a baby. He remembers Gordon telling him to be careful in the tone of voice that would have him shaking. He remembers sneaking into her room at night and watching her sleep, thinking just how lucky she was.

He always wanted to protect her, hated the times when everything was too much and he ended up making her cry.

It was the same with Leo, that need to protect him, especially after what happened. It had meant a lot that Paddy and Rhona trusted him and that they and Marlon asked him to be his Godfather. It was peaceful sitting and holding him, rocking him to sleep. He could switch off his brain from everything else, if only for a little while. 

This time though feels more important than any of them, he supposes it is, after everything. He knew how he felt about Liv even before she arrived, she was his sister. Even Leo had felt special. But Robert’s son had caused so many different feelings in him that he doesn’t know how it’s going to feel to finally hold him.

It seems like so much is riding on the outcome of it that he feels sick with nerves. He’d thought he hated it, the baby and maybe he had. He’d certainly hated to idea of it.

Things were different now. He was here, real, there was no ignoring it now.

“You don’t have to do this.” It was strange seeing Robert so nervous, he wasn’t used to it. He’d turned up on Vic’s doorstep, knowing it was one of Robert’s days with Seb, deciding to bite the bullet once and for all.

He’d been waiting for Robert to suggest it, as they began to spend time together again, getting closer everyday, but he hadn’t. In fact he’d gone out of his way to avoid even mentioning him.

“Yes I do.” Of course he does, how can he and Robert get back to how they were if he can’t face seeing his child. “I want to.”

“You best come in then.” He leads him into the living room, and Aaron watches, smiling as he picks up the little boy. Robert’s different with him, softer. “You want to meet Aaron, hey? He can be grumpy, just like you.”

“Oi stop putting him off me before I’ve even met him.”

“Are you really sure?”

“Robert.” He decides to just take the initiative and gently lifts him from Robert’s arms, holding him close, safe against his chest. He feels so fragile, small, precious. “See, nothing to it.”

It’s not that simple. There was no instant rush of love, of anything really, except a thrill of fear of holding a tiny baby, but he didn’t feel anything bad either. He took that as a good sign. Maybe they could do this.


	28. Chapter 28

“Robert, where are you going?”

“I need some fresh air. I’ll be back later.” With that he’s gone and Aaron’s left standing in the empty living room.

It’s a week since Robert moved back in, months since they started dating again, trying to take things slowly this time, to get it right, and Aaron thought everything was fine. Robert hadn’t said anything but just now he’d snapped Aaron’s head off and now he was gone.

“You’re an idiot.” He looks up to find Liv leaning on the bannister glaring at him.

“Pardon?”

“What’s the matter with him?”

“God knows. I only asked him if he could move his laptop so I could set the table. Last time I did it, I managed to delete something.” He watches her walk down the stairs, knowing look all over her face. “You know something.”

“Not really, but he’s acting weird. Didn’t you see him this morning when I nicked his toast? Think about how he used to react when I did it in the pub. This morning he didn’t say a word.” Aaron frowned, he hadn’t noticed anything odd. “He’s trying not to upset either of us.”

*****

It doesn’t take him long to find Robert, hunched over, sitting on the portacabin steps. He doesn’t even look up as Aaron approaches, gravel crunching under his feet.

“I wanted to set the table.”

“Sorry?”

“I wasn’t complaining about your laptop, I just didn’t want to mess anything up. You didn’t have to storm out. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“You seem to have it all figured out.”

“Not really. Liv had to knock some sense into me. She reckons that you’re trying not to upset me, or her. Is she right? Do you think if you say the wrong thing I’m going to call this off?”

“No.” 

“That was hardly convincing! Robert, I don’t want you to think you have to walk on eggshells. We’re back together. As far as I’m concerned anything before that is over.” Finally he looks up, tired eyes staring back at him.

“I don’t feel at home. We were supposed to be together there, it was going to be perfect, and then I messed it up.”

“Robert, I’ve forgiven you for all that, you know I have. Maybe it’s time you forgive yourself.” He shook his head, eyes going back to the ground. “I mean it. You’re home now, with me and Liv. It’s your house, as much as mine. You put all the work in, made it just right for all of us. Let yourself enjoy it.”

“How do you…it’s where I…”

“Slept with Rebecca?” He steps back as Robert jumps up from the steps and starts pacing. “It wasn’t easy, but it was never about where it happened. It’s over now, you have to let it go. Let yourself be happy again.”

Robert doesn’t answer, just keeps pacing. Aaron lets him, just watches. Eventually his impatience gets the better of him.

“Hand it over.”

“What?”

“My wedding ring. I know you’ve got it on you, or did you think I didn’t notice you putting it away every night and getting it back out every morning. I want it back.”

“No…you’re just saying that because of this. We said we’d take it slow.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and Aaron knows his fingers are wrapped around the cool metal.

“It’s been four months. I know what I want.” He holds his hand out, waiting. Robert just looks at him, looking for something, before he takes his hand from his pocket, drops the ring into Aaron’s hand. “I want you to put it back on. Maybe then you’ll believe that I’m serious, that I’m not waiting for the best time to tell you to go.”

He thinks he sees tears in Robert’s eyes as he slides the ring onto his finger, warm hand wrapping around Aaron’s cold one, holding on tight. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t mention the hitching breaths he’s taking.

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry. New start. No more regrets.” Robert nods, more confident than before and there’s even the hint of a smile. “Can we go home now? Tea’s probably ruined.”

“I don’t care about the tea, but home sounds pretty good.”


	29. Chapter 29

Robert’s spine is tense when Aaron presses a hand to it. He doesn’t look round and steal a kiss like he usually does, just carries on buttering the slices of bread he’s got laid out.

“She likes it right up to the edges. And don’t forget to cut off the crusts.”

“I know!” The knife lands on the worktop with a clatter and he’s stalking over to the fridge, slamming the door when he’s grabbed the packet of ham that was their daughter’s favourite.

“I was going to do that in the morning.”

“Mum always made my packed lunch the night before. Never anything wrong with it.”

“What’s the matter?” He thinks he knows, it isn’t like he’s not feeling the same.

“Ella’s starting school tomorrow.”

“I wondered why that uniform had been hanging up the last few days.” The frustrated huff is the last straw. “Come and sit down a minute.”

“I want to get this done.”

“Robert.” He kicks the chair out from under the table, knows that’ll get a reaction. Robert just glares but he leaves the sandwich and sits down. “Will you talk to me?”

“She’s getting so big. It feels like it was only yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital.”

“You big softie. She’s going to be fine. She’s really excited.” He leans forward to kiss Robert’s cheek, hoping it might bring a smile to his face. “Come on, what’s really going on?”

“What if she gets picked on or something. We can’t protect her.”

“Are we talking about the same kid? Don’t you remember her birthday when she tried to kick Kyle because he cheated at pass the parcel?”

“Aaron.” He schooled the smile from his face, remembering the talking to that Robert had given Ella after that incident. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I. That girl has the Sugdens and Dingles on her side, she’s going to be just fine.”

“Daddy!” 

“Yes, sweetheart?” Robert’s up from the table in a flash as their daughter’s footsteps echo on the stairs.

“Can I put my uniform on yet?” Aaron groaned, following Robert, who was twirling her round in his arms. The question had been coming for days now.

“No, not yet. One more sleep, ok?” 

“Fine.” Aaron couldn’t help laughing at the put out tone.

“You want to keep it all nice so Daddy can take your photograph tomorrow don’t you? How about you help him finish packing your lunch instead?”

The next morning Aaron’s grateful that Robert keeps his mouth shut when it’s him who has the tears in his eyes as he watches Ella skip into her classroom without a single glance back at them.


	30. Chapter 30

“Daddy?” It’s the tone of voice that makes Aaron sit up straighter on the bench, watching her run over from the climbing frame. They’re the only ones here, the cold seemingly putting others off, but not Ella, if anything she loved it more than the summer.

“Yes Bug?” He lifts her up and she curls up on his lap, one hand clinging to his jumper under his coat, the other patting his beard, something she’s done when she’s worried since she was toddler.

“Do you hate Daddy?” He has to strain to hear because her words are muffled into his chest.

“What? No. Why ever would you think that?”

“I heard you say…you said it, Daddy. You said I hate you. Are you going to leave like Uncle Adam left Jamie?” He gently brushed a hand over her hair, holding her close. “Don’t go! I’ll be good, I promise!”

“You’re my best girl. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Neither is Dad.”

“But I heard you! I did!” Her little fists bat at his chest, surprisingly powerful and he can sense that the tears are coming.

“Hey, no. come on. Your Dad and I were just joking around because he nicked my breakfast. I didn’t mean it. We were just playing, Bug.”

“Promise?” He smiles as he wipes her tears away with his thumbs.

“I promise. Do you want to go home and see if Daddy’s finished his work.” He feels her nod and stands up shifting her onto his hip. 

“Did Uncle Adam hate Aunty Vic? Is that why he left?” It hadn’t been that long since Adam had left, out of the blue to them all, even Aaron, not that Robert was convinced of that at first. 

“No. Sometimes people just don’t want to be together any more, but that’s not going to happen to me and Daddy.”

“Jamie’s sad.”

“I know, Bug.” As they turn into the driveway he sees Robert locking the front door, obviously on his way to find them now he’s finished the paperwork he’d insisted had to be finished. He swings Ella down onto the ground, groaning slightly now she’s getting big. “There go and see if Daddy will buy us lunch in the pub and then you can see Nana Chas.”

He can’t help smiling as he watches Robert with her, their blonde hair and matching smiles. She’s chatting away nineteen to the dozen and Robert’s smile is only growing as he listens.

“Daddy doesn’t hate you, I asked him.” 

“Well that’s good. Daddy could never hate me sweetheart, I’m lovely!” He glares at Aaron’s scoff of laughter.

“He said you stoled his breakfast. That’s naughty.” Aaron gives up and laughs out loud. “You have to buy us lunch.”

“I do? For stealing Daddy’s breakfast? That sounds like deal to me. I bet I can guess what you’ll have.”

“Bet you can’t.” With that she’s off, skipping along the road, the two of them following.


	31. Chapter 31

“Skiing?” Aaron’s doing that eyebrow thing of his. Robert’s worked out it has two meanings. One usually leads to an enjoyable time for them both. He doesn’t think that’s the case this time. “Like on snow?”

“That’s the general idea, yes. You hate it don’t you?” He’d wracked his brains for weeks, trying to come up with something for Aaron’s birthday. Especially after the last time he tried. He’d found the tickets to Las Vegas not that long ago when he was clearing out some old paperwork. He must have stuffed them in there to get rid of them, probably around the time Aaron was taking himself off to the police station.

This time though, two years on, he hadn’t planned anything big, no party, no casino, just a homemade dinner for the two of them. He’d realised, in the year it had taken them to get to this point, the big gestures were all well and good but this, a simple meal and a night with his husband, that was plenty good enough.

He hadn’t completely changed, he’d still booked them a holiday, it just wasn’t quite so extravagant and over the top as before. Not quite a popular either judging by Aaron’s face.

“I can change the tickets…it doesn’t matter.”

“No, no it’s good. It’s just…I don’t know how.” There’s a slight flush to his cheeks that’s visible even in the candlelight that he’d scoffed at earlier. “I’m going to look stupid.”

“Hey, no you won’t. Besides I’ve never been. That’s why I booked it. I thought it might be fun, something new for both of us.” He doesn’t look convinced, so Robert shuffles his chair round the table, closer to him and takes his hand. “It’s not for a few weeks. We can go to the dry slope near Leeds. It’s not that far. Might be fun. Could even invite Vic and Liv.”

“Because there’s nothing I like more than looking like a fool in front of my sister?”

“Just try it. If you don’t like it, I’ll change the tickets.” Aaron nods.

*****

“I look like an idiot.”

“No you don’t. Besides I’m dressed exactly the same.” Aaron just gives him a look. “Oi!”

“Come on then, let’s get this over with.”

It’s going well enough for the first couple of tries, they both reach the bottom of the slope upright. He’s picked a quiet day so there’s only them and one other couple on the other side who seem pretty experienced. It’s the third attempt where it all goes wrong.

They’re at the top of the slope when he somehow gets his ski stuck in the snow and its throws his balance off. He knows he’s going to fall and he grabs Aaron to try and stay upright. The next thing he knows he’s on the floor and Aaron’s laughing on top of him.

“Maybe this wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.”

“Mmm I don’t know. I quite like it.”


	32. Chapter 32

The room is quiet, finally. The doctors have gone, their reassurances ringing in his ears. They don’t mean anything, they won’t until he has two pairs of eyes looking back at him.

He’d been reading, unable to sleep, when Victoria had burst into his room, shouting something about the Mill. She’d gone before he could ask her what was happening.

He could smell it, taste it, still.

_He smells the smoke before he sees it, tries to convince himself it’s just some inconsiderate villager having a bonfire, that it’s not what Vic was shouting about, because that can’t be happening, not again._

_He pushes through the crowd of people until he’s on the driveway, next to Vic, his arm already round her. She might not have the memories that he does but she knows enough._

_Then he sees him, hands braced on his knees, coughing, Adam’s hand on his back. Then there’s a shout from the window. Before he can move Aaron’s rushing back to the house, pulling out of Adam’s grasp._

It’s all a blur after that, his blood rushing in his ears. All he can hear is screaming in his ear, but no one’s there.

He thinks he tried to follow him but someone was holding him back, too strong to get free from. It felt like an age before anything happened, the sirens growing louder, the blue lights making everything look strange, making his head spin.

He can move again when Aaron staggers out, collapsing to the ground, Liv by his side. He’s there before anyone else, doesn’t know whether to shout at him or hold him. In the end he can do neither, pushed away by the paramedics and firefighters.

It’s at the hospital he finally feels it getting the better of him, and he can’t stop himself shaking. No one’s telling him anything and it’s all he can do to telephone Chas because he knew she hadn’t been there in the crowd, and he wants to scream when he can’t get hold of her. He wants her here because even if she hates him still, he wants someone to tell him it’s ok because he feels like he’s fourteen again and his world is ending.

He follows the nurse when she comes to say he can sit with them, that they’re in the same room. It doesn’t even really register when she says they’ll both recover fully, that there’s no damage, that they’ll wake up soon enough.

She’s nice and he notices her hair is the same colour as his Mum’s and it makes him stop for a minute, watching her walk back down the ward.

They’re going to be ok.

They’re going to wake up.

He just has to wait.


	33. Chapter 33

Aaron got to his feet as the bed was wheeled back in. He wanted to go to him but he had to wait until the hospital staff were finished. They’d indulged him all afternoon, letting him sit in the room rather than chucking him out, one of them even bringing him a cup of tea after the third hour slid by. He was being stupid really, it was all routine, they’d assured him of that over and over.

It was Robert’s fault of course. He’d chosen that day to start running with Aaron again, announcing that he wanted to start keeping in shape. He’d told him to take it easy but no his competitive nature had to come out.

He’d ended up at the bottom of a small hill, writhing in agony, his knee decidedly un-knee shaped. Now they were here because he’d done such a good job it needed surgery.

“There you go Mr Dingle, back with you again. He should wake up soon enough and we’ll be in and out to check on him.”

“Did it go alright?”

“Everything went to plan. He’s got some work ahead of him though, he’s going to need you.”

“I know, I’m not going anywhere.” She pats his arm and leaves them alone. He sits back down in the chair beside the bed watching. Robert always looked so peaceful when he slept, younger.

*****

“Well this is attractive.” Aaron laughs at Robert’s hoarse quip. Of course he had to have a reaction to the anaesthetic that has him throwing up every five minutes.

“I’ve seen worse.” He brushes his hair, damp with sweat, away from his forehead as he lays back on the pillows. “You remember that night on holiday the other year when you thought it was a good idea to work through the drinks menu?”

“You’re just jealous you couldn’t keep up.”

“Mmm, sure, you keep telling yourself that. You want to try some water?” Robert shook his head with a whimper. “Why don’t you try and sleep then, maybe this will have worn off when you wake up.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

“Kids.” He’s already half asleep, mouth open, hand clutching Aaron’s.

“Mum’s got Jake, Vic’s going to get Michael from school. They’re fine.” He presses a kiss to his forehead and sits down to wait.

*****

“You’re not pressing the right buttons!” Aaron lowered his hands and took a deep breath, reining in his temper. It’s the second day since Robert’s operation and he’s pissed because he was supposed to get up today and maybe start walking around, but the physiotherapist had been delayed and he was slowly losing his patience.

“I am pressing the right buttons, the sodding thing just won’t work!” Until now he’s not been up to doing anything but sleeping, but the growing boredom has left Aaron trying to work the ancient TV that’s bolted to the wall. Trust Robert to be given a room that hasn’t been updated to the TV system like all the rest.

“Let me try.”

“Because you’re Mr Technical now, are you? Besides how do you propose to get over here? Levitation?”

“You don’t have to be sarky.”

“Me?” He gives up and throws the remote control back onto the table before sitting back down in the hard plastic chair that is gradually reshaping his spine. “You’re the one in a mood. I can go home if you prefer?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated, lying here doing nothing all day, and I missed you.”

*****

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting ages.” He’s dressed and sat in the chair by his bedside, looking impatient. Aaron drops a kiss on the top of his head looking round the room.

“It’s eleven thirty! I told you I had to drop Jake off with Vic and call into the scrapyard first. Can you go?”

“Just waiting for some painkillers. You could have brought Jake, he’s no trouble.”

“Well the answer might just damage your ego but he preferred to bake with your sister.” He shrugged off his coat, never getting used to the heat of the hospital.

“Nice to know I’ve been missed.”

“I haven’t been able to move in bed all week because they’ve been climbing in with me so I think they missed ya. You sure you’re ready to be coming home?” He was trying not to show how worried he was, but Robert was still in a lot of pain, and he’d been so ill with the anaesthetic.

“I’m fine, I promise. It’s better today.” He reached out and took his hand, gently rubbing his thumb over it. “You look tired.”

“Just be glad to get you home.” Robert’s about to answer when the nurse comes in, paperwork and pharmacy bag in hand.

“Right, Robert, let’s get you on your way.”

Ten minutes later, bags in hand, Aaron’s slowly walking beside his husband, slowly advancing on his crutches and muttering to himself.

“So we’re agreed?”

“I never said that.”

“Robert…”

“Fine. No more running.”


	34. Chapter 34

It comes out of nowhere, his mood. They’ve been niggling at each other all day he supposes but that isn’t anything out of the ordinary, it’s just them. But when Aaron changes their plans again he just can’t take it anymore. They were supposed to be going into Leeds for dinner at a restaurant that was agreeable to the both of them. Then Aaron texted to say he’d prefer to do it another night, no explanation, nothing and it all starts to add up in Robert’s head.

The last few days he’s been distant, the Aaron of old almost, snappy and short tempered, leaving Robert constantly wondering what he’s done. They’re still finding their way again, he knows that, he can’t expect it to be perfect straight away. The thing is he can’t escape that nagging voice in the back of his head that’s telling him Aaron’s going to leave, that he’ll realise he’s made a mistake, that he can’t handle all this.

So Robert does what he always does, he pushes back, hates himself for it but he does it anyway. He has the text messages to prove it, not that Aaron didn’t give as good as he got, but still.

He’s in the pub when Aaron finds him, not wanting to go home to find his bags packed, or a note on the table from Aaron telling him he had to leave. It would break him this time, he has no doubts about that.

He’s halfway into his second pint when Aaron comes in, ignoring everyone as he strides towards Robert, dropping into the seat opposite him. 

“I thought you’d be home by now.”

“Fancied a drink, that’s all. I’m allowed, aren’t I?”

“What? Yeah, course, I just thought…no never mind. You coming home after that? We need to…” He doesn’t get any further because Robert can’t bear to hear the words from him.

“Are you leaving?” He doesn’t see the shock on Aaron’s face, he’s too busy staring at his glass, “Or do I have to go again, move back into Vic’s spare room?”

“I haven’t the first idea what you’re on about.”

“You, you’ve obviously decided you can’t do this. It’s fine, I should have known it was too good to be true.” Aaron doesn’t say anything, just pushes his pint glass away from him.

“Come on, we’re going home. I’m not doing this here.” Robert’s confused because Aaron doesn’t look angry or sad, if anything he looks a little amused. He can’t really do anything but follow, quickening his step to catch up to Aaron who isn’t waiting for him. It isn’t until he catches him out and reaches to catch his arm that he stops.

“Will you stop! I don’t know what you want me to do. We were supposed to be going out to dinner and you cancelled, again! Just like lunch last week. You’re pushing me away again.”

“Robert, I’m not, I swear. I’m here, with you and I’m not going anywhere. Neither are you.” He studies him, he knows when Aaron’s not telling him the truth, but he can’t see any signs. Still the nagging voice won’t go.

“So what’s going on because something isn’t right.”

“If you’d come home rather than sulking in the pub you would have found out by now.” His cheeky smile is back and Robert feels something give inside him, and then Aaron’s taking his hand and pulling him down the driveway to their home. “I love you, you idiot.”

He stops when they’re in the hallway, by their front door and he’s kissing him and Robert doesn’t care what’s behind that door, he’ll happily stay here all night. It doesn’t last because Aaron’s smirking and unlocking the door and pulling him inside.

The lights are off except for the one over the table in the kitchen and the table…oh the table. It’s set for the two of them, all fancy and not at all like Aaron.

“You did this?”

“Well it wasn’t the pixies in the garden. I know you wanted a fancy restaurant but…” His feet are shuffling and Robert can see he’s nervous so he reaches for him but Aaron steps away. “Let me. You think I’m going to want you to leave, but I don’t. I didn’t cancel lunch last week because I didn’t want to spend time with you. There was somewhere I had to be and the reason I didn’t tell you is because I was working up to…” He darts into the kitchen and Robert watches dumbfounded as he takes something from the back of one of the cupboards and stuffs it into the pocket of his hoodie.

“Aaron, what…” 

“Hang on. Do you remember the day of the crash, you said you chose me.” Robert nods, the last of his tension leeching away because he’s not stupid and he can guess what’s happening. “I had doubts, and you said you chose me. The boot’s on the other foot isn’t it. You’re the one with doubts…”

“I’m not!” He interrupts but Aaron presses a finger to his lips to shut him up.

“Ok, not doubts, but you’re scared I’m going to tell you to leave, but I’m not because I chose this, I chose to get us back. I didn’t want to go to the restaurant because, well it’s me, and I didn’t want to do this in front of a load of strangers. I want this back” He pulls a ring box from his pocket. “Will you marry me? Again.”

“You’re supposed to go down on one knee you know.”

“Er, I don’t remember you doing that.”

“Do we have to go back over why that was?” He’s laughing now and reaching out for Aaron, taking the ring from him before pushing it back onto his finger. He hears a small sigh from Aaron as it sits in place. 

Back where it belongs.


	35. Chapter 35

He doesn’t want to look over at Aaron, doesn’t want to break the spell or whatever it was that brought him here.

Despite that he couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of Vic or Adam being in when Aaron had turned up the way he did. He’d hardly opened to door before Aaron was pushing him back against the wall in the tiny hallway. He’d hesitated slightly after he’d pulled his lips away, still crowding Robert against the wall, almost as if he was waiting for something. A refusal maybe? Not that it was likely, although now Robert’s wondering whether he should have.

Why? That was the question running round his head, shortly followed by why now? He hadn’t seen him once in the four days he’d been back from Europe, he only knew he was back because Vic couldn’t keep a damn thing to herself, and it wasn’t like they were on speaking terms before he left so he’s got no idea what prompted this.

“You’re thinking too hard.” They’d managed to wait long enough to get upstairs to his room and now he was squashed in the single bed with Aaron and he hated that he was so uncomfortable with it. It wasn’t supposed to be that way.

“What was this about Aaron?”

“I thought that might be obvious.” The bed creaks ominously as Aaron shifts about. In the end Robert gets up, can’t do this naked.

“So you were just looking for a bit of fun?” He tried to keep his voice neutral as he spoke, pulling on his clothes as he spoke.

“What? Don’t be stupid. Robert come back to bed.” He goes as far as sitting on the edge, not up to facing Aaron yet.

“You told me we were done, so many times, and I’ve tried to stay away from you no matter how difficult it is and then you do this.” He brushed a hand over his eyes, sighing and fighting the urge to just forget it and get back into bed and curl himself around Aaron and shut out everything else. “I don’t understand what you want?”

“I missed you, I missed us. Can’t that be enough?”

“No.” He swallowed thickly because he wished it could be. “Because if what comes next is you walking out the door and we go back to you not being able to stand the sight of me…I don’t think I can do that.”

“If I didn’t want to do that, what would you say?” He looks down at Aaron’s hand covering his, the lump in his throat growing by the second.

“I’d say that the problems we have haven’t disappeared, so what’s changed?”

“Me. I’ve changed, and I miss you and we’re both miserable no matter how much we pretend otherwise.” He sounds so confident that Robert finally looks up at him, the blue eyes unwavering. “I thought it would hurt less if we weren’t together but it doesn’t, it just hurts more because you’re not there. That good enough for ya?”


	36. Chapter 36

Robert’s had a horrible day at work. He travelled all the way to Sheffield for a meeting that ended up being cancelled then he got stuck in traffic on his way to the next meeting, leaving him uncharacteristically flustered. He hadn’t even bothered going back to the office, he headed straight for home. To cap the day off he found a message on his phone from Aaron telling him he was at the pub with Paddy.

He got on ok with Paddy now. Aaron’s time in prison had left them needing to talk to each other and they’d found some kind of understanding. They were never going to be best friends but they could be in each other’s company now without sniping at each other.

He didn’t really want to spend the night in the pub though. He wanted peace and quiet and his husband. Liv was over in Dublin for the week so they were enjoying having the house to themselves. He wanted to slouch in front of the TV, eat rubbish and just be with Aaron. He knows though that Aaron’s missed everyone and he’s still catching up with everything so he’ll go.

Changed out of his suit he pockets his keys and heads to the pub. It’s still warm out, the late summer evenings still warm enough to enjoy. He can hear laughter as he nears the pub and the first thing he sees is a blonde head streaking across the road, followed by a more familiar figure. Leo giggles, as Aaron catches him and scoops him up into his arms, bring a smile to his face and not for the first time he wonders what it would be like, to have a child with him.

“Rob!” Leo’s spotted him, the smile growing on his face showing off his lost baby teeth. He’s still shy around him, not used to him yet but Aaron’s babysat a couple of times so its starting to get easier.

“Are you wearing Aaron out?” He asks, ruffling his hair as he reaches them.

“Yeah!”

“Good boy!” He dodges a joking pinch from Aaron then, sneaking a kiss instead. “Hi.”

“You look like you had a day.” Aaron says, letting Leo down on the ground watching as he ran back towards the pub.

“Something like that. So, where’s Paddy?”

“Er yeah he and Mum are having a barney.” Aaron scratched the back of his head and Robert knew he wanted something. “He asked if we’d have Leo tonight. Rhona needs a break and Marlon’s away.”

“You already agreed didn’t you?” Like Aaron could ever refuse Paddy, or Leo. A few months ago that probably would have made Robert feel jealous, but now after months without him, he’s realised what really matters.

“Er, kind of…I got Vic to make your favourite tea though and there’s a pint waiting. You don’t really mind do you?”

“You know I don’t. Come on, I’m gasping here!”

The feelings about Aaron and a family only increase inside the pub when Leo, tired out from all running around starts to doze off as he sits on Aaron’s lap. He can see it so clearly it hurts, Aaron and their child.

“What?” Aaron’s bemused and he realises he’s staring.

“Nothing…just…you look good you know, with him.” It’s not the kind of conversation you have in the pub. For one thing he knows these walls have ears, but he can’t wait, has to tell Aaron now. “Do you ever wonder what it would be like? Having kids?”

“I never used to, but…yeah. You?” His mouth is dry so he nods. “Well maybe it’s something we can talk about. I think we’d do alright.”

“Yeah, we would. You want to get him home?” He gets up and surprises himself by reaching out to take the sleeping boy into his arms, shifting him gently so his head is resting on his shoulder. Aaron picks up the rest of his stuff and they wave goodbye to Charity behind the bar.

It hits him again when they’re walking up to the flat. It feels right doing this, holding a child in his arms, and he knows when Aaron smiles over at him, that one day it’ll be their own.


	37. Chapter 37

He never saw himself here. Not when he’d left at 19, not when he’d come back ready to marry Chrissie and live in Home Farm. Certainly not when that fell apart and everything went to hell. He didn’t even see it when he and Aaron got back together. He was always waiting for to fall apart.

He let himself hope when they got engaged, when they danced at the wedding, and then…well, that’s in the past now but even so it was long time before he let himself dream again. Second time around they didn’t dance, he couldn’t convince Aaron for anything but he didn’t care, he was just happy they were married again, properly.

So he made a promise to himself. On their tenth anniversary he’d get Aaron to dance again. The odds of it happening before that were fairly low considering the things he’d said the last time, late at night when neither of them wanted to sleep, wanted to savour every moment they had.

He should have known that his plan wouldn’t work. His luck with that hadn’t got any better over the years. Still, he mused as he climbed the stairs with two mugs of tea, he got the night with his husband to himself so it wasn’t all bad.

“Sorry.” Aaron looks up, nose red, eyes still watering slightly, hair all over the place.

“I told you, it doesn’t matter. Can’t think of a better way to spend our anniversary than in bed with you.” He climbs over him to get into bed, bending his head for a kiss as he does.

“I’m ill.”

“Mmm. I’m allowed an anniversary kiss.” He settled himself under the duvet, wrapping an arm around Aaron.

“So did you decide on a film.”

“No, not yet. I did have an idea though…well more a request I suppose.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I made a sort of promise to myself, when we got married. We didn’t dance and I know you, I know you hate it, but I made a promise that on our tenth anniversary I’d get you to dance with me again. So, what do you say?”

“I’d say that you are a romantic idiot. I’m ill remember.”

“Come on, just one song.” Aaron’s exasperated sigh had him climbing out bed and fiddling with his phone to find the right song. When he’d set it on the bedside table he held out his hand to Aaron who rolled his eyes, but he got out of bed.

Robert couldn’t help smiling, he looked the opposite to the photo of their wedding day that sat across the room. His hair was frankly a mess, he was fairly pale and dressed in pyjama bottoms and a ratty old t-shirt that Robert kept trying to convince him to chuck out.

“I won’t forget this you know. I’ll think of something to get you back.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He reached out to turn on the music, catching Aaron’s slight smile as he heard the opening bars of the music. “Do you remember?”

“Yeah. Soppy git aren’t ya?” Robert scoffed and wrapped an arm around Aaron’s shoulder, taking his other hand and holding it close to his chest.

“You love it.”

“I love you, there’s a difference.”

They weren’t dancing, not in the traditional sense, they were swaying or ‘standing’ as Aaron would say, but it was perfect, much better than being in front of everyone and it was just what Robert wanted.

Just the two of them.


	38. You're everything to me

“You always have to be so overdramatic, don’t you?” Aaron pushed his fingers through Robert’s hair, smiling down at the sleepy man in front of him. “You’re ok.”

“What happened?”

“They think you skidded off the road on the ice. Someone walking their dog found you. You scared me.”

“Didn’t think you cared any more.” 

“You always were a bit daft. I always cared. Think I’d be here on Christmas Day if I didn’t?” He sits back down in the chair he’s made his home since he got here hours ago. That phone call had made his heart stop. “I thought I’d lost you, I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to tell you…”

“Tell me what?”

“That I still love you, that I miss you.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Maybe not.” He sighs, can’t do this unless he knows one thing. “Have you finished whatever it is you’ve had going on up at Home Farm? Because I can’t…I know you have to, your son, but the scheming, the lying, about everything, it has to stop.”

“I promise. You should go home though.” Aaron frowns, sits forward trying to catch Robert’s eye. 

“What? I just told you I loved you and you want me to go.”

“I’m not good enough, and I can’t ask you to…he’s my son Aaron. I can’t abandon him.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to. We don’t have to rush anything but when I got that phone call, well it made me realise what I could lose. You are good enough, you are.”

“Only when I’m with you.”

“Well, it’s a good job I’m here then. You’re everything to me, Robert.”


	39. I don't care where I'm sleeping as long as it's with you

“I’m sorry sir, but there’s no record of your booking.” Aaron was fairly impressed that she was keeping so calm when she was faced with Robert’s wrath. He was quite impressive in his anger really, Aaron thought as he waited.

“This is ridiculous! It’s been booked for months and I rang last week to confirm.” When she shakes her head again he hears Robert sigh from where he’s waiting at the other side of the reception area. “So what are you going to do about it.”

“As I’ve said before we don’t have any other rooms available. This is a very busy time of year. I’m very sorry.”

Sensing that Robert is gearing up for another rant, and wanting nothing more than to just find somewhere to sleep, Aaron walks over and puts a hand on his back knowing it always calmed him down.

“Leave it Robert. We’ll find somewhere else.” He nods at the receptionist and she moves away, obviously glad to be getting rid of them.

“No, Aaron…it’s not acceptable!”

“She can’t magic up rooms from nowhere. Come on, there’s nothing you can do. Let’s just find another hotel and sort it out tomorrow.” He’s tired, it’s been a long day and they had plans. Plans that are now looking ruined. “There’s a Premier Inn down the road.”

“I am not spending our wedding night in a fucking Premier Inn!” He can’t hold the laughter at the outrage on Robert’s face in any more. 

“I don’t care where I’m sleeping, as long as it is with you.” He rubs a hand along his arm and smiles, “Come on, it’s one night and we’ve got to be at the airport at seven.”

“Not the point. It’s supposed to be romantic and, well…”

“Robert in our time I’m pretty sure we’ve been in worse places. We’ve definitely had sex in worse places, or did you forget that place you found in Scarborough that time?” That did the trick and got a laugh out of his husband. “Come on.”


	40. Chapter 40

“What have you got on today?” Robert asks as he piles the dishes in the sink, watching as Aaron finished his cereal. He couldn’t help but watch, still revelling in the novelty of being back here, being with Aaron again. 

“Going into town, need a haircut.” He downs the last of his tea before putting his crockery next to Robert’s, stealing a kiss as he passed. “I’ll be back by lunchtime if you want to…what?”

“What?”

“You’re looking at me funny. Have I got milk over me or…?”

“You’re cutting your hair?” He’s even aware how high his voice just got and by the look on Aaron’s face so is he.

“Well not me personally.” He can’t even relax when Aaron’s arms slip round his waist and the scent of his cheap shower gel reaches him. 

“I like your hair like this.” No that wasn’t right, he didn’t just like it, he loved it. First thing in the morning before he’d attacked it with gel and Robert could run his hands through it all soft and, well, fluffy. There was always just one little bit that fell onto his forehead no matter what.

“It’s too long. I’m going.”

“But…just don’t take too much off, ok.” Aaron nods, a bemused smile on his face and moves away. “Don’t take the fluff away.” He mumbles it but if the look on his face is anything to go by, Aaron heard.

“I’m sorry…your what?” He shakes his head and tries to leave but Aaron’s holding onto his arm. “Tell me.”

“I like your hair all fluffy, ok!”

“First, fluffy, really? Second, why?” He tries to pull away again, cheeks already heating up but Aaron’s relentless. “Robert, I want to know.”

“No one else gets to see you like that, all soft and ruffled. That’s my Aaron! That’s the Aaron that asked me to marry him. That’s the Aaron I dreamed of when…never mind. It’ll look great whatever…just maybe not the skinhead look again, yeah?”

“I love you, you idiot.” He kisses him again and Robert holds onto him longer than necessary as he often does now. “I promise, not too short.”

“Thank you.”

One more kiss and he’s heading for the door until he stops and turns around, a cheeky smile lighting up his face, “Fluff, really?”

“Shut up!”


	41. Please, just don't ever leave me again

“Oh thank God you’re home!” Is what greets him when he drops his overnight bag on the floor inside the door. He’s only been away overnight, a long distance scrap run but apparently he’s been missed.

“Well I like being missed but I sense you don’t mean that in an I love you so much I hate being away from you kind of way.” He crosses the room to his husband and pecks him on the cheek.

“I mean it in a please, just don’t ever leave me again, kind of way.” He laughs, mostly at the state of Robert’s hair, which he’s obviously been running his hands through all day. “I’m not kidding, Aaron, she’s been a nightmare!”

“She’s your daughter!”

“Yes, you often say I’m a nightmare. Looks like she’s carrying on the tradition!”

“I doubt that. Where is she now?”

“Upstairs putting all of her books back on the shelf. At least that’s what she’s meant to be doing after she pulled every last one off the shelves.”

“Why?”

“She wanted to make towers out of them, so we did that, then she refused to put them back. I told her she could come down when you got home.” He collapsed down onto the sofa. “I’m exhausted.”

“You’re a drama queen. She’s a four year old.”

“Yeah going on forty!” Robert laughed, the affection clear in his voice.

“What else has she been up to?”

“I don’t make cereal as good as you. I tried explaining that it’s milk and sugar but no you’re the master apparently. She missed you I think, crawled into our bed last night.”

“Well I missed the pair of ya. I hate hotel beds.”

“No you don’t!” Robert joked, getting up and grabbing his hips.

“I do when I’m not with you. Right I’m going to see her and get changed.”

As he climbed the stairs he thought back over the past four years and how much his life had changed. Again. He’d thought life was perfect with Robert, after everything they were sorted, but he was wrong. Now they had Ella it was perfect.

He remembered bringing her home from the hospital to the freshly painted nursery that they’d spent weeks deciding on, the furniture that they’d argued over assembling. They’d completely ignored the advice of sleep when they sleep and had sat up with her the first couple of nights just watching over her.

It hadn’t all been easy, like everything else with them. The nights on end when she wouldn’t stop screaming, the days she threw tantrums at nursery or when she ended up in hospital after cutting her head open and they’d panicked until they’d been able to bring her home.

He could hear her singing away to herself as he rounded the corner to her room and he stood just out of her eye line watching her, blonde pigtails bouncing as she bent to pick up the books to put on the shelf. He knew Robert was exaggerating about how she’d been while he’d been away but she’d somehow picked up both their stubborn tendencies so there were regular battles over all sorts of things, most of which had he and Robert laughing when she was in bed.

“Hi bug.”

“Daddy!” Within seconds her arms were tight around his legs and he swiftly bent down to lift up her. “I’ve been waiting hours!”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “It’s not even lunchtime yet. So, have you been good for Dad?” She nods her head up and down, eyes all innocent. “Really?”

“He made me eat my peas!”

“Well they make you big and strong so he’s right. He also told me you wouldn’t put your books away this morning.”

She breathed out dramatically and he bit his lip to stop himself laughing. “There are so many!”

“Well you like reading Bug, but you know the rules. So,” He swung her down to the floor, “You finish up while I change and then we’ll see if Dad wants to come to the cafe with us.”

“For ice cream?”

“Maybe.”

“Did someone mention ice cream?” Robert poked his head round the doorway, all smiles.

“Daddy said!”

“If you finish tidying.” He shook his head and walked across to their bedroom with Robert. “You beast, making her eat her peas.”

“We’re doing alright with her aren’t we?”

“She’s brilliant, just like you.” He couldn’t help stealing a kiss before moving to find clean clothes.

“You’re never leaving again though, right?”


	42. Chapter 42

“He’ll be alright you know.” Aaron sounds confident as he hands Robert his mug, sitting himself down on the sofa, feet pushing under Robert’s thigh as he always did. One look at his face said otherwise though.

“He looked nervous though.”

“I think that might have been embarrassment at your ‘advice’.” Aaron couldn’t help tease him. The more nervous one hadn’t been Jake and Aaron smiled.

“What?”

“You, doing the whole protective Dad routine. Think you scared that kid half to death.” He quickly pulled his feet away as Robert’s fingers started to work their way to the soles of his feet. “Pack it in!”

“He seemed alright though, didn’t he?” He moves closer to Aaron, lifting his legs to rest over his lap. “Jake I mean?”

“Yeah, course. So, what do you want to do for the rest of the evening? Telly, pub, or early night?”

“Oh no, we’re not having an early night. We’re waiting up for him to come home.”

“Robert Sugden, we are not! I think you’ve embarrassed him enough. Besides I’m not sitting here all night.” He kicked his heel back into Robert’s thigh. “So, you can either come to the pub with me or you can sit here on your own watching the minutes tick over to half past ten.”

“Why are you not more…”

“What? Worried? He’s on a date, Robert, he’s not off to war. It’s not going to be the last one I’m guessing. You can’t be like this every time.” He sits up properly. “What is it?”

“I don’t know. Same as when Michael started dating. They’re all grown up. Won’t be long before they don’t need us at all.”

“Don’t be daft. They’re always going to need us. Right, come on old man, pub.”


	43. Come with me as I make my way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little AU of Aaron going on the run to France.  
> Robert came back to the village for Jack's funeral and stayed.  
> Obviously no Ed in this.

“You said you love me, so why are you leaving me?” 

“I don’t have a choice! If I don’t do this I go to prison, if I tell the truth, Adam goes to prison. He’s my mate, my best mate.”

“And I’m your boyfriend! Nice to know where I am in your priorities.” Aaron’s widened eyes make him want to take the words back, but he can’t because Adam’s there on that stupid quad, and Chas is crying.

“It’s not like that! Robert, please!”

“You need to go.” Aaron’s clinging to him, won’t let him go, so he pushes him away. “Go on then, if you’re going.”

“Come with me.” He doesn’t answer, he’s not even sure he heard correctly and everyone’s looking, “I mean it. Come with me.”

“Aaron, come on!” Robert glares at Adam over Aaron’s shoulder, as Chas tries one more time to stop him and Paddy says something he can’t hear. He can’t answer him because it’s impossible, he can’t, and it’s killing him.

“I…”

“Right.” Before Robert can stop him he’s climbing on the quad behind Adam and they’re roaring off round the side of the pub and there’s only Chas’ cries breaking the silence.

“Robert?” It’s Paddy. Paddy who doesn’t like him, who’d put that aside for Aaron. He was the first person they’d told when they’d got together months ago. God was it only months? It wasn’t long enough, and now he was gone, and he couldn’t come back. He was the one who’d got Chas to back off, who’d had them both round for tea, who’d let them babysit Leo together, who’d told him it didn’t matter what people would think. “Are you alright?” 

He shook his head, blinked away his tears. “I should get back to work.”

“Did you mean that? Did he tell you he loved you?”

He sniffed and nodded, “A few days ago, must have known about this.“

“You know him, you know what it means for him to say that. Do you really want to let that go?”

“What difference does it make what I want? He’s gone, he’s given us up, for Adam!”

“Do you love him?” He just gives him a look, not quite believing the question even left his mouth. “Sorry. You know, France isn’t the end of the world…you can visit. He asked you to go with him…”

“What about Vic? She’s lost so much…”

“No more than you. She’s got Diane, Andy. What do you want?”

“Aaron.” It wasn’t even a question. He knew as much as he felt he should stay for Vic, if he’d had time he would’ve said yes to Aaron in a heartbeat. So why was he standing here. “Can I borrow your car?” Paddy smiled and handed over the keys.

“Thanks Paddy. Will you…can you tell Vic I’ll phone. There isn’t time to find her and get my stuff and my passport.”

“Go.”

He’s never moved so fast, first to his bedroom to grab a bagful of stuff, his passport, anything he can think of. Then across to the vets to get Paddy’s car, all the while trying to book a ticket for Aaron’s flight. He supposed he should be grateful that he’d told him the whole plan in the short time they’d had when he turned up still in his suit.

It’s mad and impulsive and as he nears the airport the doubts start to set in. Did Aaron mean it, did he really want him. They’d had fun together but it was still new. Could they really make it, just the two of them in a strange country, alone. Then he thought about what would it be like for Aaron if he didn’t go, he’d be completely alone.

Decision made he grabbed his bag, hid the car keys as best he could and texted Paddy the location of the car as he ran towards the terminal. He had about ten minutes to make it.

He hadn’t counted on getting tangled up with a coach load of people at the entrance, or what seemed like hundreds of children running around the terminal. The good thing was there didn’t seem to be any extra police around, at least to his untrained eye. Now all he had to do was find Aaron. 

Then he spots him, in that godawful hoodie with the gelled hair that Robert couldn’t get him to change.

“Aaron!” He probably looks like an idiot running to him but he doesn’t care and their bags fall to the floor as he flings his arms around him. “You still fancy some company?”


	44. Can we talk?

Robert didn’t want to do this here, not in the pub, but he’d left it so late he now had no choice. He was at the bar chatting to Charity when Robert walked in. Thankfully they were past the stage where the place went quiet when the two of them were in the same place together.

“What can I get you?”

“Oh, er, nothing thanks.”

“You do know this is a pub, right? The idea is you order drinks or food…”

“Yes thank you Charity. I just wanted a word with Aaron.”

“Robert I’ve had a really busy day, can it not wait?” He did look tired, but it was now or never

“Kind of time sensitive. Won’t take long though.” Aaron nods and he doesn’t look too angry so it’s a good start. “Outside though, yeah?” He really doesn’t need an audience.

“Right out with it then?”

“I just…it didn’t seem right to just go and not see you. I know we’re not talking or anything, not really, but you’re still…” He’d not considered just how difficult this was going to be. It didn’t help that Aaron was looking more and more annoyed by the second.

“Just spit it out, Robert!”

“I’m leaving.”

“What? For good?”

“That’s the plan. This village, and me, we’re not…well it never ends well. I just wanted to tell you, didn’t think it was fair to just up and leave.” Aaron’s not saying anything and it’s unnerving, even for him.

“You…what about Vic?”

“I’ve talked to her. She’s not happy but I’m not going that far. I can’t stay here. I can’t see you around knowing what I did, that I ruined everything. There’s nothing left here for me. Anyway, just wanted to tell you. I’ll let you get back to your pint.”

“Do I mean that little to you?”

“Of course not, but we’re over. You’ve made that perfectly clear many times. I think it’s for the best if I go, let you get on with your life.”

“And what about you? Can you get on with yours?”

“Eventually, I guess. Anyway…” He goes to leave, “It was worth it though, wasn’t it?”

Aaron smiles, the one that’s just for Robert. “Yeah.”

“I should go…just…” He digs a hand into his pocket, “Will you take this back, just as…a reminder in the future that maybe you didn’t always hate me.” He drops Aaron’s ring into his hand.

“Robert, I don’t hate you. Just try and be happy, yeah?” He nods, doesn’t think he can speak. “Will you ever come back?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. It never ends well…you were the exception to that, for a while.” He needs to go, he didn’t want to do this. “I have to go.” He takes a risk and reaches out to hug Aaron one last time. He’s relieved when he doesn’t pull away and he tries to commit it to memory, he knows it won’t happen again. “Bye Aaron.”


	45. Chapter 45

“What are you…Aaron?” For a minute he expects him to laugh and tell him it’s a wind up but then he hears a horrific wet coughing sound over the phone and he’s on his feet and running out of the pub before he can think. “Where are you?”

“S-scrapyard…I don’t…”

“I’m on my way right? Two minutes, Aaron!” He should hang up, call an ambulance or something because he knows, Aaron’s in trouble, but he can’t because he can’t leave him. He spots Kerry outside the salon. “Kerry! Call an ambulance. It’s Aaron. Scrapyard. Hurry! You hear that, Aaron. Help’s coming.”

“I-I love you. Jus’ wan’ you to know.”

“I know, of course I know.” He’s running as fast as he can, legs burning. “Aaron! Stay with me.”

“Sorry.”

******

It’s been the longest hour of his life but the whole thing is a blur. He’d found him laying in the scrapyard, alone, unconscious, blood everywhere. He still has no idea what happened and now he’s sat alone in a corridor waiting for someone to come and tell him that Aaron’s dead, because that’s how he’d looked and he’d seen the faces on the paramedics.

“Robert!” He looks up to see Chas bearing down on him, heels clacking on the floor. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. They just took him. I don’t…Chas, he sounded so scared. I tried to get there, I did…I tried…”

“I know love, I know.”

“I can’t lose him, Chas. I just got him back. We’re finally ok and now, I…”

“You won’t. He won’t leave you.” She was holding him, her perfume irritating his nose but it was nice. “We’ve been here before you and me, hey?”

“What about Liv? I can’t tell her Chas.”

“I called Victoria on my way here. She’s going to meet her off the bus and stay with her until we call.”

They don’t say any more and he doesn’t move until he hears footsteps and look up to see Aaron’s doctor coming towards them.

*****

He’s almost asleep when he hears Aaron stirring and he’s on his feet leaning over the bed as he opens his eyes. “Hey, welcome back.”

“Robert?”

“Yeah, you called me, remember? From the scrapyard. Your Mum’s here, she’s just getting a coffee. You’ve got to stop scaring us like this.” He kisses his forehead, hand in his hair just like before. “Do you remember what happened?”

“No, nothing. Not since I took Liv to school.” He tried to sit up with a groan until Robert pushed him back. “Is she alright?”

“She’s fine, she’s with Vic. She wasn’t with you. You were at the scrapyard alone. They’re going to keep you here a while, think you hit your head. I tried telling them there wasn’t much there to hurt but you know…”

“Idiot!” There’s no bite to his words, his eyes are already closing.

“Don’t ever do that to me again, Aaron. I don’t think I can stand it.” He whispered once he was asleep.


	46. Chapter 46

“You alright?” Robert jumps as Aaron sits down next to him on the bed, nudging his shoulder. He’d been miles away, mind stuck on memories that he could never quite push far enough away. “Jake thought he’d upset you.”

“What? Course not.” He schooled his face as best he could, couldn’t do anything about the tears that were still drying on his cheeks.

“I don’t know why you ever think that face fools me. We’ve been married far too long. Do you think I don’t get it?”

“I should be able to cope when our son comes to us to tell us something so important.”

“You did. Rob, come on, he felt comfortable enough to come to us.” He nodded, didn’t think he’d ever be able to tell his son just how proud he was of him. “You and I made him feel like he could.”

“Is he alright?”

“I left him on the phone to Liv.” He shuffles the pair of them up the bed, arms coming round to hold Robert close. 

“Do you know what the first thought that crossed my mind was? Then I hated myself for thinking it.”

“You probably wished that it could have been like that for you, that you could have talked to your Dad at fourteen, that he would have understood?“ Robert nodded. “Yeah. Same…well no, but…”

“I get it.”

“Paddy was great, especially considering what I did…I was a bloody nightmare back then and don’t you even dare say I’m still a nightmare.” Robert laughed, marvelling at how Aaron always knew how to lighten the tension. He twisted round enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. “We haven’t done too bad with the two of them have we?”

“Do you remember how petrified we were when we brought them home.”

“You maybe…I was perfectly fine.”

“Mmm, yeah right. Selective memory there I think.” He still couldn’t believe, even almost twenty years later, that they were together, that they’d got through everything. “I should go talk to him.”

“You know, some point we should have a talk with him.”

“Didn’t we just…oh God. It’s your turn!”

“No way! You still owe me for manufacturing a meeting when it came to it with Michael.”

“Fine.” He hauled himself to his feet with a groan. “Not one word about me getting old! You know he’s going to hate this don’t you?”

“About as much as you I should go think. Now go on, I’ve got to go pick up Michael from swimming.”

“It’s a good job I love you Dingle.”


	47. Chapter 47

“Cain! Family meal at our place on Thursday. Bring Moira and Isaac yeah? Debs is bringing the kids.” 

“Oh aye and what are we going to eat? You’re always having your dinner in the pub!” Aaron pulls a face at his uncle as he wipes his hands clean of oil.

“You’ll find out. Come on, we haven’t had a family meal since Christmas and…well you and Moira are back on, and me and Robert…it’ll be fun. Anyway, see ya tomorrow. About half six.”

*****

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Robert’s half in the car as Victoria stops him the next morning. He’s in a rush so he’d rather get on but if he knows he can’t ignore her.

“Shopping for tomorrow. Aaron was going to help but Chas rang him in a tizzy so it’s left to me and I’m already behind.“

“You’re cooking?” 

“Yes. Why does everyone think the pair of us are useless?”

“I didn’t say you were…I just, don’t see the pair of you…you know what, never mind. What time tomorrow?”  
“Why don’t you and Adam come over about six before the hordes of Dingles descend on us.”

*****

“Are you sure you don’t want any help love? I’m sure Marlon wouldn’t mind giving you a hand.” Chas asked as she put Aaron’s pint on the bar with a smile.

“We’re perfectly capable. You do remember I lived in France for two years and didn’t starve, yeah?”

“That is something that I can only put down to some kind of miracle. I’ve not once seen you pick up a saucepan since you came home.”

“Aaron! Will you please come home, he’s driving me mad!” Liv, red faced and looking a little crazed is beside him before he’s even had chance to take his first sip. “It’s like Jamie Oliver has moved in.”

“I’m coming home as soon as I’ve finished this. He’s not that bad Liv. You could always give him a hand.”

“He’s already had me tidying!” Aaron just snorts and he can hear Chas’s laughter behind him. “I don’t even know why you’re having people over. Why can’t you all just come here?”

“Because it’s a family dinner!” He sighs. “Right come on, let’s get back. See you tomorrow Mum.”

“Can’t wait.” 

*****  
Aaron’s chopping onions when the doorbell rings. He hears Liv stomp over to it and say hello before she clears off upstairs, pounding music turning on moments later. He just sighs, not in the mood for another battle with her.

“Well well well there’s a sight you don’t see every day.” Cain then. “Sugden left you to it?”

“Don’t start Cain, and his name is Robert. As for this, it’s called cooking. When was the last time you tried.” He gestured with the knife, not turning round. “Beer’s in the fridge.”

“Aaron, would you tell your sister to turn that down before I throw it out of the window!”

“I’m not fighting your battles.” He sniffed, itching to rub at his eyes. Robert put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. “I’ll get my own back for this you know. You know you can buy frozen ones.”

“Aaron I’ve accepted that you have some questionable ideas but that is a step too far.” He pressed a kiss to his temple. “Do you want me to finish them?”

“No. Cain’s here.”

“So I see. Bit early aren’t ya? Moira chucked you out?”

“Oi,” Aaron taps his arm, handing him the chopping board full of onions as the doorbell rang again. “Don’t start you two. Get cooking masterchef while I let the rest of ‘em in.”

Half an hour later the house was full of noise. Liv had come out of hiding and Aaron is sitting on the kitchen worktop watching Robert cook while the rest of the family chat. He can’t drag his gaze away from him, shirt sleeves rolled up.

“You’re distracting me.”

“I’m not doing anything.” He tries to look innocent as he reaches out to grab the front of Robert’s shirt to pull him close enough for a kiss. He’s found himself a lot more comfortable doing it in front of people since they got back together and Robert’s obvious happiness makes it worth the comments from the family. “Do you lot want feeding?”

“It’s just nice to see the two of you happy love, that’s all. We’re not used to seeing you like this, all happy and domestic. I thought you were going to be helping with the cooking.”

“I am.” Robert scoffs beside him. “If I do it he’ll only take over anyway, it’s easier like this, right Robert.”

“Yes, dear.” He laughed as Robert danced out of the way as he pushed at his shoulder. “Get them sat down, it’s nearly ready.”


	48. Chapter 48

He’s wandering around Vic’s front room trying to get the baby to sleep when the phone rings. He curses because he was almost off but now he’s wide awake and whimpering.

“It’s alright, it’s just the phone.” He manages to slide it from his pocket and sighs when he sees it’s Aaron. For half a second he thinks about ignoring it and calling back when Seb is asleep, but he doesn’t. “Hi.”

“Rob.” He’s immediately worried, Aaron doesn’t call him Rob often.

“You ok?”

“I…not really.” Now he’s concentrating properly he can hear the slight hitch in Aaron’s breathing and he wedges the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can lay Seb in the crib. “I…the ambulance is…coming.”

“Ambulance? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I think it’s bad. Wanted to…speak to you…in case…”

“Where are you?” His keys were in his hand before he even realised it, and then he stopped. Seb. He couldn’t leave him, and Vic was working. “Tell me where you are?”

“Don’t know, Leeds, somewhere.” Miles away. Robert had never felt so helpless. “I’m tired.”

“No! Don’t go to sleep. You have to stay awake, yeah. For me.”

“…bossy.”

“Just talk to me. Where were you off to?”

“Jus’ the bank. Rob, it hurts.”

“I know, just keep talking…” He’d sunk down on to the sofa and there were tears burning his eyes. Last time he could help, he could do something or at least he could stay with him. Now he was stuck here, helpless.

“Wearing…your ring.”“ Robert half laughed, half sobbed at that. Weeks ago, Aaron had asked for it back, saying he wasn’t ready to wear it but he wanted to do something to show Robert that he was serious about giving them another chance.

“I knew you couldn’t resist my charms.” He hears a snort then a groan of pain. “I’m…this isn’t the time but…we’re going to get this right, I promise.”

“Yeah. Think the ambulance…is coming.”

“Good. I’ll be at the hospital, ok? I’ll get your Mum, and Liv.”

“Jus’ gonna sleep ‘bit.”

“No, not yet. Aaron…AARON!”

*****

It takes him over an hour to get there. By the time he’d left Seb with Vic and called Chas it was rush hour and he spent goodness knows how long crawling along, cursing each and every car that cut in front of him.

He skids to a halt at the reception desk, no doubt startling the woman behind it. “I’m looking for Aaron Dingle, he was brought here earlier.”

“Are you a relative?”

“I’m his husband.” He was, he knew. Aaron wouldn’t be wearing the ring otherwise. Even with the circumstances he couldn’t help the wave of happiness that ran through him at those words.

“He’s still being treated. You can take a seat and someone will be with you when they can.”

He’s been here before and it’s worse this time. At least last time he’d been with him, he’d seen him, even in the state he’d been in. This time he had no idea what he’d done. 

He’s not been there five minutes when the door opens and there’s a nurse standing there, a sympathetic look on her face and something twists inside him. When she says Aaron wants to see him he almost can’t stand up, the relief overwhelming him. She waits, a hand patting his shoulder, until he pulls himself together.

“How is he?”

“We’re going to take him to surgery soon to repair the damage to his knee, and he’s broken a couple of ribs but he should be absolutely fine. He wanted to see you before we took him down to theatre.”

He follows her through the corridor, the sounds of the hospital loud after the quiet of the waiting room. Finally she opens the door and there’s Aaron surrounded by machines, but he’s alive and staring right back at him.

“I thought I told you to never do this to me again.”

“Never listen to you.” He sounds sleepy and the slight attempt at a smile is really one corner of his mouth turning up.

“You scared me. I wanted to come to you and I couldn’t and…”

“I’m safe now.”

“Why did you call me?”

“Because I love you…hadn’t said it, not…properly. Had to…in case.”

“I love you too.” He leans down the kiss his forehead as the nurse comes back in. “I’ll be here when you get back.”


	49. We're not getting a dog!

“I said no, Aaron!” Robert wrenched the car door open, and climbing out, looking across the car at Aaron.

“You’re being unreasonable!”

“Am I? Well thank you. I am allowed an opinion on what goes on in our house, or did you and Liv overrule that while I was out? Why am I not surprised!” He didn’t need this, he was up to his eyes in paperwork for the haulage firm and all he wanted to do was put his feet up. He didn’t want to go twelve rounds with Aaron about this again. They’d been having this discussion for days now and at first it had been fun, disagreeing for the sake of it but now he’d had enough.

“You won’t even discuss it will you? Don’t you care what I want, what she wants?”

“Oh no, don’t start that with me. All I’ve done since last Christmas is think about what you both want. I’ve bent over backwards trying not to say or do the wrong thing and I haven’t minded but I’m done. I’ve been punished enough.” He leaves Aaron staring open mouthed at him and stalks into the house. He can hear Liv’s music pounding, the walls almost shaking but he can’t be bothered trying to get her to turn it down.

It’s been eight months since they got back together, since everything exploded in their faces. He was being a bit unfair, he knew that, because Aaron had never brought it up, never acted like he expected him to grovel or have to make up for anything but he felt like he should, felt like he could never make up for what he’d done, and he was tired.

He stretches out on the bed with a sigh, wondering if he’d get any peace if he just shut the door and stayed here the rest of the night.

“Robert?”

“What is it?” 

“Do you really feel like that? That you have to walk on eggshells?” Robert looks round, sees his husband chewing on his fingernail as he leant on the doorframe. “That you were being punished?”

“No.” It’s said with a sigh, because in truth he did, in the beginning, when he first moved back in. It hadn’t felt like his home not for a good few weeks, but it had got better and none of it had been Aaron’s fault.

“Because if I’ve done anything…”

“You haven’t. Come here.” He sat up, holding out a hand to Aaron. “I’m just having a bad day. Nicola was sorting out a contract with the new lot up at Home Farm and she made a crack about Rebecca and it got my back up, that’s all. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“You can talk to me, you know…about what happened, with the baby…if you need to.”

“I do know but I told you it’s not…I talk about it with Kay enough. I don’t want her getting between us anymore.” He’d talked about Rebecca and the baby that wasn’t his in the end, with his counsellor, endlessly at the beginning and he’d dealt with it all as much as he thought he ever would. Nicola had just got on his last nerve and he’d stupidly taken that out on Aaron. “You were right, it helps.”

“Good.” Aaron drags his hand along Robert’s arm, resting over his hand, fingers finding the ring that he’d not taken off. He leans over and kisses him, hoping he’ll get the hint that he wants to change the subject. “You going to come downstairs?”

“Yeah I’ll make tea, then maybe we can talk about everything.”

“Everything?”

Robert watched as his eyes lit up, his mood lightening considerably. “No, Aaron! We’re not buying a dog!”

“But think of all the long walks we can go on, just the two of us.” He cajoled as he followed Robert down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“We can do that without something that will leave hairs over all my suits, most likely destroy my shoes and the furniture!” He stopped pulling ingredients out of the fridge and turned to face Aaron who was looking far too hopeful. He didn’t stand a chance against the face.

“I’d make sure it didn’t, we can train it. It’s only puppies that do that. Come on it’ll be fun!”

“You and I have vastly different ideas of fun, Aaron.” He’s already made his mind up, probably had as soon as Aaron brought the subject up, deep down.

“Oh I don’t think so.” He smirked as he felt Aaron’s arms come round his waist and his chest press up against his back.

“It’s not going to work. You can’t seduce me into getting a dog!” He groaned as soon as the words left his mouth, because surely Aaron would see that as a challenge.

“Well I probably could, but if you’d just agree like you know you want to…”

He puts down the potatoes he’s holding and turns round in Aaron’s arms. “If…and I mean if, we get a dog, you and Liv are going to feed it and walk it and clear up after it.” Aaron nods eagerly, eyes bright and Robert wants to laugh because he looks like a five year old at Christmas, and he knows it’s just an act but it works every time.

“You won’t even know we’ve got a dog, I promise.”

“Yeah alright, don’t overdo it. It won’t do any harm to go and look I suppose. We can send Liv out to walk it when we want five minutes peace.” He nodded his head at the ceiling where the thumping music was still coming through. “You really want this, don’t you?”

Aaron shrugged, “It’d be nice, a family pet, that’s all.”

“Hell of a commitment.”

“Well so are you, so…” Aaron laughed as Robert tickled his sides. “Don’t agree just because you think it’ll make me happy.”

“I’m not, really. You’re right it’d be nice, I’m just being grumpy. I’m not clearing up after it though, just so you know.” He’s talking to himself, Aaron’s already yelling up the stairs to tell Liv.


	50. Chapter 50

He wasn’t meant to be here and if anyone saw his scowl they’d steer clear of him. They’d been managing quite well up until now, one of them managing to stay at home with Ella while the other went to work. Until today.

Urgent paperwork, Nicola had said, and Aaron was out on a scrap run, so he’d had to leave his daughter with Chas and spend the day here instead of with her. He was just about done when Adam bursts through the door whistling obnoxiously.

“What are you doing here? Thought you were with Ella.”

“I was, then Nicola happened. Where’s Aaron?”

“I dropped him off at the pub when we’d finished. This might be a stupid question but why the hell do you have a stuffed animal on your desk?”

“It’s Ella’s.” He sighs and puts away the papers he’s working on. The rest can wait for Nicola to finish them. He was going to find his family. “It must have fallen into my briefcase. I’m surprised I’ve not had Chas on the phone, she won’t sleep without it, screams bloody murder. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He walks to the pub, the sun shining down. It was daft but he missed Ella already. It was his day to be with her and he resented being denied it. He laughed to himself, he’d never thought he’d feel that way. He doesn’t even notice the strange looks he’s getting until he’s nearly at the pub and he can’t work out why until he realises he’s carrying the cuddly elephant in his hand.  
As soon as he gets to the pub, Chas waves him through to the back room.

“Aaron’s through there with her.”

“How’s she been?”

“An angel.”

“Even without this?” He wiggles the toy in front of her face.

“Well she was a bit grizzly but she went off to sleep quickly enough. Only woke up when Aaron got here.”

He frowns but says nothing, just heads through to the back room. He can hear Aaron before he sees him, talking to her. When he rounds the corner he grins. Aaron’s laid flat on the sofa, knees bent with Ella propped up against them.

“Hi.” He makes his way over, crouching beside them, kissing Ella’s forehead before turning to Aaron. “I’ll swing for Nicola one of these days.”

“Remember the days when you couldn’t be dragged from that office?”

“That was usually because I was ogling you to be fair. So, you got finished early. You wanna go home?” He laughs as Ella tries to grab for the toy he’s still holding so he hands it to her. “Or we could take her to the swings? It’s still warm out.”

“You want to go to the swings princess?” He passes her to Robert before he gets up.

“I missed her today.”

“Never would have guessed. Mum said you’d been texting a lot.”

“Just felt weird, it was my day to be home with her. Ow miss!” He cries out as Ella whacks him round the head with the toy. “Come on, think that’s our cue.”


	51. Gather near to us once more

Christmas 2018

“You’re going out?” Robert’s at the bottom of the stairs, half dressed in his suit, the baby snug in his arms. Aaron had never thought he’d get used it, seeing Robert in their home with his son, but it’s strangely normal now when he’s with them, like it’s always been that way. “Today?”

“Just something I’ve got to do.” He stood on tiptoe to kiss him, pulling on his coat as he did, before running a hand over Seb’s soft hair. “Probably best if I just meet you there. Vic will be here soon to help you with him and Liv’s over at the pub with Mum.”

“What could you possibly have to do. It’s Boxing Day!”

“I know what day it is. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.” With that he leaves before Robert can ask any more questions. The past few days have felt like he’s in MI5 or something and he underestimated how stressful it would be keeping this from Robert.

Thankfully they’d always planned to spend Christmas Day at home, just the four of them, so there’d been no chance of running into anyone they shouldn’t. His Mum hadn’t been too happy but that was tough. 

As he pulls the car to a stop outside the B&B he checks his mirror, he wouldn’t put it past Robert to be watching to see where he goes. He hasn’t forgotten finding him half hanging out of the attic just before Christmas looking for his presents.

He checks that the car hasn’t somehow been messed up in the two days since he last used it, before getting out and going into the B&B. 

“You got away then, Pet?” Diane asks, smiling as she answers the door.

“Not without twenty questions. Is everyone ready?”

*****

“Vic, something’s going on with Aaron.” He doesn’t even let her get in the door before he speaks, it’s all he’s been thinking about since Aaron left.

“Like what? I just saw him driving out of the village.” She takes Seb from him, bouncing him gently making him giggle. “Are you going to finish getting ready?”

“I’m serious, he’s been acting weird the last few days. Do you think he’s…what if he doesn’t want this?”

“Are you kidding. He asked you! Look if I tell you I know what’s going on and it’s nothing bad will you stop worrying and get ready?”

“You know?”

“Yes! And so will you when you get your backside into gear and finish getting dressed. Now come on.” She pushed him towards the stairs ignoring the grumbling coming from him and smiling to herself.

*****

“He’s late.” Aaron stops pacing at the hand on his arm and looks at the woman in front of him.

“Our Robert always does like to make an entrance.”

He can’t help laugh. “Thank you, for being here, it’s going to mean a lot to him.”

“It was your idea, lad.”

It wasn’t really, it had been Liv who had made him think about it. It had been one night when Robert had some business dinner that Aaron hadn’t wanted to go to and he’d found one of the photo albums that Diane had sent over when they first moved in.

“So, Aaron, how did you and Robert meet?” He turns at the new voice as he hears his Mum snort.

“Oh, well, that’s a bit of a story. Probably best to ask him later.”

He’d been surprised when he turned up at the airport on Christmas Eve and Robert’s grandmother hadn’t been alone. He’d called her himself to invite her and he liked her immediately. He’d been a bit embarrassed to admit Robert had never mentioned her companion.

“Aaron love, he’s here.”

He’s got it all planned, he’ll meet Robert on the steps to the Registry Office then he’ll reveal his surprise. Of course being Robert it doesn’t go to plan and before Aaron can get outside he can hear Vic’s voice as she tries to stall her impatient git of a brother.

“No, Vic, I’m not waiting any longer. What is going on?”

“You always were impatient lad.” Annie pipes up as he bursts through the door to the room they’re waiting in. Robert comes to a stop, eyes wide at the people in front of him, and Seb is immediately squirming in his arms. Aaron takes him from him, smiling brightly at Robert who is still speechless.

“Well that doesn’t happen often.” Aaron rolls his eyes at his Mum, all the while nudging Robert towards his family.

“Gran? Kathy? What are you doing here?”

*****

“Did you do this?” Robert swings round to look at him, smile lighting up his face.

“Not all of it. I invited your Gran, she did the rest. I was as surprised as you when I turned up at the airport the other day.” He moves closer to them, hand on Robert’s back.

“Kathy was visiting me for Christmas, I couldn’t very well leave her all alone, could I? Now, this is my great-grandson I presume.” With that she reached over and plucked the little boy from Aaron’s arms. “You always did like to make things difficult for yourself, but you look like you’ve got yourselves sorted.”

“Hope so, Gran, we’re gettin’ married.”

“You mind your cheek! He’s a bonny lad.”

“Aaron or the kid?” He can’t help laughing as she gives him a look he remembers from his childhood. “We should get on with the show.”

“Er, show?” He can feel Aaron’s fingers tickling under his suit jacket and he squirmed away.

“You know what I mean. You two are coming back to the pub after, right?”

*****

He’s settling Seb down in the back room of the pub when he gets the chance to speak to Kathy properly. There’s been people wanting his attention all night and he doesn’t want them to be catching up amidst the chaos of a Dingle party. When his Gran had kept her promise and pulled out his baby photos for a delighted Aaron, he’d beat a hasty retreat claiming the baby was tired. Although now he wouldn’t settle.

“Come on, little man, give your Dad a break huh?”

“There’s a sight I never thought I’d see.” He swings round smiling at her as she walks through the door. “Looks good.”

“You think so? I suppose you know everything that happened?”

“Annie filled me in.” He can’t help look away, still ashamed at everything that happened. “Robert I’m not going to judge you. I imagine you’ve had enough of that unless this place has changed. It looks like everything is sorted now.”

“Well Aaron’s better than anyone I know.” Finally asleep he lays Seb back in the car seat, watching him for a minute until Kathy stepped up behind him. “It’s really good to see you.”

“We were family once upon a time. I’m sorry I didn’t get back for your Dad’s funeral.”

“I…er, I watched from the bridge. Couldn’t make myself face everyone. He probably wouldn’t have wanted me there anyway.”

“Rob…” Her hand’s on his arm and he swallows thickly, wishes Aaron was here.

“I don’t want to talk about him, not today. How’s Australia?”

They’re still sitting on the sofa catching up when Aaron comes to find him. He’s in the middle of telling Kathy about the first wedding when pokes his head round the door, all smiles and Robert loves it. He smiles so much more these days.

“Vic’s threatening to post your baby photos all over the village if you don’t get out here and cut this cake.”

“Well someone’s getting bumped off the babysitting list if she does. You know you said things had changed…you didn’t mean Vic, right?” He asks Kathy, “Tell her we’ll be there in a minute. Unless you want to join us?”

“No, you two catch up. I can stall Vic.” Robert snorted.

“He’s good for you. You smile more.”

“Wasn’t much to smile about back then though.” He runs a hand over his face. “I don’t know, most of the time I think I don’t deserve him.”

“Well he thinks differently, so let yourself be happy. You told me things are settled now, with Seb’s Mum and everything. Aaron asked you to marry him. Stop waiting for the next problem to come along, Rob.”

“I know you’re right…I…oh never mind. Come on let’s get out there before Vic decides I’ve got to drink out of a welly again. Don’t ask.” He tells her, seeing her confused look.

*****

“Thank you.” It’s gone midnight when they finally leave the pub. Everyone else is still partying away, except for Vic who’s taking over babysitting. 

“For what?”

“For Gran, and Kathy. It meant a lot, having them here.”

“You deserve to have your family here too. I’m just glad you don’t have any traditions like the welly.”

“Idiot. I mean it though.”

“Stop being so soppy and let us in. It’s freezing!” He rubs his hands together while he waits for Robert to open the door.

“That’s what you get for getting married at Christmas. Go on, get in. Mr Sugden.”


	52. Chapter 52

Robert’s going to kill him, there’s no way around it. He’s tried everything, even searched Google for a solution but apparently getting dried glitter glue out of sofa cushions isn’t as easy as it should be.

It’s not his fault. It’s Marlon’s. He should know better than to phone him first thing in the morning and ask him to babysit April and Leo, especially before he’s had any caffeine to wake him up. No actually it’s Robert’s fault, because if he hadn’t been up and out so early he could have answered the phone and come up with some excuse. It’s not that he didn’t want to look after them, far from it, but individually. They’re just too good and riling each other up when they’re together and April can run rings around anyone.

They’ve got a box of stuff that they keep at the Mill and they both know it has to stay on the kitchen table, it’s one of Robert’s rules. The memory of April nodding in agreement when Robert told them this makes him smile. The faces she’d pulled as soon as Robert’s back was turned will make any day brighter. 

He didn’t know which one of them decided to try and upcycle Robert’s interior design choices because he’d been answering the door to take in a parcel but he’d guess it was a joint endeavour.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah?” He turns his back on the sofa, maybe the stain will have disappeared by the time he turns round.

“Can we make stuff?”

“Like what?” 

“Cakes. Leo likes cakes.” Aaron smiles as the little boy nods eagerly and he ruffles his hair.

“Do you know how?” Because he doesn’t, it’s flour and something but that’s as far as his knowledge goes.

“Daddy taught me. We need flour, eggs, butter and sugar.”

Another half an hour and he’s considering just never letting Robert back into the house. While they were spooning mixture into the cake tins that he didn’t even know they owned he’d just turned the sofa cushion upside down, but there was little he could do about the mess in the kitchen, at least not before Robert came home. Especially as he can hear his key in the lock.

“Don’t mention the cushion, alright kids?”

“What’s it worth?” If ever there was any doubt that April was a Dingle, that just proved she was.

“Fish finger sandwiches do ya?”

“With tomato sauce!”

He screws his nose up, “If you must.”

“I’m home!” He hears Robert’s keys drop onto the table by the door as he opens the freezer. “What the…”

“Hi Robert!”

“Rob!”

“Hi kids. Where’s Aaron?”

“In the freezer.” April tells him before Aaron can answer.

“‘spect he’s a bit chilly then. So, what have you been up to?” Aaron turns round, fish finger box in hand to see Robert rolling up his sleeves and sitting down beside the two of them. 

“We’ve been colouring and making cakes and gluing…” She shoots a guilty look to Aaron as she says it.

“Sounds like fun, better than my day anyhow. You alright?” He’s frowning and Aaron realises he’s staring at the sofa. He busies himself with the oven rather than look at his husband. 

“Yeah, course, just want to get these two fed before Marlon comes to fetch them.” Next thing he knows, Robert’s behind him. “Robert I’m trying to cook their tea.”

“There’s something going on…”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. Can’t interest you in a fish finger sandwich can I?” He laughs as he almost feels Robert shudder. “Go and get changed idiot. I’ll get our tea when they’re gone.”

He feels him leave his side and sighs a little. It’s stupid but that sofa is Robert’s pride and joy. It was the first one he’d seen in the shop and he loved it.

“Oh, Aaron…if you were trying to hide that stain on the sofa you should have turned the cushion round the other way.”


	53. Chapter 53

It’s late when he gets home. Friday traffic keeping him away a lot longer than he’d hoped, made him late for dinner. He’s had a long, annoying day and all he wants is a beer and Aaron. He’s probably cleared off to the pub having waited so long for Robert to get home.

The flat is in darkness when he lets himself in and he’s about to turn round and go to the pub when he sees movement on the sofa. Just as he’s about to turn the light on Aaron’s voice stops him.

“Don’t.”

“What’s the matter? Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Headache. Put one of the little lights on, just not the big ones.” He does and slips off his jacket before heading over to the sofa, leaning on the back, hand reaching out for Aaron’s forehead. He smiles a little when he’s pushed away. “Gerroff.”

“Want me to make you some tea? Have you eaten?”

“Not hungry. Tea sounds good. There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

“Maybe later.” He potters about in the kitchen making them tea. When he’s done he sets them on the table before nudging Aaron up on the sofa so he can sit next to him, wrapping his arms around him so he can rest back against him. “Ok?”

“Mmm. Nice.” He runs his fingers gently through Aaron’s hair knowing it sometimes helps. “Good day?”

“It was fine until I hit the traffic. You?”

“Yeah. Mum invited us round for tea on Sunday. Said we would.”

“Seb’s coming, don’t forget. We’ll have to take him with us.”

“Damn and I was going to leave him here.” Robert smiles at the sarcasm, but he can’t resist tickling him slightly. “Mum ok now, you know that. Anyway, Cain and Moira are bringing Isaac so he’ll have someone to play with.”

Some days it baffled him, how they’d managed it, how he could be this lucky. He hadn’t thought it possible that he could have this again, Aaron in his arms. He didn’t deserve him, this wonderful man who had accepted his son, treated him as his own, loved him.

“You’re thinking too hard again.”

“Hmm. Thought maybe we could go to the zoo or something but tea at your Mum’s sounds good.”

“Can do both.” He groaned as Aaron squirmed about, a rogue elbow catching him in the stomach. “Pass my tea.”

“What did your last slave die of?” He does it anyway, holding his own, letting it warm his hands before he took a sip. “Did Liv call?”

“Yeah, not for long. She was heading out to a party. Said she’d be home next weekend.”

“Be good to have her home. How’s your head?”

“Better.”

“You want to watch a film or something?”

“In a bit. Nice just layin’ here, with you.”

“Ok. We’ll just stay here.”


	54. Chapter 54

He’s in the shop when he finally says something. He’s noticed it for a long time. It was the first thing he looked for whenever he saw him, however much he tried to stop. Some times he wondered what it would feel like if one day it wasn’t there.

Robert’s standing in front of the baby products, of course, when he sees him. He looks utterly lost and Aaron suppresses a grin at the sight. It’s strange but it doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would to see him like this. He’d told him to stay, to be a Dad, to be there for his son. Even later when he said he should leave, it was to get him to realise what he’d lose if he left the village.

He wasn’t being entirely selfless. He didn’t want Robert to leave, didn’t want to think about him not being around anymore. He wasn’t sure what it would feel like.

“You’re looking confused.”

“How many different types of nappy can there be?” He looked over, “Sorry, you don’t want to know about that.”

He shook his head, deciding to bite the bullet while no one else was around. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.” He reached up and grabbed a packet from the shelf. “Want to sit down? What’s on your mind?”

Now he was here he didn’t know how to ask what was on his mind, now he was here. “How’s the baby?”

“That’s what you want to ask me?”

“It’s called conversation.” How is it so easy, they’re broken up, Robert has other priorities, yet they can sit like this, just like they used to.

“Something we’ve not had for a long time. You want to tell me what’s up?”

“Don’t you have to get back with those?”

“No, just grabbing them while Vic’s got him. So come on, out with it.”

“Why are you still wearing your ring?” He’d been waiting, he supposed, for the day he didn’t see it anymore, waiting for it to hurt, but there it was every day. He wasn’t sure if it bothered him or not. 

“I…don’t ask me to take it off.” It’s barely a whisper, but he hears it, the desperation and maybe sadness.

“I’m not…I…I just don’t want you holding onto something that isn’t there anymore.”

“It reminds me of how happy we were, of how happy we would have been if I…that I can be a better person.”

“Robert, you don’t need to…you are a better person. You stayed for your son, you’re going to be a good Dad to him. That’s good.”

“I don’t have a clue. I’m just going to let him down, like I did you.”

“No you’re not. I told you I have faith in you. He’s the most important person now, you have to be there for him.”

“It should be us, doing this.”

“Well it’s not. It can’t be.”

“Are we…is there…there’s no way back is there?”

“I’m sorry.” Robert nods sadly before getting up. Aaron wants him to stay, wants to say he’s wrong, that there is a chance, but he can’t make promises like that when he still has no idea how he feels.

It’s better like this, less painful.

At least that’s what he tells himself.


	55. Chapter 55

“Robert! Hey Adam, look it’s Robert!” All he can do is roll his eyes at Chas as he walks into the pub to be met with an armful of his drunken husband. 

“How much has he had?”

“Enough. I didn’t think he could manage to find his way home on his own.” 

“And Adam?”

“Not my problem. I called Vic. I don’t think he’s had as much as me laddo here.”

“Right come on you. I’m not carrying you up the stairs so you need to sober up a bit.” He manages to get Aaron stood up enough so he can wrap an arm around him. Stopping him from getting handsy and running his hand over his arse is another matter.

“I love you, you know.”

“Yes, yes. I love you too. Come on.” He manages to cajole him out of the pub into the fresh air which might hopefully start to sober him up. “Aaron you have to help me.”

“I love your eyes, they’re just…mmm…and your freckles and they way they go all the way down to…”

“Yes thank you, Aaron. I don’t think anyone else needs to know about that.” He can feel himself blushing as he spies a couple of villagers walking past even though it’s late.

“But they’re so…and your hair, I just want to run my fingers through it as I fu…”

“Ok! That’s enough.” Thankfully they’re at the flat and he manages to get them inside a lot easier than he’d thought he would. He leaves him on the sofa while he fetches a glass of water. When he turns back Aaron’s flat out snoring his head off. He leaves the water on the table and bends down to kiss Aaron’s forehead. “Goodnight Aaron.”


	56. Chapter 56

“Who are they for then?” Aaron asks, wiping his hands on a tea towel. He’d just finished washing up when he heard Robert coming the door and now he was just stood there, a bunch of red roses clutched tightly in his hand. “Robert? What’s wrong?”

“I…they’re for you.” Normally Aaron would have laughed. After all he was hardly a flowers kind of guy and neither was Robert, but there was something in Robert’s face that stopped him. Dropping the tea towel onto the table he went over to him.

“You bought me flowers?”

“I was in town, you know I had that meeting, and I saw them and…I don’t know, I’d bought them before I even thought about it. It’s stupid, I’ll get rid of them.”

“Don’t be daft. They’re nice.”

“There’s…there’s a card too.” Robert reaches in and pulls the card out, handing it to Aaron.

Never rely on the manufacturer’s tracker. I love you.

“Five years since some dirty little greasemonkey and his mate nicked my car.” He lays the flowers on the chair and the next thing Aaron knows he’s in Robert’s arms. “Best day of my life. Well, one of them.”

“Wasn’t bad I suppose.”

“Turn the card over.” He nods when Aaron frowns at him. There’s just a date written on it. “I had a call today, from Dee. That’s her due date. You ready to be Dads?”


	57. Chapter 57

It’s gone nine when Aaron gets back. Robert had been with him, searching for Jack who’d gone off who knows where after a row with Debbie. He’d come home after a couple of hours to look after Ella. They’d left her with Liv after tea but Aaron had insisted that they didn’t both need to be out searching. Instead he’s been calling all the numbers that Debbie had given them of his friends, getting nowhere but at least not feeling completely useless.

The tired smile on Aaron’s face has him putting down his phone, guessing Jack’s been found.

“You found him?”

“He was in one of Moira’s barns. Think Cain’s put the fear of God into him for running off like that. Is Ella alright?” Robert takes his coat off for him, feeling the dampness of it and wincing. It hadn’t been raining when he’d come home.

“She’s fast asleep after wangling two stories out of me. You’re freezing!”

“Nothing a warm shower won’t fix. I’m going to kiss her good night.”

“I’ll run you a bath, then I’ll make you a cuppa.” He rubs his hands up and down Aaron’s arms trying to warm him up a bit.

“I can manage.”

“Let me. You’ve been running round all day for other people. Let me take care of you.” Aaron gives him a tired smile and heads for the stairs. Robert puts the kettle on and follows, heading for the bathroom.

Five minutes later he’s pushing Aaron’s hoodie from his shoulders, the steam from the bath making the room foggy.

“Arms up.” Aaron must be tired because he doesn’t even protest as Robert undresses him. “You’re sure you can stay awake in there?”

“Maybe you should join me…to make sure.”

“Maybe I will, but I promised you a cuppa. In you get.”

He runs downstairs and finishes making the tea. After a quick check on Ella he goes back to Aaron, who’s leant back in the bath with his eyes closed.

“You warmed up yet?”

“Mmhmm. ‘s nice.” Robert sits himself down on the floor next to the bath, entangling his fingers with Aaron’s where his hand dangles over the side.

“So, what was the row about?”

“Mmm?”

“With Jack.”

“Dunno, something to do with school. Wasn’t gettin’ involved.”

“Do you think we’ll have to go hunting for Ella when she grows up. Maybe we should get a tracker fitted.” Aaron snorts.

“You’re not taggin’ our daughter.” Robert smiled, he loved Aaron like this, all soft, his voice slurring from tiredness.

“Nah, she’d work out how to disable it.” 

It’s another while before Aaron gets warm. He lets Robert help him from the bath and dries him off all the while sneaking kisses. While he gets into his pyjamas Robert locks up, coming back to find him already curled up in bed half asleep.

“I love you.” He whispers as he settles in beside him, leaving just his bedside light on for him to read by.

“Mmm, love you.”


	58. Chapter 58

When Aaron’s shoulders cracked for the third time as he pulled off his t-shirt, Robert threw his book onto the bed.

“Come here.” He patted the bed in front of him. It wasn’t the first time they’d done this. Working at the scrapyard all day was taking its toll on Aaron’s muscles and it had become a bit of a habit for Robert to give him a massage even if Aaron always protested.

“I’m alright, just need to take a shower.”

“Are we going to do this every time? You know it’ll be bad again about five minutes after you get out of the shower, so why don’t you just get your arse over here.” He stares him down, eyebrows raised. It doesn’t take long and then Aaron’s climbing over the bed to sit between his legs. “Feel free to admit I’m right any time you like.”

Aaron snorts, “Yeah right.”

“Maybe you should think about getting some help up there? It doesn’t look like Adam’s coming back and Gerry is next to useless.” He starts working his fingers over Aaron’s shoulders grimacing at how tight they were. Ever since Adam left Aaron had been working all hours keeping the yard going and nobody could sway him from it.

“I can manage, don’t need anyone else coming in and interfering. Bad enough with you.” He pinches him lightly, enjoying the laughter it gets him.

“I think you’ll find that interfering is called helping. You’d be their boss, so they couldn’t interfere. I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll think about it. Oh God, you’re good at this.”

“Flattery’s going to get you everywhere, you know.” He leans down and kisses across the back of Aaron’s neck, laughing quietly as he squirms.

“Oi, none of that, you haven’t finished my massage.”

“And what do I get out of this deal?”

“You get to make your husband feel better, isn’t that enough?”

“Not a chance.” He nips at the skin on his shoulder making Aaron shiver. Before he knows it Aaron’s turned himself round and pushed him flat on the bed.


	59. Chapter 59

Robert’s in that warm, dozy place where he’s awake but could easily slip back into sleep. It’s nice and he doesn’t want it to end. The sun is streaming through the open curtains when he opens his eyes and it takes him a few seconds to get his bearings. It feels strange being here and being happy.

It’s May, almost a year since they moved in, since he ruined everything. He would never forgive himself for any of it no matter how much he and Aaron vowed to put it behind them. 

He smiles as Aaron’s arm winds it’s way around his waist, followed by soft kisses to the back of his neck.

“Good morning.”

“Yes, yes it is. You sleep alright?” Aaron’s voice is adorably croaky with sleep and Robert doesn’t think there’s a better sound right now.

“Better than I have in months.”

It’s true. Even after they got back together, on their wedding anniversary because who doesn’t do that, he’s been waiting for something to go wrong. They’d taken it slow, and everything had been good but it hadn’t been until Aaron had asked him to move back in that he’d finally felt like everything was right again. That, and Aaron had worn him out the night before.

“What?” Aaron laughs a little as he turns over to face him, smiling.

“Nothin’. Just thinking about last night. Good job Liv stayed at the pub. You were a bit loud.”

“Oh and you were as quiet as a church mouse I suppose? Just for that, you’re making breakfast while I shower.” He feels cold as Aaron pulls away to get out of bed, but he can’t help but take the time to admire his husband. He has a lot of catching up to do after all. “Thought maybe we could go somewhere later, just me and you, before Liv comes back.”

“Can do, although I…we could stay here…we never did have that first day of living together.” He doesn’t mean to bring it up but then again they can’t ignore it.

“I’m not spending all day in bed.”

“Now who’s got the one track mind? Go have your shower.” He lays there a bit longer, until he hears the water start up. His stuff is still everywhere, he didn’t get chance to unpack before Aaron was distracting him, and there’s still some boxes back at Vic’s. He’ll fetch them later, get everything put away, then he’ll feel like he’s moved in properly.

He’s in the kitchen, making tea, when Aaron comes down the stairs, hair still wet from the shower. 

“There’s nothing in the fridge. I’ll go to the shop in a minute.” He can’t help running a hand through Aaron’s hair, he’s missed it like this. Not that he hasn’t stayed over but it’s different somehow. “Anything you fancy?”

“Not really.” He nods and shuffles out from between Aaron and the counter. “Robert, you don’t have to try so hard.”

He stops, because he wasn’t not really, he just wants everything to be right, even breakfast because they both deserve it, that everything should be perfect this time round.

“I’m trying to get it right, for you.”

“I know, but you don’t have to. Look let’s go and get breakfast in the cafe, save any arguing.”

“Yeah.” He shakes the feeling off, it’s ridiculous after all. “That’d be good. I’ll go get dressed. We can pick up the rest of my stuff when we’re done.”

It doesn’t take him long to get showered and changed and then they’re making their way up Main Street. To say Robert was surprised when Aaron took hold of his hand was an understatement but he let him. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as they passed various villagers on the way.

“You know I could get used to this.” Aaron tells him as they walk into the cafe.

“Used to what?”

“You treating me to breakfast.” The cheeky grin is in full force.

“It was your idea, you should be paying!”

“Yeah yeah. Go on, chop chop, I’m starving.”


	60. Chapter 60

Robert’s sleeping soundly when Aaron slips from the bed. He’s been awake most of the night, can’t pinpoint why he’s wide awake but he knows there’s no chance of sleep now. Robert’s exhausted though from a busy couple of weeks at the scrapyard so he wants to let him sleep.

He grabs a hoodie from where he’d slung it from the chair, pulling it on over his t-shirt and quietly goes downstairs. He steals some of Liv’s favourite hot chocolate and settles himself on the sofa, pulling the blanket that Diane had given them when they moved in over himself. Despite all the fancy gadgetry and the refurbishment the flat was still cold in winter.

He doesn’t turn on the TV, there’s nothing decent on at this time of night and he didn’t want to wake Robert or Liv. Instead he got out his phone, chuckling at a couple of texts Adam had sent him earlier in the day that he’d somehow missed.

As he sips at the hot chocolate, wincing as he burns his tongue, he goes into his videos. Most of the most recent are him and Liv messing around but he doesn’t watch those, instead he goes back to the ones he’s saved of Robert, that he’d not even looked at in months.

The first one he plays is from Christmas night on their way back from Wishing Well. Robert’s trying to sing Silent Night after a good few Dingle snowballs. He’s out of tune, none of the words are right and he’s somewhat swaying along the road but it’s one of the few times that Robert’s been that drunk and he wanted evidence.

The next one comes up before he can stop it. It’s not one he filmed, it had been waiting on his phone when he got back from prison, sent by his Mum.

_‘when the rain is blowing in your face’_

He turns down the volume, the music isn’t important. He’s only seen this a couple of times, when he first came home and couldn’t sleep, like now. After that it was too painful to see them both so happy when it had all fallen to pieces.

It was better now, Robert was back where he belonged and they were working everything out, they could get back to being as happy as they were in the video.

He can feel the tears on his cheeks before the video is even halfway through and he swipes them away, watching as they cling to each other no idea of what was coming, in their own little bubble of happiness. The video pauses and he hits replay, wanting to see the happiness on their faces, to convince himself that they could get there again.

It’s when he hits play for the third time that he feels Robert’s arms wrapping around him from behind the sofa.

“What’re you watching those for?”

“Can’t sleep. Didn’t want to wake you.” Robert sits himself down beside him arms going back round him, holding him tight, safe, and he can’t help but try and get closer.

“You’re crying. What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No. You haven’t done anything, I wish you wouldn’t think like that. I was just…suppose I was wondering if we’ll ever get back there…be that happy again.”

“We will, I promise because I’m never going to stop trying to make you happy.” He feels Robert press a kiss to his temple and he sighs happily. “We’re going to be them again.” He reaches out and taps the screen on Aaron’s phone to start the video over again.


	61. Chapter 61

“You want to go back inside?” He’s still got his arm around Aaron, they’re still standing outside the back of the pub, the air around them cooling rapidly now the sun has lowered in the sky.

Aaron shakes his head and wipes his eyes once more. “Only so many pitying looks I can take.” Robert had noticed him getting more and more uncomfortable, it’s why he suggested they come out here after all. He could see why Aaron thought people pitied him but Robert knew it wasn’t that, people just didn’t know what to say.

“No one pities you. We’re just proud of you and glad it went the way it did. You want to go somewhere else then?” Another shake of the head.

“I wanted to ask you something. You don’t have to say yes just because…”

“I can’t say anything unless you ask me.” He lets out a little chuckle as Aaron huffs in frustration. “There isn’t much I’d say no to for you, and you know it.”

“You do know how annoying you are, don’t you?”

“You have mentioned it once or twice.” He takes another sip of his beer, waiting for Aaron to speak. “Well go on then?”

“I don’t really…would you…fuck sake.” Robert can hear the annoyance at himself and holds him closer,

“Aaron, whatever it is can’t be that bad. You can talk to me, you know that.”

“Will you stay over tonight…with me?” He shifts, causing Aaron to move away and all he can do is try and hold onto his arm, knows he’s took the hesitation the wrong way. “Not for…I don’t want to be on my own.”

“Come here.” Aaron come back into his arms easily, head resting on his shoulder. “Of course I’ll stay, for as long as you want. You look tired.” It’s still early but something tells him Aaron hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks if not longer.

They don’t go back through to the front of the pub, instead they head upstairs. Robert washes the day away letting Aaron get changed in private, not wanting to overstep, not wanting to mess it up. When he goes back to the bedroom Aaron’s already sat up in bed, half heartedly flicking through a magazine. Robert slips off his shoes and goes to sit on the bed when Aaron stops him.

“You can borrow some joggers and that in the drawer if you want. Hardly comfortable sleeping in jeans.”

“I’ve done worse.”

“Robert don’t be a prat. I’m not made of glass, I won’t break if you change your clothes.” He shakes his head with a smile, that’s more like his Aaron. He quickly gets changed and climbs under the duvet next to Aaron.

“You want to talk or…” He’s not used to this, the past has been full of snatched moments, worried about being caught, and now there’s none of that it feels strange.

“I’ve done enough talking to last me a lifetime. I know I’ve said it, but, thank you.” He throws the magazine to the floor and rolls onto his side to face Robert. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Don’t. This was all you Aaron, you had the courage to do it.”

“Yeah well. I don’t want to think about any of it, for tonight at least.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do. So, film or sleep?” Not that he thinks he’ll sleep because there’s so much whirling around his brain, but Aaron looks like he needs it.

“Mmm, film. You pick.”

*****

When Robert wakes up the bed is empty. Checking his phone he sees it’s gone nine and he groans. Part of him had hoped to leave before Chas was about. Not because he’s embarrassed or doesn’t want to be seen but despite everything they still haven’t really discussed where they are with everything and he knows Chas well enough that she won’t keep her opinions to herself.

He would have been awake earlier, but he’d lain awake most of the night, keeping watch as Aaron slept. They’d started off on separate sides of the bed but somehow in his sleep Aaron had sought him out and ended up in his arms and Robert was quite happy to hold him, especially if it kept any nightmares away. Whether it was him or exhaustion, he didn’t know, but Aaron didn’t wake up once. Sleep must have claimed him at some point but it couldn’t have been for long judging by the grittiness of his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom.

Feeling slightly more human he gets dressed, half stumbling down the stairs, the murmur of voices only reaching him as he gets to the doorway, still buttoning his shirt. Aaron’s tucking into his cereal, phone to his ear and oh, there’s Chas, cup in hand, grin all over her face.

“Yes, Robert, you stayed over.”


	62. Chapter 62

They didn’t notice at first, just put it down to her mood but gradually they noticed that more often than not it was Robert that Ella would go to for cuddles, to ask for things, rather than Aaron. Robert knew Aaron was hurting even if he kept a smile on his face around their daughter. She wasn’t ignoring him by any means but there was definitely something not quite right.

“Daddy, come play with me!” She’s tugging on his arm as soon as he walks in the door, hardly giving him time to take coat off.

“Let your old Dad have a sit down for a bit first hey? Then I’ll play after tea yeah?” He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Why don’t you get Daddy to play.”

“No! Want you! Don’t want him!” He catches Aaron’s face drop before he turns round to hide it busying himself at the sink. Robert sees the slight shake of his shoulders though

“Ella! That’s enough. Go upstairs to your room until tea is ready.” When she’s gone, feet dragging as she walks to the stairs he goes over to Aaron. “Isn’t it supposed to be the terrible twos. Nobody said anything about terrible fours. Hey come on she’s just pushing us.”

“Not you. Just me. She said she hated me when I brought her home from school.” Robert’s heart sank even further. He knew it wasn’t true, she adored Aaron but judging by the way he wouldn’t look in Robert’s direction, telling him that wouldn’t help.

“Hey, come here.” He turns him round, lets Aaron lean against him. “She doesn’t mean it, she loves you Aaron, you know that. Let me go and get her, and we’ll sort this out.”

“No…leave her, don’t upset her. I thought it was just a phase, whatever it is.” Robert rubs his back, can feel the tension in him. He didn’t know how to make this better because he knew Aaron and no amount of rationalising would stop him blaming himself.

“We’re getting to the bottom of this now. It’s probably just, oh I don’t know, but she does not hate you Aaron, so get that out of your head right now.” He presses a kiss to his forehead and heads for the stairs to fetch his daughter.

None of this makes sense because if anything, if it’s possible, Aaron’s her favourite. He’s the soft one, the one who will buy the extra toy or read that extra story. Not that he doesn’t but he tries to be a bit more strict, tries to be immune to the pleading blue eyes. It’s a mostly feeble attempt but Aaron caves much earlier. He blames Robert, says she’s inherited his pleading puppy dog eyes and he can no more resist those than he can Robert.

When he gets to her room she’s sitting on the floor playing with her teddy bears and as always the rush of love he feels for her comes over him. It’s overwhelming some days, that she’s here, that she’s theirs.

“Sweetheart, Daddy and I need to talk to you. Would you come downstairs please.”

“Daddy I want to play.”

“Ella.” That was the voice she knew not to ignore and he waited for her to get up, surprised as she held up her arms for him to carry her. She’d stopped that ages ago. He doesn’t question it and picks her up, groaning slightly as his back complains. “You’re getting too big for this sweetheart.”

When they get downstairs, Aaron is perched on the arm of the sofa, biting his thumbnail, sweater pulled over his other hand. Robert bites back his sigh and puts Ella down onto the floor.

“Come and sit by me.” He patted the seat beside him, gaze on Aaron. “You know Daddy and I love you to pieces don’t you? Do you want to tell me what you told Daddy that you hated him when he brought you home from school?”

“No.” She’s picking at the hem of her dress and he stops her, hand gentle on hers. 

“That wasn’t a nice thing to say and it hurt Daddy a lot so I’d really like to know what’s going on.”

“Robert, leave her…”

“No, because I know my Ella and I know when something is the matter. Is it school? Has someone upset you?” She shakes her head and Aaron slides down onto the seat so she’s between the two of them. “Then what is it? We’re not going to be cross I promise.”

“What did I do to make so angry with me bug?”

“I’m not your baby anymore.” She mumbles and their eyes meet over her head.

“What? Of course you are! Come on, tell us what’s going on.”

“Matthew said that if I have a brother or sister then you won’t love me so much and you said I was getting a brother or sister so I can’t be your baby anymore.”

“Well, Matthew was wrong because Daddy and I love you so much and we always will. That doesn’t explain why you said you hated Daddy though.” He could see Aaron shaking his head, trying to get him to leave it, but he wouldn’t even though he could guess it was all wrapped up in the same thing.

“You said you couldn’t wait until the baby was here, to Nana Chas, at the pub, last night. I heard you. You don’t want me anymore, like Matthew said because of the baby.”

“Oh bug, come here.” Aaron lifts her onto his lap, holding her tight. “I could never not want you. Who else would watch Peppa Pig with me? Hmm? Why didn’t you tell us all this?” She shrugs. “Things are going to be a bit different when your brother or sister is here because babies need lots of looking after, but Daddy and I will always, always love you. You’re our Ella.”

“Besides, I think you’re going to be a brilliant big sister. You want to see something really special?” Robert gets up, sliding his wallet from his pocket. “The reason that Daddy was so excited yesterday was because this morning we went to the hospital to see a picture of the baby and he couldn’t wait. Want to see?”

“Yeah!” Aaron laughed at her change of mood as Robert handed her the scan photo that they’d been given. “It looks funny.”

“It does, but you looked like that too. We’ve got your photo upstairs. You feeling a bit better now bug?” She nods, wrapping her arms around his neck and Robert can see tears in his eyes. 

“Sorry Daddy. I don’t hate you.”

“I know that, but it’s not a nice thing to say, yeah? Just talk to Daddy or me ok, or even your Aunty Vic. Don’t get yourself all upset like this.”

“And no more listening to Matthew, ok?”

“Can we go and see Nana Chas? Can we show her the picture?”

“You just want Marlon to cook your tea!” He tickled her making her squeal and Robert felt something in him relax. They’d told her two or three weeks or so ago about the baby and she’d been happy. She’d not done anything to make them think she was worried or jealous so this had all come out of the blue.

“Go fetch your jumper, it’s cold out, and we’ll go.” She skips up the stairs and he immediately hugs Aaron. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just…thought it was…I don’t know. Anyway, pub yeah?” He pulls away and gets up.

“Looks like it. Aaron…you’re a brilliant Dad, you know that, don’t you? Our kids are the luckiest in the world to have you.” He gets a blinding smile in return just as Ella comes back down the stairs.


	63. Hush little baby

It’s three am and right on cue the snuffling little cries come through the baby monitor that sits on the bedside table. He always waits a few seconds, sometimes he just goes back to sleep, doesn’t need them. Tonight isn’t one of those nights, the volume increasing almost straight away.

He pulls himself from the bed, staggering slightly with tiredness from the room. Robert still sleeping. They’re both getting to be experts at sleeping through when it’s not their turn to get up. He finds his way by the star nightlight attached to the wall throwing enough light into the room to keep the little boy happy.

He’s wide awake now, cries slowing when he hears someone coming, staring up at the ceiling legs kicking under the blanket.

“Right on time little bug. Ya hungry?” He picks him up, hand going to the back of his head, the blonde hair soft under his fingers. He’s still small, but even Aaron can tell he’s growing fast. Like a weed his Mum says. “Daddy’s still sleepin’ so we’re going to be nice and quiet yeah?”

He clicks the light on as he reaches the staircase. It’s cold on his bare feet and he wonders for the umpteenth time what was wrong with a regular staircase. The cries start up again as he makes up a bottle one handed, other arm gently jiggling the little boy. It’s chilly in the kitchen and he’s glad when the microwave pings and he can move to the sofa,sitting carefully settling Seb in his arms.

He pulls the throw from the back of the sofa, spreading it out over his bare legs, tucking it round Seb’s feet.

“Nearly ready. Can’t have it too hot, can we? Daddy would get on to me.” He looks down to see blue eyes staring back at him. “You have no idea the mess your Daddy got himself into do you? I’m not sure he does half the time, but I do know just how much he loves you. We both do. I thought I couldn’t, never would but I reckon you’re just like him that way, you managed to get under my skin.”

He checks the bottle, it’s cool enough so he holds it to his mouth, lets Seb’s fingers grip it with him.

“Me and your Dad, well we haven’t had it easy really, but you, you’re always going to feel safe, and loved. I didn’t have that, but you, you’ll always have us, whenever you need us.”

The bottle is almost empty when he hears footsteps and Robert’s halfway down the stairs, hand rubbing through his hair, other arm stretching as his feet hit the floor.

“I didn’t hear him.”

“It was my turn. Think he’s finished anyway.” He passes the empty bottle to Robert who’s standing there with a strange smile on his face. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re amazing.”

“Pack it in.”

“I won’t.” He leans down, presses a kiss to Aaron’s lips, runs a hand over his son’s hair. “Won’t be long before he’s out. Want me to take him?”

“He’s fine here. You feel like going back to sleep?” Robert shakes his head, and Aaron shuffles forward so Robert can sit on the sofa behind him. Aaron shifts Seb so he’s against his chest, head resting on his shoulder, hand rubbing his back, Robert’s resting over his. It’s too early, they should go back to bed but here with the two of them, he’s content.


	64. Chapter 64

“Come on, out with it.” Aaron throws his pen onto the desk and sits back in the chair hands going behind his head as he looked over at the man in question.

“What?”

“You’re doing my head in, fidgeting like that. I know you, remember. You obviously want to ask me something, so come on, out with it.”

It’s April, not long until Robert’s birthday and they’ve sort of got this friends thing working well. It’s still a bit awkward but he thinks they’re doing alright at it. They’ve kind of imposed their own rules on what they don’t talk about. Maybe that’ll change as they get used to it but for now it’s working.

“I’m…moving out of Vic’s, found a flat in Demdyke.” He was 32 soon and he needed his own space. There’d been nothing in the village but Demdyke was close enough but not too close, it meant he wouldn’t end up feeling suffocated by anyone. “It’s not furnished, so I wondered…”

“You want me to come shopping with you?” He sounds dubious. “Me?”

“Well Vic’s off on this catering thing she found, Diane’s busy at the B&B so it’s you…or Doug, and I’m not sure our tastes quite match.” 

“You hate going shopping with me.” 

“No you hate going with me. Besides this is different, it’s for furniture. As long as it’s comfortable and not too hideous I don’t care. But if you don’t want to…”

“No, I’ll come. It’s got to be worth seeing you try and shop quickly. But I’m driving.”

*****

“What’s wrong with that one?” Aaron asks with a sigh as Robert got up frowning. He’d lasted an hour before complaining which was good going.

“It’s not slouchy enough.”

“The last one was too slouchy.” He felt like he was in some warped kind of Goldilocks fairytale. “Why not get a slouchy sofa and a less slouchy chair.”

“Because then they won’t match.” Aaron couldn’t help the slow clench of his fists, trying not to snap that the Mill furniture didn’t match, but he kept quiet.

“It looks like the two of you could use some help.” He jumps at the voice behind him and he turns to see one of the store assistants smiling at him. She reminded him a bit of Pearl, Robert already striding over to another sofa.

“Er, well, he can’t decide. Robert!” 

“You’d be surprised how many couples I’ve seen having a tiff over a piece of furniture.”

“We’re not…”

“No, I’m just…” He stopped, laughing nervously as they spoke over each other. 

“Oh dear I’ve put my foot in it haven’t I. You were just bickering like an old married couple. My mistake.” Robert’s looking at him with sad eyes and he has to look away, feeling uncomfortable. “Now what can I do for you.”

He doesn’t follow as she and Robert wander further into the store. It still throws him how easy they fall back into their comfortable bickering, they’ve always done it.

“Aaron! Come and look at this one?”

It’s not until they’re back in the car after Robert finally purchased his furniture that one of them brings it up.

“That was awkward, wasn’t it?”

“Easy mistake to make I suppose. It doesn’t matter does it?”

“It’s just…It’s just a reminder of everything I messed up, that’s all.” Aaron didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like he didn’t feel the same, the reminders of what they had.

“Rob…”

“So! You going to be on hand to help me shift all this stuff inside when it’s delivered?” He can hear the desperation in his voice, pleading to change the subject.

“Depends if you’re going to buy me a pint when we get back, or not?”

“You’re living dangerously today.” He laughed, they might be friends but his family seemed unable to accept that and the comments and glares kept on coming.

“Time they got used to it. You owe me, making me wander round a shop with the fussiest man on earth.”

Robert laughs and he grins across at him. This friends thing is taking some getting used to but maybe they can do it after all.


	65. Chapter 65

Aaron drains the last of his pint before he heads up to the bar. Paddy is still serving, his Mum obviously still dealing with Charity and this new mess that he’s trying to stay out of. There’s no room in his head for anyone else’s problems right now. He’s in no doubt that he’ll get dragged into it somehow in the end.

“Paddy, another pint, ta.”

“Where did everyone go?” 

“Alex had to go to work and Liv and Gerry were already going into Hotten to see a film, so happy birthday to me I suppose. Cheers.” He takes hold of his pint, pulling up one of the stools deciding to stay where he was.

“That was some present he got you, judging by your face.”

“It was festival tickets. Out with it, you’ve got that look on your face so rather than we go back and forth why don’t you just tell me.” He wasn’t in the mood for games. If he’s honest with himself he wants this week to be over.

“You told him that was what you wanted?” Aaron shakes his head. They’d hardly spoken about it being his birthday let alone anything else. He’d expected, well he didn’t know what, had really wanted to forget the whole thing. “Lucky he got it right then, wasn’t it?”

“Paddy I’m really not in the mood. Have you got a point or can I just enjoy my pint in peace?”

“He was talking to Robert…it sounded like he might have given him some tips.”

“Paddy…” He was fed up with the constant comments about Robert, about Alex, everything. Why couldn’t people just let him live his life in peace.

“I’m just saying, that’s not a very Robert thing to do.”

“To you maybe. So what if Robert suggested something, or would you prefer I got a shit birthday present? Robert and I are over, we both know that and we’re trying to be friends.”

“Aaron you know I’m only looking out for you.” Now he felt bad, he knew that, of course he did but sometimes that felt suffocating, like none of them thought he could manage alone, make his own decisions.

“Yeah. So let me make my own choices, yeah?” He put his glass down. “I’m off. I’ll pick Leo up at ten tomorrow.” He was looking forward to an uncomplicated day with his godson, just the two of them, no judgement, just a fun day.

He’s almost home before he does it, and he can’t decide if it’s a good idea or not, but it would be ungrateful not to even mention it. Friends, that’s what they said, and that’s what friends do.

He pulls his phone from his pocket, fingers typing before he can talk himself out of it.

To Robert: Thanks.


	66. Chapter 66

Aaron’s walking past the graveyard when he sees them, Robert and this Joseph Tate that his Mum has been bending his ear about all weekend. He’s not sure what she wants him to do about it.

He watches for a while, just in case. Some of the things he’s heard make him stay, not that he’s worried about Robert, he can take care of himself. He’s curious too he supposes, wants to know why Robert would be talking to him.

It takes a few minutes but eventually the other man stalks away leaving Robert standing on the grass shaking his head. Aaron doesn’t know whose grave he’s in front of, it’s not his Mum or Dad’s he knows that much. Before he can walk away Robert sees him and is heading towards him. He’s not seen him since before the whole Adam thing and that was just to record the voicemail message.

“What did he want with you?” He nods in the direction of car speeding from the village. “You know who he is don’t you?”

“Oh you have no idea. I heard about Debbie…I’m sorry. Are Jack and Sarah alright?”

“Haven’t seen ‘em but Mum’s keeping an eye on them. So what did he want with you?” It amazes him how they still fall into step with each other, they’re seamlessly making their way towards the Mill without thinking about it. “Tell me you’re not involved somehow.”

“What? No! You really think I’d do that to your family?”

He sighs, of course he doesn’t. He shakes his head, “No. So what did he want?”

“I was visiting Mum and he walked past. Reckon he must have seen the name, started asking me stuff.”

“What would he want with you?” Robert just raises his eyebrows. “No I…you know what I mean.”

“Joseph Tate, father was Chris Tate, mother was Rachel Hughes. She was my uncle’s step-daughter. He was just asking me about her.”

“Didn’t exactly look friendly.” Aaron unlocks the door and walks in, doesn’t even ask Robert in, just lets him follow. 

“I might have said some things.” He shoves his hands in his pockets staring down at the floor.

“Sit down, I’ll make tea.” There was something more going on, he could tell just by the look on Robert’s face. He’d seen it before when he talked about his Mum. He busies himself making a drink leaving Robert to sort out his thoughts. “Here.”

“Thanks. My Dad had an affair with his mum after she’d split up with Chris…I walked in on them kissing. I…guess I’m more like Dad than I wanted.” He gazes out of the window. “I wasn’t exactly nice about her. I don’t remember much else about her, just that one thing sticks in my mind.”

“I’m not surprised. He doesn’t strike me as someone to get on the wrong side of though.”

“He’s bought Home Farm you know. Threw that in my face, obviously knows all about the village and that I used to live there…maybe he thought I’d be jealous?”

“And are you?” It’s a never ending question, a bit like Robert’s connection to that place. There’s always been something tying him there.

“God no. I swear, that place is nothing but trouble and he’s welcome to it. I, er, I should go. Promised Vic I’d meet her for lunch and since Adam…well you know.” He gets up and Aaron watches as he goes to the door. “If…if you or Debbie or anyone need any help you know where I am. If he’s anything like his father he’s not going to back down.”

“Thanks. Maybe see you in the pub later if Vic’s working?” He doesn’t want to let him go, it’s been nice sitting and chatting.

“Maybe.” With a smile he’s gone.


	67. This is not happening

It’s cold and the silence is overwhelming. He knows something is wrong but he’s no idea what. There’s just a raging emptiness inside him and his heart is pounding.

“Robert? We need to go.” Vic’s at the door and she’s dressed in black. He doesn’t understand. He was with Aaron, they were bickering about going out for dinner versus ordering pizza, and now he’s here in Vic’s spare room. “You’re not even dressed.”

“What am I doing here? Did Aaron and I have a row?”

“You need to get dressed. He’ll be here soon.” She nods towards the wardrobe and when he looks he finds his black suit hanging there, freshly ironed white shirt next to it, shoes freshly cleaned on the floor.

“Who? Vic!” He scrambled out of bed to follow her as she leaves without answering. “What the hell is going on?”

He’s in the suit, doesn’t remember putting it on and he’s downstairs. Doug is making tea, Vic at the window. Diane is staring at him with what looks like pity and he can’t stand it.

“I don’t understand, I was with Aaron?”

“It affects people in different ways you know.” Pipes up Doug from the kitchen, turning his back on him as soon as Robert opens his mouth to ask him what he means.

“Will somebody just tell me what on earth is happening!” There’s a ball of lead sitting in his stomach, dread settling over him because there’s really only one reason everyone would be dressed in black. 

“He’s here.” Aaron would be here, would never let Robert go through something like this alone. He just wouldn’t.

He’s running, barely missing the door frame and wrenching the front door open, ignoring all of them calling for him to stop. The clip clop of the hooves echoes down the street, mixed in with the church bells and everyone of them is like a stab to his heart.

He doesn’t need to see the flowers, the coffin, or Chas and Paddy walking behind. There’s Liv, Gerry beside her and he can already see the tears on her cheeks. He doesn’t need to see any of it. He already knows.

This isn’t happening, it isn’t real.

The graveyard is cold, there’s frost on the ground, but he knows it’s summer, they had a barbecue the night before, Liv and Aaron heckling him as he battled to light the infernal thing. 

He’s scared, has never been this scared, even when he was underwater pulling Aaron’s leg free from the sinking car. 

Losing Aaron. 

No. 

He can’t. 

He’s not strong enough.

He wants to run, as far away as he can but his feet are stuck to the ground, he can’t move, his limbs like ice. Harriet’s words are surrounding him and he wants to block his ears with his hands like he used to when he was a little boy and his parents were shouting. Then he can pretend it isn’t happening.

This isn’t happening, it isn’t real.

It isn’t real.

“Robert.”

“Robert? Rob, open your eyes.” The first thing he notices is he’s laying on something hard, but he’s warm and that the voice sound like Aaron, but it can’t be, his mind is playing tricks on him. He doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to make him disappear. “Hey, come on, just so I know you’re ok.”

“Where am I?” His voice is croaky and now he lets himself he can feel his head throbbing. He gingerly presses his fingertips to it, feels the start of a bruise and hisses.

“You’re at home. You gonna open those eyes then, or not?” He does, blinks away the blurriness and there’s Aaron, alive and sort of smiling at him. “Hi.”

He probably shouldn’t, in fact the throbbing in his skull tells him he definitely shouldn’t have but he levers himself up from what he now knows is the floor, and wraps himself around Aaron, ignoring the soft oof of surprise that comes from his husband.

“What’s the matter? You were only out a few seconds. I was about to call an ambulance but…Robert?” He’s shaking, everything still so real and scary and he grips Aaron’s shoulders harder. “Come on, you only fell a couple of steps. I don’t want to say I told you so about those stairs but…”

“I lost you.”

“I was right here.”

“No, you were…I was at Vic’s and no one would tell me where you were and then…” He shakes his head slowly, buries his face in Aaron’s shoulder. It wasn’t real, he’s at home, with Aaron, he’s fine.

“Then what? Hmm?”

“Your…your funeral…I couldn’t…”

“It was just a dream. I’m here and I’m not goin’ anywhere. Stuck with me, you are.” He feels him press a kiss to his hair, starts to calm down just a little, can’t bring himself to let him go yet. “Y’know if you wanted to win the argument about pizza there are less dramatic ways of doing it.”

He breathes out a laugh, loves how Aaron knows just when to lighten the atmosphere. They should get up, he should probably get checked over, but he didn’t want to move, wanted to keep hold of Aaron just a little bit longer, let the dream fade some more first.


	68. Chapter 68

He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there, on the sofa, all the lights off, the room lit by just the Christmas tree lights. Aaron’s out, supposedly last minute shopping but Robert knows the shops are already shut so he guesses he’s been roped into a family drink at the pub. He’d go and find him, but it’s nice and peaceful being in the flat on his own for a while.

It’s going to be chaotic enough tomorrow because like a fool he suggested they have a joint Christmas Sugdens and Dingles all together, rather than start any family wars. There’s a table in bits out in the hall waiting to be set up in the morning and there’s a mountain of food in the fridge waiting for him and Aaron to work some kind of magic with.

He can’t help staring at the tree, the one they picked out together, the one they struggled to get through the front door. They’d decorated it together, after he’d fought a valiant battle with the tangled Christmas lights, cheerfully heckled by Liv watching from her spot on one of the kitchen counters. It had been fun and he smiled as he remembered Aaron and Liv bickering over who would get to put the star on the top. In the end, being the tallest it had been him who had the honour.

He can just about remember the first Christmases with his Mum, before Andy, before the fighting, before she wasn’t there anymore. All the ones after he left when he was alone. It wasn’t until Aaron that he had that family Christmas that he loved. He was determined that this year would be the same, just as good.

Last year had been anything but, stuck in hospital with just Vic and Diane for company, feeling sorry for himself. It was all the more reason to make this year even more special.

He’s contemplating getting up to put the presents he’s bought under the tree ready for the morning when he hears the sound of Aaron fighting with the key in the lock. Definitely stopped by the pub then.

“Rob!”

“What?” He called back, not making it easy for him. Much more fun this way.”

“Let me in!”

“Give me one good reason, you dirty stopout?”

“Cos I love ya, and it’s Christmas. Stop being an arse, it’s cold out here!” He’s still laughing at the sulky voice as he opens the door. “The key wouldn’t work.”

“I’ve heard they do that when mixed with alcohol. Get in here! No shopping then?”

“Left it in the pub. I’ll go get it.”

“No you won’t. You can fetch it in the morning. So, how’s your Mum? She get you in this state?” He sighs as he helps him off with his coat, fed up with his ineffectual flapping of his arms.

“Gerry. Then Cain. ‘m a little bit drunk.”

“So I can see. Where’s Liv?”

“With Gabby. Bernice ‘s bringing her home. What ya doin’?”

“Just looking at the Christmas tree, enjoying the peace, waitin’ for you to come home.” His hands have found Aaron’s hips, resting gently, enjoying the warmth of him, the still strong scent of his shower gel as he breathes him in.

“Lookin’ at the tree? You haven’t found another bauble out of place have you?”

“Shut up. No I was just thinking…about last year, not being here, how glad I am that I’m home, that you…well, that’s enough of that. It’s Christmas Eve, I’m not getting maudlin.” He rests his forehead against Aaron’s, smiling. “You want some tea?”

“Had some chips. Marlon was feeling generous.”

“Oh I see, while I’m home alone you’re having a great time living it up. I know who’s on potato duty tomorrow, don’t I? So…what do you want to do for the rest of the night then?”

“Just be here with you. Missed ya.”

“You were only gone a few hours.”

“Wasn’t talking about today.” Aaron rests his head on his shoulder, holding him tighter. 

“We’re getting mushy. Come on, place to ourselves…I say we curl up in front of a trashy Christmas film before we go to bed early. You’ve got to get up early to do those potatoes.

“Slave driver!”

He’s pretty sure this is perfection, a cuddly Aaron curled up against him on the sofa, film on the telly and the Christmas lights twinkling away in the corner.


	69. Chapter 69

He doesn’t mean to read it and it wasn’t that he went looking for it. He was at the Mill taking the last few bits of his that had been in the attic while Aaron was out. He’d asked him of course, had to get the key, and it was better this way. It was just sitting there on the table and he recognised Aaron’s scrawled handwriting.

it isn’t that I don’t love you, never that, I always will. It’s me I need to change. I can’t do that with you, I’m sorry I can’t. The baby, Rebecca, everything it’s too much.

I wanted to try and forgive you, I told you that, but it’s so hard because it’s her and she’s ALWAYS there and the baby is the same…I can’t get past it.

Seeing you is so difficult because I still want us. I want us to be how we were, at Christmas, the quiz and the wedding. You gave me the best day of my life, but now it’s all gone. There can’t be us anymore and when I see you it’s all I think about.

I can’t keep seeing you, I don’t think I can do it…

He shouldn’t have read it, stops himself going any further, grabs his stuff and leaves. He doesn’t answer Vic when she asks what’s wrong, it isn’t until he’s in her spare room that he realises he’s crying.

It’s perhaps the cowards way out, leaving in the middle of the night, but he can’t face the questions, the blame. Vic is staying at a friend’s in Hotten so he’s alone. He leaves a note for her, expects a flurry of texts and phone calls the minute she finds it.

He’s at the airport hours too early, sits in the car park thinking just how much he’s messed up. He’ll have to come back, there’s business to sort out, and a baby, but for now he has to leave, for Aaron’s sake. He made this mess, he has to try and fix it.

He’s nursing a lukewarm coffee watching people hurry by to catch their early flights when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“What the hell are you playing at?” Aaron, and he looks awful, pale and like he’s not slept in days.

“How did you…what are you doing here?”

“Vic called me panicking! Said you’d left, were going to Spain. What the hell are you doing?”

“Don’t be…just don’t get mad, but when I got my stuff the other day, there was…on the table.” He looks down at his hands, he knows just how private Aaron is and that wasn’t meant for him, not really. “I didn’t mean to read it, but what you said…I can’t go on hurting you.”

“So you’re leaving? Running away?”

“I’m giving you some breathing space. After that…well we’ll see, but if me being around is too hard for you then I’ll go.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, stands there, fists clenched and Robert aches to hold him, to tell him everything will be alright, but he can’t, not anymore.

“Don’t go.”


	70. Chapter 70

The only explanation was his Mum had done this on purpose, that she was getting him back for something. He never came near the pub when she had the karaoke on. So this time she hadn’t told him, had sprung it on everyone after they’d been there an hour. He eyed Robert warily, he’d had a few pints, they both had, as he got to his feet.

“Where are you going?”

“Hmm? Oh, just need to talk to Jimmy about something. Won’t be a minute.” Aaron squirmed away as he pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek. Aaron watched as he walked slightly unsteadily over towards where they were sitting, and got up himself heading for the gents.

He was on his way back to his seat when he heard it, the familiar voice, trying to sing. He couldn’t make out the song and he didn’t really want to go back into the bar to find out because that was Robert singing on the fucking karaoke.

He didn’t mind Robert’s singing, he liked it when he heard him singing in the shower most mornings. A nice reminder that he was home, back in their house where he should be. He didn’t mind him singing along when there were old films on the TV that Robert used to watch with him Mum and they used to sing along. What he didn’t like, was him serenading him in the middle of the pub with his Mum and half his family watching.

He just knew it was going to be like that, because Robert always got a bit, no a lot, soppy when he’d had a few drinks and Aaron loved his husband, but he hated being embarrassed. Still he couldn’t stay here all night.

“And I thank God I’m alive  
You’re just too good to be true  
Can’t take my eyes off you.”

He tried to sidle back into his seat without anyone seeing, could already feel his face going red, wished he could hide under the table as Robert launched into the chorus. 

I love you baby  
And if it’s quite all right  
I need you baby  
To warm the lonely nights  
I love you baby  
Trust in me when I say

It’s almost as if he notices just how embarrassed Aaron is as his voice trails off and he walks back over to him, dropping onto the bench beside him.

“I can’t, you know?” He slings an arm round Aaron’s shoulders, head lolling on his shoulder.

“What? Robert, I’m not in the mood.” He tried shrugging him of but it was half hearted and he was fighting a smile.

“Take my eyes off you. You’re gorgeous and I love ya. You know that, right? ‘S just you. Love of my life you are.”

“You’re embarrassing me. My Mum’s here!”

“Don’t care who knows it. I’ll tell the whole world!” He couldn’t stop himself any longer, he burst out laughing.

“No, you’ll come home with me right now, before you do anything else made, like singing.” He kissed him, forgetting where he was for a minute, letting Robert run his fingers through his hair, before he remembered where they were. “Home. Now.”


	71. Chapter 71

He’s 39. How did that happen? He can’t help groaning as he rolls over in bed, can tell the sun is already streaming in the open curtains even without opening his eyes. Aaron does it every morning, opens them right up whether Robert’s sleeping or not and it’s a habit that he just can’t break him of. He doesn’t want to get up, wants to sleep the cursed day away.

He can already hear Aaron banging things around downstairs. The downside to the open plan lower floor is that every single sound carries. 

Finally he opens his eyes, glances about, a smile instantly on his face when he sees his daughter sleeping beside him, blonde hair all mussed up and falling over her face. She’s on top of the covers so he assumes Aaron brought her in, guesses he has a plan, even though Robert told him he didn’t want any kind of fuss. It was bad enough he was now only a year away from the big 4-0, he didn’t feel the need to advertise the fact.

“Morning birthday boy!”

“Shut up.” He grumbles, shifting to sit upright as Ella starts to wake up beside him. “You said you wouldn’t go over the top.”

“I remember nothing of the sort. Don’t be ungrateful.” He places a tray onto his lap, stopping to claim a kiss. “Mmm happy birthday!”

“Birthday Daddy?” The pair of them smile down at the little girl who is rubbing at her eyes.

“That’s right bug, you remember what we made for him?”

“You made me something sweetheart?” He runs a hand through her hair. “May I see it?”

She nods her head before jumping off the bed and running out of the room, ignoring Aaron’s warnings not to run near the stairs. Robert takes the opportunity to steal a longer kiss with his husband. It’s his birthday, he’ll make the most of that any way he can.

“What did I do to deserve you two, huh?” He really doesn’t know, no matter how often Aaron tells him he’s being daft, even after all this time. He has so many doubts that he’s a good Dad, they both do he knows, but he’s never been as happy as he is now.

Before Aaron can answer, Ella runs back in paper clutched in her hand. Aaron lifts her up, placing her between them and she shoves the paper right under his nose, so close he has to move his head back.

“Happy birthday, Daddy.”

“Wow! This is great.” He’s getting better at this, figuring out what it is she’s drawn or coloured, and if he doesn’t know he’s getting better at acting. This time it’s a glitter filled creation and thankfully it’s clear that it’s meant to be him and Ella at the beach. The words happy birthday Daddy are written carefully across the bottom, obviously Aaron and he thinks it’s probably the best thing he’s ever seen. “Thank you sweetheart, I love it. Where’s Dad though?”

“Gettin’ ice cream.” They laughed, her love of it legendary.

“Of course he is. Tell you what, maybe we can convince him to take us there today, hmm? Think he’ll treat your old Dad to ice cream for his birthday?”

“Please Daddy?” The big blue eyes turn towards Aaron and Robert knows it’ll happen. Aaron can no more resist them than he can.

“After Daddy goes to see Aunty Vic and Grandma then yes, I should think so.” He gets up shaking his head at her squeal. “Eat your breakfast, birthday boy. I told Vic you’d be over this morning.”

“Daddy can I have chocolate ice cream?” Robert smirks round a piece of toast, raising his eyebrows at Aaron. Maybe birthdays weren’t so bad after all.


	72. Chapter 72

“You’ve got five minutes.” The voice was kind enough, if disinterested. He supposed they saw this a lot. He didn’t bother to think about it any more, wanted to concentrate on the man in front of him, barely holding it together. He was the same and he wished more than anything that Liv wasn’t here.

“We’re going to sort this, Robert. I promise.” He blinks back his tears, they’re not going to help. He can cry later, when he’s alone. “Hey, look at me. You didn’t do this.”

Nothing. Nothing but Liv’s sniffles beside him.

“Liv, will you wait outside, give me and Robert a minute alone.” She’s shaking her head. She could protest all she liked, she didn’t hate him like she’d said, never really had. “Please.”

“Hey,” His voice is soft, almost hoarse but she looks up and the next second she’s flying into his arms, making him stumble. “It’s alright. You and your brother are going to be fine…don’t worry about me. Go on, he won’t be long.” He doesn’t look at Aaron until she’s gone. “You should go too.”

“No, you’re not doing this, you’re not giving up. You’re not pushing me away. We’re going to fight this.”

“How, Aaron? I’ve been found guilty. You’re not putting your life on hold for me, I won’t let you. So, I’ve got to let you go.”

“So just like that…I mean that little to you? This means nothing?” He said of the ring that hadn’t even been there a month, both of them trying to ignore the pending court case, trying to think of a life after, together.

“You know it does, but you deserve better than me, better than this…after today we’re not even going to be alone again for years. So, you should go, forget about me, get on with your life. You and Liv.” If Aaron didn’t know how him as well as he did, he’d think he didn’t care, but there was a slight tremor in his voice, the muscle in his cheek was twitching.

“No. Stop being so fuckin’ noble,” He can’t stop the tears now, doesn’t even care what he looks like. “You, me and Liv, we’re a family you said. That’s not just during the good parts. I’m never going to stop loving you and I’m not going to leave you to face this alone. I’ll find a way. I love you and I’m not leaving you here to rot.” He grabs his arms, clings to him almost as he kisses him. In the end Robert pushes him away, shaking his head

“You can’t, Aaron. Just…what we had, it was good, yeah?”

“Time’s up.” Robert nods and pulls himself out of Aaron’s grip as he tries to cling onto him as long as he can.

“I’m not going anywhere Robert. Robert!” He follows them to the doorway sees Liv crying, can’t even begin to comfort her, can’t comfort himself.

“Goodbye, Aaron. I’m sorry.”

With that he’s gone and all Aaron can do is watch until he disappears and hold Liv as she cries.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the previous chapter

It’s been two years. He’d given up months ago, thought he was never getting out. Aaron had done it though, somehow, he’d found the proof that he was set up. Even after he’d cut him out of his life, refused to see him, talk to him, everything.

He’d thought about not coming back, about leaving things in the past. Maybe it would be for the best. Aaron would’ve moved on by now surely, he didn’t want to see that, even if it was his fault. There was nothing else left for him in the village. Everyone else had turned their backs on him when he’d been arrested. He had no idea how Aaron had coped with that, all alone against them all, even his own family. He realises he doesn’t even know for sure that he’s still in the village. Maybe he’s come back for nothing.

Can he really expect to come back and have Aaron welcome him, after everything. He’d written, those first few weeks after Robert refused to see him, the letters full of anger, blame, everything that he expected. Eventually they’d stopped and he was alone.

Truth was he had nowhere else to go and even if he was turned away he wanted to see Aaron again, to try and explain why he’d done what he’d did. He just hoped he didn’t get the door slammed in his face.

The village is quiet, he’d hung around in Hotten until late so that it would be, not wanting to see any of the villagers unless he had to. He’s never been that lucky though so of course the first person he sees is Cain. He hitches his bag a bit higher on his shoulder ready to just walk on past but Cain’s having none of it, an arm coming out to stop him.

“You’re out then?”

“Looks that way.”

“You know our Aaron was devastated, don’t you?” Robert just nods, hangs his head a little. “You did right though. No point both of you puttin’ your lives on hold.”

“Understanding as always then. Is he…does…” He’s always been just a little bit intimidated by Cain but now he doesn’t even try to hide it.

“He’ll be at Mill. Him and Liv moved in last summer.” He looks down the road to the house in the distance. They’d talked about it once or twice before everything, buying a place making a proper home for Liv. 

With one last nod he heads on, glad he doesn’t have to head into the lion’s den of the pub, he’s nowhere near ready for that. He doesn’t see anyone else and he’s walking along the driveway before he knows it. The place looks completely different, no longer a burnt out shell. There’s a grey car parked outside and he just knows it’s Aaron’s.

He takes a few deep breaths, building himself up to ringing the doorbell. He makes himself do it, with a shaking hand and he waits eyes on the ground until he hears the door click open. He barely has time to see that it’s Liv before the door slams shut. Why did he expect anything else? It’s not long before it opens again and there’s Aaron and his breath catches in his throat at seeing him again after so long.

“What the hell are…”

“I’ll go, if you want, I just needed to see you, to say thanks.” He hasn’t changed much, hardly at all. He has, he knows that, his hair is longer, he’s probably thinner, prison food not a patch on Marlon or Vic’s. He looks older too. “You got me out, like you said and you could have left me there.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.” Arms folded, closed off, Robert turns to go. 

“I would have deserved it.”

“Yeah well…you want to come in? Not exactly warm out here. How’d you know where I was anyway?”

“Cain. Saw him up the road. Look I’ll go, don’t think Liv’s gonna be too happy if I come in.”

“Good to know prison hasn’t stopped you being a prat. Get in here.” He follows him in, taking in every detail of what looks like two flats. Liv’s slouched on the sofa when they get inside, glaring at him until Aaron tells her to pack it in. He tells him to sit down, switches on the kettle.

Liv’s up the stairs and gone by the time the tea is ready and Aaron’s sitting across from him.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Unless you can come up with why you cut me out of your life for nearly two years there isn’t anything to say.” Aaron scratches lightly at his cheek. “Did you think I wasn’t strong enough? Is that it?”

“No! It was me, I was the one who wasn’t strong enough. You’re the strongest person I know. I just couldn’t put you through that, putting your life on hold for me, for years. It wasn’t fair.”

“That should have been my choice! I stood by you all that time, when no one else did and then you just ignore me, ignore Liv!” 

“Because you wouldn’t make the choice! You would have been there every week whether you wanted to or not…and I couldn’t do that to you. I don’t deserve you.” He feels like he’s outstayed his welcome so he gets to his feet. “I just wanted to say thanks for everything you did. My solicitor told me you never let up on them. You stood by me when no one else did. I’m not going to forget that.”

Aaron just nods, has never been one for taking a compliment. 

“Yeah well they’re the ones who look stupid now, aren’t they?”

“Has it been really bad?” Even before the trial people had turned their backs on them, including their families. “Aaron?”

“My lot haven’t been that bad although Mum is…Mum. I don’t see Vic much. Sorry.” Robert shook his head. He’d come to terms with everything a long time ago, nothing much else to do but think on things. They’d made their choice. He’d managed on his own before, he could do it again, much as he doesn’t want to.

“I can’t really blame anyone…doesn’t make much difference. Anyway I best be off if I want to catch the bus.”

Robert picks up his bag. “Where are you stopping?”

“I’ll find somewhere back in Hotten. I had to come here before I lost my bottle. Anyway…” He doesn’t know what else to say. He makes it as far as the door before Aaron speaks again. 

“You can stay here tonight if you want. The sofa’s fairly comfortable. Probably better than what you’re used to.”

“You’ve got jokes now?”

“Too soon?” The cheeky grin is back, he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it. “You know, if you had given me the choice I would have been there, but not out of duty or pity or whatever you’re thinkin’. I would have been there every week because I love you and like I said I didn’t sign up just for the good times.”

“I doubt you expected the bad times to be this bad though…”

“Maybe not. Just stay tonight, yeah? Then see where we are.” 

It was a start.


	74. Summer days and sandcastles

They’ve been to the beach when they finally talk about it. It’s a blazing hot day and they’d both had enough of being stuck in the village so had skived off work for the day, bundling Seb into the car and heading for the coast.

If you’d told him four years ago that he’d be in a car full of discarded toys and probably a half eaten biscuit or two listening to Aaron Dingle singing along to Disney he wouldn’t have believed it and if he wasn’t trying to read a map thanks to a lack of phone signal and no satnav he’d be recording it on his phone.

“You need to turn left up here.” As Aaron flicked the indicator, he turned round to look at Seb who was staring wide eyed out of the window as he sang at the top of his voice. “You should be able to see the sea in a minute mate. You and me can go for a paddle if you like.”

“A’ron take me.” Robert held in a sigh. Just lately all Seb wanted was Aaron. He didn’t mind as such, he was still amazed that they’d made this work, but he couldn’t help but feel a small pang of _something_ when Seb didn’t want him to make his tea or read him a story.

“Course I will bug, but Daddy has to come too, keep an eye out for sharks and that, yeah?” He feels a squeeze to his thigh and Aaron’s smiling over and it doesn’t matter so much.

He’d not mentioned it to Aaron, he wouldn’t, didn’t want to take away from the relationship they had, it had taken long enough to get there. It was just a phase that Seb was going through, he was mature enough to handle that.

He _was_.

Except he wasn’t.

They’d been to the beach before with Seb but not since he was too tiny to do anything but laugh at the seagulls. This time he wanted to do everything. That’s how he found himself queueing up to buy an overpriced plastic spinning thing that looks like it’s been sitting on the promenade since he was a kid, a new bucket and space and an inflatable beach ball that was better than the regular football that was a permanent fixture since Aaron taught Seb how to kick.

On his way back, feet slipping in the soft sand he watches the two of them messing around. Aaron’s sitting on the sand, sunglasses pushed up into his hair that’s been blown all over the place by the light breeze, laughing as Seb grabs a handful of sand and dumps it all over his bare legs. He laughs all the time now, proper laughs that make you wonder if he’ll ever stop and it always makes everything better because really it’s not been that long since Robert wondered if he’d ever laugh like that again.

“You ready for that paddle then?” He asks his son as he reaches them. Seb’s already got his water wings on, wouldn’t hear of leaving them off until they were needed.

“A’ron.” He slips his tiny hand into Aaron’s starting to pull him towards the water, but Aaron’s watching him, and he knows.

“I’m a bit tired, bug, let Daddy take you and then I’ll get us some ice cream yeah?” Robert’s holding his hand out but he can already see the frown, the way his nose scrunches up when a tantrum is coming, so he surrenders.

“Take him.” He shakes his head as Aaron starts to protest. “It’s fine Aaron.”

He watches as they race each other to the water’s edge smiling as Aaron feigns disappointment at being beaten. Seb’s already stamping about in the water, hand held tightly in Aaron’s. He’s having fun, that’s all the matters.

*****

He sleeps all the way home, covered in sand that they’re going to be cleaning out of the car for months but happy.

“You alright?” Aaron asks sleepily from the passenger seat. He must have run from one end of the beach to the other looking for pebbles for the sandcastle he’d shown Seb how to build and now he’s knackered.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m not stupid, Robert. Did you think I hadn’t noticed?” His voice is soft and from anyone else it would probably be patronising but it’s Aaron so it’s comforting. “You can talk to me, you know.”

“Let’s just get him home, yeah?” He doesn’t want to talk, because it shouldn’t matter.

When they do and they’ve got Seb tucked up in bed still fast asleep, Aaron gets Liv to keep an eye on him while they take a beer each down to the bottom of the garden. A year ago they’d installed a shed, summerhouse Robert called it but Aaron told him not to be a prat. They put in a small section of decking next to it though, and some chairs, where the sun lasted longest and now they’d come out here for some peace and quiet. It’s still warm enough that it’s comfortable to sit even though the sun has all but disappeared.

“Right, talk to me.” They’re perched on the step as close to each other as they can get and it’s nice and he doesn’t want to spoil it because these days they don’t get as much time to themselves as they’d like.

“There’s really nothing to talk about.” He’s picking at the label on the bottle, doesn’t want to look up at Aaron. “It was a good day, Aaron, let’s just leave it.”

“No, because I know you’re upset. So you can either talk about it, or sit there brooding all night and being a pain in the arse.”

“I don’t want to talk about it because if I do I’m going to sound like a selfish pig.” He goes to stand up, head back to the house, but Aaron stops him, hand firm on his arm. “Fine. I’m jealous that he wanted you today, and yesterday and the day before. Happy now?”

“Ecstatic.”

“It’s not you.” He nudges his shoulder. “It’s not. I’d feel the same if he was going to Liv or Vic all the time too. I know it’s ridiculous, that it doesn’t matter but I can’t help it.”

“He’s just as likely to wake up tomorrow and decide that I don’t make his cereal the right way and demand you do it. He loves you, the whole time we were making the sandcastle he was telling me it had to be the best because it was for you, that you’d bought him the bucket and spade.”

“I didn’t…”

“You didn’t hear him because you’re a lazy git who fell asleep.” Aaron’s arm comes around him, holding him close and he can’t help but turn towards him for a kiss.

“Sorry…just sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough.” All the time in fact, wanting to be better, to be there whenever Seb needed him, never wanting him to feel unloved.

“You are, I promise. He doesn’t want for anything and he knows he’s got a whole village of people who love him. I mean he had my Mum charmed within a week. He still needs you though.” Trust Aaron to always get to the exact thing that was bothering him.

“I…you know I love that you love him, right? Just because I freaked out a little today, it doesn’t mean I don’t want you to…”

“Robert, shut up. I know. Just know that when he’s a stroppy teenager he’s all yours.” He’s joking but there’s a shudder goes through him at the thought of it. “I’m still recovering from dealing with that one.” He points his beer bottle at Liv standing in the doorway. “What’s up Liv?”

“Seb’s awake. He wants a story, Robert and I don’t do the voices properly. Bossy little squirt.” He just shakes his head and gets up, not even protesting when she passes him and swipes his beer from him.


	75. Chapter 75

Aaron’s pacing, has been for a while, the path from the kitchen to the door probably well worn. He’s not nervous, but it’s still a big change, one that he’d not really considered would happen. At least not this quickly. They’d discussed Seb, not just in the garage, but after too, Robert checking over and over that he’d be ok with him staying a couple of nights a week.

This though, this was different. It wasn’t a few nights, it was every night for who knew how long. Even if he had any reservations, Robert’s face when Vic had called him crying down the phone, would have convinced him. She’d only gone to the cafe, just next door, he’d said as he hurriedly pulled on his clothes, the two of them enjoying the empty house. That was all he’d said before he was gone.

He’d called half an hour later, the tremor in his voice perfectly clear as he’d told him what had happened.

“Rebecca left the cooker on…there was…” He stopped and Aaron could hear Seb’s cries in the background and he’s on the verge of going over there when Robert speaks again. “A tea towel caught fire. If Vic hadn’t come back when she did…I can’t leave him.”

“Bring him here.” It’s not even something he has to think about. He knows Robert, what fire means to him. “He’ll be safe here.”

It was awful really, what was happening to Rebecca, and maybe it won’t help her, Seb not being there, but Aaron’s priority is Robert, and Seb. Robert hadn’t said much, said he’d be a while.

He’d occupied himself moving things round in their room, making space, guessing Robert would want Seb close. Besides they could hardly put him in with Gerry. He laughs a little at the thought. It wasn’t a permanent solution but it would do while everything got sorted out. 

Now he just had to wait. Liv was out, dragged to the cinema by Gerry, wanting to see the newest Marvel film. Liv had been so good about everything, so much better than he’d expected, but he couldn’t say what she’d think about Seb moving in. They’d be back soon, so maybe he could explain before Robert got home.

Or not, he thinks as he hears the outer door close, followed by the tell tale sign of Seb crying. He hurries to open the door, greeted by Robert holding a wriggling baby, one hand on the pram handle, shoulders weighed down with bags. He looks lost almost and before he can think, Aaron’s taking Seb, running a hand over his head trying to calm him down.

“Dump that lot there and come and sit down.”

“Sorry.” He whispers, slumping down onto the sofa. “None of this is your problem.”

“Robert, don’t be an idiot. I told you, let me help you.”

“You didn’t mean having a baby dumped on you full time though did you?” 

“I meant whatever it was you were dealing with. Anyway he loves it here already, look.” Robert finally smiles at the sight of his son taking in his new surroundings, happy gurgles and all. “You couldn’t leave him there Robert and I know you’ll feel guilty about taking him away from her, but don’t. You’re doing what’s best for him.”

“I know you’re right. It’s like she’s not even aware of him anymore. Thank you, for…” He gestures at Seb, catching hold of his little hand.

“We’re not going to answer him if he’s being daft, are we, huh? Look at it this way, he’s quieter than Gerry, eats less than Liv.”

“About Liv…” Aaron shakes his head. Robert’s been walking on eggshells around her all weekend, even though they’re ok. He’d found them, heads bent over her homework the night before, just like old times.

“I’ll talk to her when she gets back. You want to take him upstairs? Sort all his stuff out?”

“Yeah…uh…” Aaron just grins and hands Seb over before picking up some of the bags. It’s not everything, he’s sure, but it’ll be enough for now. “What have you done?”

“What makes you think I’ve done anything?”

“You don’t fool me Dingle.”

“I just moved things round a little, that’s all.” He swings open the bedroom door. It’s not much, he’s just moved a chest of drawers to make room for the cot, cleared a couple of surfaces to make space. The look on Robert’s face would make anyone think he’d rebuilt an entire house. “I thought you’d want him in here with us. At least until everything is sorted out.”

“I…you didn’t have to do this.”

“Kind of did…where were you going to put him? The cupboard? I’ll go and get the cot thing.” Before he can go Robert’s grabbing his arm, pulling him closer.

“I love you.” He whispers it almost too quietly for Aaron to hear. He says it more now, almost as if he’s convincing himself that he can and it makes Aaron’s heart leap every time. He’s not sure he’ll ever tire of it.


	76. You don't bring me flowers

“Stop it.” Aaron whispers, a hand going to his knee to stop him jiggling it up and down. He can’t help it, it’s the first time they’ve been called into the school about Seb. 

“What if…” He can’t stop from worrying because Seb’s good, he doesn’t get into trouble, well apart from the football smashing into the pub window but Robert blames Gerry for that and it was all sorted out easily enough. This though, a phone call halfway through the morning calling them in with no explanation given, that’s different.

“Robert, stop. He’s fine, if he wasn’t they would have said. Don’t tell me your parents never had to come into school about you.”

“I’ll have you know I was a little angel.” 

“Like I believe that! Whatever’s happened, we’ll sort it, yeah?” It still amazes him, how calm Aaron is now. Not that he doesn’t get his back up, especially about Seb sometimes, but still the change is noticeable.

“Mr Sugden, Mr Dingle.” The headmistress is at the door, looking stern and he glances at Aaron, his back straightening as if readying himself for battle. The second they’re sat down in front of the desk she starts speaking. “Now, we’ve had a complaint about Sebastian. He was seen picking flowers from one of the gardens on the way to school yesterday morning. Usually this wouldn’t be anything to do with us but as the complaint was made to us I thought it best to call you.”

“You called us in here, away from our businesses, because of a couple of flowers?” 

“Not just that. There was an incident last week, nothing more than a bit of pushing and shoving, but the change in behaviour leads me to ask if there’s anything going on at home that we should be aware of.”

“Seb’s been the same as always at home, hasn’t he?” Aaron’s already defensive and it still makes Robert smile. He nods, Seb’s the same smiling, happy boy as always.

“There’s nothing going on to explain this. Are you sure it’s him? Could the person who made the complaint have made a mistake?”

“He was very clear. Seb isn’t in trouble, we just thought it best to speak to you both. Maybe a quick chat at home in case he’s anxious about anything.”

They don’t say anything else until they’re in the car, Aaron driving, Robert tapping his fingers on the passenger door.

“You don’t think he is worried about anything, do you? He knows he can talk to us, right?”

“Of course he does. It’s just some busybody. Who complains about a couple of flowers. Anyway how many kids with blonde hair walk past those houses every day. We watch him go into school every day even if we can’t park right outside.” Robert can’t keep the concern from his voice though

“We should talk to him though.” Aaron sounds so worried. “When he gets home from Laurel’s.” They’d got a system running between them, Laurel, Moira and Cain where they took turns to pick up the children and look after them after school while the others worked. The kids loved it and sometimes Robert wondered what the three of them would be like as teenagers, running riot through the village. He tried not to think too much or it’d give him nightmares.

“We will.”

Maybe it’s over the top but he finds himself cooking Seb’s favourite tea, even going to the shop for some ice cream. Maybe he shouldn’t, especially if it was him who took the flowers, but he didn’t care. 

He grins when he and Aaron get back, his backpack being dumped by the front door before he runs over to hug Robert, cheeks flushed from running, no doubt he and Aaron had raced each other home.

“I beat him, Daddy! I runned all the way from Dotty’s house!”

“You did? Wow. You’re going to wear Aaron out mate. Did you have a good day at school?” He shrugs and then Aaron’s there telling him to go wash his hands for tea. He waits until he’s gone and then Aaron’s slumping into one of the chairs. “What’s happened?”

“Laurel said when she picked them up his hands were a bit grazed. She’s cleaned them up but he won’t tell her what happened. She reckons he’s been happy enough though playing at hers. Do you think he’s being bullied?”

“I don’t know…no he’d tell us.” He shuts up as he hears footsteps. Seb looks his usual self, but he catches himself looking at his hands, sees Aaron doing the same but he doesn’t say anything, wants to wait until he’s eaten.

“Finished Daddy. Can I go and play?”

“In a minute. We want to talk to you a bit first. Is there anything you want to tell us, about school, or anything?”

“We’re not going to be cross bug, I promise.” Seb smiles a little at the nickname, because Aaron doesn’t use it so much now, but then he’s back to staring at the table. “But if something’s going on, we need to know, yeah? Dotty’s Mum told me you’d hurt your hands.”

“Fell over.”

“You’re getting on alright at school though, no one is being horrible or anything.” It’s small but it’s there, the slight shuffle that Seb does when he’s hiding something. “If they are we can sort it out you know, talk to your teacher, but you need to tell us what’s going on.”

“He pushed me.”

“Who did?”

“Ben. He was being mean to Dotty and me an’ Isaac told him to stop, so he pushed me.” With that he slips off his chair and walks round to Robert, climbing onto his lap showing him his hand. “See.”

“Ouch! We’ve got some stuff to make it better. Has he pushed you before?” 

“Yeah.”

“Why was he being mean to Dotty, bug?”

“Sayin’ stuff about her not having a Dad. Cos we were makin’ cards…oops!” He slaps a hand over his mouth at giving away what Robert guessed was supposed to be a secret and then Aaron’s chuckling. “He shouldn’t say that though, it’s not nice.”

“No he shouldn’t. Listen, mate, we had to see your teacher today…did you pick some flowers from someone’s garden the other day?”

“Was just one. For Dotty, to make her feel better.” He sniffs, “Am I in trouble?”

“No.” Aaron assures him ruffling his hair. “But next time just pick flowers from our garden huh? Or Aunty Vic’s?”

“And if this Ben says anything else, tell someone, ok?” Seb nods and slips from his lap. “Seb, that was nice of you, making Dotty feel better.”

“She’s my friend, even if she is bossy. Can I go play now?”

“Yes, and I’ll come up and listen to your reading in a bit.” When he’s gone he turns back to Aaron to find him laughing. “What?”

“Only a son of yours could get us called into the Head’s office for trying to make someone happy.”

“Shut up!”


	77. Chapter 77

Why had they never had this conversation? That’s what’s going through his mind as he paces up and down the waiting room. He’s getting looks, doesn’t care. All he cares about is Seb. He should be with him. Out here he’s useless, can’t look after him.

Regulations they said, it didn’t matter how many times he told them who he was, how many times Seb had called him ‘his Aaron’ on the way here in the ambulance. He’d called Robert while they were waiting for the ambulance to get to them, trying to calm Seb’s cries because it’d only make him more frantic hearing his son crying over the phone.

He should go outside and call him back, tell him that he’s stuck out here but what if he blames him? 

His hand clutches tighter around Seb’s cuddly cat, the one he won’t part with at night, even now he’s older. Aaron had grabbed it on instinct, thinking it might help him calm down and then he’d forgotten to hand it over. He doesn’t want to hand it to just anyone to pass on, can’t risk it being lost.

It’s no good, he has to call Robert, find out when he’s coming home. He steps outside, doesn’t go far in case he’s needed, ends up next to a couple of people smoking outside the doors. He gave up years ago but right now he could do with one.

“Aaron! How is he?” Robert sounds even more frantic than before if that’s possible.

“We’re at the hospital, they’re still seeing to him. When are you coming home…I…” He can’t get the words out, feels like he’s failed somehow even though none of it is his fault.

“I’m on the next flight, I promise. Are you with him, can I talk to him?”

“No I’m outside…” He looks at the cuddly toy again, can feel his eyes burning, “They won’t let me…I’m not on his records.”

“What? That’s ridiculous! You’re his Dad.” 

“Not according to his records.” That annoying niggle is back, the one he gets whenever something reminds him of the past, of him not being anything to Seb, not legally. “I’ve tried, they’re not budging. The nurse said she’d stay with him. I, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. It’s not your fault…I’m coming home, soon as I can, yeah?”

“Ok. I’m going back, see if they’ll tell me anything.”

He doesn’t go straight back inside, lingers out in the fresh air, the waiting room too stuffy. His mind is working overtime and he wishes it would stop. He loves Seb, more than he had ever thought would be possible, given everything and being told he’s nothing had hurt. If Robert had been here, it wouldn’t matter, but maybe this is just a reminder of just how things are.

He doesn’t know how long he’s stood there, just thinking. He’s cold so it’s been a while, but he can’t make himself go back inside.

“Aaron?” He swings round, coming face to face with the nurse who’s been looking after Seb.

“Is he alright?”

“He’s fine love. He’s broken his arm but it’s a nice clean break, should heal as good as new. Now we want to keep him overnight because of the bang to his head and he might have a bit of a scar along his hairline but when I left he was sitting up in bed and chatting away about a farm.” Aaron laughed at that, they’d been helping Moira out at the farm and Seb had been fascinated with a newborn calf, had wanted to bring it home.

“His Dad is coming…will you tell him, tell him I’m here, and give him this?” He holds out the cuddly toy.

“You can tell him yourself.”

“But…”

“His Dad was very persuasive when he called just now. If it had been up to me, you would have been with him all the time, but better late than never.” He feels something unwind in him, that knot in his stomach has gone and he laughs a little at the thought of Robert raising hell with the hospital staff.

“He ranted didn’t he?” He asked as she led him back through the door he’d been staring at not half an hour ago.

“Well, yes, but it’s understandable. He’s right through here. I’ll be back to put a cast on his arm in a bit.” He nods and she’s gone, leaving him standing outside a cubicle.

“Hi bug!” He turns on a smile as he pulls the curtain back and just as the nurse said, Seb’s sitting up in bed, a book on his lap. Apart from the sling and a dressing on his forehead he looks ok and that knot unwinds a little bit more. “You alright?”

“My head hurts.” 

“I bet it does.” He leans over a presses a light kiss to the side of the dressing. “Better?”

“Yeah! Where did you go?”

“I was just outside. I had to wait while the doctors had a look at you. I’m staying now though. You want me to read to you?” Seb’s smile as he handed him the book was enough to fully calm him down. Now they just had to wait for Robert. He texted him a picture of Seb with a quick message telling him they were fine. He really didn’t need him launching another rant at the hospital staff before he got on his flight.


	78. Chapter 78

They were in Sainsbury’s when it happened. They should have seen it coming, Seb had been in a mood all day. Normally they would have left him with Diane or Vic while they did the weekly shop because Aaron can think of nothing worse than corralling him round a busy shop, but they were both busy. That’s why he’s currently standing at the end of the trolley like some olde worlde navigator, giving out directions in that sweet little voice of his.

He knows he should be sat in the little seat, not standing in the trolley but his patience is already wearing thin so just for today he’s letting Seb have his own way, and he’s blatantly ignoring the glares that are thrown his way when Seb points and shouts out his next direction.

The place isn’t even that busy, they’ve worked out through a fair bit of trial and error that mid afternoon on a Thursday is the best time, when Aaron is less likely to lose his temper and Robert won’t end up arguing with someone at the cold meat counter who has jumped the queue. That’s the reason they now use Sainsbury’s and not Tesco’s even though it’s closer, although if you ask Robert it’s because he prefers their fresh produce. It’s definitely not because he was seconds away from being asked to leave. Definitely not.

“What’s next Captain Seb?” Robert asks his son, dropping a bag of oranges into the trolley.

“Biscuits!” Aaron groaned. The kids sweet tooth was already legendary and the reason for the rearrangement of the kitchen cupboards so that all the sweet foods were out of reach. They had child locks on the doors but having watched Seb sit staring at them for a long time, Aaron was convinced he could figure out how to get around them, so the treats had to move. “Daddy, let me out!”

“Just for a bit, ok?” Seb nods, like butter wouldn’t melt. He’s good, he is, most of the time but they both suffered through the terrible twos and even a year on they don’t seem to be going anywhere. “There, stay with me.”

They’re fine, until he spots the biscuits and then he slips his hand from Robert’s and hurtles down the aisle. Thankfully there’s only a couple of people around but Aaron winces as Seb very nearly takes out one woman who’s reaching for a packet of digestives.

“Seb! Come back here!” He lets Robert chase after him, he let him out of the trolley after all. Instead Aaron stops and picks up the fallen biscuits, handing them sheepishly to the woman who thankfully is looking amused rather than angry.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine dear, no harm done. He looks a lively little thing.”

“That’s one word for him.” He spots Robert coming back, Seb in his arms, legs kicking, clutching a packet of what looks like his favourite biscuits to his chest.

Robert manages to get Seb seated properly in the trolley, despite the kicking legs but he can’t get him to part with the biscuits. Aaron would have given up, let him have them but Seb has inherited all of Robert’s stubbornness and it’s usually a war of attrition between the two of them. Sometimes Aaron’s not really sure which one is more childish, not that he’d ever say it out loud.

“Seb, give me the biscuits. You know you’re not allowed to run off like that.”

“No!” He shouts loud enough to make Aaron wince and he’s crying, big fat tears running down his cheeks and he’s about two seconds from a full on tantrum. “My biscuits!”

There’s something throbbing right above his eye and he wants to get out of here as soon as he can, not stand listening to Robert negotiate with his son. With a hand on Robert’s arm he crouches in front of Seb, giving him a small smile.

“Hey, Seb.” He’s barely speaking above a whisper, so quiet that Seb will have to stop crying to hear what he’s saying. It takes a minute but eventually the sobs stop and his legs stop kicking against Aaron’s hands. “You know it’s naughty to run off don’t you, huh? You could fall over or hurt yourself and then Daddy and me, we’d be really upset.”

“Yes.” It’s said on a hiccup and Aaron reaches out to wipe the tears away.

“And you know that you don’t have biscuits until we get home and you have your milk, so could you give them to Daddy like he asked?” He glances up warily at Robert before slowly releasing the now squashed packet of biscuits from his arms and handing them to his Dad. “Good boy.”

Robert ruffled his hair gently, getting a toothy smile in return and Aaron blows out a breath as he stands up straight, grabbing hold of the trolley once more. “Right then, where next mate?”

“Don’t know.” Robert just grins, knows he’ll be sulking for a while now. “Cereal, Daddy.”

“Of course. Can’t forget that can we?”

Thankfully the rest of the shop is uneventful and they’re on their way home, Seb dozing in the back, before long.

“How did you do that?”

“What?”

“Get him to calm down. I can but it always takes twice as long.” He can hear the awe in his husband’s voice.”

“I had a teacher once and when everyone was shouting or making noise, she’d just stand at the front of the class and speak really quietly. Eventually we’d all have to calm down so that we could hear what she was saying. I figured it might work with him.” He shrugged, it was really no big deal. “He knows you’ll argue with him, or give in, so he keeps going.”

“You know you amaze me sometimes.”

“Only sometimes? I must be slacking then. Come on, hurry up, if he misses his cartoon I’m not going to be the one calming him down.” He’s smiling though, it always gives him a warm feeling knowing that he’s doing the right thing with Seb, even after all this time.


	79. Chapter 79

It was his day with Seb. It wasn’t meant to be but Robert had a last minute meeting in Manchester so they’d swapped. He liked the time he got to spend with Seb, getting to know all his little habits but now he’s got a problem. It’s one he has a solution to but that just brings up another problem.

Liv.

The same Liv who had become especially skilled at spending no more than five minutes in the same room as Seb before disappearing out or to her room.

They’d both tried talking to her, more often since Robert moved back in but she just stubbornly refused to even acknowledge Seb. Things were still frosty with Robert but slowly she was coming round to him being back.

“Liv!” He lifted Seb out of his bouncy chair, holding him against his chest, smile growing at the little snuffling sounds he made. “This might be the worst idea I’ve ever had bug, but something has to change.”

“I’m busy!” She’s leaning over the bannister, scowling down at him.

“I need your help. Gerry’s forgot his keys and he can’t get into the office. I need you to keep an eye on Seb while I run mine up to him.” It was sort of the truth, Gerry was at the scrapyard, he just hadn’t forgotten his keys.

“Take him with you.”

“It’s too cold out there for him. Look I’ll be ten minutes and before you say it, no Gerry can’t come back and get them, he’s waiting for a collection.” When she doesn’t move he lets out a deep breath. “Look, I’ve left you to get past this by yourself but at some point you’re going to have to be around him. He’s a baby, not a monster.”

“He’s Robert’s baby, from sleeping with her, cheating on you! I don’t want anything to do with him!”

“Exactly, Liv. Robert cheated on me, not you. I know you’re upset with him, and you have every right to be, but none of this is Seb’s fault. All he wants is people to love him and he doesn’t have anyone but us. Can you at least try, for me?”

“Fine. Ten minutes.”

“Fifteen tops. Look he’s almost asleep, I’ll leave him in the crib, all you need to do is watch him. If he cries phone me and I’ll come straight back, he’ll probably just want you to hold him.”

He settles Seb back down, sits the toy giraffe that he loves next to him, running a finger down his cheek. One last check with Liv and he leaves. He’s not going far, just the shop but he doesn’t think he’s ever been so nervous. It had been his idea and he’d run it past Robert who hadn’t been keen so he didn’t know he was doing it today. He just hoped he was right.

*****

Liv was angry, at Robert, at Aaron, even at Seb. He was just a baby but he’d messed everything up and now he was here, crying all the time, his stuff everywhere.

“What’s so special about you, anyway?” She peers over at the crib at the sleeping baby. She’s not been around that many babies but he’s cute enough she supposes. “You’re lucky I suppose, having Robert as a Dad. He’s not that bad, but don’t you tell him I said that.”

She stops as he squirms, realises she’s holding her breath, hoping he won’t wake up. He does though, little mewling cries and she thinks he’ll stop, be alright until Aaron gets back but as soon as she moves he’s screaming.

“Will you stop that? I’m only doing this for Aaron.” He’s not going to stop so she picks him up awkwardly and his arms are flailing around trying to grab on to something. “You know I can’t really remember him from when I was little, but I remember him reading to me once, was pretty good at it I think.”

He’s settled now, staring up at her, still whimpering slightly. She’s guesses Aaron’s right, it’s not his fault. It’s just a lot. Her eye catches the clock and she sees Aaron’s been gone a lot longer than he said.

“I think we’ve been set up. You’ll learn that about Aaron, always thinks he’s right. I reckon you’re going to need me because those two idiots are annoying. So here’s the deal, when you’re old enough I’ll tell you all my secrets on how to get what you want. They’re a right pair of pushovers, but they’re not that bad really. You could do worse.”

*****

“What are you doing out here?” Aaron jumps as Robert comes up behind him. He’s been standing on the drive for the last ten minutes debating whether to go back in or not.

“You’re back. I…didn’t think you’d be…”

“Got the contract signed, couldn’t see the point in staying any longer when I could come home to you. Where’s Seb?”

“He’s inside…with Liv. I know you weren’t keen but we had to do something, because it’s unbearable the way things are.” He turned round in Robert’s arms, “I’ve been stood here the whole time, I wouldn’t go far and leave him.”

“I know you wouldn’t. If you think it’s a good idea then I trust that. So, how do you think it’s going?”

“Well she’s not phoned to swear at me, so I take that as a good sign. You want to go in?” Robert nods and presses a quick kiss to Aaron’s forehead.

He doesn’t know what he thought he’d find when he went inside but he’s pretty sure it wasn’t Liv curled up on the sofa, Seb snugly in her arms, with a book open on her lap reading out loud to him. They stand there until she looks up with a smile and Aaron’s instantly wary.

“I’ll be finding ways for you to make this up to me. Gerry rang by the way. Strange how he got into the office all by himself isn’t it.”

“Busted.” Robert whispers into his ear and Aaron can tell he’s smiling. “Was he alright, Liv?”

“Screamed a bit but we’ve got an understanding, haven’t we Seb? He’s not so bad and like I told him, someone’s got to back him up when it comes to you two.”


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine Robert came back to the village early, alone, and that Aaron didn't go to France :)

“What’re ya doing out here?” 

“Just getting some air. Be in soon.” He doesn’t look up, keeps staring at the floor, only moving when Aaron bumps into him as he sits down beside him on the bench. “Go back to your party Aaron.”

“Nope.” His lips smack as he speaks and it makes Robert smile, shows just how much he’s had to drink. “Comfy.”

“Is that right? How’s it feel to be the grand old age of 21 then?”

“Be better if you’d come back in.”

“I will. Aren’t you cold?” He looks over at him, the thin shirt he’s wearing can’t be keeping him warm.

“You’ll keep me warm, won’t ya?” He takes the hint, wraps an arm round him. “Love ya.”

“Yeah?” He’d told him before but Aaron wasn’t effusive with his words, made it all the better when he did hear it though. “Love you too. So, you’re enjoying the party?”

“Yeah. You want to tell me what’s the matter…’m not stupid.”

“It’s nothing, just thinking, that’s all. Go back inside to your mates. I’ll be there in a minute. Promise.” He nudges him, doesn’t want him missing the party because of his melancholy. 

This time he goes, stumbling a little up the steps and he can hear the shout from Adam when he sees Aaron is back. He waits a few more minutes, fixing a smile on his face not wanting his memories to upset Aaron’s birthday. It’d been battle enough convincing him to have a party in the first place. In the end Chas, Adam and Robert had ganged up on him and pretty much organised it before they told him.

When he gets inside Aaron’s laughing at something, he doesn’t recognise who he’s talking to, doesn’t know many of Aaron’s friends, except for Adam, Holly and Vic. He sits back at the bar asking Chas for a glass of water.

“Water?”

“Someone’s got to get him back to mine.” He nods over at Aaron. It’s not really that, he doesn’t need any more alcohol making him relive memories that are best left where they belong, in the past. “Looks like he’s having a good time though, doesn’t it?”

He still isn’t sure what she thinks of it all really and he doesn’t want to rock the boat by asking. Aaron’s happy, he knows that much, so maybe as long as he is, Chas is too.

He should’ve known Aaron wouldn’t leave it, even with more than a few pints inside him, and it’s when he’s tucked up in bed, water and paracetamol by the side of the bed ready for the morning, that he asks. Robert nearly falls over at the question, one leg out of his jeans leaving him off balance.

“What?”

“I said, what’d you do…for your 21st?”

“Don’t really remember. Did you have a good night?” He slides into bed beside him.

“Do you forget I can tell when you’re lying? I’m not that drunk.”

“Think you’ll find you are. You tried to get in Edna’s front door remember?” Thankfully he’d hauled him away before he could do something like try and break in. The last thing either of them needed was Edna on their backs.

“Stop changin’ the subject.”

He sighs, “I didn’t do anything Aaron, ok? Be pretty difficult when I’d been sent away from home and didn’t have any mates.” He has to get up, all the memories coming back to him, of being on his own, stuck in the tiny bedsit he could barely afford. It wasn’t like he expected anything, but he’d still kept his phone close all day, just in case, but no one called.

He’s halfway to the stairs before Aaron catches up with him, holding onto his arm. “Rob, wait! I…why didn’t you say something?”

“Why would I? It was a long time ago, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. Come back to bed, please.” He lets himself be pulled gently back into the bedroom, almost laughs when Aaron clumsily tries to tuck him into bed. “There must’ve been someone?”

“Not really. Never really been one for friends, you know that. Especially back then. It really doesn’t bother me.” It obviously bothered Aaron though, and really that’s part of why he loves him. He’d not had anyone care about him like this, be on his side, not since his Mum died. Vic did he supposed, but they were still finding their way after he’d come back when their Dad died. Aaron though, he always seemed to know what he needed.

“Is that why you wanted me to have a party?” He nodded. “Rob…”

“I’m not deprived because I didn’t get a party…it just brought up some memories, that’s all.“

“You’ve got friends now, though.”

“Have I?”

“Yeah. You get on with Adam don’t ya? And whatshisface, at the haulage firm.”

“Guess so.” He tolerated Adam at best, for Aaron’s sake, he wouldn’t say they were friends. “You gonna get some sleep?”

“Mmm.” He couldn’t help but wrap him up in his arms, just wanting to be close to him, to banish the memories of a cold lonely life once and for all. “You’ve got me too.”

“You’re my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, an’ you’re my best friend in the whole world, ‘k?”

“Ok.”


	81. Chapter 81

It’s not the first time he’s seen his husband cry but as far as he knows there’s nothing wrong. At least it hadn’t been the last time he saw him at breakfast. They’d been laughing at Seb ruining another one of Robert’s shirts.

“Rob?” He shrugs off his coat, and toes off his boots before rushing to his side. “What is it? Is it Seb, or Liv?” All he gets is a shake of the head, and a little bit of his panic subsides. “Then what’s the matter?”

“Just…I don’t…” His breath is hitching and he shakes his head again. Aaron doesn’t say anymore, just takes him in his arms, holding him as close as he can.

“I know you were fond of that shirt, but this is a bit extreme.” He hears a huff of laughter against his neck. “Please, don’t cry.”

They must sit there for ages, and he feels him start to calm down but he doesn’t let go. At least they have the house to themselves, no Gerry crashing around the house. Eventually Robert pulls away from him, looking embarrassed.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be daft.” He reaches to swipe the last tears from his cheeks, thumb gently clearing them. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Doesn’t matter. You want a tea?”

“I’ll get it…and it does matter. You matter.”

“You’ve got enough to worry about without me adding to it.”

“Let me be the judge of that, huh? Let me put the kettle on, then we’ll talk.” He presses a kiss to Robert’s forehead as he gets up, making quick work of two mugs of strong tea. “Where’s my little bug?”

“Asleep. I was…meant to start dinner but…”

“I’ll fetch something from the pub for us later. You going to talk to me now?” He twists and pulls his legs beneath him, hands clutching the mug, letting its warmth go through him. 

“You’ve got enough going on, without worrying about me.”

“Do you think I won’t worry more if I know something is bothering you but I don’t know what it is. Stop trying to be perfect, and protect me. You don’t have to do that, certainly not when you’re obviously upset.”

“I…it’s just, a bad day. I was late picking Seb up from Vic thanks to Joe fucking Tate, which set her off, and then Rebecca forgot he was staying with us, then he got all upset at the shouting. I can’t…then there’s Liv and…” As if on cue the tiny cries came through the baby monitor on the table and Robert sighed, starting to get up, 

“I’ll go. Drink your tea.”

He finds Seb wide awake in his cot, the cries softening when he sees someone coming for him. “Right, now listen to me little bug. Your Daddy is having a day, so you and me, we’re going to sort him out, then we’re going to see Nana Chas to get us some tea.”

When he gets back downstairs after a quick stop to start a bath running, Seb in his arms, clutching at his t-shirt, Robert is still on the sofa, staring into space.

“He was just feelin’ left out, that’s all. Loves the attention, don’t you, hmm. Just like someone else I know.”

“There are worse things he could’ve got from me. Want me to take him?”

“Nope. He hasn’t had his quota of Aaron cuddles yet. You are going to and relax in the bath while me and this one go and get us some tea. Ah!” He puts a hand up as Robert starts to protest. “Me and Seb have got it all sussed. You need to relax and stop worrying about everyone else. Besides, Mum won’t be able to resist when she sees this face.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well you’re stuck with me anyway, so tough. Go on, or there’ll be water comin’ through the ceiling. We won’t be long.”

He can’t make all the problems go away, he can’t help Rebecca’s memory, he can’t do anything about Joe Tate, or get Liv home, but he can at least stop Robert taking everything on himself. It would have to be enough.


	82. Chapter 82

“Is that a threat?”

“Robert.” Aaron’s voice is quiet, from his place at his side. He hears him, but he’s not letting this one go. For weeks now he’d taken the snide comments, the goading, saying nothing, letting it go. He was done. 

“No, Joe. It’s not a threat. I don’t do threats, not anymore. You see, I don’t need to. You might think that money, the big house, and the power, is the be all and end all, but I don’t. Not any more. Do you know why?” He can’t help but get up in his space now, ignoring Aaron’s hand on his arm. “Because while you might have all those things, the one thing you don’t have is a family. You go home alone every night, only your butler for company. Me? I get to go home to my husband, and my son and soon enough to Liv, in our house.”

“That’s really very touching. I’m sure all of that will really help Liv when she’s all alone in her cell.” He’s ready for Aaron, his arm shooting out to hold him back. The last thing they need is him getting arrested, and he’s under no illusions that Joe would take great pleasure in calling the police.

“If you think this will beat Liv then you know absolutely nothing about her, or her family. Now, run along.”

He just stands there for a minute, weighing up his options but in the end, faced with a wall of Dingles, he leaves. Robert feels the fight leave him and he almost slumps against the bar. Aaron is right there, a firm hand on his back.

He hears all of the comments from the Dingles, outrage at Joe Tate, and murmurs of enjoyment at his response.

“Wish you’d let me hit him.”

“If I didn’t think it’d end up with you back in a cell I just might. He’s right though, isn’t he? All of this, it’s my fault.”

“No. No, Robert. Listen to me.” He nudges him away from everyone, leaning close. “He’s a jumped up little schoolboy who doesn’t like it because you called his Mum a name.”

“But, Liv…if I hadn’t…she’d be home with us right now.”

“Maybe, but it could just have easily gone against her, even with a good lawyer. It’s done, and she’s doing ok. You heard her on the phone. She’s not that good an actress. A few more weeks and we’ll all be together again.”

“He’ll still be here though, still be as smug as ever.”

“Yeah well, he’ll get his comeuppance one of these days. He’s not our problem.”

“Ok. Just promise me something.”

“What?” He asks as he takes the two pints his Mum hands him, leading Robert over to a table. 

“When it happens, when he gets what’s coming…can I gloat?”

“Yes, Robert, you can gloat.”


	83. Chapter 83

“This is ridiculous!” Aaron grumbled from the passenger seat. “Why are we running away?”

“You heard what Cain said, until he can get the McFarlane’s to sort Syd, it’s best for us to be somewhere else.” He flicked his gaze to the backseat, Seb still fast asleep. At least Liv was in Dublin, one less person to worry about. With any luck this would all be sorted by then and she would never have to know.

“I don’t like running away.”

“We’re not, we’re going on holiday.” As far as anyone else was concerned that was the truth, a small break before Liv’s court case.

“Robert I’m not a child.”

“Then stop sulking. Would you rather wait around for Syd to come back? We haven’t got the money to pay him, not that we should have to pay him. He’s free because of you and he’s come back to complain. What else do you want me to do?”

“We shouldn’t have to hide. Me and Cain could have sorted it.”

“Or you could have ended up back in prison…I…I can’t do it again Aaron. Let’s just go away, let Cain deal with it.”

“I don’t like feeling helpless.”

“You’re not. My Gran always used to say ‘those who learn to fight and run away, lives to fight another day’. Maybe she’s right.”

“You’re annoying when you’re right.” He’s stopped pouting at least, sitting up further in the seat, fiddling with his phone. It had been a battle getting him to agree and without Cain almost forcing him into the car they probably wouldn’t be here right now, but it was for the best, he was sure of that. 

“Only then? That’s progress.”

“Sorry.”

“What for?”

“All of this, that he came into the house, could get to Seb. Everything.”

“You didn’t know did you? You’re both fine.” His eyes flick up to the rear view mirror again. “You kept him safe, you have no idea what that means to me.”

“Yeah, I do. Sort of. You kept Liv safe, when I was in prison, and I never thanked you for it back then. That or everything else you did.”

“Don’t.” He doesn’t deserve any of it.

“What happened doesn’t undo any of what you did, looking after her, getting me out, helping Mum.” He nods, throat tight all of a sudden and he makes himself concentrate on the road ahead, the road narrowing from dual carriageway. “All of this, now, you don’t have to.”

“Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about. You should know that by now.”

“I do.” He coughs slightly, embarrassed. “Right so, where are we going then?”

“Robin Hood’s Bay, you know it?” Aaron shook his head. “We went once when I was a kid, all these tiny old houses and streets, all on a hill. There’s a lovely beach too. His lordship back there will love it.”

“Sounds alright. As long as you’re pushing the pram up the hill.”

“No, wait…Aaron!”


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the last chapter

The sun is streaming in when Robert nudges the bedroom door open carefully. Aaron’s still sleeping, sprawled out across the bed just as he’d left him. He can see Seb wriggling about in the corner of his eye, the travel cot set up in the same room, neither of them wanting him too far away in a strange place.

He could get used to this though. No one to bother them, no family knocking on the door every five minutes, or wanting to move in with them. Even the one night here had relaxed him more than he’d been in months. Hopefully it was doing the same for Aaron.

“Oi, sleepyhead. Breakfast.” He sets the tray down beside him, moving to pick Seb up before he starts screaming the place down. He stands by the window as Aaron shuffles around, waking up. It’s not good talking to him for a good few minutes if he wants a conversation. Seb is fascinated by the seagulls that are swooping around outside the window. They might be here for a bad reason but he’s not sure life gets much better.

“What time’s it?”

“Just gone ten. Figured you could do with the sleep. You were tossing and turning all night.”

“Strange bed. You made breakfast?”

“The owners left stuff in the fridge. Need to get some more when we go out though. What do you fancy doing today?”

When they’d arrived yesterday they’d headed straight down to the beach, the sun out for a few hours leaving them warm enough. Aaron, being the big kid that he is had stopped at a tiny hole in the wall shop to buy Seb his first bucket and spade and some little flags that looked like they’d been there since the 70s.

“What are those for?”

“To stick in the top of the sandcastle, of course. Every sandcastle needs a flag.”

Seb had loved it though, even if he preferred demolishing all of Aaron’s hard work, laughing with delight every time he smashed his little hand into the creations. 

“Dunno, it’s a bit cold for the beach.”

“We could head up onto the moors, take a picnic.”

“What is it with you and picnics?” Robert laughed, sitting down on the bed beside him, resting Seb on his bent legs.

“I seem to remember you liked the last one well enough. We could find a pub somewhere if eating outdoors is too much for ya. We might as well make the most of being here.”

“It’s nice here though.”

“Nothing stopping us coming back again. With Liv next time.” He reaches over to swipe the last piece of bacon from Aaron’s plate, avoiding the smack on his hand by millimetres, merely smiling sweetly at Aaron’s glare. “Call it payment for your breakfast in bed.”

“I should call Cain before we go anywhere.”

“Already did. He reckons another couple of days, then we can go home. Also called your Mum, let her yell at me for dragging her baby boy away without telling her.” 

“She didn’t?”

“Oh she did. So, come on, up or it won’t be worth going.”

“You said this was a holiday, not boot camp.”

It takes them another hour to get on the road and then somehow he gets lost looking for this tiny village where there’s meant to be steam trains running through the station used in one of the Harry Potter films. He says it’s for Seb’s benefit, ignoring the scoff from Aaron, but really he’s always been a bit fascinated by the grand old machines.

“Do you ever follow directions? I said turn right back there.”

“The sign said left.”

“Just turn round and go back the other way.” 

“It’s a single track road, Aaron, how do you suggest I do that!”

“I offered to drive.”

“You can magic up extra road space now, can you?” He carries on along the less than smooth road hoping it’ll widen out before too much longer.

“Wouldn’t need to. Slow down.”

“Why?”

“Sheep.”

“What?”

“Sheep.” He points out the small flock of sheep by the side of the road. “Call yourself a country boy?”

Just before they reach the animals, almost as if they did it on purpose, one by one they strode out into the middle of the road, and there they stayed.

“Are you kidding me?”

“They’ll shift eventually. Hey Seb, can you see the sheepies? What noise do they make huh, bug?” He stops, noticing Robert staring at him. “What?”

“You’re amazing.”

“Shut up. You can go now.” The sheep have moved to the other side, still staring at the car as if they’re offended by it’s presence, and he hears a gurgle from the back of the car as they pass. Whether it’s because Seb can see them or he’s found an interesting bit of dust he’s not sure but the sound is wonderful.

“You were right you know.”

“That’s twice in forty eight hours. What about this time?”

“Coming here. We both needed it.”

“We’ll do it more often then. Make sure to have more time away from work, and everything. Just the four of us.”

“Four?”

“You, me, Seb and Liv. I draw the line at Gerry, Aaron.”

“Probably best, he’d want to take one of the sheep home with us, so he doesn’t have to mow the lawn.”


	85. There was a time before all of this

“Why aren’t you dressed Robert! We have to leave in ten minutes.” He should have known spending the night at Vic’s was a mistake.

“I’m not going. I can’t do it.” He didn’t lift his head up from where it was resting in his hands, fingers gripping his hair, pulling it in all directions.

“Why not?” She pulls his hands away from his face. “What’s happened?”

“I…I can’t marry him.”

“Robert, we have to be there in half an hour, this is no time for you to be playing silly beggars.”

“I’m not, Vic. I...I can’t marry Aaron.” Finally she gets that he’s serious, sits down across the table from him. He can’t look at her, the wide eyed stare he knows is there too much to handle right now.

“I don’t understand...no, Rob...tell me you haven’t...” He knows that voice, the tinge of disappointment, he’s heard it so many times.

“I haven’t done anything.” He can’t even be mad that it’s her first thought. It’s not like he’s ever proven people wrong in that respect is it. 

“You’re going to break his heart...again.”

“Do you think I don’t know that, but I can’t. I’m not good enough Vic. He deserves better.” He knows that this really will be it, he won’t get another chance, won’t deserve one, not sure he deserved this one and it’s killing him to walk away, to do what’s right when all he wants is to cling to Aaron and never let go.

“But he wants you. He knows all of that and he still wants to marry you and he’ll be waiting at the registry office now. You can’t just not turn up.” Finally he looks up, “No, oh no. I’m not telling him. If you’re going to be stupid enough to throw away the best thing in your life you’re going to have the guts to tell him yourself.”

He doesn’t say anything, there’s nothing to say. Then he hears her leave and he thinks she’s gone, thinks maybe she’ll do it.

It’s not even five minutes and then she’s back and a sixth sense tells him what she’s done. He doesn’t even have to look, he knows those footsteps, and then Aaron’s there, in front of him, crouching so he’s facing him.

“What’s wrong?”

“What did Vic say?”

“Just said you needed me. Can’t even go twelve hours without me, eh?” God that goofy smile of his. He can’t get enough of that, of how light and carefree Aaron is now, that’s what’s making this so much harder. “Robert?”

“I...you know, there was a time before all of this, you, that I wouldn’t even have given it a second thought. Would’ve done what I wanted without a care. It was easier, so much easier. Then I met you and for the first time I wanted to change, wanted to be myself, wanted to be better.”

“You are.”

“I’m not though, because I’m going to break your heart again, so how am I better? You should’ve just let me go.”

“You’re not making any sense.” He can’t help staring at him, because he knows that he’ll be gone as soon as the words leave his mouth, and that’ll be it, he’ll be alone again.

“You deserve the world, Aaron, and I wish I was the one to give that to you, but I’m not. I’ll just end up hurting you again, so I’m letting you go.” He feels Aaron’s hands leave his, just keeps staring at the floor, can’t face the pain in his eyes, that he put there. He’d promised himself ages ago that he wouldn’t ever do that again.

“You...I don’t understand.”

“I can’t marry you, Aaron. I’m sorry.”


	86. No one will ever believe us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the previous chapter. Hopefully this makes up for it!

Those first days, after Aaron had gone, he’d just stayed in Vic’s spare room, not wanting to see anyone. He’d heard her sending people away, Diane probably one, and he knew Chas was another, he’d heard the shouting, but Vic to her credit hadn’t let her near him.

He was sure he’d never forget Aaron’s face, the confusion and pain all mixed into one. There wasn’t any explanation that could make it better, however much Aaron demanded one. There wasn’t one, he just wasn’t good enough and deep down he knew Aaron would realise that one day, and be glad about all of this.

It was a week before he saw him, he’d had to venture out, Vic had pretty much forced him, sending him to the shop for bread. Aaron was coming out of the drive to Mill, hands in his pockets, head down. He could have ignored him, just walked on before he noticed him standing there like a spare part. He didn’t though, when had he ever been able to walk away from Aaron.

“You’re alive then?” It almost makes him laugh. He’d often say it on the days when Robert didn’t have to work, when he’d stay in bed late, sleeping until Aaron nudged him awake.

“Vic sort of forced me out of the house.” He doesn’t know what to say. What do you say to the man you love when you’ve pretty much jilted them? “Are…how are you?”

“Fine.” The slight clench of his jaw says otherwise. “Tell Vic I’m sorry about Mum…she had no right.”

“She did though, she’s protecting you, can’t blame her for that. I should…should probably come over and get my stuff. Doubt you want it cluttering up the place.”

“And if I do?” It’s quiet but he knows he means it and it would be so so easy to go along with it, to go home with him. “None of this is what I want.”

“Aaron, it’s not…”

“No, I know, it’s not that you don’t want to…I think you do, you just won’t let yourself because you’re scared.”

“That’s not it.”

“Right.” He sighs. “Do you think I don’t know the very worst of you? Despite that I still love you, always have. You’re the one that doubts it, not me, not any more, and until you believe in yourself I don’t know how to convince you that you’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

“I’m not. How can I be when I keep hurting you. It’s for the best, Aaron.” He can’t do this, turns on his heel and heads back to Vic’s, leaving Aaron standing there.

*****

He doesn’t see him again for a while, stays clear of the pub when he does go out, makes Vic promise not to meddle because he can sense she wants to. It’s when Vic catches him looking up flats in Leeds that she ignores him, invites Aaron over, tells them to sort it because she’s fed up with Chas complaining to her and with putting up with his mopey face around the place.

“I don’t know what gives her the right to…” 

“You’re moving?” Aaron’s just staring at his open laptop, and he closes it guiltily.

“Well, yeah, maybe…didn’t think people would want me sticking around.”

“Were you always this much of an idiot? No one wants you to leave. What we want is for you to be happy. I want us to be happy. So instead of running away why don’t you do something about it?”

“Like what?” He’s stuck, can’t make himself move and Aaron’s right there, so close, he can smell his cheap shower gel that he won’t change no matter how much Robert complains.

“Let yourself be happy. Stop worrying about what might happen.”

“And if I hurt you? I already did, too many times. If I do it again I…” It’s too much, the thought of putting pain on Aaron’s face again, it keeps him awake at night and it won’t go away.

“You can’t promise that. Neither of us can. I could just as easily hurt you…”

“No…” He wouldn’t because Aaron is better than him, always has been.

“Stop putting me on a damn pedestal Robert! I told you before, what happened was because of the both of us. I hurt you! We both did it. Stop putting all the blame on yourself.”

“I don’t know how.” He thinks he’ll go, leave again, think it’s a waste of time, that he’s just being stubborn, making excuses. He doesn’t though, he just stands there, almost touching and he could so easily kiss him.

“You never will unless you try. I’ll help, because I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have to work at us than be on my own. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah.” This time it is just a whisper, tinged with disbelief, that he’s not actually dreaming.

“So, no more moving away nonsense. If you don’t want to come back home yet I understand, but…I don’t want you to go anywhere. I still want you, and one day I will marry you.”

“I’m sorry, I messed it all up.”

“Nah, third time’s a charm, isn’t that what they say? But this time, when you’re ready, truly ready. You’re my husband no matter what.”

“I love you and I know you’ll get annoyed, but I really don’t deserve ya.”

“I’ll let you have that one, but that’s it. No more of that. Come here.” This time he does, clings to him like it’s been months. “Love you, you big idiot.”

*****

“Your Mum is going to kill us.” He can’t stop looking at the ring on his finger. Not that it’s not been there the whole time, except for about half an hour that morning, but it’s shinier somehow. That and the marriage certificate, the ink barely dry, folded neatly in his pocket, make him feel happier than he thought he would. 

He’d thought it wouldn’t feel different. They both considered themselves married anyway this was just the icing on the cake as it were.

“She won’t.”

“You’ve always had far more faith in her than I have. No one will ever believe us, that there was a last minute cancellation.”

They hadn’t planned anything this time, just booked the date. Neither of them wanted a big thing, they’d done that, sort of. This was for them, and deep down he thought Aaron hadn’t wanted any added pressure on him, on either of them, didn’t want anything else to go wrong. It had been perfect though.

“They can believe us or not. We did it how we wanted. We’re the important ones.

“It was what you wanted though, yeah?”

“I only ever needed you there.” He reaches over, takes his hand, holding it tight, only letting go to change gear at the last minute.

“Thank you.” Aaron looks over, looking confused. “For never giving up on me, even when I’ve given you plenty reason to.”

“Yeah, well…we said we wanted messed up.” He parks outside the pub, the light starting to fade, the place is bound to be full. “You ready?”


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the 'tense reunion' spoilers for Aaron.

“That’s a yes? OK, thanks. I’ll be there.”

“Who was that?” He turned round to see Aaron standing there, Seb in his arms, questions all over his face. He’d only come upstairs to get Seb a clean babygro, at least that’s what he’d told Aaron.

“Just a meeting I had to rearrange. All sorted.”

He lets out a breath when Aaron nods and heads for the bathroom. He didn’t like lying, but just this once he had to hope Aaron would understand. It was for the best.

*****

“What are you doing here?” He schools his face, tries not to let her see him smile. “I said I didn’t want to see you.”

“Well, technically you said you didn’t want to see Aaron. Don’t look at me like that, Liv. Did you really think we’d leave it? Besides, you agreed to a visit.”

“I…” She looks like she’s going to get up, walk out again, but in the end she slumps back down, chewing on her lip, just like her brother. 

“Oh great, yeah. Proper holiday this. What do you want Robert?”

“To see you, make sure you’re ok, talk to you. Chas sent some stuff, chocolate and that…” Now he’s here, he really doesn’t know what to say. 

He’d called the centre out of desperation, after he and Chas didn’t have that much luck in convincing Aaron that not all of this was down to him, after more than a week of feeling helpless. He hoped maybe she’d calmed down, but no she still refused to see him. He’d persevered and in the end she’d agreed to see him, just him.

He didn’t tell Aaron, couldn’t bear the disappointment on his face. He hoped he could talk her into seeing him, if only so he could see she was alright for himself, but if she wasn’t there was little point in getting Aaron’s hopes up for nothing.

“Liv…what you said, and I’m not saying you’re totally wrong…but, you know Aaron would’ve been there for you, if he’d known how much you were struggling.”

“He wasn’t though. When was I supposed to tell him? When I got back from Mum’s, when he couldn’t even keep the house tidy, when he was livin’ on takeaways and not paying the bills? Or when he finally looks happy again, he’s finally smiling with Alex…what was I supposed to do? Make him miserable?”

“That’s what he would’ve wanted. He would’ve helped you. Everyone would. Enough about that, it’s done, yeah? He knows now, we both do, and we want to help you, be here for you, but you have to let us.”

“I didn’t mean it…not all of it.”

“It doesn’t matter…let’s just agree we’ve all made mistakes. You know Aaron never…he’s your brother and he loves you, but it’s not easy trying to be both a brother and a parent figure, even when everything is going right. Let’s face it, it’s not been the most settled time has it?” That gets him a hint of a smile. It’s progress. He looks at his watch, they don’t have much time. “I should say sorry too, again. For everything last year, I wasn’t there for you but you’ve got us both now, and Chas and Paddy, and Gerry, God help us. We’re all going to do what we can to help you, if you’ll let us.”

She doesn’t say anything for ages, just stares at the table and he thinks it was a wasted trip, that he won’t be able to go home and tell Aaron.

“I’ll see him. I’m not promising anything else.”

“That’s a start. Just talk to him, tell him what you want him to hear, but, calm yeah?”

“Fine.”

He shakes his head, “Too alike, the pair of ya.”

“Shut up.” Her smile fades as the bell rings and he has to leave.

“Come here.” He wraps his arms round her, let’s her hug him tight, he can’t do much else after all. “It’ll be alright, in the end.”

He watches her go. He hates leaving, but at least he got somewhere. He’s not kidding himself it’ll all go smoothly now, but it’s something. When he gets his stuff back he finds a missed call from Aaron and he returns it as he walks to the car.

“Hey, I’m on my way home.”

“How was your meeting?”

“Pretty good. Better than I expected. I’ll see you soon.”


	88. Chapter 88

All these boxes, all these memories being packed away. He didn’t think he’d ever be doing this alone. 

Well that’s a lie, he’s not. Seb is here, hasn’t really left the past few weeks, not since…no, he has to stop that, he can’t keep going back over everything. Not now. He has to get this done. He keeps finding himself drifting and staring into space, everything getting to be too much.

Packing up a life. It feels wrong, like he’s betraying him somehow. Not that he would care he supposes, not now. It makes sense, the place is too big for just him and there’s nothing here now. The people he cares about aren’t here anymore, so the sensible thing to do is to move closer to them, to him. He knows that, it doesn’t make it any easier.

“Dad, where should I put…” He stops at the foot of the stairs, oh those damn stairs. He’s just staring at him, and that’s when he realises he’s crying. “We don’t have to do this, not today.”

“Never going to be a good time.” He does stop though, sits down stiffly in the armchair. His armchair. The one he’d fall asleep in some afternoons then deny all knowledge of it. The one he’d been sitting in when it had finally got too much, when they’d had to make a decision. “What did you find?”

He’d thought everything had been cleared out the day before, today was just packing up the last few things, the ones he couldn’t bear to part with beforehand.

“Photos. They were tucked away in the back of the wardrobe. We must have missed them.” He sits down on the floor by the chair, the rest of the furniture covered in boxes.

“Let’s have a look then.” He takes the shoe box from him and takes the lid off. There aren’t many but he instantly recognises the one on the top. Seb sits up to see better.

“Why was it hidden away?”

“It wasn’t. We just, we never put it up again. Your Dad must have put it in here to keep it safe.” It was a long time ago, but that day though faded, was still clear enough to him. He flicks through the rest of the photos, some of family, some just of the village, obviously kept for a reason. He might never know why now. He looks down, Seb’s still waiting for an explanation and he sighs, not really wanting to rake over old ground, especially that. “Your Aunt Victoria gave it to us, all properly framed, when we moved here. When we…well you know about what happened when we were apart…I…I smashed it. He must have kept it.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a long long time ago. I don’t know why he kept it.”

“I do. He always told me that was the best day of his life. Your wedding, I mean. Do you…do you wish things had happened differently?”

“I…you know I love you, probably loved you before I even realised, but do I wish your Dad and I hadn’t made so many mistakes. We both did, we both did things that hurt each other. We hurt people being together, not just then. So, yeah I wish some things could have happened in a better way.” He puts the photographs away and gets to his feet. “Let’s get this done. I want to go and see him.”

“You should get some rest yourself.”

“Don’t fuss.” He puts the box to one side ready to take with him when they leave. Maybe it will help.

“Too stubborn for your own good. Remember how he’d say…” His voice trails off and immediately Aaron’s going to him and hugging him. He’s not the only one hurting, and sometimes he forgets that.

“Come on. There’s nothing more we can do here.”

“I’ll pick all the boxes up tomorrow. Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”

“No.” He looks round the room, so different from when they first moved in, but he can see it as plain as day. “It’s not the same without him, never was.”

He wasn’t going far, just Hotten, to stay with Seb and his family. It wasn’t a perfect solution but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. He couldn’t have what he wanted, not anymore, but he supposed the children would at least take his mind off things.

“Let’s get going then.”

“You can drop me off on the way.” He hears Seb sigh but he won’t give in. He’d promised him, promised he’d be there every day. It was the only thing he’d asked. “You don’t have to stay.”

“I will…it’s just…I don’t like seeing him like that.”

“I know, and so does he. You should be at home with your family, that’s what he’d want.”

They don’t say much else on the drive, he doesn’t even really acknowledge that he’s leaving the village, the village that brought so much pain, so much happiness and love. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be back, not in a way he wants to think about. Before he knows it they’re outside, the building seems soulless, however hard they try to make it homely with flowers and benches.

He has to be buzzed in, but it doesn’t matter because he’s in Robert’s room before he can even think. He’s dozing in the chair, not as comfortably as he did at home and he wonders idly if they could bring his chair in, to make the bland room a bit more like home.

It hurts, to think of this place as his home, that it’s not with him anymore, however much he knows it’s for the best. The knowledge that he can’t look after him any longer, that feeling of somehow letting him down however wrong it is makes his skin itch. 

They’ve done their best, him and Seb, the room is full of photos on every surface, and books, but it doesn’t seem enough. Chances are he won’t notice, or care, but Aaron wants the best for him, like always.

He sets the shoebox down on the table, shrugs off his jacket, trying not to make any noise before sitting down to wait for him to wake up. 

It doesn’t take long, almost as if he knows he’s there, and those blue eyes are staring at him. For a second he holds his breath, wondering as always if he’ll remember. Sometimes he doesn’t and it will never get easier, the confusion on his face, sometimes anger at this stranger in his room. It’s only been just over a week but he doubts it’ll ever get any easier.

“Hello. Told you I’d be here, didn’t I?”

“Aaron.” Like a sigh of relief almost.

“Yes. Yeah. Your Aaron.” It was easy, when he was like this, to forget. He knew he had to savour every fleeting moment.


	89. Chapter 89

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post reunion AU.

It didn’t seem like a month. It had gone by so quick really. Then again compared to the last few months that had absolutely dragged he supposed anything would seem quick.

“No Robert?” From anyone else it’d be an innocent enquiry but it’s his Mum and there’s always a note of something in her voice. He sets his glass down on the bar and sighs.

“He’ll be here in a bit, he’s taking Seb to Vic’s for the night.”

“And you’re alright with that, are you?”

“What? A father taking his son to stay at his Aunt’s. Dangerous that.” It had been like this ever since he’d told everyone they were back together. No one had said anything outright back then, but he’d heard the muttered comments between his Mum and Paddy, the looks from Cain. He could hope that Robert hadn’t, but they made it so obvious it was doubtful.

“You know damn well what I mean. She’s there isn’t she? Rebecca.”

“You mean Rebecca who can’t look after her son because of the brain injury she’s suffering from. That Rebecca?”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

“No, no you’re not. If you were then you’d be happy for me. Happy that I’m back with my husband, happy that I’m happy again.” He fiddles with his pint glass trying not to get wound up. It wouldn’t help anything.

“You were happy with Alex.” 

“No, Mum. I really wasn’t. You and everyone else was too busy pushing me to move on from Robert you couldn’t see it. Anyway, I’m off.”

“But…what about your drink.” He just shook his head. He was going home, hopefully he’d catch Robert before he walked into the lion’s den, and then they’d have a peaceful night in.

He stops at Vic’s just in case he’s still there. Seb didn’t always settle there at first, the house strange now and Robert would stay a while to make sure he was ok. Vic was all smiles and told him he’d already left. He frowns, he should’ve met him on the way.

He heads home though, if he’s not in the pub then it’s the obvious place. He finds him flitting about the kitchen, grabbing ingredients from the fridge.

“What are you doing?”

“I fancied cooking. Was gonna text ya when I’d got it going.” He greets him with a kiss and a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Seb ok?”

“Out like a light.”

“You could’ve come and got me from the pub.” He hangs up his coat before grabbing a beer for them both from the fridge and sitting at the table. He always wanted to laugh about enjoying watching Robert cook, his younger self would’ve scoffed, but it was nice, just the two of them.

“Figured you deserved a pint, after a hard day’s work.”

“Ok, give it up. You know damn well I spent most of the day in the office with my feet up. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Just didn’t fancy the pub tonight, that’s all. Pasta alright?”

“Yeah, fine. Has someone said something? Mum…” He sits up straight because he can tell he’s right. Robert’s just standing there, not turning to face him, just still.

“It doesn’t matter Aaron. I can’t expect them to…I hurt you, and they love you, of course they’re going to be a bit protective.”

“I don’t need them being protective. I’ll sort it.”

“No…Aaron, leave it. They’re not really wrong, are they?” That gets him out of his chair, wrapping his arms around Robert’s waist from behind, resting his forehead against his shoulder. “I hurt you.”

“We’ve been through this. We both made mistakes.” He moves so he’s facing him. “Yes, you hurt me. It hurt more than I thought it would, but it’s done. I’m done. Never look back, remember?”

“I…you’re right, I know, but your family are just looking out for ya. It’s a good thing.”

“It’s not. How can it be if you don’t want to go to the pub because of it? Hmm? We going to spend every night in from now on, avoid every family party and that? Regardless of what they think, I know you’re an amazing person, and you’re the one who makes me happy. They can think what they like.”

“Just…don’t cut them off, yeah? Whatever they’re saying, it’s because they care. I’m a big boy I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah well, you don’t need to because you’ve got me now, don’t ya.” He reaches up to kiss him, relishing in how good it feels to do that again. “So, you cooking tea then or what?”


	90. Why didn't you tell me?

The house is quiet and in darkness when he gets home. A late delivery at the scrapyard means he’s probably missed eating with Robert and Seb, but thankfully it’s a rare thing these days. Both he and Robert have made it so they’re at home with him as much as they can be. For the most part it works.

Tonight though, obviously something is going on. He checks his phone as he locks the car, but there’s no messages to say that Seb’s convinced Robert to have tea in the pub or anything.

He’s on edge as he unlocks the door, the feeling making his spine prickle.

“Hello? Rob?”

“I’m here.” He sounds strange, voice full of something that Aaron can’t recognise.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” He’s in the kitchen, sat at the table, the light coming from outside making him look pale. “Where’s Seb?”

“He wanted to go and play with Isaac, so Moira picked them up from school, said he could stay the night.” Now he knows something is wrong, they don’t usually let Seb stay over in the middle of the week.

“So where have you been all day? Thought you were coming into work this afternoon.”

“Sorry.”

“Ok this is…there’s obviously something going on. Do you want to tell me or do I have to play twenty questions?” He pulls out the chair beside it, sitting down, worry closing in on him every second that Robert was quiet. “Hey, this is me, you can tell me anything.”

“I…had that health check thing the other week, remember?” He did, Robert had complained about it for a full week when the letter arrived not long after his birthday, saying just because he was forty didn’t mean he was decrepit and needed doctors all over him.

“Yeah.” He feels like someone’s tipped a bucket of ice water over him and he reaches for Robert’s hand.

“They called the other day, said I needed to go in, make an appointment.”

“Right, and have you?” It wouldn’t surprise him if he hadn’t, he usually had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the surgery.

“They fitted me in this morning.” He rubs at his elbow and Aaron can just make out the edge of the tiny plaster underneath his t-shirt. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve come with you.”

“Don’t need you holding my hand. I’m not five years old.”

“Will you just…” He lets out a breath, trying to keep calm. “What did they say?”

“Something about anomalies…I…they’re going to put a rush on them. Said I should go back the day after tomorrow.” He’s not used to this, this quiet, almost small version of Robert in front of him. “I’m scared.”

“Hey, look at me. It’ll be nothing, yeah? Just some scrambled blood or something. You don’t…you’re not feeling ill or anything are ya?”

“No.”

“There you are then. It’ll be fine, and the doctor will tell us that.”

“Us?” The fact that he can still even ask after all these years makes Aaron want to hold him and never let go. Instead he leans forward and kisses him.

“You think I’m going to be anywhere else than with you? Whatever happens.”


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this to tumblr ages ago and never posted it here. Today seemed like a good day.

“He’s right this way, Mr Dingle.” The doctor led him back to the recovery area where he could see Robert already trying to get out of bed. “As you can see he’s being...”

“A pain?” Aaron asked, trying to hold back his laughter.

“Well I wouldn’t put it quite like that, but yes. Anyway everything went well. I’ll come back later when the anaesthetic has worn off and explain everything.” Aaron thanked her and went to the side of Robert’s bed.

“Aaron!” He exclaimed, trying to untuck the blankets from the side of the bed and frowning adorably when he couldn’t.

“Hi. What you doing?”

“I’ve got to go! I’m late!”

“For what?” Aaron could see the nurse across the room biting her lip and he tried not to laugh at his pouting husband.

“For the party! I’ve got to go!” This time he tried untangling his oxygen mask and the oxygen monitor and only succeeded in tying them into a knot.

“You haven’t got to go anywhere, idiot. You’ve just had surgery, remember?” He ran his fingers gently through Robert’s hair trying to calm him down.

“I did? Why would I do that? That’s stupid.”

“Yeah well, that’s what you get for breaking your ankle.”

“Shouldn’t do that.” Robert sniffs, “You smell nice.” Aaron doesn’t answer, maybe if he keeps quiet Robert will sleep. At least he’s stopped trying to escape. Instead he’s reached up and is patting Aaron’s head. “Hmm, fluffy. Kiss me!”

“I tell you what, you lay still for a while and I’ll kiss you.” Aaron’s glad the nurse has left because he can feel his cheeks burning. He loves Robert but he’s never wanted to throttle him more.

“Mean.”

“That’s me. Just try and sleep.”

“Mmm, love you.”

“I love you too, you big idiot.” He straightens out the blankets that Robert has twisted and bunched up on the bed and tucks them around him as he sees his eyes start to close.

“Your idiot.”

“Yeah, for better or worse I suppose you are. Now sleep.” With that he bends down and kisses him on the forehead before sitting beside the bed. It’s quiet, apart from the machines beeping and Robert’s quiet snuffles.

“Aaron?”

“Yes, Robert?”

“Stay.” Aaron smiles and reaches out for his hand. He’s not going anywhere, except maybe to text Liv and fill her in on just how daft Robert is after anaesthetic.


	92. How does your garden grow?

Robert loves summer, loves spending evenings with Aaron sitting on their patio in the fading sunshine. What he doesn’t like is getting stuck on the motorway on one of the hottest days of the year.

When he finally gets homes he’s fit for nothing so hearing multiple voices coming from the garden isn’t what he wants. He’d expected to find Aaron outside, with Seb, the two of them pretty much living out there the past few weeks, the lawn slowly disappearing under all the toys that keep showing up.

He’s rolling his sleeves up as he steps out onto the patio, finding Aaron sat in one of the lounge chairs, watching Doug, Diane, Sam and Lydia seemingly attacking their garden. Seb is in the paddling pool splashing about with Liv keeping an eye on him.

“So this is what you get up to all day is it?” He swipes Aaron’s beer as he bends to kiss him. It’s swiftly swiped back. “True love is letting your husband steal your beer.”

“Yeah right. There’s plenty in the fridge.”

He can’t be bothered to traipse back inside so he just slumps down into the chair next to Aaron. “Want to explain this?”

“I took Seb to that soft play place like I said, the one next to the garden centre. Ran into Doug. You know they’ve elected him chairman of the Best Kept Village campaign don’t you?”

“I have two questions…first, how did that lead to this lot being in our garden, and second, since when do you know anything about best kept village campaigns?” 

“Since I ran into Doug. An hour Robert, a full hour he had me there talking about roses, and shrubs and trees and what was best to plant in our soil. It’s acidic by the way.” He can’t keep the laughter in any longer, the look on Aaron’s face is a picture. 

“Won’t be long before you’re a proper little Monty Don, will it? I can see it now, you and Doug down on the allotment of an evening taking care of the crops.”

“I’m gonna hit you in a minute.”

“I think you’d look cute, in your wellies, we could get you a cap to match.” He moves out of range of the playful slap Aaron delivers to his arm, laughing out loud, catching Seb’s attention and he hears the shriek that usually welcomes him home of an evening.

“If you even think about it, I’ll divorce you so fast.”

“Ah, gotta be legal before you can divorce me, remember?” He jokes as he backs away. It was almost a running joke now, which one of them would crack first and agree that they should make it all legal. They would in the end, they both knew that, but it was fun winding each other up.

He crouches beside the pool, letting Seb splash water at him as a hello before lifting him up, not caring that he’s making his shirt all wet. Liv’s gone now she’s not keeping an eye out, chatting away to Doug, the two of them close ever since she came home. 

He can’t resist sitting Seb on Aaron’s lap, letting the rest of the water drip onto him in retaliation, while he goes to get himself a beer.

“So come on then, why are this lot invading the garden?”

“Well Doug was going on, apparently our garden isn’t up to scratch for this competition.”

“I…” As much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. The front had been nicely finished off, and they’d planned to do the back themselves and, well things had got in the way and it’d been left. “So he just turned up…”

“Have you ever tried stopping him? Look at it this way, we don’t have to do the work. As for the rest of ‘em, they just showed up.”

“And you’re lazing away up here?”

“I’d only just sat down when you got home, you git. They all want feeding, unless you’re manning the barbecue? After last time I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?”

“Shut up.”


	93. That day we said 'I do'

He feels guilty all day, pushes it down, tries to forget about it. He can’t though, no matter how hard he tries. Even when he’s sitting in the pub with Alex trying to concentrate on what he’s saying, his mind is elsewhere.

How could it not be, why did he ever think he could forget it.

He doesn’t want to.

He ignores the knot in his stomach all afternoon as he helps Alex move his stuff in. He doesn’t comment that there’s surely more there than necessary for a few nights. He’d shocked himself by inviting him to move in, hadn’t been quick enough to stop the words coming out of his mouth. After that he could hardly take them back, he’s not going to kick a man when he’s down.

It’s like an itch, annoying but for a while it’s bearable and he sits through the tea Alex cooks as a thank you, listening to him and Liv bicker. All he can think is that it’s nothing like when Robert was here. It’s half-hearted, as if Liv’s trying too hard.

She disappears to find Gerry once they’ve eaten and he tells Alex to leave the dishes. He manages ten minutes on the sofa before it gets too much.

“I, er, just need to nip and see Mum. I won’t be long, you’re alright, yeah?”

“I can come with you, have a pint.” He’s just irritated, why can’t he see he wants to be alone. 

“Nah, it’ll only take a minute. Why don’t you pick a film or something.” 

He’s got his coat on and he’s out the door before Alex can come up with another reason to come with him.

The garage is dark, all locked up.

“Look who’s sentimental about our first time.” It’s so clear he almost turns round expecting Robert to be standing there. He doesn’t want to admit that he wishes he was.

There’s a pile of tyres in the corner, like there was the last time and he sits down, not bothering to turn the light on, doesn’t want the chance of anyone interrupting.

It feels like a lifetime ago, not just a year. So much has happened since and he’s not going over it all again. It should have been so different. He’d thought about it a lot, in prison, what he and Robert would do when he got out. If he’d served the whole sentence he’d just be getting out now.

He likes to think he’d do something special, although that’s always been Robert’s forte rather than his. He would have come up with something though, some way of showing Robert just how much he loved him.

It doesn’t matter now though, does it? Why is he here? Why is he clinging on to something that’s gone?

He knows why, and maybe here, in this place he can finally admit it to himself. He never stopped loving Robert, not for a minute, but last week he’d felt that warmth again, that closeness.

It was fear that stopped him, the fear of taking that leap, that final step to letting Robert in again. He spent most of the week going over and over what would’ve happened if Alex hadn’t turned up on Valentine’s Day. Even so, when it came to it he couldn’t admit it, couldn’t say the words.

Instead he’d put the walls back up, stayed with the safe route, tried to ignore the hurt on Robert’s face.

For days he’d had Robert’s voice in his head, following him round no matter what he did.

“Why?”

It hadn’t been because he hadn’t forgiven him, or because of Seb. It wasn’t even completely about Alex being out of a job, although he could hardly dump him after that could he. No it was him, he was the reason, he wasn’t quite ready to open himself up to that possibility, however small, that he could be hurt again.

It was the right decision. It had to be.


	94. Who did this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teen AU. Mentions what happened with Jack when Robert was 15, although he's slightly older here.

“What the hell happened to you?” He hadn’t knocked, never did these days, just like Robert didn’t at his house. He hadn’t expected to walk in on Robert topless and see bruises littered across his back.

He flops down on Robert’s bed watching as his friend hastily pulled on a t-shirt. He’d called round when he’d not shown up at college and wasn’t answering his texts. 

“Doesn’t matter.” He could only roll his eyes. Wasn’t that always Robert’s response when he didn’t want to talk. “Get your feet off my bed, you heathen. It’s nothing.”

He sits up, back against the wall, feet hanging over the side, leaving enough room for Robert to sit beside him. There wasn’t much space in the room, just enough for the bed, wardrobe and drawers and a desk. Not that Aaron’s room was anything to write home about but he did have enough space for a tiny sofa.

“If it’s nothing, why weren’t you in today?” Robert always came to college, didn’t miss a day. If Aaron didn’t know better he’d think he was just the teacher’s pet.

It’s not that though, it’s the need to get away from the farm, from the life that he hated so much. 

They’d met on the first day, both standing in the corridor clueless about where to find their first class. Aaron was determined not to ask, the ‘don’t care’ attitude carrying over from school. Somehow they’d started talking, even though at first glance no one would think they had anything in common. 

When they’d arrived at the right place they were a good twenty minutes late and had slid into the only two free chairs, next to each other, embarrassed smiles matching. Then they’d been paired up for the English assignment. The rest was history. Now they were inseparable.

“I’m not going to leave it, so you might as well tell me.”

“No, Aaron. Do you want to play FIFA?”

“Fine.” He’d get it out of him somehow, because there was something not right. Robert was usually so tall and confident, but now he’s somehow small, and there’s a look in his eye that’s making Aaron nervous. He’d just have to go about finding out a different way.

They’re back to trading insults within minutes, controllers in hand, and if anyone walked in they wouldn’t think there was anything wrong. There was though, he knew it, would’ve been able to tell even without seeing the bruises. Robert just wasn’t himself.

“So, you goin’ to tell me yet?”

“What?”

“Who did this, Robert?” He rests his fingers very lightly on his shoulder. 

“Aaron, leave it, please.” He can’t though, the crack in Robert’s voice tells him he can’t. So he tries a different way.

“You want to come and stay at mine tonight? Adam lent me that new game you know. Can go into Leeds tomorrow, need a new coat.”

“You want me to go shopping with you?”

“You’re the one who keeps commenting on my clothes. We can get something to eat, see a film if you like.”

“Stop it.” It’s a whisper and Robert puts the controller to one side.

“Come to mine. You don’t have to watch Victoria do you?” A small shake of the head is all he gets. “Well then. You know Mum won’t mind even if you stay the weekend.”

Robert doesn’t say anything but he gets up and packs some things in a bag. There’s no one home so Aaron watches as he writes a note and then they’re on their way. It’s almost as if the tension leeches out of him on the bus ride to Aaron’s.

It’s not until they’re in bed, stuffed full of takeaway and a beer each thanks to his Mum, in the dark, that he speaks again.

“He saw us.” He doesn’t move, doesn’t want Robert to stop talking. “In town yesterday.” Aaron remembers, they’d been to the library and while they’d been waiting for the bus, messing about and he’d kissed Robert. Just a peck really. He didn’t really have to ask who he was talking about.

He’d never said anything, but there was always a wariness when they were at his house, or in the village where he lived, a distance between them. Not like it was here, or at college. Now he could guess why.

“Rob…” He doesn’t know what to say. He’d thought the words would come somehow, like magic, but they don’t. Instead he turns over, faces Robert, there’s just enough light from the street lamps that he can see his eyes, can see the tear making it’s way down his cheek. “Your Dad did this?”

He just nods and the tears are falling faster than Aaron can wipe them away with his thumbs. In the end he gives up, just wraps his arms around him letting him cry, face pressed against his chest. 

“Why didn’t you call me? Last night. You could’ve come here.”

“It’s…it’s my problem.”

“No, it’s not. We’re together. I’ll always be there for you.”

“He didn’t speak to me this morning. Not a word. He hates me. I’m just a disappointment, like always.”

“You’re not.” He moves back, wanting Robert to look at him but he doesn’t, avoids his gaze. “Robert, look at me. You’re not a disappointment. He’s wrong. He couldn’t be more wrong about that.”

“Why can’t I be the son he wants?” Aaron knows it’s more than just this, that Robert’s felt second best for years.

“It shouldn’t matter what or who you are. He’s the one who’s wrong, not you.”

“Still have to go home, face him, know what he thinks of me.”

“Not if you don’t want to. You can stay here with me. Mum won’t mind.”

“Got to go home sometime though.”

“Not until you’re ready, not at all if you don’t want to. You don’t have to decide now.” He’s quiet for a while, knows Robert’s watching him. “Sorry.”

“What for?”

“He saw us, when I kissed you. If I hadn’t…”

“Don’t. It’s not your fault. I like you kissing me. I’ll…if it’s alright I mean, with your Mum, I’ll stay. For a bit anyway.” Aaron smiles, couldn’t bear the thought of Robert going back there. He wanted to protect him, keep him safe.

“Course. I’ll talk to Mum tomorrow…I won’t say why if you don’t want me to. She won’t mind, I know she won’t.” Robert just smiles, and kisses him, looking sleepy. “Get some sleep, yeah?”

He doesn’t sleep though, he just watches Robert.


	95. Chapter 95

It’s only been a couple of minutes since he told Aaron what he’d done, but he’s been silent ever since and it feels like time is dragging.

“I’m sorry, alright, but I didn’t have a choice.”

He still doesn’t say anything, just gets up and limps into the kitchen, rummaging in the drawer for painkillers.

“Will you talk to me! Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something. Anything!”

“What do you want me to say?” He mumbles around the tablets, taking a gulp of water to swallow them with. “It’s not going to change anything. I’m going to shower.”

“Aaron…”

“Not now, Robert.” He watches him wince as he climbs the stairs, doesn’t offer help, knows it won’t be welcomed. His head is all over the place, relief at Aaron being safe, home again, and anger at himself for what he’d done. He had no choice, he knew that, couldn’t get the money any other way, not that fast. He’d risked everything though and right now he couldn’t see a way back.

He can’t leave it, when could he ever let something lie, so he follows him up the stairs and waits for him to get out of the shower. When he does his bruises look even worse. The look on Aaron’s face keeps him where he is, even thought he wants nothing more than to go to him.

“I said not now.” He almost spits the words, slamming a drawer shut.

“We’re not leaving it, not like this. That’s the old us. Talk more, you said. So talk.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. Our home, Robert. You just gave it away.”

“To save you. What else was I supposed to do?” Aaron looks defeated and he sits beside him on the bed, taking his hand. ““I couldn’t risk it. You’re worth more to me than my business, than the house. There wasn’t a choice.”

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do.” 

“No. I’m not having that. You don’t give up like this. We’re going to think of something, some way out of this, because I am not giving up our home to that jumped up schoolboy.”

“It’s just…it’s just a house Aaron…compared to you it’s…”

“It’s our home. The one you got ready for me, the one with those stupid cabinets that you sneaked in there. It’s the first…this sounds bad because I love my Mum but…it’s the first real, permanent home I’ve had where I’ve felt right, you know?” He knows, of course he does, he feels kind of the same. “I’m not letting it go.”

“So what do we do, because I don’t know about you, but I’m guessing Joe Tate isn’t the sentimental type.”


	96. Chapter 96

Robert’s driving him crazy. Not that it’s anything new, but this particular time it’s worse than usual. There are baby books piled on the bedside table, Robert poring over them every night and any time Aaron goes to use the laptop there are countless tabs open with child development websites.

He’s concerned, mainly because Robert is, but really he’s not sure it warrants all this…fuss.

Seb’s only eighteen months and he’s fine, he’s happy and he crawls round the place like a little train.

He just hasn’t walked yet.

It’s like Robert has this internal clock, the second it got passed the usual time for babies to start walking, Robert had started panicking, and nothing anyone says will stop him.

He loves that he’s worried, in a way, it warms something in him that Robert is so concerned about his child but now it’s bordering on obsession. He can’t deny being a bit amused at the look on Seb’s face when night after night Robert sits on the floor with him, trying to cajole him into walking.

“Come on little man, I know you want to.” Every night without fail.

“He clearly doesn’t.”

“It’s not funny, Aaron! What if there’s something wrong with him?”

“He’s fine. He’s crawling round, happy as anything. He’s just realised there’s no point putting in extra effort.”

“I should take him to Dr Cavanaugh.” Aaron just groans.

“Robert, you’re one step away from having to find a new surgery. The poor man doesn’t get a minute’s peace, especially now they’re living in the village.” The doctor actually turned the other way in the street earlier that morning when he saw Aaron it was that bad.

“Why aren’t you worried?”

“Because all of those books, all the websites that you keep reading say that every baby is different. Seb’s just working up to it, ain’t that right bug?” He steps past Robert and hoists Seb into the air. He knows he likes it, the loud giggle tells him everything. “Daddy’s silly, isn’t he, hmm?”

“Thanks.”

“What did Vanessa say when you spoke to her?” Robert doesn’t answer, but he shuffles his feet a little, “Or Charity, or Laurel? What about Moira?” 

“Alright alright, you’ve made your point.” He brushes a hand over Seb’s soft blonde hair and smiles. “I just…I worry about him.”

“I know,” He mumbles around Seb poking his fingers in his mouth. “But worrying yourself stupid isn’t going to help. He’s not behind on anything else is he?”

“No. Ahead a little I think.”

“Course he is. Genius, this boy.” Robert laughs. “It’s true, why walk when you can have Daddy carry you around, hey? Here. I’ll get his tea.”

*****

Two days later Robert comes rushing into the portacabin with Seb in his arms, smile wide.

“Aaron, look.” He thrusts his phone in Aaron’s face.

“Thought you were takin’ him to Diane’s so you could get your paperwork done before your meeting.”

“We were on our way but…well look!” He just points at the phone and Aaron can’t help laughing.

“Seb, have you been feeding Daddy sugar again? Right what am I watching?” He sets it playing and it’s the flat, and Seb, Robert cajoling in the background. “I thought you were going to stop doing…Robert!”

“I know.”

“He’s walking!” A good four steps in fact before he fell backwards. “Oh thank God.”

“What?”

“I…might have been a little bit concerned. I couldn’t tell you, could I? You’d have had him at Harley Street or something before I could stop you. Nothing to worry about though, hey Seb? Clever boy!”

“He’s brilliant.” He takes his phone back, bending to kiss Aaron goodbye. “Right, next stop Grandma’s and then I’ve got this meeting.”

“You’re going to show them all that video, aren’t you?” Robert looks sheepish. “Send it to me, would ya.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you at home.” He’s at the door before he speaks again. “You know we’ll have to start researching stair gates. I’ll make a start when I get home.”

“Wait! What? Robert!”


	97. I told you not to fall in love with me

Simple they said. No fuss. They didn’t need an audience when they were the only ones who needed to hear the words.

Aaron had asked, on Robert’s 21st birthday. He’d taken him out for a meal at the kind of fancy restaurant that took up most of that month’s wages, but Robert liked it. He hadn’t gotten down on one knee, no way, not in front of a room full of people. He’d just asked while they waited for their dessert, and he wondered after if it had come across as if he were asking what they were going to have for dinner rather than a proposal. Still Robert had smiled that big smile that made him look even more gorgeous than usual, and said yes, taking the ring box from him.

He’d spent most of the night then staring at the ring on his finger.

There’s a small part of him though, and he’d never tell Robert, that wouldn’t mind having his family there. They’re all a bit mad and family parties usually end up with a visit from the police, but they’re his and he loves them.

He can’t tell Robert that though. He knows he’d never say he minded, would never complain about Aaron having his family around him, but it would be a reminder, wouldn’t it, that his own family are nowhere to be seen.

He’d never gone home again, not properly, after the day Aaron found out about his Dad hitting him. Only long enough to try and explain to Victoria that she could visit, and collect his stuff. Aaron had gone with him, had stood in the doorway when Jack had come up to the room face red and angry.

He hadn’t tried to get Robert to stay, hadn’t even said anything, had just let his son walk out of his life. Not that anything he could say could make it better but Aaron was the one who held Robert when he cried because despite all that he still loved his Dad and all he wanted was the same in return.

They’d moved into Aaron’s room, the space barely big enough for them both but they didn’t care.

They were in their own flat now, still tiny, but theirs. Nothing had changed with Robert’s family. Victoria was the only one he saw, she came round after school most weeks for her tea and then one or other of them would drive her home, not staying long enough to see anyone else.

He’d mentioned the wedding to her the last time he’d run her home without Robert, knowing he’d want her there. He hadn’t expected Robert to go mad.

“I told you, I don’t want them there!”

“It’s Vic. You’re being daft. She’s not going to say anything!”

“She’s a chatterbox.”

“Yeah, but she knows things are…difficult…she won’t say anything.” He paused, “Unless…you want them to know?”

He didn’t, of course, but he’d had to check. So, just the two of them, and Vic, it was. They’d find some witnesses.

His Mum was going to go mad. Ever since she’d seen the rings she’d been on at them. Still, too late now. He rolled onto his back, staring at the suits hanging proudly on the wardrobe waiting for them.

“You awake?”

“Yeah. Can’t sleep.” He felt Robert wrap his arm around him, cuddled in a bit closer. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mmm?” He sounds almost back to sleep.

“Don’t get…are you absolutely sure you don’t want to…”

“No.”

“Ok.” He didn’t argue with that tone, but he’d had to check, didn’t want Robert having any regrets.

“I’m not stupid you know.” Aaron opens his eyes again to look at him. “I know why you said you didn’t want anyone there.”

“I don’t want to stand up in front of all those people, tha’s all.”

“Mmm, sure it is. I love you for it, all the same.”

“Soft lad. We’ll go to the pub after, yeah? With Vic?” Robert doesn’t answer and he thinks he’s fallen back to sleep.

“I told you not to fall in love with me, do you remember?”

Of course he did, not long after they started going out and they were both still coming to terms with everything, he’d told him he was a mess that Aaron could do better, could find someone who wasn’t like him, who wouldn’t hurt him.

“Yeah. Do you remember what I said?”

“That it was too late, that you didn’t care if I was a mess, that you were too so we’d figure it out together.”

“We didn’t do too badly, all things considered.”


	98. Chapter 98

It was all over in a flash. Months of lies and a trail of death behind him and now it was over. The pub was still silent as he left, everyone seemingly too shocked to even gossip. He needed to find Robert.

It had been Belle, in the end, who Lachlan had confessed to. She’d said he’d not even tried to stop her leaving even knowing she would call the police. Almost too quiet a reveal for something that had taken so much. Lawrence, Chrissie, so much of Rebecca, and Gerry. The knowledge that Gerry had known, that if he’d just told someone, hadn’t tried to be the friend that Lachlan didn’t deserve then he might still be here driving them all mad.

Robert had disappeared after they’d heard. They’d been away, taken Liv and Seb back to Wales for a few days, the three of them needing a break after the past few months and Seb, well he was happy anywhere as long as he got his cuddles. Calling into the pub on their way home they’d been greeted with the news and Robert had taken Seb while Aaron had been listening to his Mum recount everything. 

He wasn’t at home, or at the cricket pavilion and he wasn’t answering his phone. It wasn’t until he past the graveyard on his way back to the pub that he saw him. Sat on the grass, Seb in his lap in front of the newest headstone.

He doesn’t say anything as he sits down beside him, just takes Seb’s outstretched hand, pulling a face at the little shriek of greeting. Robert doesn’t move, not even when an increasingly independent Seb crawls out of his lap to Aaron.

“He wouldn’t blame you.” He knows what’s wrong. After all Robert had suspected, after the crash and everyone had told him he was wrong, that he was crazy, that he was projecting because he thought it had been his own fault.

If only they’d listened. If only he’d listened, trusted him.

“You didn’t know, Robert.” Still nothing. “I should’ve believed you.”

He’s not sure he’ll ever forgive himself. Robert had told him after all, about throwing the remote at Seb, about the threats to Lawrence, to Robert and really what had he done except talk to Belle. It’s only been mere minutes since they found out but that creeping feeling of guilt is back, nagging at him.

“There was nothing you could’ve done. Lachlan did this, not you.”

“If I’d…If I’d not taken Seb…”

“You really think it was that? Robert, he would’ve done it some other time, when they went to the airport, I don’t know. This isn’t on you.”

“I could’ve done something.” 

“No. Hey, look at me,” It takes a while but eventually their eyes meet. “All of us, me, Diane, Vic, we all said you were wrong. None of us could believe he’d do that. If anyone is to blame then it’s us.”

“What? No!” He just stares at him, waiting. “It’s not the same thing.”

“You told me he’d threatened you, had nearly crashed the car with you in it, that he’d threatened Lawrence. I still told you, you were wrong, because even with all of that no one wants to believe that he could do that, to his own family. It’s no one’s fault that we don’t want to believe the worst of people.”

“But Gerry…” He can’t help smile, for all his moaning in the few short months they’d lived in the same house, he knew Robert had a soft spot for the lad, not that he’d ever admit it.

“Don’t you think that maybe he was doing the same, not wanting to believe that of his friend? He had more evidence than anyone but he didn’t tell anyone.” Lachlan had told Belle that, that Gerry had said he’d keep quiet and Aaron wants to shake the lad, wishes he could, for not confiding in someone, anyone. “Come on, come home.”

“I…” He gets up, takes Seb back, the boy bringing a hint of a smile back, but there’s something else, conflict in his eyes.

“You were right, Robert. It’s alright to say it. You were right, and we should’ve believed you.”


	99. Please stay with me

It wasn’t supposed to go like this. It was his wedding day, he wasn’t supposed to be standing alone in a hospital corridor, wedding suit covered in blood. They were supposed to be in their hotel, looking forward to their honeymoon.

They were going to Greece, two weeks. Two weeks of peace, of no family. Just the two of them. It was going to be perfect, his wedding gift to Robert. Now it was ruined.

He didn’t even see what happened, had been texting Liv, telling her to behave while they were gone. Then there was just noise and the crunching of metal.

Now he was here. He’d managed to get out, had sat by Robert, holding his hand while they waited for the ambulance, knowing better than to try moving him.

“This wasn’t what I had in mind for our wedding night.” He’d whispered, more pleased than he could say when he got a slight smile in return. It was no more than a slight lift of the corner of his mouth, but it was something. “Hold on, yeah?”

“Hurts.” 

“I know, just hang on. The ambulance is on its way. Trust us not to get a day without a drama.”

“Borin’.”

“Boring sounds good to me.” He watches as his eyes close. “Hey, you have to stay awake…hmm. Talk to me, tell me what you thought of my suit. Robert, Rob, please, stay with me.” Nothing.

They’d told him to wait, that he couldn’t go with him and it felt like they’d ripped part of him away. He’d called the first number in his call list, with no idea who it was until Vic had answered, loud and happy, and he could still hear the noise of the party in the background. 

Now he was just waiting. 

He’d called Robert that morning, him having insisted they spend the night apart.

“Just making sure you’re going to turn up.”

“As if…you’re not getting rid of me now. All going to be legal and above board.”

“Aaron!” Vic comes at him, flinging her arms around him and he clings to her. “I didn’t know what to…” He looks up and sees his Mum, and Paddy either side of Liv. He lets Vic go and then Liv’s taking her place.

“He’s going to be alright.” She whispers. “He’s not going to leave you now.” He can’t answer her because he might.

“Aaron love, what have they said?”

“Nothing. They just took him…He looked so bad Mum.” She glances at Paddy and he disappears off down the corridor. “Where’s Seb?”

“Diane’s got him, she and Doug are on their way. We brought you some stuff, just bits you’d left at the pub. You should changed, get all…that off you.” He nods, already pulling his shirt off, taking the hoodie she hands him, putting on. Then he starts pacing again, and doesn’t stop until Diane and Doug arrive.

Seb’s wide awake, always is when he’s been in a car and it always makes him and Robert laugh. “Come here little bug.” It always calms him, holding Seb but now it’s not working. 

“Aaron.” He looks round, sees Paddy standing next to one of the doctors that had taken Robert.

“How is he? Can I see him?”

“Robert will be fine, and yes, as soon as he’s back from x-ray. He’s been very lucky. If you come with me, I’ll explain everything and you’ll be ready to see him when he’s back.”

He didn’t hear anything after he said Robert would be fine, is almost on autopilot as his Mum takes Seb from him, and Vic takes his hand, Liv by her side, encouraging him to follow the doctor.

It was going to be alright.


	100. Chapter 100

“How’s your day been?” Aaron asks through the screen. “If I’d remembered, we would’ve stayed a few more days.”

“Don’t be daft. It was fine.” He once more blessed the wonders of Skype, although he couldn’t deny missing Aaron even more every time he saw him. Still it was better than simple phone calls. Not to mention Seb was enjoying it if the way he kept reaching for the screen was anything to go by.

“It’s like getting blood from a stone…I want to hear about your day.”

“Alright, bossy! We had breakfast with Aunty Vic, didn’t we?” He bounced Seb gently making him giggle. “She insisted, almost dragged me to the cafe. Please tell me her bossiness isn’t genetic.”

“I dunno, you have had your moments.” The grin tells him exactly what he’s thinking of. “So, what else?”

“Nothing, took him for a walk, had some lunch at the pub, and came back here.” He looks down, concentrates on rearranging Seb’s sweater. “Vic wanted to go to the cemetery.”

“Robert…”

“Couldn’t tell her, could I. It was…it was nothing…fine…I’m fine. Really.” He hears Aaron’s little murmur of disagreement. “I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”

“Ok. Did you see Mum at the pub? I can’t get hold of her or Paddy.”

“Charity was on, said they were out somewhere. She was more concerned at having to do some work. Do you want me to go over?”

“No, I’ll try tomorrow. Anyway looks to me like someone wants his bed.” He’s pointing towards Seb and Robert catches him mid yawn. “I’ll let you go. I miss you.”

“Miss you too, don’t we little man. Call me tomorrow?” Aaron nods, and then he’s gone. “Come on then, let’s get you to bed.” Seb grumbles as he moves him to rest against his shoulder. “I know you miss them. I do too. They’ll be back soon.”

It wasn’t soon enough. He had no problem with them going, he’d suggested it after all, but he missed them. Missed the company, missed Liv’s wisecracks, missed Aaron completely, wished he could’ve gone with them but they had so much work on and whatever he thinks of Joe Tate, he wouldn’t leave Jimmy in the lurch.

As he puts Seb to bed, switching on his little nightlight, an idea is forming in his mind and after a quick phone call to Jimmy he makes a decision. He deserves a day or two off.

“You fancy a little road trip mate?” He whispers as he strokes Seb’s hair, watching him sleep.

*****

He’s up early the next morning thanks to Seb demanding food, almost as if he knows something is happening. It’s not long before he’s on the road, the postcode set into his phone for when he needs it, Seb strapped in his car seat beside him, eyes wide, sensing an adventure.

Despite saying they were going to visit Lisa, Aaron had found a small cottage on the Welsh coast, a last minute deal sealing their decision. They were due to leave the next day but he could stay the night and leave when they did to come home.

It’s a good journey, only two quick stops to feed and change Seb and then he’s pulling into the small driveway next to Aaron’s car.

He lifts a sleeping Seb from the car, holding him close and knocks on the front door. 

He’s realising he should’ve called ahead as it looks like no one is at home, although they can’t be far if the car is there. He remembers Aaron said there was a beach path at the back of the garden so he wanders round and finds it. If nothing else he’ll have a decent view while he waits.

He doesn’t have to, as soon as he turns onto the beach he can see Aaron sitting a short distance from the water watching Liv playing with a dog on the edge of the water. The sand masks the sound of his footsteps and he’s right behind him without him noticing.

“You’re not thinking of sneaking him into your luggage I hope.” His laughter as Aaron jumps and almost trips trying to get up, wakes Seb and it takes him pulling funny faces to stave off his cries. “Hi.”

“What are you…how…”

“Me and Seb were a bit bored this morning, fancied a drive, didn’t we little man. Ended up here.”

“Just like that.” He’s grinning and does that little shake of the head thing he does when he’s happy.

“Yep. Magic!” It’s stupid how much lighter he feels now he’s here but he does.

“Idiot. Come here.” He pulls him in by his shirt, making sure Seb doesn’t end up squashed and even though it’s only been a few days Robert realises just how much he’s missed him as they kiss, not stopping until Liv tells them to get a room.

“You got space for a couple of strays for the night then?”

“Only two bedrooms. You’d have to share with me. I take it that’s alright.”

“Let me think about it.” He teases. “God I missed you.”

“Missed you too, but it’s been good for her, getting away from everything. We’ve talked a lot, about what she said. It’s been good for both of us.”

“Then its worth it. Here, take him and I’ll go and get his stuff. He’ll be screaming bloody murder in a minute if I don’t get his bottle.” Aaron shakes his head, instead pressing a kiss to Seb’s forehead making him giggle.

“I’ll go. You should see what he thinks to the water. It’s pretty warm. Have some fun.” 

By the time Aaron gets back, Seb is squealing with delight as Liv, taking every opportunity to irritate Robert, splashes water at them. He has to admit he does have some pretty good ideas.


	101. Chapter 101

All he wanted was a quiet drink before he picked up Seb and went home to call Aaron. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it? He’s lived in the village long enough to know better really but he lived in eternal hope of a quiet pint at the end of a long day.

There’s not that many people in, apart from Doug and Diane having a family meal. He knows there’s something going on there but he’s too tired to even want to think about getting involved. It’s quiet enough though that he can overhear parts of their conversation.

_“…Constant disappointment…”_

_“…twice the man you’ll ever be…”  
_

He’s stood up before he can stop himself, the words echoing, feet carrying him over to the table, just as Diane walks out of the pub. Doug goes to follow but Robert stops him with a hand to the shoulder.

“Let me, Doug.”

It’s been too long, and he was ok with no one else knowing, he was but something snapped inside of him at her words. Maybe if he hadn’t been alone, if he hadn’t been running on two hours sleep he wouldn’t be doing this, would’ve kept it to himself but now he’s here he knows its time.

“Diane!”

“Oh, Robert. Can it wait? I really just want to get home.”

“You know, you’re going to lose him if you’re not careful.” His voice is quiet, he doesn’t want this all over the village. “Doug. He’s a good man.”

“Maybe, but right now he’s getting on my last nerve. Nothing to worry you about though pet. You know it makes me so happy to see you settled back with Aaron.”  _Don’t say it, please don’t say it_ is all he can think. Thankfully she doesn’t. 

“Yeah, er, cut Doug some slack though eh? He’s grieving over Gerry and all that business with Terry must’ve…”

“You know he stole the ring your Dad gave me. Terry? He’d be so upset, and Doug thinks he can just replace it, as if it’s nothing.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean…”

“I told him, your Dad was twice the man he is. When I think…”

“You’re wrong.” He mumbled but she stops. “He wasn’t always.”

“What do you mean? Your Dad was a good man. You know he was.” He raises his eyes to the sky, maybe for strength, inspiration to somehow say the words. He wished Aaron were here. “Robert?”

“Can we…never mind, forget it.” He can’t. It’s not about ruining her memories of him, or anything like that, not really. He just doesn’t think he can bear it if she doesn’t believe him, if she speaks to him the way she did to Doug. “I’ve got to pick up Seb.”

“Robert, wait!” He doesn’t, walks as fast as he can to Vic’s to get his son and then he’s going home. He’s going to call Aaron and let him make it better.

He’s barely got Seb in his cot for a nap when the buzzer goes. He contemplates not answering but she knows he’s home.

“Diane…I’ve just…”

“I want to know what you meant about your Dad.”

He lets her pass into the living room and they stand there awkwardly. He doesn’t know what to say, wishes he’d never started this.

“Has Doug put you up to this. Trying to use you to win me round? He can’t cope with the idea that your father was…”

“Will you take him off the damn pedestal you’ve got him on! Doug has nothing to do with this. This is about Dad, and me, and everyone thinking he was perfect. He wasn’t.”

“He loved you Robert. He was a good father.”

“Yeah, he was, until he realised I wasn’t…” There was no going back now. Did he really want to do this. On the other hand he couldn’t keep hearing the same words over and over.

“Robert, pet, what is it? I know you and Jack had your rows and it sometimes got a bit out of hand.”

“You mean when he hit me?”

“Well…” She sinks into the armchair, but he can’t sit, there’s too much nervous energy running through him.

“Maybe…I know I’d done things, hurt people, that time I did, but…”

“That time?” He can’t look at her, sure she’s going to say he’s lying. “He…he hit you again?”

“To be fair that time was…after…later. You know I went to Gran’s, the summer after Mum? It wasn’t just because I found out about Andy. I had to go, couldn’t…couldn’t stay. He was my Dad, it shouldn’t have mattered.”

He must’ve sat down at some point, because she’s beside him all of a sudden, his hand in hers and he can’t help looking at her, eyes disbelieving.

“Did he…know that you liked men too?” He nodded. “Oh Robert.”

“He caught us, me and the lad who helped on the farm. Didn’t see him again, Dad sacked him.”

“And you?” He looked down, sniffs a little. “He hurt you?” 

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“You…he was your husband…I shouldn’t. I don’t know.”

“You’re my stepson. My own, as good as. Oh I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye me and you. Jack shouldn’t have done that, and if I’d known, I would’ve told him that, and a bit more besides.” She laughs a little, “I was going to say I wish you’d come to me, but I wasn’t even with him, but still.”

He shrugs, “I had Gran, not that she knew anything but…she knew something had happened, probably thought it was Mum, well some of it was I suppose. I just…”

“Does Aaron know?” She hasn’t let go of his hand and it’s nice, having someone, a Mum to look after him.

“Yeah. He said I should…at the wedding you said, if Dad were here…he said I should tell you.”

“He’s a sensible lad under that gruff exterior. You could’ve you know.”

“I didn’t want to spoil him for you. It’s in the past.  _Now_  it is…I know now, he was wrong, not me.”

“Good. He couldn’t have been more wrong. I won’t say he’d be proud anymore, I’ll just tell you I am.” He ducks his head again. Give him a compliment about his work or clothes or anything like that and he’ll preen and puff his chest out Aaron says, but compliment  _him_ and he can’t handle it. “I  _am_ , Robert.”

He’s stopped from answering by Seb’s loud cries coming through the baby monitor and he starts to get up, wiping at his eyes a little but Diane stops him.

“I’ll fetch him. It’s been far too long since I had a cuddle.”

“At least two days!”

“Exactly.”

He does get up though, needs to move, so he makes Seb a bottle knows he’ll be hungry. Always is, Aaron says. Seb is babbling away when Diane comes back down the stairs.

“Here’s Daddy, see?” She hands him over and he relishes the weight in his arms, marvels at the feeling like he does every day. “He’s getting bigger every time I see him.”

“Baby in growing shocker. He should be, all the milk he drinks.” She laughs and they just watch him for a while.

“I’ll be off. Thank you pet, for telling me.”

“Don’t…don’t say anything to Vic, will you? I don’t want to, she doesn’t need to know.” She looks like she’s going to argue but in the end she just nods, running a hand over Seb’s hair. “Diane? Thanks…and, give Doug a chance, yeah?”

“Alright pet. You know where I am if you want me. Why don’t you give Aaron a call.” He nods, and then she’s gone. He doesn’t feel any different, but at the same time there’s a relief that she knows, that she believed him. 

“What do you reckon then mate? Should we call Aaron? Hmm?” Seb just stares at him, snuffling sounds filling the room as he drank his bottle. “Yeah I think so too.”


	102. Chapter 102

_“Aaron, it’s Vic. Everything is ok, but Robert had an accident and he’s had to stay in the hospital. He told me not to bother you, but I thought I should.”_

He pushes the door open and all but throws Robert’s bag to the floor out of the way.

“Here, mind the step.” He wants to put his arm round him but he’s already shrugged him off twice, too independent for his own good.

“The step that’s been there since we moved in? That step?” 

“Remind me again how you mashed up your knee?” Robert doesn’t say anything and Aaron snorts. “That’s what I thought. Sofa, or do you want to try the stairs?” He looks, but there’s no way he’s up to that, not yet.

“Sofa.” When he’s sat down, leg resting on the coffee table and a cushion he looks round at Aaron. “I’m such an idiot.” He says over his shoulder to Aaron’s back as he potters in the kitchen.

“I hope you don’t expect an argument. Honestly Robert, how many times have you walked into that portacabin? I can’t believe you managed to fall up the steps!”

“Some bedside manner you’ve got there. You didn’t have to come back.” There’s the slam of a mug on the counter and when he twists round to look Aaron’s leaning on it, head down. “Aaron? I can hardly come over there to you, can I?”

“Do you have that low an opinion of me that you think I wouldn’t come back when you’re in hospital? Do you really think that?”

“No! I didn’t mean…I just didn’t want to ruin your holiday, or Liv’s. I told Vic not to call you.”

“Thankfully your sister has a brain in her head. Do you think I would’ve been happy to know you’d been in hospital in pain while I was off enjoying myself.” Finally he comes to sit down and Robert no longer has to strain his neck to see him. “When I got her message, I was scared, that you’d been hurt and I wasn’t there.”

“That’s why I didn’t want her to…I wanted to wait so I could talk to you.” He manages to shuffle along the sofa, closer to Aaron, so he can kiss him. “Tell you to stay.”

“Like I would? Robert, why would you not want me here?”

“I do…this is coming out all wrong. Can we…I…s’pose I didn’t want you to see that I couldn’t cope.” It feels stupid even saying it now and from the look on Aaron’s face he’s trying not to laugh. “Pack it in.”

“You were right, you’re an idiot. I want to know when you’re hurt. I want to know if you can’t cope. Besides, the house is still standing and Seb looked ok when I popped into Vic’s before picking you up. Seems like you coped to me.”

“I missed you.” He looks down at his hands. “I know we spoke every day and I’m glad you went but…it reminded me too much of last year, being alone.”

“Rob…”

“No I’m not saying…it’s not the same. I was just lonely. I mean Seb’s not the best at conversation is he?” Aaron doesn’t answer but he moves closer, kissing him softly. “It just feels like we don’t get to be  _us_  very often anymore. There’s been so much going on since we got back together, we never really had chance to just enjoy it, you know.”

“You didn’t really expect a quiet life round here, did you?” That gets them laughing at least. “Tell you what, let me finish making that cuppa and then we’ll talk. Liv’s at Gabby’s for the night and Seb’s with Vic and Rebecca so it’s just us.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Five minutes later Aaron’s snuggled into his side, mug of tea cradled in his hands a plate of biscuits between them and it’s perfect.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” He murmurs after a while of just enjoying the silence. Aaron’s got his hand held in his.

“Last year, our wedding.”

“What about it?”

“It was perfect, you know. Whatever came after…that was the best day of my life.”

“Yeah? Mine too.” He’s still not entirely sure what Aaron’s getting at, he knows enough to realise he’s talking about it for a reason, he just has to wait him out so he sips his tea, stroking his thumb over Aaron’s hand instead.

“We said we’d do it again, when I came home.” He smiles into his mug, can see Aaron looking up at him out of the corner of his eye.

“We did.”

“So…”

“So…” He should put him out of his misery but he’s in pain and if he’s not allowed a little bit of fun when he’s hurting well when is he.

“Do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?” That earns him a slap on his arm and he can’t keep a straight face any longer.

“Stop being an arse.” He starts to get up but Robert pulls him back.

“Come here. Alright I’ll be serious. Well, go on then.” He says when Aaron doesn’t do anything. “I can’t.”

“What?”

“If you’re proposing you’re supposed to get down on one knee. It’s only fair. I can’t get up from the sofa let alone…” He gets another tap on the arm but Aaron’s laughing.

“I’ve changed my mind now.”

“No you haven’t. Come on, do it properly.”

“I don’t recall you getting down on one knee last time.”

“Pretty difficult when I’m yelling it at you in a car. Fine, no kneeling…you have to ask though, or it doesn’t count.”

“You’re an actual child.” He leans in for another kiss, moving his mouth at the last minute to whisper in his ear. “Marry me, Robert.”

“Alright then.”


	103. Chapter 103

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character death warning for this chapter

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.” Is the first thing he says as he sits. “You said this wasn’t what you wanted, but I can’t help it. I had to come.”

It’s quiet, of course it is, what else did he expect. The feeling had come over him as soon as he woke up, the pull too much to ignore in the end and he’d found himself here.

“I’m doing alright, I promise…well no, that’s not…I’m trying, I am, but I can’t stop crying. I know, I know that’s not unusual is it. Everyone says it’ll get easier, but I don’t know if I want it to, because if it does maybe I’m letting go of you.” The breeze picks up suddenly, almost as if answering him. “Fine…I know I have to, but not yet.”

“Nicola’s rearranged the office again. I can’t find anything so I told her she either put it back how it was or they found another office. Not sure I want them there anymore. Mum says I should find someone to run it for me, just for a while, but I don’t know, it comforting being there even if I’m not getting anything done.” He got up everyday and went in, but there were no jobs coming in, everyone else had gone to another yard while they’d been shut and he didn’t have it in him to try and get them back.

“Seb’s doing you proud you know. I spoke to his form tutor when I picked him up yesterday and he told me he should ace his exams. They’ve been really good about everything. He’s amazing though, though you know that, but he is. He’s dealing with everything so much better than me.” He stops, brushes his hand over the still damp grass. “Me and Rebecca, we’ve been talking, and he’s going to stay with me until school finishes at least. He says he wants to stay after, wants to stay in the village, but I don’t know, we’ll see.”

He wanted him to, didn’t want to be rattling round in an empty flat every day, the place too quiet to bear.

“Whatever happens, wherever he lives, I’ll look after him, always be there for him, I promise. I don’t think Rebecca wants to move back here but Leeds isn’t far is it, so if he does want to live with her I’ll still see him as much as I can. When his exams are over we’re going away, just me and him. You remember when I went with Liv, when I got chicken pox? We’re going to do something like that. Just go and see where we end up.”

He sighs and looks at his watch. Lunchtime, and he promised his Mum he’d pop into the pub. One or other of the family had arranged something every day, trying to keep him occupied and it was sweet and all but it was starting to drive him slightly crazy.

“I should go…but I’ll come back. Why’d you have to go Robert? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to grow old together, and now I’m on my own and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”

“Papa?” He swipes at the tears on his cheeks and looks round at Seb. 

“What’s the matter? Why aren’t you at school?” He gets to his feet with a groan, sitting on damp grass hadn’t been his best idea. Seb just shrugs. “Come on, Nana’s going to make me lunch. I imagine there’ll be enough for you.”

“Do you come here a lot?” He asks as Aaron places a hand on the cold stone as they walk past.

“Not really, just when I want to talk to him.” Seb’s quiet, keeps looking back. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t. No one expects you to.”

“But…”

“You can remember your Dad wherever you are. Come on, I’ll show you.” He stops outside the pub, by the benches, empty thanks to the slight dampness in the air. “The two of us sat out here after we got married, both times. Then on your first day at high school I came home from work and found your Dad sitting here watching the bus stop, waiting for you to come home so he could make sure you’d got on alright.”

“He did that?”

“Course. He was always looking out for you. Me too. So you don’t need to go and sit in a graveyard to talk to or remember him. He’s everywhere.”

“I just…I miss him.”

“I know mate.” He puts his arm round him, holding him close, the boy almost as tall as him now. “I told him all about our trip you know. You worked out where you want to go yet?”

“I don’t mind. Dad would have lists and maps and things wouldn’t he?” Aaron laughs because it’s true.

“He would, he’d drive us both mad. Maybe we’ll just wing it, huh?” Seb nods. “Come on, or you’ll have my Mum after us.”

He looks back towards the graveyard as they go in the door. They’d be alright, he knew they would.


	104. Chapter 104

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this way back before the reunion and never posted it, so here it is.

It’s Seb’s first birthday when he finally realises it can’t go on. It’s been coming for weeks, maybe months. It’s no one’s fault, not really, it just can’t be ignored any longer. 

Not today though, today is about Seb, it’s not about either of them, or his memories. They haven’t gone mad, it’s just a small party, his family and Paddy of all people. None of Aaron’s family, they’d all found very convincing excuses for why they couldn’t be there. He’s pretty sure Liv would be elsewhere if she could, although he suspects that’s more to do with the atmosphere that’s been building because he knows she’s fine with him and Seb now. They’d had a lot of late night chats when he’s been feeding Seb and talked a lot of things through. 

“Rob? Everyone’s here.” He takes a deep breath, plasters a smile on his face before he turns away from the cot where he’s been watching his son sleep without a care in the world.

“Yeah. I’ll be…I’ll just get him up and…” Aaron’s coming closer and he knows if he touches him the party will be forgotten and everything will come out and he won’t be able to stop it. “Did Vic bring the cake?”

“You got it this morning, remember?” Of course he does, but it’s stopped him in his tracks for a bit, letting Robert lean into the cot to pick Seb up, using him as some sort of barrier. “Robert, what’s going on?”

“Nothing…just…later, yeah?” Aaron frowns but thankfully he heads towards the stairs. Another deep breath and he feels Seb’s hand patting his cheek and he’s giggling in that funny way of his. “I hope you’re going to understand this one day.”

The party is fun, as much as it can be. Seb gets himself covered in cake, then covers both him and Aaron in it. He knows Vic got photographic evidence and he feels his phone buzz in his pocket as she sends it to him. Thing is, he feels like he’s watching the whole thing from outside himself, in a dream and he has no idea how he manages to keep up the smile, but he does and finally everyone has gone except for Vic. 

“Well that went well.” He’s holding Seb close again, can feel him chewing on his shoulder, hands clutching and he doesn’t want to let him go but he doesn’t want him here for this, wants no chance that he might remember it one day.

“Yeah.” He checks over his shoulder, sees Aaron busy in the kitchen, bickering with Liv. “Listen can you take him, just for tonight? I wouldn’t ask but…it’s important.”

“You know I love having him, but, is everything alright? You seemed a bit…I don’t know…”

“I just need to talk to Aaron, spend some time with him. Best not to have any interruptions.” He knew Liv was heading to Gabby’s would be there for hours and he couldn’t put it off any longer. Vic just nods and he can tell she’s worried. She’ll find out soon enough. “Thanks Vic. I, er, packed a bag.” He grabs it from where he’d stashed it under the stairs.”

“I’m not going to need all that.”

“Just take it. Please. Hey, mate, you be good for Aunty Vic, yeah? She’s not going to take any nonsense just because it’s your birthday.” He kisses the top of his head before handing him to his sister and opening the front door. “Call, if he needs me.”

“You’ll pick him up in the morning?” He nods, feels his breath hitch slightly and he needs her to go, doesn’t want Aaron to notice, doesn’t want Liv here for this. “Rob…”

“I’m fine, promise. I’ll see you later.” He shuts the door after her, leaning his forehead against it for a few seconds until he hears footsteps.

“Why did Vic take Seb?” That adorable frown is back and he can’t help smile.

“What time is Liv off out?” He asks, avoiding the question, just wants the house to themselves so that he can get this over. He doesn’t even know how he’s going to explain it, barely has it sorted in his own head.

“I’m going now.” She’s pulling on her coat, sticking her tongue out at him. “Not sticking round here if you’ve got ‘plans’.”

“Do we? Have plans I mean.” Aaron asks as soon as the door slams shut. He’s moved over to the kitchen, pouring himself some whiskey. “What are you doing? You haven’t touched that since Christmas.”

He hadn’t, had made himself stop turning to it every time something went wrong, but this, he knows he’s going to need it to get through this.

“No, but I’ve never had to do this before. I’ve tried to ignore it, told myself it’d work out but,” He risks a look at Aaron, can see confusion written all over his face. “Sit down.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I love you, you know that don’t you, but this..? I thought I was wrong, that I was worrying over nothing but…you and Seb, it’s not working is it?”

“What? You…you think I still hate him?”

“No. No, you don’t have it in you to hate a baby, but you’re still not…You’re good at hiding it but I see you looking, see the hurt in your eyes and you won’t mean to but one day that’s going to come out on him and I can’t let that happen. I’m all he’s got, he has to come first.”

“I…I’ve never said otherwise. Robert where’s this coming from? You think I’m going to blame him…hurt him?”

“No! Never. That’s not what I’m…this is coming out all wrong. We said when we got back together that if it became too much then we’d talk about it.” He gets up and starts pacing, leaving Aaron on the sofa.

“So let’s talk about it! You’re bringing this up from nowhere. I’ve been helping you, getting up with him…what more do you want me to do?”

“I want you to love him and I know that’s selfish of me to even think about, but I do. I want him to be loved. I don’t ever want him to think he’s not good enough and I never want you to feel how you did last year. I would never forgive myself if you got like that again because of me, or Seb.”

“I won’t. I’m better now, you know that. You’re being ridiculous. It’s not going to happen overnight Robert!”

“It’s been months. Can you honestly tell me you’re going to be able to look at him one day and not see what I did, not see Rebecca?” Inside he was yelling, hoping that Aaron would say he was wrong, but he knew, deep down, he wasn’t. 

*****  
When Aaron thinks about it, once Robert has gone to inhabit Victoria’s spare room again, he’d been ignoring it. That uneasy feeling he had every time he looked at Seb. He’d dismissed it, told himself it was the unfamiliarity of having a baby around. He’d forgiven Robert, he had ages ago but Seb, well he was a different story. He’d said all along how he’d be a constant reminder and it turned out it was true.

He didn’t want him to be, he wanted Robert in his life and they came as a pair, couldn’t have one without the other and even if he could have he would never have made him choose, had never wanted to do that. He was going to get past this, because none of it was Seb’s fault, he just had to figure out how.

He’s about to go to bed when Liv gets home and he knows he has to tell her, expects the disappointment on her face when he does. He doesn’t expect her to sit him down on the couch and start giving him advice.

“I’m tired, Liv.”

“Tough. The two of you are…how has it taken you this long to work it out? Whenever Seb cries, it’s mostly Robert that goes to him. He takes him to the playground and you might go along once in a blue moon, you didn’t even go with him when he took him to to zoo the other week, just made some excuse. You don’t even know you’re doing it.”

“I…” He had, he’d made some excuse about a pick up, told himself it didn’t matter. “Alright, Miss know it all, so what do you suggest I do?”

*****

After a sleepless night his first stop is the vets surgery. There’s really only one person he can talk to about this. He knows Rhona doesn’t work on Wednesday mornings so he should be able to get Paddy on his own.

“Alright?” He hoists himself up onto the table the way he used to do as a teenager, ignoring Paddy’s glare. “You got a minute to chat?”

“If you get down off that table.”

“You remember when Mum went off with Carl and you didn’t want me here? What changed your mind…how did I not remind you of everything?”

“Yeah well, couldn’t let you go off into the world on your own with just Clyde for company. Had to let you stay didn’t I? Then again I’m guessing Seb can’t wander off on his own yet, can he?”

“How did you…” He just stares at him, he’d not told anyone except Liv what had happened, didn’t much fancy the inevitable visit from his Mum telling him it was the right thing.

“I saw Robert in the cafe earlier.” It’s still strange that Paddy and Robert get on now. They’ll never be friends as such but they talk a lot more and out of his family, Paddy’s the one who has always turned up for parties or accepted invites for dinner. The rest carry on as always but there’s a distance now, even with his Mum when Robert is around.

“I don’t know how to get past it. It’s just there all the time, and now I’ve lost Robert because of it.” He wanted Paddy to tell him what to do, how to fix it. “Liv’s right, I don’t attempt to see to him when he cries if Robert is there…I did at the start, got up in the night and everything but now, I just let Robert. What kind of person does that make me?”

“Aaron, you’re being too hard on yourself. No one, including Robert, expects you to be ok with this straight away. He told me that.”

“It’s been months.”

“There’s a time limit on this kind of thing is there? Why don’t you try spending some time with him, take him to the swings or something. Look at it this way, Robert’s always been there to take care of him, meaning you can keep him at arm’s length, so make it so that he isn’t. Worth a try isn’t it?”

*****

He feels even more guilty when Robert answers the door. He hasn’t seen him look this way since, well he supposes since they broke up the first time. He can hear Seb grizzling in the background and maybe it’s not the right time but if he doesn’t do it now he’ll chicken out.

“I’ve come to take Seb to the swings.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I talked to Liv and then to Paddy and they made me see that I’ve not really been trying, so I thought that Seb and I could get to know each other.” Robert still looks blank and his confidence is faltering. Maybe he doesn’t want that after all, maybe this was a mistake. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t..it’s fine. I’ll go.”

“No wait, of course you can. Come in and I’ll get him ready. Think he’s sick of my ugly mug anyway today.” He sits a wriggling Seb on his lap to wrestle him into his coat. “Aaron, you don’t have to do this, if it’s too much…”

“I want to. Now come on, the swings wait for no man, ain’t that right Seb?” He can’t describe quite how he feels when Seb’s face lights up in recognition when he takes him from Robert. Happiness with not a small dose of guilt he thinks. “We won’t be too long, alright?”

“I could always…”

“Kind of defeats the object if you come with us. I’ve let you do everything, used you being there as a reason not to get involved to keep him at arm’s length. It might not work but I want to try.” Robert nods and he looks happy, happier than he has for a while.

“Ok. He’s just been fed and changed and that so, have fun…and thanks.”

*****

It’s the third time he takes him that they run into his Mum, on her way back from the shop. Seb’s bundled up against the cold, only his face visible and he’s babbling away to himself when she stops in front of them.

“What’s this?” He knew that tone, the false brightness.

“Me and Seb are off to the swings, aren’t we mate?”

“Robert dumped him on you has he?” He sighs, shifting a squirming Seb against his hip. He’s noticed of course he has that his family are distant and don’t understand why he got back together with Robert. He tried, early on, to make them see but it was pointless, so now he doesn’t bother. It still hurts though. “I thought you’d come to your senses.”

“No, he didn’t dump him on me. I offered to take him. We like it don’t we bug, hmm? Look, Mum, I’m with Robert now, can you not just accept that?”

“If you’re with him, why is he staying at Victoria’s again? You don’t have to do this, taking on his son, making yourself miserable.”

“We’re figuring some things out that’s all. It’s not easy and it’s not made any more simple by you giving him evils every time you see him, by not turning up to any party we might have. Thanks by the way, Seb’s party was a great success. I’ve made my choice and I’d like you to accept it.”

“I can’t. You deserve better, Aaron.”

“The point is, even if that were true, Robert is who I want. I love him,” He looked down at Seb, blue eyes staring back at him, toothy smile in full force. He could see so much of Robert. “I might not love Seb as much as I should yet but I will. I want to, and you and all our lot are going to have to get used to it.”

“Oh here he is!” He knows by the tone that it’s Robert, wonders how much he heard. Robert barely spares her a glance, he’s focused on Aaron, reaching out a hand to his son who’s waving an arm at him. “I don’t know why I bother.” He barely notices as she leaves.

“You forgot this.” He holds out a toy cat that Liv had bought and Seb rarely lets go of. “Figured he’d be screaming for it by now.”

“Think he was busy being entertained by me and Mum. How much did you hear?”

“Enough. Did you mean it?” He hands Seb the toy with a kiss to his forehead.

“Yeah. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long and maybe three visits to the swings isn’t enough but in the end none of this was about Seb, it was about me realising I was holding on to something that doesn’t matter anymore. It’s the past. I might wobble but I don’t see Rebecca and what happened anymore when I look at him. I see Seb, your son.”

“I never expected you to love him straight away, I was just so scared, for you…I had to make the decision to leave.”

“I know, but…the place is too quiet. Will you come home? We can talk about everything more but, come home Robert.” He nods, a smile breaking out across his face. “Hear that bug? You’re coming home, you can play Liv up again huh?”

“I’ll go and sort our stuff.”

“You could, or you could come to the swings with me and your son.” He nodded and Aaron took his hand, didn’t care who saw.


	105. Chapter 105

It was getting late when he got home, a last minute work crisis calling him away from his family, and if it hadn’t been for Nicola pleading with him down the phone he wouldn’t have gone, but it was obviously bad for her to do that so he’d gone.

It was supposed to be their night, just them, Liv and Seb, just their family before all the hustle and bustle of tomorrow. Aaron hadn’t said anything when he’d gone, hadn’t looked disappointed, just a small nod of the head at his questioning look.

The house is quiet when he goes inside but he can hear music from the garden so without bothering to get changed or slip his shoes off he goes straight down the hallway to the back door. He recognises the music, one of Aaron’s indie favourites that he always plays when Robert’s not home because he knows he hates it. 

He’s stretched on tiptoes fastening a string of lights to the big tree in the corner, Liv watching from the patio, Seb crawling around on the grass in just a top and nappy, the summer still clinging on late into September. He hadn’t been crawling long, but now he was it was a nightmare keeping up with him.

He never knew he wanted this, a family to come home to every night. He’d always thought it tied you down, maybe even that it made you soft, but now he knows how wrong he was. It does neither, but it does make you happy, make you feel loved.

“You’re not playing that crap tomorrow I hope.” He calls from the doorway, a chuckle ringing out when Aaron nearly tumbles onto the grass as he startles him.

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty of your rubbish on there. I’m going to phone Gabby.” Liv piped up before heading inside, leaving him staring after her.

“Kind of walked into that one.” Aaron said, abandoning the lights and coming towards him. “Get everything sorted?”

“Everything that was desperate. The rest can wait. I’m done now for three weeks. I’m sorry I had to go.”

“Doesn’t matter. You didn’t miss much. Only Mum and Vic. Apparently we can’t be trusted to decorate the garden for our own wedding without them. They’ve only been gone ten minutes. Your timing is perfect.”

“Well what can I say, I am practically perfect.” He kisses the tip of Aaron’s nose making him laugh.

“Yeah alright, Mary Poppins. Come on, I’ve just got to get these lights up and then it’s done.” 

It takes them about five minutes and then he’s swinging Seb onto his hip, protesting loudly at having his freedom curtailed, while Aaron switches on the lights.

“Wow.” He doesn’t know what else to say because it’s perfect, the lights moving in the gentle breeze and he knows it’ll look really good the following day when the garden is full of their family and friends. He feels Aaron’s arm come round his waist, other hand tickling Seb’s foot making him squeal. “We made the right choice, didn’t we? To have it here?” 

“We did. Mum still says I should spend the night at the pub, you know.” Robert scoffed. It had started a few weeks ago, Chas saying it was bad luck for them to stay in the same house and it had carried on since, despite them telling her no.

“What did you say?”

“Told her we’d spent enough time apart already, we weren’t doing it again unless it was absolutely necessary.”

“You’re a bit of a soppy git really, aren’t you Dingle.”

“Shut up.” He leaves Robert’s side to switch off the lights. “Come on, Vic left us some tea.”

“Hang on, come here a minute.” He grabs his hand to pull him closer again. “I…I want everything to be perfect, not like last time, you deserve it.”

“Unless you’re planning on barring my lot I doubt it’ll go entirely without a hitch but…I don’t need perfect, I never did. I need you. I want you. Like I told Liv, this is about us, our family. The four of us. Ain’t that right, Seb?”

He looks down at the little boy, half asleep in his arms. “I never thought I’d get this, all of it.”

“Yeah well, the pair of you are too alike, you both came into my life and snuck your way in, didn’t ya.”

“And made you love us.”


	106. Chapter 106

“Chas, where is he?” He’s in a hurry, doesn’t want to be away from the hospital for any longer than he had to. Hadn’t wanted to leave at all but Aaron was even worse and they’d promised Seb they’d fetch him as soon as they could.

“Upstairs. Says he’s looking for something. I tried telling him you’d be in a hurry but that kid is as stubborn as they come. Can’t think where he gets that from.”

“You know, you’re a Nana again, cut me some slack yeah?” He fires back, the teasing easy between them now and she looks at him expectantly. “Weren’t the twenty or so we sent you enough?”

“Never.” He pulls out his phone finding the newest photos and handing it to her, heading for the stairs. “Seb! Come on, mate, time to go.”

“Look at that hair! Reminds me of Aaron.”

“Well I should hope so. Seb!”

“Daddy I can’t find teddy.” He’s at the top of the stairs, pouting and Robert can’t help smiling at him.

“What do you need teddy for? We’re going to the hospital.”

“I want to take him, for the baby. Nana said he couldn’t come home so he’ll be lonely.” Robert actually felt like he might burst with pride. Seb has always been considerate, selfless, but he and Aaron had worried about how he’d react to the new baby, used to having their sole attention.

“I tell you what,” Robert picks him up when he comes downstairs, back protesting, “Why don’t we leave teddy here for when he comes home, and we’ll stop at the shop on the way, and you can pick out a teddy for him that’s just for him, from you? How does that sound?”

“I’m going to get the biggest one!”

“We’ll see. He’s only tiny, mate. Right, ready to go?” Seb nods and Robert holds his hand out to Chas for his phone. “Chas…”

“Oh! Here. Tell Aaron I’ll be in later.”

“I’m going to try and convince him to come home with Seb and let me stay instead.” He didn’t expect it to work, neither of them wanting to be away from the tiny human that was all theirs for very long even though he was out of danger now. “Liv’s coming home when we’ve got him settled.”

“Give him a kiss from me anyway. The baby, not Aaron.”

“Will do. Come on then trouble. Let’s go.”

Seb chatters all the way to the hospital, which considering Robert’s running on only a few hours of sleep over the past two days, is a good thing. It takes forever for him to pick just the right teddy but then he’s carrying it proudly through the hospital, holding onto Robert’s hand.

He only lets it go long enough to wash his hands outside the nursery and then Robert’s leading him inside, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s head where he’s dozing beside the crib. There’d been a few hours where all they could do was hope, him being born just that bit too early, but now it was more a precaution that he was still here. Aaron wouldn’t leave though.

“Hey sleepyhead.” He watches as he looks around blearily, smiling when he sees Seb hiding behind Robert’s legs.

“What’cha got there bug?”

“Teddy, for the baby.” He hands it over to Aaron, peering towards the cot. “Can I see him?”

“Course you can. Come on.” Robert lifts him up again so he can see over the top of the cot, the baby sleeping through all the fuss, hands curled by his face and a sense of contentment washes over him. “Meet your baby brother, Sebastian.”


	107. Chapter 107

Aaron’s not long home from the debacle of a party his Gran had organised when Robert comes home. Liv’s in her room and he knows he should talk to her but he doesn’t have the first idea what to say. He hears Robert talking to a grizzly Seb before he sees him from his place at the table.

“I know it’s hot mate. You want to try working in that cabin, hmm? Like an oven it is. That’s why Daddy’s takin’ the day off tomorrow and Aunty Nicola can moan all she likes, can’t she? You won’t tell on me will ya?”

“He won’t, but I might.” He gets to his feet, wanting nothing more than to hold him, to just forget about the day. “Hi. Hey little bug, is Daddy bending your ear again?”

“I’ll have you know me and him have been putting the world to rights.”

“That’s why he looks half asleep. I understand that. Give him here, I need my Seb cuddles.” He takes his, feels the familiar weight in his arms and some of the tension drops from his shoulders.

“You ok? Sorry about today, I couldn’t rearrange the meeting.” He shakes his head, it doesn’t matter.

“Gran went completely overboard, as usual. I know she feels helpless, we all do, but Mum and Paddy didn’t want all that, and then Liv got angry and…never mind.”

“Are your Mum and Paddy alright?” His hand is warm on is shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I am now. I just feel useless. I can’t help Mum, I can’t say the right thing to Liv.” He looks down at Seb, fast asleep against his shoulder, hand stuffed in his mouth. “So, you’re skiving tomorrow?”

“I can’t work in there in this heat another day Aaron. We should do something, the four of us. When was the last time we did that? Have we ever?”

“Like what?” It sounds good, a day away from the village, from everything.

“The beach? Seb’s never been, the weather is nice. Could make a whole day of it. Even stay over if you wanted?” He nods leaning to kiss Robert, trying not to wake Seb. “Good. Do you want me to talk to Liv?”

“Yeah. You might get somewhere. I’ll put him to bed for a bit, reckon Diane tired him out.”

“Told you my system was great.”

“Yeah yeah.”

*****

They’re up and out early the next morning, Robert wanting to beat the traffic. Liv’s not impressed and immediately curls up in the back to go to sleep. Seb though is wide awake, eyes following every passing car, babbling away to himself. 

“This was a good idea.”

“I do have them occasionally you know.” He glances over at Robert, as casually dressed as he ever gets out of the house, sunglasses falling down his nose as he rummaged in the glove box for the bottle of water he’d stashed there. “Still say we should’ve brought a picnic.”

“You and your bloody picnics. It’s the seaside, there’s no shortage of food. I’d rather not end up with sand in my food if you don’t mind.”

“You have no sense of adventure.”

“I’m marrying you, that’s adventurous enough thanks.” He glances in the back. “Was she alright last night?”

“Yeah. It’s just a lot, everything that’s happening, the other week, all that with Lachlan. She’s ok, and when she’s not, we’ll be here for her.” He nods and goes back to concentrating on the road.

When they get to the beach it’s hell to park, the world and his wife seems to have decided to do the same as them. He manages to squeeze the car into a space and watching Robert get his long figure out of the car is entertainment in itself, listening to his rant about the spaces being so small so they can squeeze more in to make money less so.

“Aaron, I’m going to the shops.” He looks up from wrestling with the buggy.

“Thought this was supposed to be a family day out.”

“Well sitting on the beach all day is boring.” 

“Let her go. Be back by lunch though, we’re all going to eat together, right?” Robert’s no nonsense tone seems to work and she nods and then she’s gone. “Come on, let her walk it off, or spend it off then she’ll come back and we’ll have fun.”

The amount of stuff they’ve bought with them is frankly ridiculous and Aaron can’t help comparing himself to a pack horse as they walk down to the beach which is full of people. Robert navigates to a fairly quiet spot and unfolds a big blanket once they’ve lifted the buggy over the soft sand. Seb’s asleep now they’ve got here so they leave him in there in the shade and sit on the blanket enjoying the sunshine. They don’t say much, they never really need to when it’s just them.

“You look miles away.” Robert can never keep quiet for that long though.

“Came here with Mum once…well couple of times. Brought a big bag of change for the arcades but I just wanted to stay on the beach lookin’ for fossils.”

“Did you find any?” He nods, drags his feet up so he can lean on his knees. “Maybe you can find some more today?”

“We came here the day I told her…about Gordon. It was freezin’.”

“Why didn’t you say? We can…I can get Liv and we can go somewhere else if you want.” He’s halfway to his feet before Aaron can grab his hand and pull him back to his side.

“I don’t want. We’re having a good day, new memories, and Seb is going to get his first taste of the sea. I’m fine, I promise…it just brought stuff back, that’s all. She bought us ice cream.”

“In February?”

“Yep. It’s summer now though.”

“That’s a hint, is it?” He presses a kiss to his cheek and then he’s on his feet dragging his wallet from his pocket. “Back in a sec.”

Aaron watches him go laughing to himself when he sees a beach ball nearly catch him round the head, and it wakes Seb who’s gearing up for a cry when Aaron scoops him up, grabbing the giraffe they remembered to bring with them to distract him.

“Come on bug, no cryin’ today, we’re at the beach!” He sits him down on the blanket in front of him, holding onto his hands, watching as the little boy takes in his surroundings, eyes wide.

“Here, got ya a flake too.” Robert appears above him holding out the already dripping ice cream.

“My hero.”

They fall back into silence, Seb’s babbles the only real sound other than the water and the seagulls. It’s not until Seb’s hand reaches out for Robert’s ice cream, managing to catch some on his fingers that they burst out laughing as he smears it round his mouth looking delighted with himself.

“You are a messy pup.” Robert tells him through his laughter. “Gets his table manners from you.”

“Shut up. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your food.“ He makes sure to get some photos on his phone before Robert cleans him up. “This was a good idea. I know I said it already, but it really was. Just need Liv for a proper family day.”

“Speak of the devil.” Robert tips his head making him look round, seeing Liv coming towards them, bags in hand. “You alright?” She nods and throws a pair of tacky sunglasses at Aaron before sitting down beside them. “Good. Well Seb and I are going for a paddle. Coming?”

“In a minute.” Aaron tells him, wanting a minute with his sister. He watches them go, after Robert has wrestled the tiny arm bands on making Seb shriek with laughter, and looks at Liv. “About yesterday…”

“It doesn’t matter Aaron.”

“It does. I should’ve come after you…I just…I don’t know what to say or do. We all feel helpless. But you can talk to me, or Robert whenever you want ok?” She’s too like him, so he knows most times she won’t, but maybe she’ll listen. “Come on…you have to go in the sea if you’re at the beach!” 

He jumps up, makes to pick her up laughing as she runs away from him closer to Robert who’s crouching at the waters edge letting Seb dip his feet into the water.

Sometimes Robert did have the best ideas.


	108. Chapter 108

"Stop pretending you're angry, and kiss me!"

“I’m not pretending anything! I’m bloody furious with you!” Robert hurried after him as he strode down the street.

“Aaron, wait! You didn’t let me explain.”

“What is there to explain? I saw the two of you. Looked very cosy too. I suppose you thought Harrogate would be far enough away, that I wouldn’t ever know, huh?” With that he’s gone again and all Robert can do is stand there. 

“I’d follow him if I were you.” He swings round to see Chas behind him and he waits for her to lay into him like he expects but she doesn’t. “Do you have a good reason?”

“Yes. It’s not even close to what he thinks. I wouldn’t, Chas, but he won’t let me talk.”

“Then you keep trying, but I swear if you’re lying to me, Robert Sugden, they won’t even find you.”

*****

“Aaron! Aaron, let me in!” He had a key but he knew if he just barged in it would just make him angrier. Why hadn’t he just been honest with him in the first place, why did he always do this. “Aaron!”

“What did you do?” He’s about to knock again when the door swings open and Liv is there, all puffed up ready to protect her brother. It’s cute when it’s not directed at him.

“Nothing, I swear. Will you let me in and then go to Gabby’s for a bit.” She stares at him for what seems like ages but then she nods.

“Did you get rid of him?”

“You shouldn’t use your sister to do your dirty work.”

“Get out.” Aaron doesn’t even turn to face him, just stays leaning on the kitchen counter staring out of the window.

“No. You’re going to listen to me and you’re not going to run away until you’ve heard everything I’ve got to say.” He sits down at the table but Aaron doesn’t move. “I’m not even angry that your first thought is that I’m cheating, because why wouldn’t you, but I swear to you, I’m not.”

“I know what I saw.”

“You saw me having lunch with a man, that’s it. If you’d waited all you would’ve seen was me shaking his hand when I got up to leave.”

“I’ve seen you at business lunches and you don’t act like that.” Robert sighs but at least Aaron has turned to face him. It’s a start. “I know that smile, Robert. I’ve seen it thousand times.”

“It’s just my smile Aaron. You’re right though, it wasn’t a business meeting. I should’ve told you…I wanted to be prepared I guess.”

“For God’s sake just spit it out Robert!”

“He was from a surrogacy agency. Clive knows him and he arranged it. I didn’t want to get our hopes up…I should’ve told you.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for the longest time and he begins to think he’s blown it. 

“You’re an idiot.”

“We knew that already. I just…we said we’d look into it. If it was going to be bad news I wanted to know.” 

“I’m sorry.” Finally Aaron’s coming closer and then he’s pulling him up and holding him tight. “I should’ve trusted you. I just saw you and…it all came back.”

“It’s alright, I get it.” It hurt, he couldn’t deny that, but he also couldn’t deny that in the past Aaron had good reason not to trust him. He rests his cheek against Aaron, doesn’t want to let him go.

“What did he say?”

“Hmm?”

“The man you met.” Aaron pulls back to look up at him, and he smiles.

“We have a meeting on Monday, if you want to.”

“Like I said. Idiot. Of course I do!”

“Can I have that kiss now?”


	109. Chapter 109

“Nana?” He mumbles around a mouthful of fish and chips. He should wait until he’s finished chewing, Dad says, but Papa doesn’t, and besides he can’t wait.

“Yes love?” He loves coming to Nana’s for tea, and it’s just the two of them. Sometimes Granddad Paddy is there. He’s not sure what he make of him really, he doesn’t get a lot of his jokes, but he does sometimes take him to see the animals at the vets so he’s alright he supposes.

“How did Daddy and Papa meet?” He scoops up another forkful of fish. It’s Marlon’s cooking and it’s really good. Not as good as Dad’s but he doesn’t cook fish and chips. He only has it when he comes here so it’s a proper treat.

“You’d have to ask them sweetheart. I don’t think your Papa has ever told me. Your Dad came back to live here not long before that though.” She busies herself clearing her plate away and he watches. People think because he’s little that he doesn’t know when they don’t want him to know things, but he does.

*****

He asks Cain next. He’s a bit scared of Cain, he’s all grumpy and cross faced, but he’s heard people say that about Papa and he doesn’t understand because Papa’s really smiley. 

He shouldn’t be here, near the garage. Dad had told him to stay in the garden, but that was boring, and besides it was only the village, nothing bad was going to happen so he’d walked up to the garage. 

Cain was bent over a car. Seb liked cars. Papa let him play in some of the ones at the scrapyard, and he’d pretend that he was one of those racing drivers off the telly. He knew what all the controls did, Papa had shown him one day when Dad was nowhere to be seen. He’d had to promise he’d never drive anything until he was old enough though before he would, or that he’d tell Dad.

“Alright squirt? Come to help me with an oil change have ya?” Cain’s not grumpy today, that’s good. He’s a bit scared of grumpy Cain.

“Ok!” Cain chuckles then and his face drops at the teasing.

“How about I show ya how to change a tyre instead. Less messy. Wouldn’t want to get your clothes all dirty. Your Dad would come after me.” He nods and follows him round the garage. He’s never really been in here before, although Daddy gets a silly smile on his face any time they stop outside. He doesn’t know why, it’s just a garage. “So, what can I do for ya?”

“Do you know how Daddy and Papa met?” The clatter of a wrench makes him jump. “Nana Chas wouldn’t tell me.”

“All I know is that they’re a right pair of soppy idiots.” He can’t work out if Cain is the same as Nana and trying to put him off or not. “Hey, did you know they got married in here? Kind of...you should ask them about that too.”

“Seb!” He hears his Dad calling, sounding angry and Cain laughs. 

“Snuck out did ya? Come on.” He has no choice but to follow and he can see Dad near the shop looking round. “Sugden! He’s fine, he’s here.”

“Seb I told ya to stay in the garden. Cheers Cain.”

“He came to me. We’ll finish that tyre another time. Reckon you’ll make a better mechanic than your Dad anyway.” He smiles because Cain doesn’t say nice things all that much, only to Isaac. Isaac told him that he was going to own the garage one day. Maybe they could both work there. That would be fun.

“I was good mechanic thank you very much! Come on, you. Home.” He takes his hand and they walk home. His next stop was to Aunty Vic, she’d tell him he knew she would.

*****

He doesn’t get the chance to ask her for AGES, she’s off on holiday with Uncle Matty but as soon as he knows they’re home he asks Papa if he can go round.

He loves Aunty Vic’s house, it always smells so nice and she’s always baking. Sometimes he helps. Daddy doesn’t bake, last time he did the oven nearly caught fire and Papa banned him. 

He’s got his own apron and stool to kneel on and he’s watching as she does something complicated with pastry. It’s all twisty, but it’s got apple in and he loves apple.

“You’re very quiet today. Normally I can’t get a word in.”

“How did you and Uncle Matty meet?” Maybe if he asked about someone else first he could catch someone out. He doesn’t understand what the big secret is, why they won’t tell him. 

“Oh. Well, we used to be friends when he lived here before, and then when he came back we were friends again.”

“And now you love him?” He splashes egg on the pastry now she’s finished, looking up at her to make sure he’s done it right.

“That’s right.” She bends to put the tin in the oven. 

“What about Daddy and Papa?”

“They definitely love each other.” He  _knows_  that, they’re all mushy and kissy round the house. “Why do you want to know?”

“I want to know how they met. No one will tell me. I asked Nana Chas and Cain already.”

“Oh, well, the thing is, your Dad and Papa like to be different to everyone else. I think you should probably ask them, because I only know a little bit. It wasn’t always easy for them, so maybe they’d rather keep it to themselves.” He doesn’t really understand, because they were happy. He’d heard Papa asking Dad the other day and Dad had got that smiles on his face, the one he always gets when he looks at Papa. He lets out a sigh because it’s hopeless, nobody knows anything. “How about instead I show you some pictures from when your Dad was little? Hmm? Might even have a couple of Aaron somewhere.”

He nods, he’s no nearer to finding out what he wants to know but he likes pictures.

Daddy picks him up when he finishes work and when he comes in he’s still laughing at his funny hair and he gets cross with Aunty Vic, although it’s not the proper kind of cross where his face gets all red. Aunty Vic takes no notice of him anyway.

“You should thank me.” He hears her say when she’s in the kitchen with Dad, “He wants to know how you and Aaron met, I was distracting him. He’s been asking everyone. Just be thankful he hasn’t asked Charity!” He hadn’t thought of asking Charity, she was a bit like Cain, he didn’t know what to make of her. Sometimes she wasn’t very nice to Dad but then they’d be laughing. It was weird.

“Come on mate, Aaron’s cooking tea, don’t want to be late or we’ll be eatin’ bread and iffit.” He doesn’t know what that is but it doesn’t sound very nice.

“I haven’t heard anyone say that for a while.”

“Gran used to, remember?” He’s getting bored now, doesn’t know what they’re talking about and if Dad’s cooking tea it means his favourite programme must be on soon. “Come on then trouble.”

They’re walking home, he’s proudly carrying a tin full of the apple-y things they’d made and holding on to Daddy’s hand.

“So, you’ve been asking people about me and Aaron?”

“They didn’t tell me nothin’.” 

“Why didn’t you ask me, or Aaron?” Dad stops and crouches in front of him and he’s not entirely sure whether he’s in trouble or not.

“I heard Nicola in the cafe. She asked Papa and he just laughed and told her it was none of her business. I thought you wouldn’t tell me.”

“Course I would. Come on, let’s sit down.” He takes him over to the benches outside the pub sitting him on the top so they’re level. He likes that. “So what did everyone say?”

“Nana said she didn’t know but I think she does cos her face went all funny. Cain just said you were soppy, and Aunty Vic said it wasn’t easy or somethin’ but I don’t know what that means.”

“Well Nana’s right, she doesn’t know. If I tell you, I want you to remember that we were different then. That probably doesn’t make sense, but it will when you’re older. I met your Papa when he and someone else tried to steal my car. I caught them, and that was that, kind of.” 

“That’s boring.” He didn’t really get why that was a secret.

“Well, sorry mate.” He chuckles. “Come on, home.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Seb.”

“Did you really get married in the garage?”


	110. Chapter 110

“Don’t think I didn’t see that.” Seb giggles as he moves his counter back a few spaces. Once upon a time a rainy day playing board games would’ve been his idea of hell but now he relishes the time they have, just the two of them. “You’ve got to be sneakier than that, mate.”

“Aaron says being sneaky is bad.” He sucks up some more juice from his carton with just a turn of his head, not moving any more than he has to, one of Aaron’s influences. They’re stretched out on the floor and he’ll suffer tomorrow when his back aches, playing Snakes and Ladders and he’s pretty sure it’s his from when he was a kid.

Seb had appeared at his side with the tattered box in his hands a little way into the afternoon as he tried to finish off a bit of work. He could never say no to him though, so here he was, getting roundly beaten by his son and not minding one bit.

“Well Aaron is right. Your turn.”

“Dad?” He says when he’s made his move, tongue poking out between his lips the whole time as he concentrated.

“Yes?”

“I heard Aaron crying last night.” It’s said so matter of factly that it stops him in his tracks a little and he has to make himself answer. “Is he sad?”

“You don’t have to worry about that Seb.” He’s right though, that’s why he’s not here, taking himself off for the afternoon, needing space, both of them knowing that nothing can help, he needs to just have some time. “Aaron’s ok, promise.”

“When I’m sad you give me a cuddle and make it better.”

“Tell you what, when he comes home you give him a big Seb cuddle, yeah?”

“Ok. Why did he go out? It’s raining.” Seb hates the rain, has never liked it, used to scream the place down if they took him out in it, even just to get in the car. Even now it’s a battle, and he’d much rather stay inside.

“Sometimes when he feels sad Aaron just wants to be on his own, go for a walk or a drive.” It had taken Robert a long time to get used to it, always wanting to make sure he was ok, that he wasn’t just pushing him away. “You know how you go down to your den at the bottom of the garden? Well it’s kind of like that.” Not really, but it was the easiest way he could explain it to a five year old. 

He’d followed him once, the worry making him do it even though he knew Aaron would be mad at him. He’d followed all the way up to the top of the hill behind the village, found Aaron sitting on a wall not far from the little car park. It was the peace he said, just quieted everything. It was enough to put his mind at rest, and now he just waited until he was ready to come home.

Seb doesn’t say anything else, but Robert can tell he’s thinking as they carry on playing. They’ve barely finished playing and putting everything away when he hears the door open and Seb’s on his feet running to meet Aaron.

He doesn’t even get in the door before Seb’s hugging him tight, Aaron’s hands coming to the back of his head, eyes meeting Robert’s. He walks over presses a kiss to his temple as he hears Seb telling Aaron that it’s ok if he’s sad, that he can use his den, which is really the cleared out garden shed, if he doesn’t want to go out in the rain anymore

“You alright?” He asks like he always does.

“Yeah, I am now.”


	111. Chapter 111

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep that up.” Robert looked over the top of the magazine he was flicking through. He wasn’t reading it, just as nervous as Aaron, just better at hiding it.

“I should’ve gone with her.”

“She didn’t want that. She wanted to go with Gabby.” He almost bites his tongue stopping himself asking if Aaron had been nervous when it was his time. They just didn’t talk about his teenage years, not in a casual ‘what did you do when’ kind of way. 

“If she doesn’t do well…after everything else…” He’s wringing his hands now and Robert gets up, hands closing over his to stop him.

“Then we’ll work it out. She can resit or…” He actually wasn’t sure what the options were, it had probably changed since his day and he made a note to research it as soon as he’d talked Aaron down off the ceiling. “Why don’t I see if Vic can have Seb this evening, we can take her out, no matter what happens.”

Aaron nods, goes back to pacing and Robert surrenders, leaves him to it, pulling out his phone to call his sister.

*****

It’s not more than an hour but it seems to go on forever, until Liv gets back. Aaron’s on his feet heading towards her before she can even get in the door. Robert knows he’s texted her a few times, getting more and more jumpy every time he didn’t get a reply.

Robert can’t read the look on her face and she says nothing, just slowly hands over a sheet of paper to Aaron. He tears up almost immediately and Robert’s heart sinks because no matter how upbeat he’d tried to be, this was going to set Liv back, just when everything was starting to go well.

“Liv, it doesn’t matter,” Aaron’s just staring at the paper so he goes to her, trying to say the right thing, do the right thing. “They’re just exams you know, not the end of the…” He stops because she’s grinning at him all of a sudden and the iron grip on his heart releases as he wakes up to the fact she’s winding him up.

“Should’ve seen the look on old Collins’ face when he found out.” She says and he snorts because that teacher has been at Hotten Comp since Robert’s day and he was a dinosaur then.

“Let’s see then.” He doesn’t snatch the paper from Aaron’s hand, not quite, eyes skimming it quickly, the smiles growing with every line. “Liv!”

They’d predicted D’s, maybe a few C’s if she was lucky and all things considered over the last eighteen months that wasn’t the end of the world, but the B’s flash before his eyes, the solitary A the icing on the cake, just confirming that she was talented at art but he knew that anyway.

“Aaron? Say something?” He looks up because Aaron’s still speechless but he’s grinning now and she must knock him out of his stupor because he’s hugging her tighter than he has before happiness radiating out of him as he snags hold of Robert’s wrist and pulls him into their happy huddle. All he can hear is his husband whispering over and over.

“I’m so proud of you.”


	112. Chapter 112

**Victoria**

“Where are you going?” She asks, pausing the film. He’s barely sat down for a minute after checking on Seb and now he was getting up again.

“Uh, bathroom. Is that allowed?” She relaxes back in her seat, not looking up, just nodding. “Thanks. If I’d known I needed to ask permission…”

“Just go.” It’d be easy they said, just have a siblings night in they said. They had no idea. It was Chas’ fault, this was her stupid idea. She reaches for another handful of crisps while she waits for him. It’s not until she’s finished them and answered a text from Matty that she realises he’s been ages.

“Rob? Are you alright? Robert!” Nothing. She remembers something he told her ages ago and it has her grabbing the baby monitor and running out of the door and round to the side of Mill. “Robert Sugden! What are you doing?” 

It was a sight, and she wished she’d brought her phone because no one would believe her, that she’d caught her thirty two year old, supposedly  _adult_  brother climbing out of the bathroom window in his  _own_  house.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Are you going to help me or just stand there?”

“Not until you tell me!”

“This is bloody stupid Vic! I want to be with Aaron and you know it.” As he’s talking he manages to move himself further out of the window and she puts out a hand in a feeble attempt to help, because her tiny frame against his is no competition.

“It’s bad luck. You know what Chas said.”

“I also know that Aaron and I are adults and can make our own decisions about when we see each other.” She doesn’t answer, just grabs his hand and drags him back towards the house. “So you’re just going to keep me hostage?”

“Yes. Now, in!”

*****

**Paddy**

“Here.” He held out a can to Aaron who was slumped on the couch. It could almost be a decade before when Aaron would sit there with his trackies tucked in his socks scowl etched onto his face.

There’s a scowl there now to be fair but Paddy knows exactly why and again like it used to be most of the time it’s because of Chas. She’d dispatched Aaron over here to help Paddy babysit Leo while Rhona was out somewhere with Pete, and Aaron wasn’t happy.

“Cheers. This is stupid you know.”

“Yeah, but it’s your Mum so just grin and bear it, eh?”

“I should be putting Seb to bed.”

“Robert’s there.” The scowl just deepens. “What?”

“It’s my night. We take it in turns.” Even he can’t miss the sheer happiness in his eyes as he talks about reading Seb a story, letting him fall asleep on his chest before putting him in his cot. 

“You’ve got years of it to come. One night won’t even matter then.” He can’t keep the sadness out of his voice, and he sees Aaron notice, waves away whatever he’s going to say. “I’m proud of you, you know. For accepting Seb, for getting yourself to a place where you’re happy.”

“Alright, don’t go on.” His cheeks redden, never was one for accepting a compliment.

“I mean it. It’s not easy but you and Robert have made it work and that little boy is going to grow up knowing just how loved he is.”

“Yeah well, he’s sneaky like his Dad, won me over without me even knowing. Hey, did I show you this?” He holds out his phone and it’s a picture of the three of them at the pool, soaking wet but the big smiles tell a story. “He loves the water, can’t keep him out of it.”

“Your Mum told me you took him to the pool. So, you want to watch something?”

“Yeah, but first I’m going to get some proper beer from the pub. No offence Pads but this stuff is rank.” He’s gone before he can even stop him, and he just hopes he’s actually telling the truth, or Chas is going to kill him.

*****

**Chas**

“What do you mean they’ve got out?” Honestly if you want a job doing, do it yourself. She glares at Paddy and Victoria, standing in front of her. Only Seb being in Victoria’s arms stops her shouting. “One job I gave you!”

“I can’t help it if Robert got past me when Seb was crying. I’d already had to stop him climbing out of the window!”

“Aaron said he wanted decent beer.”

“And you believed him? When has our Aaron ever cared about the quality of the beer he’s drinking? Honestly Paddy!”

“Honestly Chas, it was an impossible job. You know what they’re like.”

“It was supposed to be perfect.” 

“It will be! When did you last see two people more suited? Come on, I’ll make you a cuppa.” She lets Victoria lead her into the backroom, Paddy manning the bar God help her, smiling at Seb as she goes, the sleepy baby staring at her over his Aunt’s shoulder.

“I wonder where they go to?”

“Wherever they are, when I see them I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”

*****

**Robert & Aaron**

“How did you get past Paddy?” Robert asks him as they close the door to the cricket pavilion. 

“Just told him I wanted a decent pint.”

“And he believed you? Typical! I had to sneak past Vic when Seb woke up.” 

“Took your time though.” Aaron flops down beside him on the floor.

“She caught me climbing out the bathroom window. You know we’re not kids, why didn’t we both just say no?”

“Robert, you’ve known my Mum for how long? When have you ever known her take no for an answer?” He shuffles closer to his side, humming happily when he puts his arm round him. 

“You nervous?”

“I wasn’t last time, and I’m not this time. You?”

“Not anymore.” He rests his head against Robert’s shoulder, truly relaxing for the first time all night. “I’m going to marry you tomorrow, properly this time, for everyone to see. Nothing to be nervous about.” He can’t help but laugh at the very slight waver in his voice.

“So what now?”

“Well, you know me, I like to be prepared, so,” He stumbles to his feet, reaching under the stack of chairs for a bag, handing it down to Aaron. “I figure they’ll find us eventually, so we can’t get up to too much, but I brought over some supplies earlier when I realised your Mother was serious. We have beer and those crisps that you moan about but secretly love.”


	113. Chapter 113

The kitchen is a hive of activity when Robert comes back down from serving lunch. It’s always the same when there’s a party, everything having to be just so and if it’s not then Mr Foster is quick to get it put right.

He supposes there are worse places to work. He hears tales all the time. The house is in the middle of fucking nowhere though and one day off a fortnight doesn’t exactly give him any time for  _anything._

He’d done alright, a farmer’s son, expected to do no more than work the land with his Dad, take over when he couldn’t do it anymore. Robert didn’t want that, didn’t particularly want to be a footman either for all that, but it was a good enough job.

“Robert, there’s a cup of tea here for you.” 

He pulled the chair out and sat down, taking the weight off his feet for the first time since breakfast and took the china cup from Rachel the housemaid, with a smile. He wasn’t daft, he knew she had a crush on him, they all did, and yes maybe he used it to his advantage when he wanted to get out of a job, but he also wasn’t daft enough to get involved and risk his job. The risk of having to go back home in disgrace was too much for that.

“Did Miss Chrissie come down for breakfast?” He looks over at the housekeeper, Mrs Walker. She was alright really, a bit of nag. She was a gossip though and pressed them every mealtime for tidbits from upstairs.

“No. The old man wasn’t very happy about it either. Should make the party all the more interesting.”

“Nobody asked for your opinion Robert!” He scrambles to his feet as the voice of the butler echoes around the room. Typical, it was always him who was caught. “Did you clean that silver yet?”

“I was just…” He gestured to the cup of tea going cold on the table.

“Just nothing, get to it!”

He huffs but there’s no point arguing so he slopes off into the room off the hallway where the silver was kept. At least he could sit down while he did it, they’d be on their feet all night with the party. 

He’s been there an hour and is almost finished when Mr Foster comes in, checking over his work with a critical eye. Robert was good at his job though so he wouldn’t find a mistake, never did, which is why he got away with the things he did sometimes.

“There’s just been a call upstairs. Mr Dingle will be joining the guests this evening. I presume you can look after him as you have before?”

“Yes Mr Foster, of course.” He hides his surprise, had thought he’d never see him again after the last time.

“Hmm, well, he’s arriving on the four o’clock train.” He nods and when the man has left he sits back down, cleaning things abandoned. 

Aaron Dingle, the name that’s been at the corner of Robert’s mind for months now. He’d first been invited to Home Farm a few months before, the gossip was that he’d been asked in the hope that he would use his money to help the failing estate.

The gossip in the kitchen had been immense, partly scorn at the family asking some ‘new money’ incomer for help, partly curiosity at this self made man. Every time he’d come back from attending to him he’d been interrogated for information.

He was intrigued by the younger man with his bright blue eyes and dark hair, a sense of vulnerability about him. He’d walked into the hallway confidently enough, but Robert wasn’t fooled, he’d tried to be something he’s not too many times not to see the slight twitch around his eye, the hesitation at dinner when he reached for the wrong fork. It’s endearing almost.

He’d been quiet, listening to everything, all the bluster from the other guests, the boasting that went on even though most of them had known each other for years. Robert could barely refrain from rolling his eyes most evenings but not when he was a guest.

He’s by the door when he arrives, waiting, Mr Foster opposite with the family and he watches as they’re all over him before he can even get in the door. The whole household knows that money is tight, that the master had made bad investments and was now clinging on to anything he could to get them back on his feet, not helped by both his daughters refusing to change their extravagant lifestyles. 

When he steps forward to take his hat and coat he can only see amusement in his eyes, not that anger or coldness he’d expected, and he remembers a conversation they’d had on his second visit.

_“Am I the only one who gets this treatment? The fancy dinners, people running around after me.” Robert had hesitated, he wasn’t stupid enough to talk against his boss but then Aaron had smirked at him. “I’m not going to tell on you.”  
_

_“The rumour downstairs, is the money is running out.”  
_

_“Aren’t you worried about your job?”  
_

_“I can get another.” He holds the dinner jacket out for him to slip his arms into, brushing his hands across the shoulders, getting it just right.  
_

_“Confident. I like that.”_

It had gone on like that for the rest of the visit, Robert knew they were flirting, knew it probably wasn’t the wisest idea, but he couldn’t help it, there was just something about him. When he’d left Robert had been disappointed not knowing whether he’d see him again.

How they didn’t get caught that next time he’ll never know. He’d thrown caution to the wind, sure he wasn’t imagining it, and kissed him, sure that he’d be out on his ear the next morning. He wasn’t though because Aaron had kissed him back.

It had gone on like that, stolen kisses behind closed doors until he’d had to leave again and Robert had to go back to waiting until he was invited back again. The old man was nothing if not predictable and Aaron was back two weekends later.

_“Are you giving him the money then?” Confidence boosted by laying in Aaron’s arms in bed he asks because he doesn’t want this to end._

_“He thinks I am. Thinks if he throws me enough dinners, offers me enough scotch that I’ll do whatever he wants.”_

_“People don’t say no to him.”  
_

_“I’m not people.” He sighs and sits himself upright against the headboard, fingers finding their way through Robert’s hair. It’s nice, he could stay here forever. “I got where I am with hard work, by learning who to trust. I’m not going to be blinded by expensive dinners. Do you really want to talk about your employer while you’re in bed with me?”_

_“Nice to know if I’m still going to have a job, that’s all.” He looks over at the clock on the mantle, he should be getting back to his own bed, needing to be up in just under three hours. He was lucky he had a room to himself otherwise he’d be in trouble.  
_

_“Last time I was here you weren’t bothered. What happened to that confidence?” He shrugs because that’s not the reason he asked. What he really wants to know is whether Aaron’s coming back, but he won’t let himself ask and seem needy. “Do you think I should help him?”  
_

_“I don’t know anything about all that. I’m just a footman.”  
_

_“A footman who no doubt overhears things, knows what’s going on.”_

_“Is that why I’m here?” He feels his cheeks flush, he’d thought Aaron felt something._

_“You know why you’re here. I don’t play games Robert and if that’s what you think I’m doing then you can leave.”  
_

He'd left after that, things awkward between them the following day, and he’d thought that would be it, that he’d never see him again, and now here he was again. 

“Hello again, Robert.”

“Mr Dingle. I’ll take your luggage to your usual room.” He doesn’t look back as he heads up the stairs, knows he’s following, doesn’t say anything until the door closes behind them and then Aaron’s pushing him up against the wall.

“I missed you.” He’s inches from him and Robert feels like he can’t breathe and he can’t help but frown. “What?”

“S’pose I thought you’d be done with me now. You’re back to tell Mr White yes aren’t you?” That was what he’d heard at breakfast, the man crowing about it. “You don’t need me anymore.”

He wasn’t stupid, Aaron might’ve told him it wasn’t but he was sure he just wanted information. Everyone knew footmen and butlers heard everything, knew everything. 

“No, I’m telling him I won’t be investing. I’m only here because I wanted to see you. I can’t stop thinking about you, and when they invited me I debated leaving things as they were, that maybe it was for the best, but I couldn’t.” He can’t quite believe what he’s hearing, that he would come back here just for him. He might put on a front of confidence and cockiness but deep down insecurity ruled his thoughts. “I wanted to see you.”

“What’s the point? You’ll be gone tomorrow.” He wasn’t going to be invited back. Mr White was notorious for holding grudges. “I won’t see you again.”

“You could always come and work for me.”

“But...”

“I mean it. You don’t have to work for me but it’d be easier that way, wouldn’t it?” He shakes his head because this isn’t real, it can’t be. “I don’t mean as my footman, Robert. I mean in my company, I can teach you everything.”

“I don’t...”

“Just think about it. You’re better than this Robert, I know you are. I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon and I’d like you to come with me, but if you don’t want to I understand. There’ll be a ticket waiting at the station for you if you want.”

They don’t mention it again, he helps him get ready for dinner in silence, the only hint of anything are his lingering hands, the glances into Aaron’s eyes. Even when he leaves, gets into the car for the journey to the station, Robert stands there, impassive.

It’s only when he opens the door to the carriage and sees Aaron sitting there, chin resting on his hand, gazing out of the window, that he speaks.

“Is anyone sitting here?”


	114. Grandpa Doug

“You’re not serious?” Robert can’t actually believe he heard what he did. Aaron just coming out with it over a pasta bake. He’s lucky he didn’t choke.

“Why not? Bob and Laurel are kipping down with Harriet, the twins are with Brenda, and that leaves Doug. He can’t stay at hers now Rodney’s moved back in.” He lays his fork down, trying to persuade an increasingly fussy Seb to eat his food. “It’s not for long, only until Mulberry is sorted.”

“Right, but  _Doug_? Moving in? You’ve got to be kidding.” He’d heard from Diane about the massive water leak at Laurel’s which had left the wiring and everything in a total mess but he’d tuned out the details, not really that interested. He hadn’t expected this.

“Nicola reckons it’ll only be a few weeks until it’s done. I thought you got on alright with him?”

“I did, but for a pint every now and then. I didn’t envisage coming down to breakfast in my dressing gown and sitting across from him.” He frowns and looks round. “This is some kind of prank you and Liv have cooked up isn’t it?”

“No. I’m being serious. He needs somewhere, and we have a spare room.” He’s up and by the sink before Robert can think and he doesn’t hesitate, steps up behind him, hands winding round his waist, pulling him close. “Look, it could be a good thing, works busy right now for both of us, there’s the wedding to organise, an extra hand with his Lordship over there might not be a bad thing.”

“Ok, ok.” He was right, Robert knew that. Seb was at nursery three mornings a week but it finished long before they did, especially at the moment and there are only so many favours they can call in. Diane has her own business to run and he tires her out more than she’d like to admit. Vic will always help but maybe he’s right, at least until everything calms down with the haulage firm. “What about Liv? How does she feel about this?”

“She’s happy enough. He’s been helping her get sorted for college hasn’t he?” 

“But still, moving in? We’re never going to have sex again.”

“Idiot! The spare room is the other end of the hallway. Let’s just give it a try, yeah? Like I say it’s not forever. He can’t be that bad.”

“You’re not selling this, you realise that don’t you?”

“A month, at the most, I bet you anything you like.”

“Fine.” This was going to be a disaster, he just knew it. He could only hope that maybe Doug would hate the idea as much as he did.

*****

Of course he didn’t, because Robert had a good life now, he had a husband, a family, things were good, so of course he was going to be sharing that home with a pensioner for who knew how long.

He liked Doug, he did, he’d always been nice enough, and the help he’d given Liv the past couple of years couldn’t be underestimated, but frankly, most of the time he was pretty boring.

“One episode of Gardener’s World on that television and that’s it, Aaron, I mean it.” He tells him as they make the spare bed up ready for its new occupant.

“Yes, dear.”

“You’re not taking this seriously.”

“You’re the one acting like I’m putting you in front of a firing squad. It’s just  _Doug_ , Robert.” 

“Sorry. It’s just taking a bit of getting used to.”

“You can make it up to me later.”

*****

It’s fine, it is and Robert can’t deny that coming home to a house smelling of delicious food of a night is nice. He and Aaron have been so busy that they’ve either gone to the pub or just grabbed something from the freezer. 

If the evening meal came with a side order of facts about the vegetables he’s served up, well he could live with that.

“Doug, you don’t have to cook for us you know. You’re a guest, don’t feel you have to…” He tries to bring it up one night as they wash up, because as nice as it is he doesn’t want him feeling obligated.

“Don’t be daft, I’m here all day and you young’un’s are working. Doesn’t take long to rustle up a dinner.” He folds the tea towel neatly, hanging it over the handle of the oven to dry. “I’m going upstairs, leave you two to it.”

“We’re only going to watch a film, you can join us. Rob, he’s waiting for you.” Aaron tells him as he reaches the bottom of the stairs having put Seb to bed.

“No, I’ve got to a good bit in my book, don’t you worry about me.” They watch him climb the stairs with his cup of tea in and and Robert wraps his arms around Aaron.

“Do you think he’s ok?”

“Guess so, why?” 

“He disappears every night…I don’t want him to feel left out or like we don’t want him around.”

“Well, you didn’t.” He rolls his eyes because of course Aaron has to get that in.

“Yeah ok, but…I don’t know, he seems lonely. Ever since Diane…I mean him and Brenda never went anywhere, and…well I suppose I know how it feels to be alone.”

“Maybe you should talk to her.”

“Hmm, maybe. God I must be getting soft if I’m trying to set up pensioners.” He presses a kiss to Aaron’s cheek. “Right I’m going to say goodnight to Seb, you get the film ready.”

*****

Another week on and they’ve all settled down into a routine. He and Aaron are spending all their free time finalising details for the wedding and fending off interference from Chas and Victoria. Liv is settling into college, spending the evenings with either Doug or Robert going over the work she’s got, determined that this time round it’s going to be better. Doug is still with them and it’s almost like he’s always been.

Robert’s had one of those days where he needs a beer, and Aaron, not entirely in that order and he walks through the door to see Doug on the sofa with a wide awake Seb on his lap enraptured by the TV. Aaron’s in the kitchen making tea with Liv working at the table. For a minute he’s thrown back to the old farm, where everyone no matter who they were would just come in and take a seat. It’s a comforting thought.

“Hi. I missed you.” He’s been stuck in Harrogate all day negotiating a new contract and bored out of his mind. “What are they doing?” He nods towards Doug.

“Watching Countdown. Apparently Seb likes it.”

“He’s 10 months old. I think it’s a bit early for mathematics.”

“Doug says he likes the music. He’s quiet Robert, don’t knock it.” They’d been up with him all night and he’d been cranky when Robert had dropped him off at nursery. “They were reading a gardening book when I came home. I reckon we’ve got a budding Alan Titchmarsh on our hands.”

“You were right you know.”

“Obviously. Why?”

“Having Doug to stay. He looks happier.” Robert turns to look, sees Seb babbling away and waving his hands as the music played and smiled.

“Maybe when he leaves we could ask him to have Seb, just a couple of afternoons, if he wants? Seb likes him.”

“So essentially, we’re adopting Doug?”

“Yeah.” Aaron broke out into a smile. “What do you say?”

“Grandpa Doug eh?”

“Sounds good to me.”


	115. Chapter 115

He holds onto it for a day, not sure he’s done the right thing, doesn’t know if Robert will just be annoyed with him. They’re fine after everything, he knows that, but even so, another secret might not be his best idea.

He’d not realised there were so many pawn shops in Hotten, but eventually he found it, paid well over the odds to get it back too. No doubt the owner could see how interested he was. It’d be worth it though.

Now all he can do is wait until Robert gets home from seeing Vic, trying to make it up with her. Seb’s in bed, Liv’s out for the night, and he’s cooked. It’s not much, just pasta and a sauce that Robert insisted on teaching him weeks back, telling him he wasn’t eating that packet muck anymore. His fusspot of a husband will have to make do with dried pasta because there’s no way he’s going near the pasta machine again.

He’s pacing, the radio switched on low to break the silence, but quiet enough that it won’t wake Seb who seems to hear the slightest noise just lately. 

Minutes later he hears the key in the lock and he tries to look like he’s not panicking. It’s stupid because it’s nothing bad, but stuff like this isn’t him. Robert would argue that giving back his watch with their wedding dates engraved on it is exactly like him though.

“Hey.” He wraps his arms round him with a sigh, and maybe Aaron holds on that little bit longer, knows how much he hates fighting with Vic.

“How’s Vic?”

“Well, we’ve moved past shouting. She’s off out with that Ellis again, to the pub I think. Maybe we could…”

“You’re not going to spy on your sister’s date. Besides, tea is nearly ready.”

“You cooked?” He knows Robert tries, but there’s still a note of suspicion in his voice. So he doesn’t cook much, why would he when Robert’s that much better at it? 

“It’s just pasta and that…and no it’s not homemade. Anyway Vic won’t appreciate you going to the pub, you know that. It’ll just wind ‘er up. Go say goodnight to Seb. I tried keeping him up but he wasn’t having it.”

When Robert’s gone he sets about serving up, the table already set. When he hears him at the top of the stairs a few minutes later he brings the plates to the table.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Robert brushes a kiss to his forehead, the way he does now whenever he can, soft, and gentle.

“Don’t be daft.”

They eat in comfortable silence, apart from Robert’s appreciative little noise when he tastes the homemade sauce. When they’ve finished he gets up to wash the dishes, Aaron stopping him with a hand on his arm.

“Hold on. I…I wasn’t on a scrap run earlier.”

“Aaron…”

“No, it’s not…I was getting this.” He hands him the small velvet box.

“You, er, you know we’re already married, right? I mean they say third time’s a charm and all but…”

“Idiot. Open it.”

“Is this…?” Robert’s not looking at him, he’s staring at the ring. “Is this Mum’s?”

“Yeah. I know you said it didn’t matter, but you don’t fool me, it bothered you. It’s the right one isn’t it?” It hadn’t even really occurred to him that it wasn’t. He’d given Vic’s name and described her so he was reasonably sure but Robert’s not saying anything.

“Yes…yeah, it’s the right one. I can’t believe you went and found it.”

“Yeah well, I know how much it means to you. It will to Vic too when she calms down, you know that.”

He doesn’t answer and Aaron goes about clearing the table letting him have a minute. He’s barely set them down safely when Robert turns him and wraps his arms round him.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> nooneelsecomesclose17 on tumblr. Come and pay me a visit :)))


End file.
